Breaking Faith (The JackholeS Book 1)

by Joy Eileen

  They waited for Kill to decide, giving him final say in whatever action they took.

  “Stay here. No more alcohol,” Kill ordered, shooting me another cold glare. He stared at me for another second before turning on his heels, and stomped toward the stage. The band followed, except for Van.

  “You're family now, Faith. Your drama is our drama,” he said. “I'm a hugger. Is it ok if I give you a hug?” he asked.

  Nodding my head yes, he gently hugged me. I was embarrassed to feel tears pricking the back of my eyes when he released me.

  “I'm a big girl, Mr. Snuggles. I can take care of myself.”

  “I know you can, but you don’t have to.”

  Once everyone was situated onstage, the noise decibels reached an extreme level as the now well-rested women had their eye candy back. Jessie handed me another shot.

  Kill's voice melted every woman’s panties, but his eyes were on the shot in my hand. His face dared me to defy his order.

  None of the women seemed to notice where his attention actually was, because they were too busy trying garner the attention I currently had.

  I stuck my tongue out at him, and tossed the shot back, not caring about the consequences I would have to endure the next day. I was unsure if the punishment would be doled out from the alcohol, Kill, or both.

  The band switched to another song, causing the crowd to jump around, fists pumping. Kill ran all over the stage, making them even crazier as they sang along.

  The alcohol was doing its job. After a couple more songs, I struggled to keep my eyes open. The JackholeS ended their set and stepped offstage into their screaming fans.

  Trent stared at me, his eyes heavy from intoxication. Jessie had her head propped on her hands as she dreamily tracked Van’s movement. Amy was eating a licorice stick, her eyelids bobbing up and down as she tried to stay awake.

  I felt an arm snake around my waist, pulling me off the chair. I went willingly, allowing someone else to make decisions for the moment. I knew it was Kill just from the electrical current his touch caused. What little feeling I had left in my body headed straight toward my vagina.

  Van put his arm around Jessie's shoulders as he guided her out of the bar. Jet grabbed Amy’s licorice out of her hand, sticking it in his mouth. She wobbled toward him, her eyes shining with trouble. D grabbed our bags and assisted Trent as he weaved through the bar.

  “Which one's yours, Slick?” Kill whispered in my ear, making heat pool between my legs.

  I pointed to my Mustang, patiently waiting like a good girl.

  “Fuck. You would drive a Mustang. Give me your keys,” he mumbled.

  I shook my head, refusing to let him drive my car before he drove me.

  “Where are your keys?” He ran his hands over my body. Heat flared everywhere he touched, and I let out an actual purr, causing his face to go tight.

  “I don’t have them. They're in my bag,” I replied, my voice husky. I secretly wished he would go back to searching me again.

  He leaned me on my car. "Take this," he said, handing me a bottle of water and three Advil.

  I hit myself as I tried to salute him. “Ouch!” I cried, rubbing my forehead.

  Kill laughed and jogged back to D, grabbing my bag. When he found my keys, he situated me into the passenger seat.

  “I have nowhere to go,” I said dismally, leaning my head back in defeat. “I'm going to have to drop my scholarship, move out of state, and somehow convince my dad nothing's wrong, so I don’t kill him from stress.”

  Kill didn’t respond, and I was uncertain if he was ignoring me or my dialogue was silent.

  “Sounds like it would be easier if you just went back to him.”

  Huh. So I had spoken out loud.

  “Never going to happen. I escaped, and I'll never go back to him,” I responded, with as much conviction my drunk ass could muster.

  “We'll see. I've heard that before,” he replied, his voice tight with anger.

  Before I could ask him why he was so mad, I passed out.

  Chapter 4

  My alcohol-riddled mind played out the events of my past, not allowing me to escape Jason, even in my sleep. I wanted to scream at myself for being so stupid, and not running from him.

  The semester after Jason proposed, I threw myself into school and work. I no longer wore my high heels, trading them in for a pair of chucks. My skinny jeans now hung off me and a black hoodie became my new uniform, or shield, depending on how you looked at it.

  Jason traveled more, trying to drum up business. I kept myself quarantined in our apartment, leaving only for school and work.

  After the night of the proposal, the menial tasks of everyday living were exhausting. Jason’s mood was determined by how things went with his clients, and I was thankful he was a smooth talker.

  Jason took my melancholy attitude as me missing him; I never corrected his assumption.

  The semester went by, and our group meetings happened more than we needed them. For the most part, I could relax around my best friends and let go of my reality.

  The beginning of summer was amazing. Jason's temper stayed in check most of the time. He was caring and romantic, making the goofy smile appear on my face more often. When my friends would call, he would become attentive and I would blow them off.

  One day, Jessie showed up at our place. “You, go get dressed,” she commanded. “I'm stealing you. Sorry, Jason, but I miss my best friend and I'm going to take her for the day.”

  He knew he was stuck, and had to play his role. He smiled at Jessie and chuckled. "I understand. It's just so hard to give up my time with her, but I guess I should share. Go get ready. I'll be here when you get back.”

  Fear coursed through me, afraid of which Jason would be at the apartment when I returned. I skipped to the bedroom, trying to play my part.

  I dressed in a pair of yoga pants, and my uniform black hoodie.

  Jessie took one look at me and shook her head. “Oh heck, no.”

  Her face had a look of disgust as she took in my appearance. “Nope, go change. It's actually warm outside. Go put something cute on or I'll pick it out myself. Besides, you have a big rock on your finger; don’t you want everyone to know Jason's marrying a beautiful girl, and not a slob?” Jessie’s eyes glinted evilly.

  Jason agreed with her, his public image had to be as pristine as his life. So I had his assent to look amazing, and would probably get in trouble if I didn’t do him proud.

  Leery to leave the two of them alone, I hurried along. Between Jessie’s inquisitive stares, and Jason admitting he didn’t like Jessie, it was a recipe for disaster.

  I put on a cute summer dress I had stowed in the back of my closet, thankful Jason required me to shave before I got into bed. He felt hair on a woman was unnatural. I had to search for my makeup bag because it had been awhile since I took time on my appearance.

  Both Jessie and Jason’s eyes lit up when they saw me, so I knew I had passed their test.

  Outside, Jessie pulled me to her dark blue Saturn and pushed me into the passenger seat. I was surprised she didn't buckle my seatbelt. She jumped in, and we sped out of the parking lot.

  “Are we running from the law?” I asked, nervous from her weird behavior.

  “I was worried about you. We never see you anymore. Are you ok?”

  My stomached flopped around. I questioned what I had done to give it away. Had I not covered the bruises as well as I thought?

  “I’m fine.”

  “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

  “I know, and I love you for that, Jessie.”

  Her shoulders slunk down, and I had the distinct feeling I had disappointed her.

  I frowned when I saw both Amy and Trent’s cars at our favorite hangout. I suddenly found myself paranoid this was an intervention and they figured out my secret.

  Amy flitted around the table, while Trent tried to talk to her in her ever-changing positions. She threw her tiny body at me, sq
uealing the whole way.

  “I missed you so much. Where have you been?” she asked in one breath and stuck a Skittle in my mouth.

  I walked over to greet Trent after I detached myself from Amy. I excused my absence by telling them I wanted to hang out with Jason, because next semester would be intense.

  We walked to Pizza Schmizza, drank beer, and indulged in way too much pizza. Stuffed and content, I said goodbye to Amy and Trent, promising them I wouldn’t be such a stranger.

  Jessie drove me home, looking at me every so often. I ignored her, too preoccupied with which Jason would be waiting for me to worry about Jessie’s behavior.

  “Do you want me to come up? We could watch a movie.”

  “No, I'm tired. I'll see you soon, I promise.”

  “I'm here if you need me. I love you, Faith.”

  The apartment was draped in utter darkness when I walked in. My hope rose I would wake up to happy Jason in the morning, as I had for the past couple weeks. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I shrugged into a t-shirt and the yoga pants I had been denied wearing earlier.

  Later, I woke up to Jason whispering in my ear, “Did you have fun?” He sat on my side of the bed, his body was rigid with anger.

  “I did, but I would rather have been here with you.” I tried to snuggle up to him, but he pushed off the bed.

  “You called her, didn’t you? You didn’t want to spend time with me. I love you so much, why do you hurt me? I do everything for you.” He snagged my shirt by the collar and pulled me out of bed, the shirt gave way across my neck, leaving a trail of fire in its path.

  “No, Jason,” I pleaded. “I didn’t call her. I wanted to spend time with you, and only you. I love you.” I refused to cry, afraid of what the moisture would ignite.

  “Liar,” he whispered as he shoved me.

  Pain lanced through my back as the corner of the nightstand dug into it. Terror kept rearing up, but I tamped it down, knowing it wouldn't do me any good.

  “See what you make me do?” he whispered.

  My head snapped back and forth as he shook me.

  “No, Jason, I love you,” I cried.

  When my neck swung forward he kissed me ruthlessly.

  He threw me on the bed, and the sound of a condom wrapper tearing echoed through the room. I prepared myself for what would happen next, and refused to cry.

  After ripping my clothes off, he pushed into me, whispering, “You are mine,” repeatedly. His face clenched as he released. I stroked his face, reiterating, “I’m yours. I love you.”

  When I woke up, Jason was making his special breakfast. My stomach recoiled, at the thought of eating.

  My neck sported a long, hickey-like mark from the T-shirt ripping across it, and with every step my back would twinge from where the nightstand had dug into it.

  In the shower, I willed the hot water to wash away my pain. Tears were no longer an option. I was beyond shedding them to ease my pain. I needed to leave Jason. My ravaged body was too much, and he would kill me if I stayed.

  My dad would help me. I would try to transfer my scholarship, but if not, I would use my savings to finish. Leaving my friends was the only reason I allowed myself to shed any tears. I guess I wasn’t as beyond them as I had thought.

  Jason sat on the kitchen chair with his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. His eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “Faith.”

  He tried to put his arms around me, but I stepped back. “Honey, your dad had a stroke. I just bought our plane tickets, we leave in two hours. Come on, I'll help you pack. You should put some medicine on that curling iron burn.”

  Not my dad. My foundation. It was us against the world. How was I going to get away from Jason without him?

  “Is he ok?" I asked, my voice barely audible, afraid if I spoke too loudly the universe would put more attention on him.

  “He's stable. I just spoke to your aunt. She couldn’t give me details because the doctor just walked in.” He held me, kissing me on the head, telling me everything would be ok, and he loved me. I hugged him back, sick to my stomach as I took solace from him.

  At the hospital, I ran to my dad’s room and threw myself on his bed, sobbing into his strong shoulder. He patted my back, murmuring to me everything was ok. His left side sagged, but didn't seem to be noticeable unless you were looking for it, which I was.

  “Hey baby girl, I'm fine. Don’t cry. Thanks for getting her here, and taking care of our girl, son.”

  My breath caught at my dad’s term of endearment toward Jason.

  “I'll always take good care of her, Mr. Annabelle; she's my heart,” he responded.

  I swallowed all the emotion trying to escape, choking on them.

  My dad fell asleep, and the doctor took us outside so we could talk. He explained my dad was strong and the stroke was minor. He could go home in a couple of days because of the vast improvement he'd been showing, but we would need to keep him calm and stress-free during his recovery.

  The weight of the world, or at least of Jason’s muscle-bound body, settled on my shoulders. I would have to pull up my big girl panties and live the life I chose, no longer having a partner to help me.

  When my dad came home from the hospital, Jason arranged for in-home care. We did it under the guise they were there to keep the house in order as he recovered.

  The first two were young and didn’t understand what I was asking of them. I started to lose hope I would find someone competent, when Martha walked in.

  She was a couple of years younger than my dad, and extremely bored. Her husband had left her for their older male car mechanic when their kids were teenagers. She dedicated her life to her children and now that they were grown, she had nothing to do except for the once-a-year cruise she went on with her ex-husband and his mechanic life partner.

  During the interview her eyes drifted past me. When I realized I'd lost her attention, I glanced back to see what had stolen it. My dad was in the kitchen with a handful of Oreos he'd just grabbed out of the cabinet.

  Martha got up and snatched the cookies right out of my stunned father’s grasp. She took an apple from the bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen counter, and put it in his hand, which was frozen in the same position it had been in when the cookies occupied it.

  “Eat that, and when you're done, we'll go grocery shopping.”

  “Who are you?” my dad asked, looking at me and then back to the woman standing in front of him.

  “I'm your new housekeeper. Go get dressed, you can buy me lunch while we talk about my salary.”

  My dad stared at her, dumbfounded, and I put my hand over my mouth to stop the giggle. “Fine, but I want a milkshake.” He turned around and went to his bedroom to get ready for his lunch date.

  “I think I just fell in love,” my aunt Julie said from the other side of the dining room. “I haven’t seen anyone order my big brother around like that in…well, ever.”

  Martha waved off my thanks, telling me she was going to enjoy bossing my father around, saying he should take care of himself because handsome men were scarce at their age.

  Martha promised to keep us updated, and our tearful goodbye ended when Jason pulled me through airport security. Jason had been the perfect doting fiancé, making my dad and aunt fall even more in love with him.

  Fall semester finished up. Jason was once again the Jason whom I loved, and I tried to stay positive.

  Christmas break came and went. My dad was getting stronger every day, and my worry for him diminished after seeing him so spry. Martha kept him in line, and as much as he complained, I could tell he adored her.

  Spring semester started, and Jason traveled constantly. He hated leaving me, and called me at all hours to check up on me.

  When finals were over, our group decided to meet the next night to celebrate.

  Jason was gone, and I was excited to get out. I told Jason I was invited, but I wanted to surprise him and rearrange the kitchen instead. He freaked out, afra
id I would ruin his kitchen, and told me to go and have fun. Luck, with a little bit of manipulation, was on my side.

  Relaxing after my long day of finals, I was lounging on the couch listening to music. I sang along to Nonpoint when keys rattled in the door. I sat up just in time to see Jason enter.

  “Hey, honey, I didn’t expect you to be home so soon,” I sputtered, taking my feet off the couch.

  “Why, am I interrupting something?” he sneered.

  I smiled and tried to play off his comment. My skin crawled from the look in his eyes; the pure unadulterated fury emanating from him made me realize today would be my last day on this earth. Jason was past the point of the controlled anger he always lived in.

  “Nope, but you're welcome to come join me on the couch.” I had a small sliver of fight still left in me, and I wanted to see if I could maneuver him back to his controlled fury; where he would toy with me, hurting me, but in the end releasing me.

  I longed for the smell of heart-shaped waffles and roses in the morning.

  The vehemence in his eyes melted away. I foolishly thought he'd put the monster back in its cage, and Jason was back in control. He kneeled down on his knees in front of me, pulling me off of the couch so we were facing each other.

  “I missed you, Faith,” he said into my lips, pulling me into a false sense of security. He laid back, pulling me with him until I straddled him. I ran my hands up his chest.

  “I missed you too.”

  He stroked my hair as he inquired, “So how about a celebratory dinner tomorrow?”

  He wanted to ruin my plan. Seeing the kindness in his eyes I took a chance, and furrowed my brows, feigning confused innocence.

  “An early dinner? I'm meeting the gang at Ray’s tomorrow, remember? We talked about it this morning, and you told me to go.”

  I laid my head down on his chest, running my hand over his body. His hand in my hair clenched painfully.

  “I figured with me being here,” he said through clenched teeth, “you would want to hang out with me.”

  “I do. It's just I promised everyone I would meet them. We have all summer to hang out.”