“Mmm hmm. I don’t doubt anything you’re saying. I agree you’re a great lawyer with strong leadership. Of course they need you there. But this isn’t about them. It’s about you. It’s about, how do you want to live the rest of your life? Working at a law firm that you’ve been working at for what, thirty years? Or doing something new and exciting and philanthropic? Where you’d get to help others achieve their dreams. Where you’d get to take care of animals and ride horses and go to the beach. Where you’d get to renovate an old mansion and see the beautiful progress day after day. Why on earth would you give that up?”
“It sounds to me like that’s your dream, Patty. Maybe we should switch inheritances. You take what Aunt Edie gave me, and I’ll take what Aunt Edie gave you. Money, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, money for the girls’ college. Which, do you remember I have two daughters … and a husband … none of whom can leave our regular life right now to move to the beach? But you can!”
“Patty, I’m not going to accept the inheritance just so you can live vicariously through me.”
“You’re getting off topic. Let me ask you this. If everything was still fine with Shaw, if you and he were getting along well, falling deeper in love, making plans for the animal sanctuary that you and he would run together … big if, but if … would you have made this same decision?”
Nora sighed. “You mean, if he wasn’t a big liar who never told me that he was married until it was too late?”
Patty paused, and then her response was clipped. “Yes.”
The debater in her wanted to come out and deny that Shaw had anything to do with her decision. Or at least claim ignorance and say that she didn’t know if she would’ve made the same decision or not, had everything with Shaw not fallen apart.
But she knew that wasn’t truthful. In her heart of hearts, she knew that she had made up her mind. She was ready to give up her law career in Philadelphia and her partnership at the firm to stay in South Carolina … with Shaw … and live her new life. “No. I was going to stay.”
“I knew it! So, don’t let Shaw change that. You weren’t moving there for him. You were moving there because you were excited about your new life. He was a bonus. Don’t let him chase you from your dreams. You deserve this, Nora.”
Nora dropped her laptop bag, her briefcase full of unread files and her purse on the table, just as Patty said, “I worry about you and your lifestyle, sis. Your crazy work hours, your lack of exercise, fresh air, healthy diet. The pace you live at is just not healthy for you. For example, when did you get home from work tonight?”
Nora shook her head. The woman had a gift. “I’m just getting in now.”
“Oh my gosh, a twelve hour day?”
“Well, I have a lot to catch up on.”
“But it’ll be like this tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. At the beach the pace is slower. More healthy. More relaxing. Don’t you think you deserve that?”
She shrugged even though Patty couldn’t see her.
“Seriously, Nora, do you want to die at that desk of yours downtown?”
“Patty, please. Don’t get dramatic.”
“I’m being serious. It may not be today. Or tomorrow. But look at your life, sis. Are you living the life meant for you? Or do you need to make changes?”
Nora sighed. “Geez. Deep.” She wished she could avoid the spotlight by turning it back on Patty. But Patty’s life truly was meant for her. She was perfectly happy being Brad’s wife and mother to Amelia and Jennifer. She was a natural, and she was fulfilled.
“All right, I’ll let you go, but please think about what I said.”
“I will.” How could she think of anything else now? Patty made a strong argument. And it wasn’t like she had absolutely loved her first day back.
They ended the call and Nora kicked her shoes off, wandering back to the kitchen. She pulled a Lean Cuisine out of the freezer and placed it in the microwave. As it was cooking, she glanced around. Here she was again. But is this where she truly wanted to be? Where she was truly meant to be? Where God wanted her to be?
In South Carolina, she’d begun to believe that God was interested in her well-being, and went so far as to have a plan for her life. Yet, she’d made this big decision without involving him at all. Maybe that’s what this decision was missing. Maybe the reason she was restless with her direction is that it wasn’t God-directed at all.
She bowed her head, closed her eyes, crossed her hands and prayed. For guidance, for direction, for understanding of Shaw’s confession, for forgiveness of him for breaking her heart. The microwave beeped. She ignored it and kept right on praying.
Lord, help me to understand what your will is for my life. Take my will out of the way so I can truly follow you.
The next morning, Nora sat at her desk and continued to plow through the mound of documents in her new merger case. Her cell ring tone sounded, muffled. Her purse sat on the floor beside her desk. She dug till she found her phone. She looked at the contact.
It was Shaw.
She sighed. Her first impulse was to ignore it. Let him get her voicemail and see if he left a message. That would give her time to prepare for a conversation with him, on her terms. Or even to decide if she chose to converse with him or not.
Then she threw out all those plans and answered the call. “Hello, Shaw.”
“Nora, hi. Um, hi.”
“Hello,” she repeated.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sitting in the driveway of your place. Well, I guess it’s not your place anymore, right?”
“Ahh. Is a For Sale sign up? That was relatively fast.”
“Nora, what is this all about? I was surprised to see the sign. You’re selling your aunt’s place?”
Nora took in a deep breath to try to stave off the tingles forming in her fingers and toes. “Yes. I had to make a decision about accepting the inheritance or declining it. I decided I had to decline it.”
“Why?” The pain that permeated his syllable brought a stab of tears to her eyes.
“I have a job, a career, a life in Philadelphia. I can’t just leave it all to move to Murrells Inlet.”
“But … you were considering it, weren’t you?” He let out a puff of air. “I mean, that’s what you were doing while you were here, right? You were deciding whether or not you would stay and leave your other life behind?”
“Yes,” she said. “And I made my decision.”
A pause drifted over the phone line, lasting so long that she wondered if they had lost their connection. “Nora, I have to ask. Did you make this decision because of me?”
She opened her mouth to tell him just what she thought of his question. The nerve of him, thinking that he had the power to alter a decision about her life, her future. She barely knew him. How self-centered of him to think that he could impact her life at all.
But something told her to hold her tongue. Maybe it was because she had just confessed to Patty last night that Shaw had changed her decision. And maybe it was because of the heartfelt, raw prayer of help she’d prayed last night to God. Despite her natural inclination to argue and debate and protect herself, God wanted her to be honest. She just knew it.
What would Shaw do if she were honest? Use that honesty as ammunition against her somehow? Think she was foolish if he knew just how much he’d come to mean to her in a short period of time?
And yet, it seemed clear in her head to go against all those things, and tell him the truth.
“Yes. I had come to the decision to resign from my job, sell my apartment and move to the beach. I had excitedly made some plans about how I would use the property to help others, just like Aunt Edie asked me to. But when I found out you’d lied to me, and you were a married man, coupled with the news that the law firm wanted me back and had big work plans for me … I changed my mind. I put the property up for sale and I came back home.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
She shook
her head, although he couldn’t see it. He’d betrayed her, and yet she still knew he was a good man. He’d betrayed his wife, and yet she knew his wife had betrayed him and their family long before. It was an impossible situation, and there was no resolution. He was married to a woman who could never be a true wife to him, yet his commitment to her left him unable to commit to another. She couldn’t even imagine how this would ever end in their favor.
“I know. I wish you’d told me your situation from the beginning. This would’ve probably turned out differently.”
There were a million things she wanted to say, and she guessed a million things he wanted to say. But there was no point. Their relationship had died before it even had a chance to begin, leaving only pain and heartache in its wake. She could try to remember the fun, happy times they’d shared, but they would forever be shadowed by Shaw’s deception.
The way to move on with life was to distance herself from him, wrap herself in the familiar.
“For what it’s worth, Shaw, I admire you for the loyalty and dedication you’ve shown to Melanie, despite a very unhappy and unfulfilling life together. You’re a good man for staying with her, supporting her, helping her.”
“When I took wedding vows, it was till death do you part. I took those seriously. I couldn’t have divorced her when she had the crash, and especially not when she got dementia. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I’d done that.”
“Still …”
“But my decision pretty much sealed my life sentence of being alone. I would never have a satisfying marriage, but I could never be free to pursue another relationship either. My life would not involve love, the kind of love you share with a partner. My whole adult life has been in limbo, from that perspective. I have to thank you, Nora, for proving to me that I can still love. If the circumstances were right. Which, of course, right now they’re not.”
“I don’t see how the circumstances would ever be right.”
He let out a puff of air. “I handled this poorly. And I’m truly sorry for hurting you. But I’m not sorry to have met you and to have loved you. You answered the question for me if I was even capable of loving someone. Yes, I am. Because I love you.”
“Shaw …” As much as she wanted to hear it, she couldn’t deal with it now.
“No one’s life is perfect,” he continued. “We all have challenges. I certainly have mine. But one thing that’s certain is, we have today. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. And sometimes the memory of a perfect day is enough to last for the rest of your life.”
Nora went breathless, unsure of how to respond.
“I want to thank you for giving me a few of the most perfect days I’ve had in my entire life. I’ll make those last, Nora.”
Her mind raced. And then she heard a “Good bye,” and the call ended.
One day became another and another. Nora tried to convince herself that she was getting into the swing of things; that she was adjusting back to her pre-Murrells Inlet life. After all, she’d been doing this work, in this place, with many of these same people for over two decades. This should be her home. Her wheelhouse. The place she could most be herself.
But it wasn’t true.
Had she ever felt joy and satisfaction during her workdays here? Because that’s certainly not how she felt now. Maybe she had to dig deeper, look harder, try better. But in her quiet moments, her mind wandered back to Aunt Edie’s ranch, the beautiful mansion that needed a helping hand. The modern barn that could be home to animals in search of a place to land in this world. Its green, lush acreage and finally, its beach.
She could be happy there. She could find peace there. Fulfillment in her days. Just what she was lacking at the moment here in her “real” life.
Of course, a big part of the equation was Shaw. Could she move ahead with her plans for the property without Shaw? Or was it safer to just stay here?
Then she’d sigh and get back to work.
Weeks dragged by. Tony was pleased with her efforts on the new merger case, and she knew she was performing well. That would have to be enough for now.
One night, Benny dropped her off at home and she rode the elevator in her building. She stepped into the dark apartment, dropped her bags on the table and made her way to the kitchen. She opened the freezer, pulled out a frozen dinner, and started to tear open the box.
She lifted her head.
She didn’t want a frozen dinner. She didn’t want a processed, freeze-dried meal nuked in the microwave surrounded by plastic. She was sick of this life. She needed to make some changes.
She shoved the package back in the freezer. She wanted something fresh. She wanted something homemade. She opened the refrigerator. What could she whip up for herself that would be tasty, quick and delicious? Sure, she wasn’t a cook like Patty, but she could do this. She was stuck in a rut and she needed to take action to pull herself out.
She surveyed the contents and found a half gallon of milk, half a jug of orange juice, a carton of coffee creamer, and some condiments. Half a dozen eggs, two apples, an orange and some old processed lunchmeat with mold on it.
That was it.
How would she survive without frozen dinners? Well, she’d have to go shopping. She’d go to the grocery store about three blocks away, but instead of going to the frozen section, she’d go to the fresh food sections.
She could do this. She was an educated, motivated, accomplished woman who wanted to start cooking healthy meals. She dug in her cabinet for a cookbook a co-worker had given her years ago as a gag gift. She plopped it open on the counter and perused the options. Pulling a notepad over, she made a list of ingredients that she’d need at the store. Then she’d come home and cook a healthy meal.
As she passed the microwave, it fairly shouted out the time: 8:20.
It was late for a normal person to go grocery shopping, then return home and cook dinner. But, she was breaking out of a rut, and it wouldn’t be pretty. Let her be abnormal for once.
She rode down to the ground floor and quickly debated driving or walking to the store. It was so close it was probably worth getting a little exercise. Another rut to break out of. Regular exercise. She was on a health kick. She could do this.
She set off at a brisk pace and reached the grocery store easily. Inside, she grabbed a cart and studied her ingredients list. Starting at the vegetable section and continuing throughout the store, she filled her cart and crossed off all the items.
The challenge would be carrying her bags home. She’d probably overdone the volume of items considering she’d be walking. In the purchase lane, she asked for the reusable bags with the handles. She’d just hook them over her arms and walk fast. Good workout – cardio and biceps.
Outside, she prepared herself. She looped the long strap of her leather purse over her head until it was secure against her stomach. Then she did her best to carry five bags laden with groceries.
The security of the well-lit grocery store dimmed as she ventured away and made her way onto the blocks of business and residential buildings. A streetlight was burnt out and Nora’s heart beat faster as she ventured onto a dark block. Her arms began to ache with the load. Wow, she’d really let her physical fitness go to pot if her body was struggling with carrying groceries for a few blocks.
A figure approached wearing a black hooded jacket. He held his head down, watching his steps. Nora tried to make eye contact, something she naturally did every day of her life, so she could greet him. When only a few steps separated them, he looked up and took note of her.
His pace didn’t slow as he reached for her purse and gave it a harsh tug. Nora gasped and lost her balance. One grocery bag slid off her forearm and crashed to the ground. The hooded man gave the purse another tug and it was enough to rip the leather strap from the handbag, and send Nora flying to the concrete. In the space of a few seconds, the man secured her purse, stuck it in his armpit, and ran away.
Nora lay face down on the sidewalk. She didn’t th
ink she’d blacked out, but honestly, it had all happened so fast that if a witness had told her she’d been unconscious and was just coming to, she would’ve believed it. She turned her head and watched as two fresh tomatoes and a potato rolled an escape route to the curb, and into the street.
Tears filled her eyes and sobs started to wrack her shoulders. She’d lived in the city over two decades and had never been mugged. There was a first time for everything.
She pushed away sobs and tears and sat up. She did a quick survey of her body and found that except for two skinned palms, a bloody knee and a very sore left cheekbone, where her face had made contact with the concrete, she was fine. She got to her feet, and gathered what was left of her groceries. She abandoned the runaway vegetables, now set to become a smorgasbord for birds or rodents.
She raced as fast as her sore body would allow her and reached the front door of her building. The doorman opened the door for her and she joined him in the foyer. “Good evening, madam …,” he started, then took a good look at her. “Oh my, are you all right?” He reached for the grocery bags, pulling them gently off her arms and placing them on the floor. He took her by the shoulders and led her to an upholstered bench nearby. He studied the bloody rip in her jeans, and then gently touched her cheek. “What happened?”
“I was mugged!” Nora responded and the strong front she’d forced upon herself faded away as she burst into tears. “He grabbed my purse and knocked me down. He has it right now – with my keys, my wallet, my … oh, my gosh … my phone! Everything! Gone!”
The doorman reached behind a podium and pulled a phone out. “I’ll get you into your apartment, but I’m calling the police right now.”
The next two hours were taken up with waiting for the police, discussing the mugging, doling out what limited observations she could about the mugger, and describing everything that had been stolen. The police were realistic in their predictions that they’d most likely not find the guy. However, she’d need to cancel her credit cards as soon as possible, as well as replace her driver’s license and phone. They delivered a lecture about not walking alone on a city street after dark, as well the inadvisability of carrying heavy bags, making her a vulnerable target.
Sanctuary (Murrells Inlet Miracles Book 1) Page 16