Lockdown

by Cher Carson

  Great, his parents were going to the Carltons’ house as well. His mother could read him like an open book. She’d know inside of a minute that something was going on between him and Jess and would no doubt announce it to damn near everyone else. He loved his mother, but subtlety was not her strong suit.

  “Uh, you were talking to your Nana? When?”

  “Just now. I thought if you were busy, Papa could pick me up and bring me.”

  “I’m never too busy for you, you know that.”

  “Cool, see you soon, Daddy.”

  Jessica came down the stairs to break the news to her parents. She packed her suitcases in the car before they woke up, but her conscience wouldn’t allow her to leave the note she’d scribbled on a scrap of lined paper. They deserved more. She couldn’t give them the whole truth yet, but she could tell them enough to put their minds at ease about her hasty departure.

  “Hey, darlin’,” Merle said, pointing to the chair beside him. “You’re just in time for your mama’s French toast.”

  “I’m not very hungry, Daddy.”

  Lorna wiped her hands on her apron as she turned around to look at her daughter. “You haven’t had much of an appetite lately, sugar. You feelin’ okay?”

  She forced herself to look her mama in the eye. “Yeah, I’m feelin’ fine.”

  Merle pointed his butter knife at her. “I heard you went through with that damn fool stunt at Dixie’s last night. Thank God Jake had the good sense to drag you out of there before things got out of hand.”

  “How did you know I left with Jake?”

  “Your brother told us. He knew we were worried about you.”

  Her mother cleared her throat delicately. “You got in pretty late. Were you with Jake all that time?”

  God, they knew. They knew she was sleeping with Jake. This was humiliating. “No, I left his house and drove around for a while. I needed some time to think.” At least that much was true.

  “Think about what, honey?” Her mother took her hands. “Does this have something to do with Jake?”

  “No, this is about me, Mama.” She would never forgive herself if her parents blamed Jake for her retreat. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her. “I just need to get away for a while.” She didn’t feel the need to mention it might be a good long while. She would have to come back for Craig and Ava’s wedding. She would tell them then that this was a permanent move.

  Her father frowned. “What the hell are you talkin’ about? Where are you goin’?”

  “Um, I’m going to visit some friends from college.”

  “Which friends?” her mother asked, folding her arms.

  “I’d rather not say.”

  Her father scowled. “You think we’re just gonna let you leave without knowing where the hell you’re headed?”

  “I just need a little time, a little space to sort things out. I need y’all to respect that. Please, don’t try and stop me.” She didn’t want an ugly scene. For once, she just needed her parents to trust her judgment and support her decision.

  Merle slammed his palm down on the table hard enough to rattle the flatware resting on his plate. “I, for one, am not going to stand by and—”

  Lorna held up her hand to silence her husband as she looked into her daughter’s eyes. “I understand, honey. It breaks my heart to see you go, but I understand.” She pulled her into a tight embrace. “All we’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. He’s out there,” she whispered fiercely in her ear. “He may not be here in Brant, but I know your soul mate is out there somewhere just waitin’ for you to find him.”

  “Thanks, Mama,” she whispered, blinking back the tears. “I hope I’m not leaving you in lurch at work?”

  Her mother held her at arm’s length. “Don’t you worry about that. I’ll manage.”

  “There’s that girl who dropped off her resume last week.” She sniffled. “What was her name again?”

  “Hush. I’m gonna keep your job open as long as I can.” Her mother knew she wasn’t coming back to stay. It was evident in the tears spilling down her cheeks. “You’ll be back for the wedding? You promise?”

  “I wouldn’t let Ava down for anything. Tell her I’ll call her, and that I love her, okay?”

  Lorna shook her head as she wiped the tears off her daughter’s cheeks. “I sure will. Anyone else you want us to give a message?”

  “Um, Tucker. Tell him I’ll email him when I get settled. And ask him not to worry about me.” She smiled through her tears. “But I know he will.”

  “Of course he will. We all will,” her father said gruffly.

  She’d never seen her tough as nails daddy shed a tear, and she wasn’t strong enough to witness it now.

  “Does Jake know you’re leaving?” her mother asked, setting Jessica’s long blonde hair over her shoulders.

  “I told him I was leaving, not when, but he knows.”

  “How did he take it?” she asked quietly.

  Jessica shrugged, trying to resist the urge to fall into her mother’s arms and cry on her shoulder. “It is what it is, Mama. You know Jake. He’d rather have me here, where he can keep an eye on me, but…”

  “But this isn’t where you want to be anymore?” her mother said, supplying the words that were in her heart.

  “Maybe someday I’ll come back, but right now I just need to experience a bit more of the world on my own, ya know?” Maybe someday when her heart healed and Jake McCoy was just a fond memory from her past, she could find the courage to come home again.

  Lorna hugged her again. “Until then, you’ll keep in touch with us, won’t you?”

  “Of course I will, Mama. I’ll have my cell with me. You can call and check up on me as often as you want.” She took a deep breath. “Okay, I guess it’s time for me to hit the road.” She hugged her mother one more time before embracing her father. “I love you guys so much. Thanks for supporting me and understanding why I need to do this.”

  “Be safe,” her mother said, kissing her cheek. “And be happy, honey.”

  She would try to stay safe, but she had a feeling it would be a while before she found happiness again.

  Jake turned the radio down and glanced at his son in his rear view mirror. This conversation was long overdue. “So you like school, buddy?”

  It was Jared’s first year, but Jake had been getting glowing reports from his teacher and Diane about his progress.

  He shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess.”

  “You like your new house?”

  He shrugged again. “It’s okay, I guess.”

  “You and your mama get to spend a lot of time together?”

  Diane had gone back to school to be a dental hygienist and she was working part-time as an assistant in a dental office to gain experience in the field.

  “Not really. She works a lot, and when she’s not workin’, she goes out on a lot of dates.”

  That didn’t surprise Jake. Diane loved men, and they loved her, until they got to know her. Then they couldn’t get away from her fast enough, which meant he’d probably be paying her spousal support until he was old and grey. “Huh, so you stay with the babysitter when she’s out?”

  “Yup.”

  “You ever get lonely, buddy?” It killed him to think that a stranger was raising his little boy when he was fighting with everything he had to be a part of his life.

  “Sometimes, but then I call Jessie.”

  His heart damn near stopped. “You call Jessie? I didn’t know that.” Why hadn’t she told him? “When do you call her?”

  “When I get home from school and I ain’t got nobody to talk to.”

  Jake clenched the steering wheel. He was going to take this up with Diane and her attorney, but first he had to figure out how Jessica fit into the equation. “What about your babysitter, can’t you talk to her?”

  Jared rolled his eyes and he suddenly looked wise beyond his years. “Nah, she watches ‘em soaps and she tells me not to bother her.” He
shrugged. “It’s okay. Jessie said I can call her anytime.”

  His heart clenched. Jess really did love his little boy, and he loved her. God, what a fool he’d been to let her get away. “Why don’t you call me when you get home from school?”

  “I know you’re busy, arrestin’ people and stuff.”

  Jake smiled. “I’ve always got time for you, you know that.” He took a deep breath. “So, you and Jess are pretty close, huh?”

  “I love her,” Jared said simply.

  It hit Jake with stunning clarity that his little boy had more courage than he had. “You ever tell her that?”

  “Sure, all the time.”

  God, he was such an idiot. How could it be so easy for a five-year-old to express his feelings while a grown man struggled to make sense of his? “Has she told you that she loves you, too?”

  Jared grinned, a gap-toothed grin that melted his Daddy’s heart. “Every time before she says good-bye.”

  Jake pulled up to a stoplight and closed his eyes. Jessica gave her love so freely, to him and his little boy, and he made it seem like she was expecting too much to ask for the same in return. He would have to get down on his knees and beg her forgiveness the second he saw her. He didn’t give a damn who was there to witness him groveling, her parents, his parents, her brother, his son; they were all welcome to claim front row seats. “You know, you’re not the only one who loves Jessie.”

  Jared tipped his head to the side as he met his daddy’s eyes in the rear view mirror. “I know that. Lots of people love her.”

  “You can count me among them,” Jake said, quietly, not sure if his son was too young to understand the meaning behind his words. “I love her too, a lot.”

  Jared’s big brown eyes widened and his little mouth formed an O shape. “Does that mean you’re gonna get married?”

  Did it? He sure as hell hoped so. “I don’t know. How would you feel if we did?”

  Jared started bouncing up and down in his seat. “Yeah! That’d be so cool. She’d be like my second mama.”

  Jake smiled at his son’s enthusiasm. And to think he’d been worried. “How would you feel about coming to Brant to spend some time with us, since you’re out of school and all?” Given the fact that his ex-wife saw fit to leave their child with a baby sitter all the time, it shouldn’t be too difficult to sell a judge on the idea.

  “You mean you and Jessie?”

  “Yeah, us, and your Nana and Papa, the Carltons, Uncle Tuck, your auntie…” His cell phone buzzed, interrupting his conversation. Tucker. He could wait. The only person who couldn’t wait another second longer was Jessica.

  “That’d be cool, Daddy. Can I come and live with you and Jessie?”

  Nothing would make Jake happier than to have the woman he loved and his little boy under his roof, sharing his life, but he wasn’t about to make a promise he couldn’t keep. “I’d love that, but we’d have to try and work it out with your mama and the judge first.”

  Jared’s face fell. “I don’t want Mama to think I’m mad at her.”

  Jake hated knowing that his child had to suffer through that damn divorce, and as a result, he would always feel as though he was being pulled in opposing directions. They both wanted him, but the court would only award permanent custody to one of them. He prayed he was the one.

  “Will you and Jessie have more babies when you get married?”

  He never failed to be amazed by his son’s maturity. “Um, maybe. How would you feel about that, son?”

  “That’d be awesome. I’d be a big brother, right?”

  Jake grinned. “That’s right. You’d get to boss him or her around, teach them things, and take care of them. Think you could handle that?”

  His head bobbed up and down. “I’d be real good at the bossin’ part.”

  Jake chuckled. “You’re right about that, kiddo.” His future, the future he wanted, suddenly came into sharp focus. He just prayed he wasn’t too late.

  Chapter Twelve

  “What the hell do you mean she’s gone?” Tucker shouted. “You just let her leave?”

  Jake felt the impact of those words settle over him as soon as he entered the Carlton house. She’s gone. Those two little words echoed in his head like a mantra, over and over again, until Jared tugged on his hand to get his attention.

  “Who’s gone, Daddy?”

  Jake was frozen, rooted to the spot. For the first time in his life, he wanted to run. Away from here, toward Jess, he didn’t know. He just knew he didn’t want to be here if she wasn’t. “Uh, I don’t know, buddy. Let’s go find out.” He needed some answers, now.

  “Hey, y’all,” Jake said, entering the kitchen with his son in tow.

  Lorna wiped her damp cheeks with the tissue from the pocket of her floral apron and forced a smile for Jared’s benefit. “There you are,” she said, holding her arms out to the little boy. “I’ve been waiting for you. I need your help picking some berries for dessert. Think you can help me with that, partner?”

  He let his Nan Lorna sweep him up in his arms. “Sure can.”

  “Good stuff. Let’s go.”

  Jake listened to their animated chatter drift through the mud room. “What’s goin’ on?”

  Merle glared at him. “Like you don’t know?”

  Shit, they were blaming him for this. Of course they were. It was his fault their daughter left her home and loved ones behind. “I take it Jess left?” He looked at Tucker when Merle failed to respond. “Where’d she go?”

  Tucker sank down into a kitchen chair, dropping his head into his hands. “I don’t know. She went to visit some friends.”

  Visit. That didn’t sound as permanent as he feared. “But she’s gonna come back for the wedding, right?”

  Merle crossed his arms, a scowl deepening the lines on his weathered face. “That’s a month from now. A hell of a lot could happen to a young girl traveling across the country by herself in that amount of time, you damn fool.”

  Merle had never spoken a harsh word to him in all the years they’d known each other. Jake knew he had to make amends, and since Jess wasn’t here, he would start with her father.

  Jake claimed the chair next to Jessica’s father. “Listen, I feel terrible about this. You have to know, I didn’t want her to go. Hell, I damn near begged her to stay.” But his conscience reminded him that he still hadn’t said the three little words she needed to hear.

  “Tell me something…” Merle said, crossing his arms over his ample stomach. “What the hell is wrong with my little girl? She ain’t good enough for you, or what?”

  Jake couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Her father wanted them to be together? He always assumed their age difference, life experience, his divorce, and child would work against him with Jess’s family. “Merle, your daughter is the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.”

  He snorted. “You sure got a funny way of showing it. Is that why you married that—”

  Tucker gripped his father’s forearm. “Dad, stop. Diane is the mother of his son. You keep your opinions about her to yourself.”

  Jake knew Merle wasn’t accustomed to keeping his opinions to himself. The outspoken mayor was always in the midst of a debate with the members of their community. A typical politician he was not, but everyone knew he would fight with his last breath for Brant, so they continued to re-elect him, year after year.

  “It’s okay; whatever you want to say to me, just say it. You know I can take it,” Jake said.

  “You married that woman, who’s laid on her back for half the goddamn county, yet you were able to overlook my daughter, who’s been in love with you forever. I just don’t get it.”

  Jake looked at Tucker. “You feel the same way?”

  Tucker sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. “You’d have to be pretty dense not to realize she was in love with you, Jake.”

  Jake looked back and forth between Merle and Tucker, trying to come to terms with the fact that he’d wasted s
o many years living without Jess in his life because he was afraid of the impact it would have on their families, only to learn they’d been waiting all that time for him to come to his senses.

  “Why the hell didn’t you tell me how you felt?” Jake asked.

  Tucker shrugged. “It’s your life. We didn’t want to interfere. We figured if you had feelings for Jess, you’d let us know.”

  Jake dropped his head into his hands. He couldn’t regret his marriage to Diane, it gave him the best thing in his life, Jared, but when he thought of all the years of heartache he could have spared Jess, it turned his stomach. “I love her,” he said simply, knowing the time for subtlety had long since passed.

  Merle and his son exchanged a glance. “Well, it’s about time.”

  Jake smiled. “Merle, I’m crazy about your daughter. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman and so much more than I deserve.”

  Merle nodded. “And? I’m waiting.”

  Jake chuckled. “And I’d like to make her my wife, if I have your blessing?”

  Merle stood up and extended his hand to Jake.

  Jake accepted it gratefully. Now that he had Jess’s family’s support, he just had to beg her forgiveness. He would do or say anything to prove to her how sorry he was for letting her believe that he didn’t care. Aside from his son, she was the only person in his life that mattered.

  Merle grasped his hand and looked him in the eye. “I’ve watched you grow up, Jake McCoy. I’ve lectured you when you got into trouble with Tucker; I’ve been there to take pride in all your accomplishments, right alongside your mama and daddy. You’re a good man. I respect you more than I can say. You’re one hell of a daddy, and I know you’re going to be the kind of husband my little girl can count on.” He pulled Jake into a back-slapping hug. “Lorna and I have always considered you our son, now we’re just gonna be making it official.”

  Jake swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat. Merle was a hard-ass. Jake had never heard him openly praise anyone, and after the way he’d treated his daughter over the years, he wasn’t sure he deserved his admiration. But he intended to spend the rest of his life making sure he earned it because Jessica deserved the best he had to give.