Surrender to Love

by Rosemary Rogers

  “Fiancee?” Alexa could not help but feel uneasy at the way he seemed to scrutinize her through dangerously narrowed eyes. “If you’ve been listening to gossip, Lady Travers, then you must surely be aware that there’s been no official announcement yet.”

  “Official? Then an announcement is expected, of course. And I have not been listening to gossip at all—it was Charles who told me that...”

  “Charles? If you’ll accept the advice of an old friend, such familiar usage of Deering’s first name might be misconstrued by the gossips and those who are sticklers for convention.” His sarcastic drawl made hot color rise in Alexa’s cheeks as she threw her head back to shoot him a daggerlike look.

  “Your advice, my Lord Embry, is both unnecessary and uncalled for, I assure you! And you are not an old friend. That is surely the height of hypocrisy!”

  “I beg your pardon, Lady Travers. I meant only to spare you the embarrassment you might have felt if I had substituted lover for friend” His smile reminded Alexa of a tiger baring its teeth. “Is Charles understanding enough, do you think?”

  “Is that any concern of yours?” Rallying, Alexa gritted her teeth and stared at him frostily before adding: “Really, my lord, I fail to understand this insulting assumption of familiarity on your part based upon no more than the slightest acquaintance, unless you hope to frighten or to threaten me for some incomprehensible reason. And now, if you will allow me to rejoin my friends...?”

  “I’m sure Mr. Jarvis and his wife will not leave without you—hypocrite! And if you continue with your useless attempts to run away from me, let me assure you that you will only succeed in making yourself look foolish as well as conspicuous.”

  “You...you...!”

  “Be careful, Lady Travers. You might be overhead by someone who does not understand you as well as I do.”

  Alexa said in a furious undertone, “Will you stop holding me so tightly? And we are no more than acquaintances. If you were really my friend you would not for a this dance upon me!”

  “My sweet, wanton nymph, you have already reminded me that I am not your friend! And I should certainly hope for your sake that you do not allow too many of your other acquaintances the same liberties you led me to take.”

  “ Led you? Why...”

  Viscount Embry said smoothly, and just loudly enough to be overheard by the few couples who were close enough: “But please allow me to lead you outside, Lady Travers. The fresh air will restore you, I am sure, and the feeling of dizziness will go away. You might also enjoy the sight of the fountains when they are illuminated....” Smiling down at her dangerously, he added in a softer voice: “Perhaps they might remind you of Rome? And if you do not come with me willingly then I will carry you if I have to, coral I don’t give a damn about gossip; but in your case...?”

  She hardly needed his caustic reminder to make her realize that he was right, of course—and that she, being a female, would be the only one to be stigmatized by society if he carried out his threat. And in that case she would lose all the ground she had gained with such careful planning and slowness. Damn him! Alexa thought, trying valiantly to keep her head instead of exploding with rage. If she could only manage to concentrate her thoughts upon finding out what he wanted of her and exactly how much of a threat he could prove to be... In any case, it would never do to let him imagine she was afraid of him!

  The conservatory opened out onto a covered terrace at one end, with steps leading down from there into a sylvan setting of lawns and shrubbery and shade trees. Rustic paths led to small groves with fountains splashing into lily ponds, or to marble gazebos surrounded by miniature moats crossed by pretty wooden bridges. At any other time, and with a different companion, Alexa would have enjoyed inspecting all the marvels she had heard so much of; but on this occasion she felt nothing but dismay when her first feeling of relief at seeing so many others on the small terrace was soon dispelled as she was practically forced down the steps and along a winding pathway screened by shrubbery with only dim illumination provided by lanterns hung from some of the trees.

  “Everyone was staring at us, and God knows what they must be thinking! Will you stop! I cannot possibly walk as fast as you can, and... You don’t have to drag me along! I don’t want to go any further. Do you hear me?”

  Where was he taking her? He must be quite insane, and so was she to have allowed herself to be intimidated by his threats. Alexa found herself gasping for breath and was quite incapable of speech by the time he paused at last; having forced her to walk across a damp stretch of grass that had probably ruined her thin dancing shoes as well as the hem of her gown. And it was dark here—with not even the dim glow of lantern light to see by.

  By this time she might easily have fallen if he had not continued to hold her by the arm, as he had when he led her across the terrace and down all those steps, and then around the waist as well, once he had got her away from the curious stares. But why? Why had he done this? To drag her out here so publicly, when he was expected to marry Helen; and do so under Helen’s haughty nose at that! If she had any spirit at all she would never agree to marry him now!

  Perhaps the stream of jumbled thoughts that kept her mind so busy with unanswerable questions had been meant to barricade her from the kind of weakness she had given way to before. Or if he had not been so despicable as to take unfair advantage of the fact that she was hardly capable of breathing, let alone protesting, when he...

  She must have come close to fainting and instinctively reached for support, Alexa thought dazedly some moments later. Why else would she be clinging to his shoulders? Her lips felt bruised from the punishing brutality of the kisses he had inflicted on her, and her breasts still tingled painfully from the roughly familiar way he had handled them. And she had let him! As sanity came back her clinging hands became fists that beat at him before he caught her wrists and forced them down and behind her back while he jerked her stiffly resisting body against his in the same motion; holding her pinioned there in spite of her furious demands that he release her this very instant or she would...she would...

  “Would you really have the courage to scream and bring everyone running?” he inquired interestedly, pressing her even closer as if he actually enjoyed her useless struggles to free herself. “What will you tell them, I wonder?” And then, as if to taunt her even further, Nicholas bent his head and began to plant light, teasing kisses everywhere on her face, even while she twisted her head back and forth.

  Alexa felt his lips burn her temples, her forehead, her cheeks and the corners of her mouth. Such falsely tender kisses he gave her, even while his hold on her wrists tightened so ruthlessly each time she attempted to free them, that she felt he might easily break them without scruple.

  Almost sobbing with a mixture of rage and chagrin, she was forced into pleading with him to set her free.

  “Don’t! Please—haven’t you done enough already? You have probably quite ruined my reputation as it is; was that your intention when you forced me out here with you? Must you continue to inflict further cruelties upon me to satisfy some warped side of your nature? You were always cruel towards me! Does it give you pleasure to inflict hurt and pain on a helpless woman? Is that one of the traits you possess in common with the Dameron whose title you hope to inherit some day, my Lord Viscount?”

  There was a curious rigidity to his body that Alexa could not help but notice with a tinge of fear; and at the end of her angrily impulsive speech she could have sworn she heard the breath hiss between his teeth before he said in a curiously soft voice that made her even more apprehensive, “So you think that Newbury and I are much alike, do you? I find it interesting that you should think so! Or that you should know so much and yet so little. Christ!” The sudden fury in his voice made Alexa flinch, and the next moment she stumbled backward as he released her so suddenly that she might easily have fallen if she had not felt herself brought up short by a tree at her back. She wanted to run and knew she should run, but he stoo
d there before her, close enough for her to almost feel the heat of his body yet not touching her this time. Forcing her to stand there and listen while he went on in a tone of barely leashed violence: “If you had any realization of all the different kinds of pain and degradation and abuse that can be and are inflicted on some human beings by others in the name of ‘pleasure,’ I do not think you’d have dared make your whining, hypocritical little complaints to me of cruelty and the infliction of pain—unless you meant it as a challenge? I understand that there are some women who actually enjoy such treatment. Is that what you need for your pleasure? Should I have slapped you instead of kissing you? Or used a whip on you before I took you for the first time—a virgin whore! Who could have expected it? Had you stayed longer you might have proved yourself worth the exorbitant price you put on your maidenhead, my sweet Lady Travers! And had I found you after you had run away that morning I might indeed have been sorely tempted to beat you, and would have taken a great deal of pleasure in doing so too! In fact, now that you’ve put the idea into my head...”

  “Stop it! I don’t want to hear any more!” Involuntarily, Alexa pressed her hands over her ears to cut off the sound of his drawling, sarcastic voice and the import of his words; but in spite of that she heard his harshly mocking laugh and his next words as well. “No? I had not thought that a lady given to frequenting bawdy houses could be either surprised or shocked by anything! But perhaps you’ve had some unpleasant experiences since our‘ last meeting—besides losing a husband and gaining a fortune?”

  “No!” Alexa said. “No, I won’t stay to be cut to pieces by you in this way, damn you!” With a sudden agility born of sheer desperation she reacted like a cornered animal, taking Nicholas by surprise as she ducked under an overhanging branch and began to run—neither knowing nor caring that it was dark and she did not know her way.

  “Alexa!” The angry sound of his voice, using her name for the first time, only made her lift up her skirts even higher in order to run even faster, regardless of shrubs that tore at her silk stockings and stones that bruised her feet If only she could escape from him and the threat and the torment he represented! And for the first time she realized how it felt to be hunted instead of being the hunter; filled with almost mindless terror at the thought of being slowly and inexorably gained upon and far too frightened to turn her head and look back in case he might be there just behind her.

  Run—run—run! Words pounding in her head in time with the blood pulsing in her temples and the trip-hammer beat of her heart. She was beyond reason by now and driven by purely primitive instinct alone. And when her headlong flight was abruptly halted by an arm around her waist, hauling her backward and almost off her feet, Alexa’s choked scream of terror was just as instinctive as her desperate efforts to tear herself free.

  “No—no! Let me go, let me go!”

  “Stop fighting me like a damned wildcat then, and I will! What in hell got into you? If I hadn’t caught up with you in time you’d have run right into a stream, you foolish, headstrong little...” Needing both his hands to hold her still and prevent her from clawing at him, there was only one way to stop her hysterical screeching, Nicholas thought grimly as he jammed his mouth down over hers. She was a bitch of the worst kind and a virago into the bargain, in addition to being a born whore. And he should have taught her a lesson by cutting her in public as if he’d never met her before or had forgotten that he had. But no—damn his own weakness—he’d allowed himself to yield to a senseless impulse and had led her down into the garden so that he could kiss her soft, corrupt, lying lips again—and again!

  “I suppose I must look a frightful mess!” Alexa said after a while. “But I daresay you do too! How on earth shall we face everybody now? They are all probably waiting on the terrace until we return...”

  “A second reception line. Do you think the Queen and Prince Albert will be there as well?”

  “I cannot be sure about them,” Alexa returned thoughtfully before adding, “but I am sure that Lady Helen will be quite anxious by this time, aren’t you?”

  “And so will your devoted Lord Charles, I suppose; not to mention all your other admirers; I consider myself lucky that duels are no longer in fashion.” The familiar caustic note had returned to Nicholas’s voice, although Alexa pretended to ignore it as she tried to keep her tone light.

  “I don’t suppose I shall be quite as lucky in avoiding unpleasant consequences as you are, since I’m not a man. You will get the sly winks and ribald comments from your friends, and I will be considered a fallen woman, no doubt.” She gave a rather shaky laugh. “At any rate I can console myself with the fact that I am rich, I suppose. And that I can live wherever I please and do whatever I please without worrying about conventions any longer!”

  “I had no idea that you ever did,” Nicholas said drily. “Swimming naked in the moonlight and frequenting bordellos for amusement...?”

  “Oh, stop before you become nasty and cutting and make me hate you all over again!” Alexa had been content to stroll slowly with his arm encircling her waist and holding her close to his side, as if that last kiss that had held them locked together in a kind of spell had actually transformed them into lovers. But now she made an angry attempt to pull free, only to be thwarted when he swung her body before his and forcibly lifted her stubborn chin with one hand to make her face him.

  “Did I actually manage to persuade you to stop hating me for a few minutes? You should tell me how I achieved such a miracle so that I can try to repeat it.”

  It was only after he had kissed her very thoroughly again and they had resumed their leisurely walk that Alexa thought to ask if he had any idea of where he was taking her this time.

  “It must be getting quite late. Oh dear!” she said with belated concern for her unfortunate chaperones, who must by now be searching for her everywhere. And as to their

  reactions and the reactions of everyone else when they saw her disheveled appearance and drew their conclusions... well, that was something she was not ready to think of just yet.

  In spite of her attitude of careless bravado, Alexa could not help hanging back when she saw the lights ahead of them. “Perhaps it might be best if I could go straight home. You could tell everyone that I had a fainting fit and you did not know what else to do. I really do not think that I...”

  “We are going back to the house through a side door that leads directly into one of the guest apartments,” Nicholas said as if he had not heard her fainthearted protests. “We can tidy ourselves in there before we go back to face the rest of the assembly and pretend we returned to the house almost at once by another route and have been here all along. Unless you prefer to have developed a headache that necessitated your lying down to rest for a while?”

  Chapter 34

  It was inevitable, of course, that there would be gossip and even outright speculation as to how well Viscount Embry and the rich and recently widowed Lady Travers knew each other and for how long. And was it not strange, went some of the whispers over tea and dainty sandwiches and petit fours, that so many people had observed the couple leave off dancing to walk quite openly down to admire the garden, and no one could remember seeing them return?

  “I did notice that Embry danced with the oldest Dameron girl. Lady Helen, is it? But that was quite some time afterwards, of course!”

  “Can’t say that I remember seeing Lady Travers during the early part of the evening either, not until we were ready to leave and all waiting for our carriages. Last time I saw her before then was with Atherton’s younger son, Viscount Deering. Understand he’s paying court in that direction.”

  “Adelina allows it?”

  “My dear—Lady Travers was presented to Adelina, and did not receive one of her setdowns. Everyone was waiting for it of course, and you cannot imagine the surprise...!”

  “I was most surprised when I heard that Newbury of all people had condescended to be almost agreeable! Now that, you must agree, is quite unu
sual!”

  Adelina, Dowager Marchioness of Newbury, was aware of all the whispers and all the sly questions that were being asked, for she had long made it a habit to be aware of everything in case she might be able to make use of some tidbit of gossip or information. Like a spider, she spun her webs, keeping in touch with her old “friends” and acquaintances only because they might prove useful to her some day. She had always despised the same gossips she milked dry while remaining contemptuously detached; and she had always made whatever decisions she felt she needed to make quickly and definitely and without stupid qualms. But now for the first time she was nonplussed; and the thought infuriated her enough to cause her to pace restlessly before the open window that looked out over the square to the house opposite—the one belonging to the very creature who was the cause of her present mood.

  The Dowager almost snorted aloud. Lady Travers indeed! If poor John had become senile enough before he died to imagine that his fortune and name were enough to transform a chit of a girl into an adversary capable of matching wits with her, why then it was a pity he could not have lived long enough to find out how deluded he was. Just as deluded as he must have been all those years ago to imagine that she might still want him even after he was no longer a man. Her lips curled contemptuously at the memory. Silly fool! But then, so were most men, as she had discovered very early. When she had taken lovers it had only been to use them for her own pleasure; as and when she pleased. And none of them had ever guessed how easily she had led them to do her will and to serve her.