by Gabrielle G.
Barn is with Adam and whomever they found to warm their beds tonight—Barn having long forgotten he came with someone.
My parents are gone with Aaron’s kids, and most guests have already left.
I’m alone at the bar, something that happens a lot in our family. I’m the outsider, the observer, the one they don’t approach because they’re afraid I’ll say something hurtful or they will.
They still don’t see me as the woman I’ve become.
Nobody does.
But I’m used to it.
As usual, I shake it all off and turn my attention to Reed, so I can forget my unrequited feelings for Chris and my ineptitude of being part of the group. I wait for my siblings to leave and try not to let my heart bleed when I see Jordan and Chris walking together toward Chris’ car. As he fumbles with his keys, Jordan looks over his shoulder toward me and sends me a conspiratorial wink, as if I was part of the plan in which my best friend goes home with my long-time crush. Chris turns around, looks at me with a tight smile on his lips before Jordan steals back his attention.
In an instant, my life flashes before me, and I foresee my future very clearly, organizing their nuptials, standing next to Jordan in a tux and facing Aaron as best man so that my best friend can marry the man he’s madly in love with. The same man I’ve loved since I was six, the man who isn’t mine and never will be.
“Last guests are gone. Sal, ready to go?” Reed asks with a smirk promising a dirty night. Taking a deep breath, I dive in, knowing it’s time to try, once again, to forget Chris in the arms of another person.
“Let’s go,” I tell the tall blond man I know will bring me to orgasm. “After all, I have nothing to lose,” I mumble to myself while turning off the thousands of lights illuminating the barn where the bar was set up.
Nothing to lose.
Chris
6 months later
“Jor,” I call for Jordan while packing my suitcase, “what time is Sal arriving?”
Jordan and I have been dating for six months now, and it’s always hard for him when I fly back to Miami. So, Snot shows up for a couple of days to cheer him up.
Long distance relationships suck.
Well, six months ago, I was certain relationships in general sucked, but Jordan is different, or maybe, as Aaron said, he was there at the right time and the right place.
My best friend is confident that seeing him get married and seeing Luke, my first let’s call it “boyfriend”, settled and then Aaron getting married has something to do with my new love of relationships and commitments.
I believe it’s all because of Jordan and his uncomplicated ways, the way he takes life not so seriously and the way he treats people he loves.
Seeing how he is with Snot warms my heart every time I witness their friendship.
They text daily, FaceTime weekly and try to see each other as often as they can, which is every two weeks from Sunday night to Tuesday morning. Sal tries to book appointments with clients in the city while Jordan is at work, and then they spend two nights together while I try to catch up on work.
Every two weeks, on Tuesday around lunchtime, I text Sal to check and see if he’s okay. And every time she answers and makes me promise I won’t break his heart.
It’s a ritual we have, the only communication I have with her now, but a contact I nurture because she’s so important in Jordan’s life and always was in mine. “And is she coming alone or with Dickhead Joe?”
I’m sitting on my suitcase now, trying to close it. I’m not sure why I don’t leave my things here. I don’t need the contents that are in this bag, but until Jordan says I can have a drawer for all my shit, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.
“His name is Reed, and you know it!” Jordan comes into the bedroom with a scowl on his face.
“Well, I would prefer to call him ‘pubic lice’, but you won’t let me.” I smirk, knowing it will rile him up.
Reed is not bad per se, not the best for Sal, but not the worst either. Not like that asshole of a boyfriend she had in high school, who told the whole hockey team he’d have her sucking his dick by the end of the school year.
Barn heard the rumor, but he was too young and frail to do anything physically against him. So as I was passing by, visiting my parents one weekend, Barn told me what he heard, and I made sure the guy didn’t try anything with Sal ever again.
No one should’ve ever tried anything with her anyway. She had become too hot for those assholes. Still was too hot for any of them. Not that I allowed myself to think of her hotness. Ever. She was my best friend’s little sister. A kid I babysat. A girl who cried in my arms. She was my Snot and nothing more. All I could do was keep looking after her.
When I learned that her boyfriend cheated on her with her bakery partner.
I offered her a job at the school I funded after my parents begged me to help my sister out, but Sal refused.
Organizing weddings seemed more fun, she said, and she didn’t want my money or my pity.
That’s a Gritt thing not to want me for my money, which is different from my family.
My parents and sister, Patricia, were always forcing me into doing things for them, such as buying my sister out of situations, finding her a job or a place to live.
As an investment banker, single with no family commitments, I have more money than I could spend in a lifetime. When I was younger, I settled in Miami for the sun and party life but stayed because of laziness and great pay. I have offers pouring in every day to join a New York or Los Angeles firm, but I never have any good reason to move.
Well, maybe not until now.
“I’m trying hard to distract you, Chris, but you’re clearly somewhere else. What’s happening in that head of yours?”
Words clog in my throat, and I choke thinking about telling him I want to move here, be closer to him and to Springs Falls, where Sal and Aaron live. Keys jingle in the door and Snot comes in, always having perfect timing.
“Jordan? Chris? Are you home?” Home. Count on Sal to express precisely what I am thinking.
“In the bedroom, girl!” Jordan shouts, straddling me on the top of the suitcase.
I don’t miss the way she flinches a little when she sees him sitting on me.
I know she’s not ecstatic that I’m dating her best friend. It’s been written all over her face since Aaron’s wedding.
She’s afraid I’ll break his heart, and then she’ll have to choose between him and me. But, we’re like siblings, or maybe not, maybe more like cousins. She doesn’t have to see me much, but she talks to Jordan constantly. I guess I already know that I’ll lose her before she loses me if Jordan and I don’t work out.
Every time I see her, I try to give her a reassuring smile; that’s all I can do. I wish she’d see how different I am with him, but my last boyfriend was her brother Luke, and we were teenagers. So, she was a pretty young kid then, and cutely in love with me. It was sweet having her follow me everywhere and do anything she could to get my attention. I smile at her, remembering that time.
“Can you help us close the suitcase, Sal?” Jordan asks her, “I’ll sit on Chris to put more weight while you clip it closed?” There is a moment of hesitation in her movement before she comes closer and drops on her knees to do as he asked.
“I don’t understand why you don’t leave things here, Chris. Seriously. You went on and on for years about how many companies were asking you to come work in New York. Just accept one of those offers already and move to the city to be with your boyfriend. You know it’s easier for you to move than him.”
That’s the Sal I discovered while dating her best friend.
The Snot I knew was reserved and almost invisible surrounded by her family. She was always a little different with me, but with her friends, she’s an entirely different person.
I could see she was holding back at the beginning when I was with Jordan, but one day, he called her out on it.
When she let go, I saw a wom
an who always calls it like it is and is never afraid to fight for what she believes is right.
A very different person than the silent observer I thought she was.
“I think I preferred you when you were the silent little girl I babysat,” I joked.
She jerks her face to look at me, her eyes filled with a pain I can’t decipher.
Those years were one of my most cherished memories, but it seems it was not the same for her.
“We haven’t discussed it yet, but thank you for making it awkward,” Jordan interrupts our silent conversation, totally oblivious to Sal’s reaction.
“Is that what you want?” I force my face to look at Jordan and leave Sal’s gaze. “Because I could move here if you want. I just didn’t want to assume—”
“Yes!” Jordan grins from ear to ear. “Can you really move here easily?” Still on my lap, his legs around my waist and arms around my neck, he kisses me, forgetting Sal is still next to us, kneeling on the floor. I break our kiss before we give her a show.
“Of course, Jor, just let me make a few phone calls, and I guess in one week or two, I’ll be living in New York for good.” When his lips find mine this time, we get lost in each other and ignore Snot. Once we come to our senses, she’s already at the door about to leave the apartment.
“Sal,” Jordan calls her, “stay. We can celebrate.” I see her shoulders going up and down. I know it has been hard to see everybody around her committing to each other and still being the single one. There is much more pressure on women being single after thirty than men, and she’s taking it to heart.
Her mother is not helping, asking for grandchildren and trying to meddle in her daughter’s life. I pray to the gods that Barn doesn’t find the love of his life before she does because it will break her.
But why can’t she find someone is something I don’t get. She’s beautiful, smart, and sweet but she keeps dating assholes who don’t respect her or cheat on her.
That Reed is a player—it takes one to know one. And I know, you just need to find the right person, I’m proof of that, but the way he continues looking at other women when Sal is around tells me he’s not the guy for her. Why she would continue dating such an asshole is beyond me.
“It’s okay, J. I’ll go home or crash at Luke’s place. You need to celebrate, just the two of you. I don’t need to be a third wheel tonight. I’ll give you back your key so Chris can use it. I don’t want to come in one day and find you two on the couch during sexy time.” She has that bright smile on her face, but she can’t fool me. I’ve known her for too long to know that her happiness isn’t genuine.
Walking toward her, I take her in a hug and whisper for Jordan not to hear, “Don’t worry, Snot, you’ll find a great guy, too, one day. You won’t end up alone; you’re way too exceptional not to be loved by someone amazing.” She ignores my comment and opens her arms for Jordan to join in.
“Congratulations,” she says. “I’m happy for you. I love you both so much; it’s great.” There is a slight tremor in her voice, but I let it go, because deep down, I know she’s happy for us. She kisses us both on the cheek and steps back, removing the key from her set and then drops it in my hand. “I’m so happy for you, Chris, don’t break his heart,” she says before turning her back to me and walking out of my apartment-to-be.
“I feel bad that she came for nothing,” Jordan says, still looking at the door.
I nod, worrying that she’ll have to drive back to Springs Falls tonight after coming down, and hoping she’ll go to Luke’s apartment. “But you know how she is. If she doesn’t want to stay, she won’t stay. I just wish she could find what she’s looking for. If only she’d stop lying to herself.”
I have no idea what Jordan is talking about, but I know this is best friend territory. As much as I love Sal, I can’t ask Jordan to break the confidence she has in him, even if I’d like to know her the same way he does.
Nevertheless, I ask, “What do you mean?” He studies my face a minute as if to be sure I’m worthy of what he’s about to tell me. He must see something that doesn’t pass his bullshit detector because he shakes his head and refuses to tell me anything about Snot.
“Let’s just say you’re not as different as you may think.” He arches an eyebrow to see if it rings any bells in my brain, but it doesn’t. He chuckles at my ineptitude to understand his riddle and grabs me by my belt to drag me to the bedroom.
“Let’s celebrate, baby,” he utters before latching his arms around my neck. Pushing Sal and everything else into the corner of my thoughts, I force my tongue in my boyfriend’s mouth and start to celebrate us deciding to live together, forgetting to reschedule my plane or move the appointments I have for tomorrow, just enjoying how much I love being with him.
3
Salomé
Two weeks.
That’s how long it took Chris to pack twenty years of his life in Miami and move to New York.
It’s a little unreal, however that’s all it takes for some people. I picked up my life and moved back home once, but it wasn’t because I was in love, it was because I was out of it.
My whole family came to help Chris, just as if Barn or I were the ones moving.
Aaron flew to Miami and drove back with his buddy, Chris, having the road trip they planned to do but never did. Alane always follows where Aaron is, not able to go an extra day without him.
Barn and Adam were way too happy to meet up and spend a weekend in the city and Luke and Dex were in New York anyway, so they came to help.
The only one missing is Reed.
He has to work, and I didn’t want Chris to get all pissy again and tell me how much he dislikes my boyfriend.
We’re unpacking the U-Haul that contains Chris’ life, up and down the stairs, as we cram boxes anywhere we can in the three-bedroom Soho apartment I spent so many nights in drinking with Jordan.
If these walls could talk, Chris would know all my secrets. Well, the ones I shared with my best friend.
“Sal, can you unpack some of the boxes in the bedroom?” Jordan asks me. I nod and make my way there. If my family hadn’t been here, I would have made a joke about sex toys and things I know he enjoys, but I tend to keep to myself when they’re around.
It’s hard to stake your place when you’re the only girl surrounded by beautiful, opinionated alphas.
“You can start with this box,” Chris says from behind me. “There is nothing too personal.” He winks.
Seven months ago, I would have blushed, and my heart would have fluttered. Today, a heavy stone drops onto my chest, and my throat constricts.
It’s been hard.
I never thought Chris would settle. Deep inside, I always had a little hope.
Unfortunately now, I’ll need to keep some distance from Jordan.
If it was easy to spend time with him when Chris was living in Miami, I can’t stand their public display of affection. It makes me want to hurl. I need to stop thinking about them together, and Reed is not enough of a distraction. I need to walk away, so I can still be friends with them, or acquaintances, or...
I start unpacking Chris’ stuff, clothes mainly, and photo albums his father made for him, his collection of hockey pucks, frames with different pictures of him and his family, Aaron and him and the family picture we took at Aaron’s wedding. The one I can’t look at because the way he’s holding me, you’d think we’re a couple, something my mother keeps joking about every time she looks at the damn picture sitting on the mantel at home. Placing it on the commode, I wipe the tear forming at the corner of my eye before it falls.
“How are you holding up?” Dex comes to stand next to me, his hands in his pockets.
I like Dex.
He’s quiet and observant, like I am, but he has this “don’t fuck with me” aura I would love to have. I’m surprised when he wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. He’s not a hugger. I still see him flinch when Luke holds his hand in public.
“You’re a lot of things, Baby Cakes, but fine is not one of those.” I step away from his embrace and eye him suspiciously.
“Are you sick? Dying? What’s happening, Crawford?” He raises a brow, waiting for me to continue. “You hugged me and called me by a nickname… What the fuck, Dex?”
“I’m your big brother now, so I’m taking care of you,” he lowers his voice, “and I know what it feels like to see the one you love happy with someone else.” He shrugs. “I also know there is more to you than what you show your family.” His piercing blue eyes are looking for an answer I can’t give him. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, refusing to admit my feelings for Chris, “but I’m glad you’re my brother. I feel better having you and Aaron in my corner.”
“I’m glad to have you as a sister, and if you want me to kick Chris in the balls, I’m your guy. Nobody else will do it in the Gritt clan, but I would,” he says, hugging me,
I laugh at the reality of the situation. Having to choose between Chris and I, I’m not sure my family would choose me, and I feel better knowing I have at least one person on my side.
“Are you alright, Snot?” Hearing Chris’ voice, Dex steps back and looks at me to see if I am indeed alright. I nod for him to go and let me speak with the guy who keeps involuntarily breaking my heart.
“Holler if you need me, Baby Cakes,” Dex says, leaving the bedroom.
“Baby cakes?” Chris scolds, as he walks toward me.
“Better than Snot,” I roll my eyes.
“Not really, at least Snot refers to something we shared together,” he says and then clenches his jaw.