The Broken Hearts Book Club

by Lynsey James

  I squeezed past everyone, trying not to hit them on the head with the chair legs and invited Maggie to sit down, trying to suppress the urge to scream. The both of them were as white as sheets, their mouths hanging slightly open in utter shock.

  ‘We’re actually halfway through the meeting,’ I said, returning to my seat. ‘But you’re more than welcome to come to the next one. Why don’t you introduce yourself?’

  I felt as though I was watching the whole thing from above. This wasn’t me. I wasn’t brave or calm or capable of staring adversity right in the face. I was Lucy Harper, permanent runaway and coward. Now it seemed like that was changing, and not before time.

  Maggie pursed her lips, unsure of whether to take me on or not. Although she was a fan of grand gestures (throwing beer over me in the pub), I didn’t think she’d have the courage to humiliate me in front of the book club. There was no way for her to make a quick and fairly anonymous exit because I’d drawn her into the group.

  ‘Hello everyone.’ Her words were stiff and slightly slurred. I’d smelled vodka on her when I’d set her chair out. ‘My name’s Maggie Cunningham and I’ve lived in Luna Bay my whole life. My daughter Vicky… Well you all know what happened to her and I’d rather not rake over it all again. I’ve never really got over it and I want to join the book club to try and find a way to move on.’

  I forced a smile onto my face. ‘Let’s welcome Maggie everyone.’

  I declared the meeting finished, set our next read – The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion – and the members slowly began filtering out into the pleasant spring evening.

  All, that is, except Diane.

  ‘Can I have a word with you?’ I asked as I stacked the last remaining chair.

  We went to the far corner of the room so we wouldn’t be heard and I had to stop myself from tearing her a new one.

  ‘What did you think bringing Maggie Cunningham to the meeting would achieve?’

  Her face remained frustratingly blank and she gave a little “who me?” shrug. ‘She expressed an interest in joining and I invited her along to a meeting. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?’

  My hands clenched and unclenched as I tried to tamp down the anger building inside me. I was a pressure cooker, liable to explode at any moment.

  ‘I’d have appreciated a bit of warning, given that we don’t have the best history with each other. She still holds me responsible for what happened to Vicky and you made your feelings on it perfectly clear too. It’s great we have a new member, but you should’ve told me she was coming.’

  My teeth were gritted so tightly that it hurt. Keeping up a professional front as chairwoman was tough when your worst enemy was invited into the group without your knowledge.

  ‘Yes, you did handle it rather more calmly than I’d expected.’

  I frowned, unsure of how to take that. ‘You sound disappointed.’

  Suddenly, everything fell into place and my suspicions were confirmed. The sudden change of heart, the enforced niceness; it all made sense. I walked a few paces away from her and nodded my head repeatedly, not caring that I looked like a nodding dog that sat in the back of a car.

  ‘I get it: you brought Maggie tonight because you thought I’d blow my top in front of everyone, then you could step in as chairwoman. Well let me tell you something: I’m here to stay and do the best job I can. I know I didn’t get off to a good start, but I want to be a part of this club.’

  ‘Well nobody else wants you to, so why don’t you just quit while you’re ahead!’

  Diane stormed off and I threw my head into my hands. For such a loveable bunch of people, it certainly wasn’t easy to help them.

  I went through to the front of the pub, which was all but deserted. Jake was still nowhere to be found; he’d either forgotten about our dinner plans or had had a better offer, I thought. However, I was proven wrong when he came running down the stairs from his flat.

  ‘Sorry, I’m running really late! I didn’t forget about our dinner tonight, I promise,’ he said. I could see a thin film of sweat on his brow and an orange spaghetti sauce stain on his grey jumper. ‘It’s been properly mental round here today. I hope you don’t mind waiting a few more minutes?’

  ‘So I see!’ I giggled and gestured at the stain. ‘It’s no problem, is there anything I can do to help?’

  He hesitated, his mouth forming words that didn’t come out. ‘No, it’s fine really. How about you just wait here and I’ll come down and get you? Is that OK?’

  Before I could give an answer, he ran back upstairs. I cautiously went through the door that led to the flat and heard a huge clattering noise.

  I frowned and climbed up a few stairs. ‘Yeah, a-are you absolutely sure there’s nothing I can do?’

  ‘J-just a minute, I’ll be right with you!’

  There were a few more crashes, Jake yelling ‘oh shit!’ then an odd crying noise.

  That’s it, I thought, I’m done waiting. I rushed upstairs and through the front door, bracing myself for what I might find. Knowing my luck, it’d be a scene straight out of a Stephen King novel.

  What I actually found was Jake holding a screaming baby in his arms, a pot of burnt pasta smoking away on the stove and assorted toys and baby paraphernalia all over the floor. I gaped at the scene for a few seconds, no idea what to do or say.

  ‘Um… this is awkward,’ he said. ‘Lucy, I’d like you to meet my daughter Maya.’

  Chapter Twelve

  I gawped at him, unable to get my head round the scene in front of me.

  ‘So this is why you didn’t come to the book club?’ I asked dumbly.

  He nodded. ‘That’s right. Let me get her settled and I’ll explain everything.’

  He bounced the little girl gently on his hip as he carried her in a little circle around the living room. I turned the oven off and had a look at the pot of pasta. It was beyond help. I scraped the whole lot into the bin and wondered what the hell I was about to hear.

  It took around fifteen minutes for Jake to clean up the baby toys with my help, settle Maya down in her high chair to finish her dinner and tell me the full story.

  ‘She lives with her mum in Leeds,’ he explained as he spooned some baby food into her mouth. ‘I see her as often as I can; I usually take her out for the day if I’m off and I have her to stay some nights as well. She was supposed to be with her mum tonight, but had to swap at the last minute. My ex Rachel and I, we weren’t together long when we found out Maya was on the way. We split not long after she was born and things were… Well they weren’t easy for a while. We’re on good terms now for Maya’s sake. I’ve had to take on a couple of extra staff to help out in the bar on the nights I have her, which is costing me a fortune and not helping the finances any, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t imagine my life without her.’

  He stopped for a moment to pull some faces at her and she giggled loudly, banging on the high chair tray to let him know she wanted some more.

  ‘Sorry about this,’ he said, ‘she can be a little monkey at dinnertime some nights! After this, she’s off to bed.’

  ‘You don’t have to apologise for her,’ I replied. ‘She’s gorgeous!’

  I went over to see Maya in her high chair as she splashed her hands in her spaghetti Bolognese. Little orange splashes covered her babygro, nose and cheeks but she was in her element. She was a bubbly, happy little girl who loved banging on her high chair tray, giggling and making noises. She looked a lot like Jake: same slate-coloured eyes and cheeky grin.

  ‘Look at you, aren’t you adorable!’ I cooed.

  ‘Oh I don’t know about that!’ Jake chuckled and looked round at her. ‘She’s a little monster when she wants to be!’

  ‘I don’t believe that for a second.’ I went over to her bag of baby supplies and pulled out one of her toys, a stuffed Elmer the Elephant.

  ‘Who’s this?’ I asked, showing him to her. ‘Is he your friend?’

  Maya giggled and took
Elmer in her hands then began to bang him off the high chair tray. Then she tried to eat him. This amused her a lot.

  ‘Believe it or not, he’s her favourite!’

  ‘I can see why; he was mine too when I was a kid!’

  He crouched in front of the high chair and went to feed her some more, moving Elmer out of the way so he didn’t get covered in orange goo. She cried and reached for him until she noticed the food. This was a lot more interesting to her and she stuck her hands into it, sending little splashes everywhere.

  ‘She’s such a messy eater, usually ends up getting more food on herself than in her mouth!’

  He gave her a few more spoonfuls then left her to her own devices. We sat back on the couch while Maya created handprint art with her dinner.

  ‘You were saying about your ex?’ I prompted.

  ‘Oh yeah. She tried to stop me from seeing her and threatened to move abroad and all sorts. I remember going back to our flat after a really hard day at work, looking forward to seeing them both and finding that she’d cleared all their stuff out and done a runner. She wouldn’t answer her phone for ages and I thought she’d either done something stupid or left the country. Turned out she’d gone back to her mum and dad’s place. I’ve never been so relieved, although I’m still at a loss for what I did to make her leave so suddenly.’

  I couldn’t help noticing the sadness flickering across his face. He leaned forward and drummed his fingers on the coffee table.

  ‘I hate the fact Maya’s not with me twenty-four-seven and I miss her like crazy on the days I don’t see her. Rachel and I have managed to reach an understanding, but it was so tough when I thought I was going to lose Maya. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. That’s why keeping the pub open is so important; I want to provide for her and give her an amazing future. At the moment, it just feels like I’m failing.’

  I mirrored his body language and hunched forward. ‘You’re not failing Jake, you’re doing really well. I promise you, this cocktail night we’re planning will be amazing and it’ll be the first step to saving the pub. You know, nobody’s mentioned you have a daughter before.’

  ‘That’s because I haven’t told anyone about her yet.’

  ‘Oh? How come?’

  He ran a hand over his face. ‘This’ll sound overprotective and stupid, but here goes. I’ve only been in Luna Bay a few months and because I don’t know if I can make a real go of the pub yet, I don’t want to go introducing Maya to people who might not be fixtures in her life for long. Once I’m on firmer ground with everything, I’ll parade her around like the little angel she is.’

  He looked at the stain on his jumper like it was his favourite thing in the world.

  Before I knew what I was doing or thinking, I put my hand on top of his. To my surprise, he didn’t pull away.

  ‘It makes sense not introducing her right away, especially as you’ve just moved here. Where did you live before?’

  ‘Leeds. Rachel still lives there, at her parents’ house in Oakwood. After the rough time I had with her, I just fancied a fresh start you know? To get away from everything and have a clean slate.’

  That struck a chord with me. ‘I know exactly how you feel; you could say I’m the queen of fresh starts!’

  He smiled and laced our fingers together. ‘Yeah, you’re something else aren’t you?’

  I loved the way those words rolled off his tongue. It made my insides do a happy dance. We looked at each other, holding eye contact for just a fraction too long.

  Then Jake fed Maya the rest of her dinner. He made interacting with her look effortless, talking to her in different voices and making funny faces. Maya lapped it all up. It was such a beautiful sight.

  After Maya had eaten, it was time for her to go to bed. When Jake came back through he took a seat next to me.

  ‘You know, I really wish you’d changed your mind and shown up to the book club meeting tonight.’

  I was surprised at my own honesty; I wasn’t the type of person to be so open about how I felt. Usually, I trapped my true feelings behind layers of bravado and aloofness.

  He edged closer to me, and took my hand in his again. ‘Did you leave the piñata out this time?’

  His voice was so deliciously soft and low that goose bumps rose on my shoulders, back and arms.

  I nodded. ‘Yeah, stuck to business as usual. Although Diane decided to invite Maggie Cunningham as a surprise guest. It was like an episode of This is Your Life.’

  Jake chuckled and began caressing my hand. ‘Yeah I heard she poured beer over you yesterday; I’m guessing you two aren’t the best of friends?’

  ‘No. No, we aren’t.’

  ‘I can’t imagine anyone not liking you. What’s her issue with you?’

  ‘I’d rather not talk about it. It all happened a long time ago and I just want to forget it now, even if she doesn’t.’

  Jake pushed a lock of hair away from my face and leaned in closer. Every fibre of me screamed at me to follow suit, begged me even, but I couldn’t. My brain hit the panic button and I pulled away from him.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ he asked.

  I nodded, lying at the same time. More than anything, I wanted to let myself get closer to this wonderful man who’d come out of nowhere. But I couldn’t. For the last eight years, I’d struggled to let anyone get close and I didn’t know how to break the cycle. Tonight’s events had also changed my perspective on how I saw Jake. He was no longer just a hunky barman to stare at over a vodka and lemonade. He’d had his heart broken and had a beautiful little girl to think about too. I’d need to think very carefully before I got involved with him. He didn’t deserve to be hurt again.

  ‘Come on, I’ll show you the amazing book you missed tonight.’

  Over a bottle of Pinot Grigio, Jake and I lost ourselves in Markus Zusak’s beautiful, spellbinding words. The story of Liesel, her love of books and her experiences of life and death in nineteen-thirties Germany took my breath away and moved me to tears more than once. The strength she drew from books and words leapt off the page and reminded me of exactly what the Broken Hearts Book Club did. To get through difficult times, they sought solace in the comfort of words, transporting themselves away from their grief and sorrow to happier places where life was simpler. I didn’t blame them. I’d been running to find a happier place for years.

  ‘You know, Hans teaching Liesel to read probably changed the course of her whole life,’ said Jake, closing the book over. ‘It’s weird that, isn’t it? One event can just completely flip your life on its head and things are never the same again.’

  His insight into the book touched me. As we’d read together, I’d had the urge to pull him close… but I didn’t. It was a bad idea for so many different reasons, mainly my inability to let anybody get remotely close. Even looking at him was dangerous; it would be so easy for me to let myself get swept up in the moment and let things happen. A little voice at the back of my mind asked what harm it could do and said I should let myself go…

  ‘Tell me about it.’ I reached for my glass of wine and took a long sip to regain some composure. ‘Her life could’ve been completely different if she hadn’t gone to live with Hans and Rosa. Just like mine could’ve been if I hadn’t left Luna Bay.’

  Uh oh, the wine’s starting to take effect. Whatever you do, don’t lunge at him, tell any inappropriate secrets or sing.

  ‘Why did you leave then come back, if you don’t mind me asking? I remember you saying people weren’t too happy to see you round here again.’

  He looked at me expectantly and I badly wanted to confess everything about the Vicky thing, every last detail. He’d been brave enough to tell me the story about Rachel and Maya.

  ‘I don’t want to bore you with the details.’ I put the glass of wine back on the low oak coffee table and rested my head on the back of the couch. ‘It was a long time ago now, some people just haven’t let it pass yet.’

  Jake mirrored my body langu
age and let his head flop onto the headrest. He looked relaxed and at peace with the whole world.

  ‘Lucy, you could tell me you were run out of the village with torches and pitchforks and I wouldn’t judge you. I’m a single dad with a business that’s sinking like the bloody Titanic; I’m in no position to judge anyone.’

  I swallowed hard to quell the feeling of anxiety rising in my throat. Saying the words out loud would bring home how real it all was and I wouldn’t be able to pretend it was just a bad dream or a hazy amalgamation of memories that had fused together over time. I was also afraid of how Jake would react if he knew I’d ran away from everything instead of facing it. He’d had to deal with so much of that and I wasn’t sure he’d see things from my point of view.

  ‘In fact,’ he said, sitting forward to get his glass of wine, ‘forget that; you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Thanks for this evening by the way.’

  I heaved an inward sigh of relief at not having to spill my guts. ‘We’ve just chatted and read a book!’

  ‘It’s the most fun I’ve had in ages. With the pub to worry about, there hasn’t been a lot of time for fun lately. You’ve really cheered me up Lucy.’

  I smiled and felt myself pink up with pleasure. ‘Well I’m glad. I’ve had fun too actually; I needed it after all that nonsense with Maggie and Diane. She invited her to try and get a reaction from me, so the club wouldn’t want me around any more. But all I did was pull up a chair and tell Maggie to sit down and join us.’

  ‘I don’t think I’d have been so calm in that situation! It can’t be easy taking over a book club that’s done things a certain way for so long.’

  I shook my head. ‘It’s anything but easy! Sometimes I wonder if going back to my old life in London would be simpler, but my nana left me that club for a reason. She wanted me to help them and I owe it to her to give it a go.’

  ‘What was your life in London like?’ Jake ran his arm along the top of the sofa and looked at me with intrigue. ‘I bet you broke hearts wherever you went!’

  I covered my face with my hands to hide my blush. ‘Haha! There were some guys, but for one reason or another they just didn’t work out. I’ve never really been good at relationships; I always assume they’re going to run out on me, then I do it first. Pre-emptive strike, if you like.’