Breaking Faith (The JackholeS Book 1)

by Joy Eileen

He got up, and I placed a hand on his arm, not fully understanding what I was doing. With everything that had happened, I wanted to feel secure, and Kill had a way of soothing me.

  “Stay,” I pleaded.

  He stopped, and I didn't know if he would comply with my request. Knowing how pathetic it was going to sound, the word pushed through my lips. “Please.”

  He groaned, sounding defeated and crawled into the bed. “Roll over,” he ordered, and I hurried to obey him, not wanting him to change his mind.

  When I was on my side facing away from him, he wrapped his arm around my waist, hauling me to his chest. I breathed in his scent, feeling protected in his arms.

  “Hey, sleepyhead, you need to get up, you have work soon,” Kill’s deep voice whispered in my ear.

  I leaned further into his hard body, relishing the heat radiating off of him. Being rested and emotionally exorcised, my body was fully aware of how close he was, on my bed no less. He chuckled as I pressed myself into him, feeling his delectable hardness pressed against me.

  “Are you awake, Slick?” he whispered in my ear, causing goosebumps to flare over my body.

  My vagina was on fire, begging me to press myself into him again.

  He let out a husky laugh when I shook my head no. I needed to stop. I was on an emotional roller coaster, and making any decision involving Kill would be bad.

  Removing my body from him, I shivered from the loss of his body heat. I turned so I faced him, his eyes were still behind the wall he built after our run, banning me from his thoughts.

  “Thank you.” My face heated up as I remembered begging him to stay.

  “No problem. Although I'm worried I've lost my touch, being every time you're near me, you start snoring like a damn chainsaw.”

  “I don’t snore,” I retorted, rolling over so I could get off the other side of the bed instead of crawling over him, like my vagina was screaming at me to do.

  “Come on, Slick. Let’s get you fed so you can go to work.”

  I groaned, afraid to look at my reflection as I tried to run my hands through my knotted hair.

  “You look beautiful. Come on, I'm starving. Watching you sleep while you roar in my ear would cause any guy to need sustenance.”

  “Go without me, Killer, I need to get ready for work,” I said, and headed to the bathroom.

  My hair was a disaster. I brushed my teeth vigorously, and put on makeup to hide the puffiness. I put my hair in a loose french braid, letting it fall to the side of my face.

  I checked my shirt to make sure I didn’t have any residual snot stains. Satisfied I was snot-free, I headed downstairs.

  The boys were in the dining room looking over one of D’s many notebooks. I felt shy, positive they heard my breakdown and were regretting letting an emotional female move in.

  Amy and Jessie were at the kitchen table. Jessie warmed up a stack of pancakes she had saved for me. Amy had a handful of pixie sticks in front of her and handed me one. I tore it open and let the sour powder coat my mouth. Satisfied she had fixed my problems she went back to her sugar stash.

  I walked over to the pantry and took out the peanut butter, syrup, and poured a glass of chocolate milk from the almost empty gallon jug. Slathering my pancakes with peanut butter and syrup, I cut a big bite and savored it. Amy looked at me with disgust on her face. “That's nasty,” she said, her little face scrunched up as she looked at my plate.

  “Really? This from the girl who gets her sugar fix from dyed powder?” I retorted, defending my pancakes.

  I took another bite and chewed, closing my eyes and moaning, as if I had the answer to multiple orgasms in my mouth. Kill cleared his throat, and my eyes flew open to see him leaning on the wall, staring at me. My cheeks flooded red.

  “We are so having pancakes every night." He perused my assortment of condiments on the table. “Is that peanut butter?” he asked, coming over to stare at my plate.

  “Yes, she ruined a perfectly good stack of pancakes,” Amy said in her little high and mighty voice.

  I wanted to stick my tongue out at her, but Kill was too close, and I wasn't sure if his threat was for me sticking it out at him, or it coming out in general. Being it had made multiple appearances, I didn't want to push my luck.

  “Shut up. Leave my pancakes alone,” I said, pulling my plate closer to me.

  Kill grabbed my fork and cut off a piece.

  “Hey!” I yelled, as he put the bite into his mouth. I stopped, speechless, when he closed his eyes and moaned deep in his throat. Watching him swallow, I wanted Kill to eat me for dinner.

  He went for my plate again. I tried to snatch my fork back, but I wasn't fast enough, and he had another bite in his mouth. He went in for another bite, but this time I got my fork away from him.

  “Stop eating my dinner,” I said, proud my voice didn’t sound as breathless as I felt while watching him make love to my fork.

  He shot me his delicious half-grin before taking a drink of my chocolate milk. Once again I was hypnotized, wanting to run my tongue over his neck, and if I'm being honest, everywhere else.

  “That was good,” he said. His eyes held a hint of desire, and I pictured myself spreading pancakes and peanut butter all over me to get him to look at me like that.

  “We're going to practice. Let me know when you guys are leaving.” He glanced at Jessie, but his eyes traveled back to me.

  I stayed quiet, my brain useless. Jessie got her brainpower back before me, and told him his dinner was in the microwave. He winked at me, before walking toward the garage.

  “Holy poop, that was sexy,” Jessie said, while fanning herself with her hand.

  Amy had a pixie stick halfway to her mouth the entire time Kill tasted my pancakes. She placed it on the table, her mouth still open. Kill must be some sort of sexy if he could get Amy to put down her candy.

  “Did you seriously say ‘holy poop’?”

  “Shut up,” Jessie snapped, before the three of us dissolved into hysterics.

  “Ready?” Jessie asked, looking at her phone to check the time.

  “Yep, let me get my stuff," I said putting my dishes away.

  Since the boys didn’t play on Sundays, Jessie and I decided to ride together.

  With a pair of bright red heels with a black bow on the back, I checked my makeup one last time.

  Jessie met me at the bottom of the stairs. We heard the growl of a large engine start in the vicinity of the garage. I opened the door just in time to see Kill backing up a newer model Mustang. It was all black, and sexy as hell. He couldn’t drive a fucking Prius?

  “Fuck, that's hot,” Amy whispered next to me.

  He looked every part of the bad boy rocker getting out of his car, and I wanted a piece of it. Hell, I wanted the whole thing. He looked over at me with confusion, and I realized I was scowling.

  “What, you don’t like her?” he questioned.

  “She's beautiful. I was just wondering what you're compensating for?” I replied, causing the girls to gasp and the guys to bust out laughing.

  “Any time you want to find out, Slick,” he smirked. “Where are your tennis shoes?” he asked, stalking over toward me and my beautiful shoes.

  “They're in my closet ready for tomorrow’s run.”

  “You're going to break your neck in those damn things.”

  Jessie laughed. “Don’t even try, Kill. You can't get between Faith and her shoes. It's a losing battle.”

  “I think they're fucking sexy as hell,” Jet interceded, helping D set up.

  “Thanks, Sex God,” I said, causing him to preen like a rooster.

  Amy ran over and threw her arms around him. “That’s my Sex God,” she exclaimed, pulling him down for a kiss.

  “Damn straight,” he replied. His hands were planted on her ass. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Kill who was glaring at my shoes and shaking his head.

  “Ok, bye,” I said, wanting to leave.

  Jessie launched herself at Van, kissing
him on the lips leaving me to stand by Kill. Kill quirked his eyebrow at me.

  “What, no kiss?”

  My thoughts went to yesterday, and I reminded myself I needed to keep my distance. I sashayed by him and grabbed D’s face, giving him a loud kiss on the lips. D's face turned bright red.

  I caught Jessie’s hand, dragging her out of the garage, refusing to look at Kill. On the way to work Jessie kept glancing at me. After the fourth worried look, I got frustrated.

  “What?”

  “Do you have the hots for Kill?”

  “I'm so not thinking about boys right now,” I said, purposely being vague.

  “Good. I don't want to see you get hurt again, and Kill isn’t the relationship kind of guy.”

  “Besides, he's gorgeous, Jessie. There's no way he would want some broken girl, when he has beautiful women with far less baggage, readily available to him.”

  Jessie voice was thick with anger, “You're not broken, Faith. You're the strongest person I know, and any man you choose should thank their lucky stars. It’s just, I know how Kill is, and I just don’t think he's right for you.” She smiled as we pulled into Ray's back-lot, and parked.

  I got out the car without answering her, not ready to admit to her or myself I wanted Kill.

  The Sunday crowd was more subdued. Music was being piped through the sound system, trying to liven up the atmosphere. The band’s table was empty, taking some of the energy out of the bar. More people ordered food tonight than the other nights, and I became well acquainted with the menu.

  Ryan was in her usual spot, yelling at Dax, the cook, as he yelled back at her. The banter made me laugh every time I went to pick up an order.

  Trent came in later and went straight toward the boys' table. I steered him to another table, and his face registered surprise, and then pure joy. My stomach sunk, hoping I wouldn’t have to hurt one of my best friends.

  “Hey, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to check on you and ask if you have thought any more about my offer.”

  “I'm going to stay with the boys. They have an extra room, and Jason won’t bother me with them around.”

  His face fell immediately. "He'll leave you alone. You would be safe with me. Besides, the only reason Kill wants you there is to get in your pants. I've seen the way he looks at you.”

  My heart dropped to my stomach. Trent refused to understand how dangerous Jason was. Jason was just biding his time, waiting to pounce when he had the least possible chance of getting caught.

  “I’m sorry, Trent. I love you, but I'm going to stay with the boys. And don’t worry about Kill. He thinks I'm going back to Jason. Believe me, he wants nothing to do with me. Besides, you don’t want me hanging around cramping your style with the girls.” I wiggled my eyebrows, but he didn’t smile back.

  “There are no girls,” he replied, looking directly at me.

  Instead of telling him he had no chance with me, I chickened out and played dumb. “There will be soon. You'll find the girl for you,” I responded, with my fake smile firmly in place.

  “I've already found her,” he mumbled under his breath, and I chose to ignore that comment.

  “What do you want to eat? My treat.”

  Trent acted like he wanted to say more, but decided against it. “I will have a Cadillac margarita and an order of cheese sticks.”

  I rushed off to put his order in, feeling like a coward. It was official; men and I did not mix well. Maybe I should just join a convent, but knowing my luck I would get hit on by a creepy priest.

  Trent was pulling on his chin, a sign he was thinking hard about something when I returned. “Here you go,” I interrupted as I sat his order down.

  “Thanks, Faith."

  “No problem. Let me know if you need anything else. I have to go deliver my other orders. Enjoy.” I walked away swiftly, but not before I heard him mutter, I need you.

  I leaned on the bar while Ryan made my drinks for a group of businessmen. “You ok?”

  “Yeah,” I said, rubbing my temples.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. No, hell no,” I answered, making Ryan laugh.

  “Been there. Here’s your drinks. My advice, stay busy.”

  “Thanks.” I took my tray, heeding her advice.

  I managed to avoid Trent by having Jessie wait on him. After delivering his latest round, she walked over to me.

  “Faith, be careful around Trent. He said some things the other night, and well, I'm convinced he thinks he has feelings for you.”

  “He keeps hinting along those lines,” I admitted, wanting her opinion.

  Jessie scowled over at him. “Idiot. I told him to leave you alone, and not put any more stress on your shoulders. He promised me he would not bring it up.”

  “He asked me to move in with him,” I confessed.

  “I'll talk to him, Faith.”

  I latched onto her hand before she could stomp over to him. “No, don’t. I told him I was going to stay with the boys. I'm sure he'll get over it. As soon as he realizes I'm only interested in a friendship, he'll move on.”

  “I don’t think that's a good idea, Faith. You need to tell him to back off, or he'll never get over you. The other night he watched you with intense possessiveness. Maybe we don’t know him as well as we thought.”

  “Please, don’t say anything,” I begged.

  We both jumped when the bell above the door clanged, ending our conversation.

  Jet had his arm draped over Amy; the other was out like he was expecting people to run toward him. “Yes, I'm here. You people are so fucking lucky.”

  The bar chanted for the JackholeS as the boys entered. Van pushed past Jet, and he smiled when he saw Jessie.

  “We'll talk later,” she said, before walking over to Van.

  D went straight to the band’s table. I tried to stop my heart from speeding up, but the fucker wasn't paying attention to my orders. It was beating in time with the chanting crowd.

  Kill walked in with a pair of worn blue jeans and a black thermal that hugged his beautiful body. He looked around the bar smiling at the people he recognized. When his eyes landed on mine, I held my breath.

  He had his half-smile on his face and his eyes darkened when we connected. I couldn't pull my eyes off of him. He raised an eyebrow at me and I rolled my eyes at him. When the band settled in their seats, I picked up their drinks from Ryan.

  She already set up four beer bottles on a tray, and a margarita for Amy. Trent grabbed my arm on my way to the boys. His eyes were unfocused, and he had a sloppy smile on his face. Maneuvering out of his grip, I was putting the drinks down in front of the boys, when an arm draped over my shoulder.

  “Faith, I'm all out. I need a refill.” His voice was slurred, and I could feel his breath wash over my cheek. I shrugged out from under the weight of him. His arm fell off my shoulder, catching him off guard. Thankfully, D and Van caught him before he fell.

  “I don’t think you need any more, Trent,” I chided.

  “You don’t know what I need.” His finger was wagging in front of my face, but his depth perception was so skewed he ended up bumping my nose.

  “I try to tell you what I need, but you keep ignoring me, Faith. Why do you ignore me?”

  Kill’s jaw was clenched, and his hands were white as he gripped the table.

  “Trent, you need to stop now,” Jessie told him, coming up behind us.

  “She has to know,” Trent pleaded, setting his blurry eyes toward Jessie and Amy.

  “Stop, Trent. You're drunk,” Jessie replied, looking over at Ryan who gave her the thumbs up. “Trent, there's a cab outside waiting for you. You need to go home before you say something you'll regret.”

  Trent eyes locked with mine, and they were swimming with pain. He reached out and tried to stroke my cheek but missed and ended up petting air.

  While D and Van helped him outside, I told Jessie I was going to take my break, and h
eaded straight to the back entrance.

  I took deep breaths when the night air hit me trying to get my emotions under control. The door opened, and I was surrounded by strong arms. I buried my face in his chest, breathing him in.

  “What's wrong with me?” My question was muffled in his chest. “Why can’t I have a normal relationship with a man?” I decided to clarify, so he would know which imperfection I was asking about.

  “There's nothing wrong with you, Slick. It isn’t your fault. You're just the type of girl that makes men lose their minds when they're around you.” His voice reverberated in his chest. I closed my eyes, letting his essence flood me.

  “So it's my fault?” I pouted, knowing I sounded like a petulant child, but unable to stop it.

  He chuckled, and I relished the sound. "No, it's the man’s fault for not being able to keep his sanity around you.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense,” I cried, still buried in his chest, never wanting to move.

  “That right there. You argue with everything, pushing people away even though you bring out the protector in us. Then you refuse to accept help and get upset.”

  This time I pushed off of his chest. My circumstances making anger surge through me. I was premenstrual, pretty sure I saw my ex's car, and completely fucked when it came to the sexy man in front of me.

  “I don’t argue with everything, only when people say stupid things. It’s not my fault most of the things that leave your mouth piss me off.”

  He laughed, firing me up even more. I walked past him, not wanting to be in the presence of his stupid beautiful face.

  “Faith, wait.” He tried to get me to stop, but I was already through the back door. My anger at the world fueled me through the rest of my shift.

  Jessie finally caught up with me in the breakroom. “Are you, ok?”

  In that moment, I realized just how much I hated that question. “I’m fine,” I snapped.

  I sighed, unsure if my attitude was from the impending red tide, or everything combined. “I’m sorry Jess, I didn’t mean to be a bitch. Yes, I'm ok. I just want my life to be normal. When will I feel whole again?”

  Jessie hugged me. “Soon, I promise. Van and I are going back to my house, since Candice is out of town. You’re going to catch a ride home with the boys.”