by Gabrielle G.
It’s a strange dynamic.
For years it was more Aaron having my back or all the three boys against me, but since Dex took my side, there has been a shift.
However, Chris is Aaron’s.
I knew he would be on his side.
Like he would be on Dex’s side if something would happen between Dex and Luke. He’s more of a loyal friend than a faithful brother. I guess, because Luke chose Alane over him many years ago and only Chris had his back when he left for Seattle.
As soon as my feet hit the stairs, all eyes are on me. I come down slowly, and once I’m two steps away from them, I stop and start to explain.
“I went out with Calvin last night and broke up with him. I then went to have supper with Adam. Chris sent me lots of texts. I got drunk. He was also drinking. I came home, we fought. He followed me into my bedroom. I stripped. He stripped. We were angry. We had sex. We regretted it. I left because I needed space. End of story.
Aaron, I don’t know what he told you, but that’s my version. Now, I think Chris and I are old enough to deal with this on our own. I’m going outside on the porch to let you apologize to each other, and if you want to talk to me afterward we can, but not about that. I’m done discussing it with all of you.”
I walk away to sit outside, but as soon as the door closes behind me, they start to fight again, exactly where they left off.
Sighing, I sit in the rocking chair, looking over the place I organized so many weddings at, thinking of how Jordan would have reacted if I had slept with Chris before he was in love with him.
I can hear his laugh, if I would have told him about the craziness of my family.
I can see his blush, if I would have repeated the words Chris whispered in my ear last night.
I can see his worry, if I would have told him I’m not sure what to do next.
And then he would have looked at me, smiled and said “Girl, at least you got thoroughly fucked by a man. How is that for a change?”
And we would have laughed, remembering all my past experiences and bad sex I had over the years, and we would have toasted to Chris’ dick, and its power, and we would have spent a great moment like friends do when one does something more than stupid. But, the other supports them nonetheless, because that’s what friendship is about.
16
Chris
I knew the moment I woke up that I was alone in bed.
I was cold.
I’m never cold when Sal is close by.
I thought she was somewhere in her apartment though, not that she’d fled back home. The note she’d left me was a good indication of how much I’d fucked up.
In it she was: apologizing for seducing me, saying where she was going, and telling me she would always love me. How stupid of me to have taken advantage of her while she was drunk.
I was losing her, and it wasn’t an option.
The first thing I did was to call her, but of course, she sent me to voicemail. I wasn’t surprised, even if disappointed, but in a way I didn’t want to talk to her while she was driving, get her upset and risk an accident.
So I called Aaron.
I wanted him to take care of her for me while I was driving up.
I had a few things to settle before going to Springs Falls, and I didn’t want her to be alone thinking she did something wrong.
Seeing my best friend’s reaction, I was a double moron.
I sent a quick text to Alane for her to intercept Sal and take care of her until Aaron calmed down.
The large number of trucks and cars parked at the Gritt’s farm tells me it’s a full house. I wouldn’t expect anything else from that family.
I’m sure Alane called in the cavalry for help when she saw how Aaron reacted to the news I delivered.
Coming closer, I can hear the screams from inside the house. If I got it right, it’s Aaron against the rest of the brotherhood. I’m surprised Barnabas is siding with his sister, but in the end, I’m not much more to him that an old babysitter. We don’t hang out, we don’t text or talk, ever. We just coexist in the same close-knit family.
I thought he would be neutral, but I forgot how that family is always in each other’s business, something my Snot hates with a passion.
The very independent woman she is prefers to deal with situations without anyone knowing.
The thought of her in the middle of that storm has me running from the side of the house where I parked my car to the front door. I know her relationship with her brothers, and I do believe they would give her shit if they knew we had sex—well, not ‘if’, they clearly already know it.
As I’m ready to open the front door, Sal’s voice stops me in my tracks.
“I wouldn’t go in if you have any desire to stay alive.” She’s sitting on the porch, cloaked in a grey fuzzy blanket that has seen better days. She’s pale, with dark circles under her eyes, and her hair is piled on top of her head.
My throat tightens as soon as I see her.
“That bad?” I say in a trembling voice.
Stepping away from the door, I walk toward her.
“The jury is still deliberating if I’m a slut for seducing you or if you’re an asshole for fucking me,” she retorts flatly.
There is no doubt in her mind this is all her fault.
“Sal.” I breathe my pain out and sit next to her.
When I bring my hand to her knee to comfort her, she shifts away.
My heart bleeds instantly. She’s so distant, even when she’s so close.
I really fucked up.
“Would you listen to me?” I ask her, keeping my hands to myself.
My first instinct is to become her blanket, to wrap myself around her, stroke her hair and kiss the top of her head. I need to touch her, to soothe her, to make her feel my affection.
But I know better.
Aaron’s words ring like bells in my head. “She slept with you while you’re mourning? It’s only been two weeks, Chris, what the fuck is wrong with her?”
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Jumping in bed with the person my fiancé was jealous of two weeks after he disappeared?
Fucking the only person who has taken care of me since the moment I thought he had walked out on our wedding day.
And fucking her hard and punitively when all she deserves is sweetness and adoration.
If the Gritts are still debating, I know the answer, I’m the asshole.
“Listen, Sal, I’m sorry. This is my fault. Seeing you with that jackass,” I try to relax my jaw that clenched at the mere thought of him, “with Calvin, sent me down the drain, and then you came home, giving me attitude, dolled up as fuck for another man, and I just… I couldn’t let it go. You didn’t seduce me or whatever stupid shit you’re thinking right now. I gave you all the green lights you needed. You were drunk and upset.
Now that I’m sober myself, I should have known something had happened with Calvin when you came home alone. So, I’m the one who should be sorry. I feel like I took advantage of you. I was lonely, I found you extremely sexy in those jeans, and that underwear you were wearing screamed fuck me now. I know you were wearing them for another man, and I... I needed to do what I did. Do I regret it happened? No. You are the most beautiful woman I know, in and out, Snot. What I regret is how it happened. I feel like I used you, like I put all my anger and my resentment in that fuck last night, and that’s not fair to you. You deserve more than being taken the way I took you. I also regret when it happened. I need to heal. I need to have my life back in my hands and learn how to walk by myself. So do you.”
I stop talking and keep my gaze on the floor.
I couldn’t look at her while pouring my heart out because her tasty lips would have distracted me.
I’m so thankful for my dick to have overpowered my mouth last night because if I had gone down on her, I would have never been able to leave her behind.
I would have kept my head between her legs forever.
“Sa
y something, Sal.”
I peek from the corner of my eyes in her direction. She tries to hide her tears from me. I used to be the one consoling her. Now, I’m the one making her cry.
“You’re leaving.” Her voice cracks.
It’s not a question.
She knows I need to walk away.
I nod, while heaviness crashes my chest so hard that I need to hunch forward.
“You’re leaving?” Aaron’s voice is as welcome as the stomach flu before an important meeting with a client.
I slowly bring my head up to look at him.
He’s furious.
His eyes are so wide you can see the whites and his face is flushed.
He stares down at his sister and makes a move toward her.
Without thinking of the consequences of my actions, I step in front of her to protect her.
“Fuck, Sal,” he snarls, “I thought I could count on you. I thought your stupid little crush was over, and I could let you take care of one of the most important people in my life. You were so jealous of Jordan. So pathetic, you just have to go and fuck Chris the moment his guard is down. And now he’s leaving? I can’t even look at you. I…”
His outrage has brought the whole Gritt clan outside on the porch. They can come at me, but I dare them to come at Sal. Nobody talks to her that way.
“Aaron, shut up!” I roar. “When I called you this morning, it was for you to take care of her, not to destroy her more. So shut up. I won’t let you talk to her that way. In fact, nobody in this fucking family is to talk to Snot that way. I will end our thirty-year friendship if you continue treating your sister like this. Am I clear, Aar?”
By the time I’m done, I’m in his face, shaking from resentment toward my best friend, who was just having my back.
He’s looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind, and I might have.
I feel Sal standing next to me before she touches my hand. I’m always aware of her presence, and have been for a long time.
“Come,” she says, tugging on my hand. Her willingness to talk to me, her telling me to come with her, calms me instantly.
I know I need to walk away from her, but it doesn’t mean I want to.
“Sorry,” I mumble to Aaron before letting Sal drag me further from the explosive situation that we’re in. Not even three feet separate us from the family when they comment on what just happened.
“Was this your first fight ever?” Ridge asks his son.
“Did he just choose Sal over you, Aar?” Barnabas bites a laugh.
“About fucking time,” Dex grunts.
“Boys, let it be,” Bella chastises.
Luke stays silent, but I know he’s watching us.
Beside me, Sal is shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
“You shouldn’t have done that.” Sal finally breaks the silence. “I can take care of Aaron by myself.”
“I know,” I lean against my car but don’t let go of her hand. A strand of hair has fallen from her crazy hairdo, and I can’t help tucking it behind her ear.
She shivers.
“Kiss me,” I whisper while my hand falls on her neck. “Please kiss me, Sal.” Her eyes are full of uncertainty and hurt, and it kills me to know I put those thoughts in there.
“Chris,” she pleads but not in the sensual way she begged me to last night. She’s requesting me to stop the torture I’m inflicting on her.
When she starts to cry, I bring her closer to me and kiss her tears away, apologizing again and again for what I did to us.
“I need to kiss you, Sal,” I implore.
She finally grants it by putting her mouth on mine.
It’s a soft kiss that tastes like regrets.
It’s a salty kiss full of tears and a goodbye.
But it’s also a perfect kiss showing her how essential she is to my life.
“Take care of yourself, Snot, okay?” I bring her into my arms and hug her tight.
“Same for you,” she cries on my chest.
“Would you wait for me?” I ask her what I shouldn’t.
“For?” she says confused.
“Everything?” I kiss the top of her head.
“I can’t wait for you anymore, Chris.” She steps back.
“I know, but I had to ask,” I swallow my last tears.
“I know, and I had to answer,” she says backing away, sadly smiling at me until she reaches the corner and disappears from my sight.
I climb in my car and drive to my parents to let them know I will be traveling for a while. I need a change of scenery.
Miami, New York, Springs Falls, are not where I need to be right now.
My first stop is Nevada.
I need to face Jordan to start to heal.
I need to share the pain he caused me; I need him to listen to me vent. I’m hoping this will bring me the peace I need to tend to my wounds.
The hardest step to take is always the first one.
This would be hard, but it’s something I need to do alone, if I ever want to be strong enough to be there for Sal.
After Nevada, Asia.
I don’t know where exactly yet, but if there is a place where I can find peace, I suspect it’s there.
17
Salomé
I was done beating myself up over Jordan’s death, I didn’t see myself as the temptress I thought I was, yet I still couldn’t stop thinking about Chris.
My mother tried to distract me with baking.
Luke shared his experience of being hooked on the guy and seeing him leave.
Barnabas wanted to get me interested in Tinder again.
My father shared his best scotch.
Alane tried the sister connection, coming to New York for a weekend of shopping and comfort.
All of them needed me to let him go, except Dex and Aaron.
Dex, because he knew it wouldn’t be that easy to move on.
And Aaron, because he was still mad—which was eating me alive—but I was too proud to reach out.
Nevertheless, every time I thought of Chris, I could feel Aaron’s disapproval in my bones.
It was unbearable, and I knew I needed to swallow my pride and work things out with my brother.
The night Chris and I shared had been good, even if the ending had been shitty.
The apology the next day had hurt, even if our goodbye kiss had healed some of my wounds.
Chris asking me to wait for him had sealed my fate, and that’s why I couldn’t move on.
First, I assumed he was in Miami, but when I received an email from Vietnam saying he missed me, I realized he was much further than I thought he would ever be.
It was strange having my apartment back to myself, nonetheless it was necessary.
He didn’t leave anything behind except a selfie of us he’d framed. It was cute and thoughtful, but I couldn’t look at it without feeling sad.
I stored it in the back of my closet, the same way I had tried to put Chris away in a box, shrank him to the size of an ant and sprayed him with insecticide so he would stop crawling around in my brain.
I was practicing mindfulness, blocking him from my thoughts, and it was mainly working.
When it wasn’t, I worked hard creating the most amazing events all around the city and running my ass off until I fell from exhaustion.
Weeks later, I am still working a lot.
There is nothing much in my life but work and more work.
Well, work and avoiding the texts and calls from my family, who are in phase two of their project called ‘Saving Sal.’
They even named the group chat that way.
They are inquiring, hovering, butting into my life, and making sure I don’t shatter on the floor because Chris disappeared.
I want to be alone, and I want to sleep. That’s it, that’s all.
So coming home after being up and down the city and seeing Aaron waiting for me at my door is the polar opposite of what I planned for my relaxing evening.
&nb
sp; Goodbye long hot shower, booze and reality TV.
“Hey,” he greets me. I enter my apartment without a word. He slides in just after me. “Come on, Sal, it has been two weeks since…”
“Since you insinuated that I was a slut for sleeping with your best friend? Yeah, I’m well aware of that.” I walk away, abandoning my keys, the bag of feminine necessities I just bought and my purse on the bar to open my fridge and pour myself a well-deserved glass of white wine.
“There are some beers Chris left behind if you want one,” I tell my brother while flopping on my sofa.
“How have you been, Sal?” He untwists the cap of his beer and takes a sip.
“Tired,” I answer, throwing my head onto the back of the couch in a sigh.
“Are you working too much?” I turn my head toward him to send him the stink eye.
“So, you’re here to snap a little more at me? How amazing…”
He starts to nervously peel the tag off his beer. Silence falls, and I close my eyes a minute, waiting for my brother to find his words.
“I’m not sorry for what I said. Chris needs people in his corner, and I’ll always be that guy. I over-reacted, but your timing sucked, and running away in the middle of the night sucked even more.”
I used to love my brother.
He was my everything.
But this man is a stubborn asshole I’m not a big fan of.
He likes to say he’s like our father, but our dad never would have judged anybody the way Aaron did, and the fact that he can’t apologize or acknowledge he hurt my feelings shows me that we’ve grown apart even more than I thought we had since his wedding.
“Why did you come, Aaron?”
“I haven’t heard from Chris since he left the farm. Have you talked to him?”
There it is.
That’s why he sought me out.
Not to check up on me.
He didn’t call for two weeks after all.