Other Side of the Wall

by Jennifer Peel

  As we finally got back to cleaning the dishes and our water mess, Scott looked down at me. “Remind me to never cross you.”

  “I told you, you would never know when and where I would strike.”

  “I just can’t believe you remembered I threw popcorn at you.”

  “Are you kidding? I have family members that are still holding a grudge that the south lost the Civil War.”

  He laughed and playfully smacked me with his towel.

  We finally finished and made our way to his parent’s living room. They both sat on the couch and looked as if they were awaiting our arrival. Scott and I took the loveseat near the couch. Scott put his arm around me, and both of his parents smiled. We ended up playing Hearts with his parents for a couple of hours before calling it a night.

  As we left, his mom hugged the air out of me. “Thank you for giving us our son back,” she whispered in my ear.

  I wasn’t sure what had gone on the past few years, but I hoped it was all past for everyone concerned. Families should be together.

  Chapter 10

  Scott took me home and, as promised, we left off right where we had started the evening. All in all, it was a most excellent evening. In fact, the rest of the month was pretty terrific. Scott had a few moments of distancing himself as he dealt with his thoughts and feelings, but he always came back. I felt like we had transitioned well from just being friends to something more. I wasn’t sure we had an official title for what we were, but we spent most of our non-working and sleeping hours together. I didn’t think, at our age, we needed a title.

  I also became closer to his family, especially his mom. We frequently had lunch together as her salon wasn’t too far from the hospital. I knew she had high hopes for me and her son, but I tried to down-play it. I mean, sure I had thought about it, and when I was honest with myself, I knew I wanted to go down that road with him, but I was still the other woman in his life.

  Then October dawned. As the weather became cooler, my feelings for Scott warmed considerably, especially as I saw signs of him making strides to move on. Maybe “move on” wasn’t the right phrase; maybe allowing the possibility that there was room for another woman in his life and that he could go on with life and find happiness.

  I was particularly happy when he asked me if I could help him redecorate his place. I had been itching for him to ask. I really didn’t enjoy being over there. It was like Jenna hovered over us; having their wedding picture stare down at us when Scott was kissing me kind of ruined the moment for me.

  I asked my mom to email me some of the pictures she had of the rental properties she and I had renovated and decorated over the years so I could show Scott and get an idea of what he liked. So often, well maybe not as often anymore, he would say what Jenna liked. I gently reminded him this was his place now and he should decorate it how he wanted it to be. I came to find out that so much of what he actually liked was opposite of what Jenna had liked. I just couldn’t figure out their relationship.

  When I got the pictures, I invited Scott over for dinner. We looked through the pictures online; I had also gotten a couple of designer catalogs for him to look at. As we looked through the photos of what my mom and I had done, he heaped on the praise and asked if I ever considered switching careers. I told him it had crossed my mind a few times, I especially thought it might make sense once I had kids.

  “So…” he said. “You want kids?”

  I sighed. “I would love to have kids.” I wondered if it was ever going to happen. I was going to be thirty this month and I could practically hear my ovaries shouting that it was time to get a move on. I know thirty is young, but I also know fertility rates decrease starting at around twenty-eight. Plus, I wanted several children, and with each passing year, I saw that dream fade.

  He looked at me kindly. I asked him if he wanted kids. Not surprising, the first thing out of his mouth was, “Jenna didn’t want any and she wasn’t in any shape to have them anyway.”

  I turned back to the laptop. I was a little over Jenna’s preferences and I already knew that one from talking to his mom. He didn’t say anything more as we scrolled through a couple of more pictures, but then he took a deep breath. “Ava, I have always wanted to have kids of my own.”

  I smiled and turned toward him. “I think you would make a great dad. I love watching you with the kids in your classes.”

  He sweetly kissed me on the forehead, and we left it at that.

  After a few days of mulling over his choices, he decided he would like a nautical theme. He felt it reflected him best, and I agreed. We set our shopping date for the coming Friday. We would each take a personal day and spend the day browsing furniture stores. I was more than looking forward to it. I couldn’t think of anything better than combining two of my passions: Scott and decorating.

  The day went beautifully too, until the end. We had found the perfect white sectional and blue accent chair and nautical themed throw pillows in red, white patterned, and blue. We also found this fabulous coffee table that looked like a weathered treasure chest, but larger. Scott purchased a dining room set; his mother was going to be happy. Then the problem began at Pier One. We had found several accessories for the wall and coffee table, and then I found the perfect seascape picture that would look fabulous above his fireplace. Ok, maybe I had ulterior motives, and they weren’t completely pure, but I wanted that picture to come down. He could put it up in his room. I felt terrible for feeling that way, but I couldn’t get over it.

  I suggested to Scott that he get it and told him where he could put it. Let’s just say he didn’t take it well at all. I think it was the first time I had seen him angry. I backed off of it quickly, but the damage was done, and he was not happy with me at all. I think he accused me of trying to push Jenna out of his life. That stung. I didn’t want her out of his life. I just wanted him to carve out space for me. I had listened to him go on about her for months. I didn’t ask him to take his ring off, and in fact, I told him on several occasions that it was good he still loved her and that I knew he always would.

  The car ride home was dead silent. I just stared out the window and tried desperately not to cry. I decided maybe this was a bad idea. Sure, I liked Scott. Ok, I more than liked him, but I obviously couldn’t compete with Jenna. And I had had enough in my marriage of being second best.

  He pulled into his garage, and I immediately got out and walked as fast as I could home. As soon as I got home, I did what any girl would do. I called my mom. She listened to me vent and cry, and then she asked me to come home again. I told her I would think about it. She and my dad were acquiring some new foreclosed rental properties, and she said she would love my help renovating them. It was an enticing offer.

  I sat there thinking about the sun and sand and my family. Then I thought about Scott and his family. That’s when my past came calling, literally. I couldn’t imagine why Peter would call me at eight o’clock on a Friday night, so I ignored it like usual. He called again and I still ignored it. Then he texted, “Please answer. I have Gia for the night and she won’t quit screaming, I’m not sure what to do.”

  I was surprised by the fact he had taken my advice, and like an idiot, I answered his next call. I was a sucker for babies.

  I could hear Gia screaming in the background when I answered.

  “Ava, thanks for answering,” he sounded frantic.

  “Peter can’t you call your mom or sisters?”

  “They’re out of town and I’m desperate, I don’t know what I’m doing and she won’t stop crying. Please help me.”

  I thought for several seconds. “Peter, if this is in any way a lame attempt just to get me to come over, I swear…”

  “Ava, I swear to you, it’s not. I just don’t know who else to call.”

  “Fine. Text me your address.”

  “You’re the best, Ava.”

  I was stupid, that’s what I was. This had started off as such a good day, too, with just Scott and me. Now I wa
s ending it with no Scott and a visit to my ex to help him with the baby he fathered with another woman when he was married to me. The beach was sounding better and better. I grabbed my medical bag, just in case, and my purse and keys.

  I opened my door to leave and was startled by Scott standing there on my porch. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there for a second.

  Scott looked troubled. His hand came up as if he were going to touch my face. “Ava,” But then he noticed I was going somewhere and asked where I was headed. I begrudgingly told him. I didn’t really want to tell him where I was going, and why, and I especially didn’t want to talk to him right then. He was definitely surprised to hear my destination and why I was going. I wanted to say, “Join the club,” but I needed to go, a baby needed my help.

  “Please let me take you,” he said.

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” For several reasons, I thought. I didn’t like the thought of Peter and Scott in the same room. It was weird for me.

  I shut my door and locked it and began walking down the steps.

  Scott just followed me. “Ava, please.”

  “Fine, you can come with me, but I don’t know why you would want to since apparently I’m a home wrecker of sorts.” Yeah, I was ticked.

  He tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away. “Ava, I was out of line.”

  “Yep.”

  We got to the garages and he said he would drive. I didn’t say anything. I just walked to the passenger side where he held the door open for me. I glared at him as I got in. He looked sorry, but I was still too upset to be affected by it.

  He got in and asked where to. I showed him the address on my phone. We didn’t say anything on the twenty minute ride over. I had so many emotions running through me. I was furious at Scott and my ex-husband, both of whom were putting me in uncomfortable positions tonight. I was also tired of being reminded that I was never good enough for either of these men.

  Peter lived in an upscale apartment complex. I guess he had found a good-paying job after he lost his first one. I never got the details, but I knew he had been fired after his affair came to light. As we rode the elevator up to Peter’s fifth floor apartment, Scott kept looking at me. I still didn’t say anything. I just wanted to get this over with. Peter was the last person I wanted to be around, and it was odd to have my pseudo-boyfriend, who I wasn’t getting along with, in tow.

  As we approached Peter’s apartment, I could hear Gia’s blood-curdling screams. I knocked on the door and was greeted by a harried Peter with a very unhappy baby in his arms. He looked like a fish out of water with Gia in his arms. He was holding her away from his body, like she was tainted or something.

  “Ava,” Peter said. At first he looked relieved, but then he looked annoyed when he saw who was with me. I was annoyed too.

  I immediately took Gia in my arms and ignored the men. I held her tight to me as I walked her over to the couch where I found her diaper bag. I laid a blanket out. She was definitely out of sorts.

  I laid her wailing body down and spoke to her softly as I kneeled near the couch. “Ok, baby doll, let’s see what’s wrong.”

  First, I took her temperature, which she didn’t like. She had a low grade fever of 100 degrees. I checked her ears; she didn’t like that either, but they looked clear. I listened to her heart and lungs, and they all sounded normal. I discovered culprit number one with a very soaked diaper. I changed her, and that seemed to calm her down a bit.

  Peter knelt next to me and asked what was wrong with her. I didn’t like being that close to him. I told him she was running a slight fever, but everything else was normal. I asked him if she had any immunizations lately, and he said he didn’t know. Of course he didn’t. I asked when the last time she ate was, and he told me he had tried to give her a bottle, but she refused to take it. He handed me the bottle. It was ice cold and it looked odd. I asked him to tell me what he did to make the bottle.

  First of all, the idiot read the directions wrong on the formula can and didn’t add enough formula. Then he used ice cold water. I instructed him on how to make a proper, warm bottle for a baby, and he did so. While he was making the bottle, I held a still-crying Gia in my arms. Scott came and sat next to me.

  Peter came back, he handed me the bottle. He looked at the two of us and asked if we were together. I promptly told him it was none of his business. I wasn’t even sure what to tell him anyway. Both men eyed each other like they were sizing each other up.

  I ignored them both and began to feed Gia. She hungrily took the bottle and calmed down.

  “That’s a good girl,” I said as I stroked her dark hair.

  I noticed that, toward the end of the bottle, she was chewing on the nipple viciously. I removed the bottle and felt in her mouth. I discovered her top front teeth were coming in. I asked Scott to hand me her diaper bag. He smiled at me as he handed it to me. Maybe it was the baby in my arms making me feel warm and fuzzy, but I smiled back. I searched for a teething ring and found one. As soon as she was done with her bottle, I burped her, laid her on my lap, and placed the teething ring in her mouth. She began to gnaw with a vengeance. I talked with her, and she cooed at me and even smiled.

  Peter sat on my other side. “How did you do that?”

  I turned toward him. “Let me tell you a few things about babies. They like to be dry; you need to check her diaper often. Do you need me to show you how to change a diaper?” He said he knew how. I hoped so. I continued. “They like to be warm, but not too warm and fed and secure. You can’t hold her out away from your body.”

  I wrapped her in a blanket and showed Peter how to hold her. While he rocked her, I made a couple more bottles, put them in the fridge, and wrote down instructions on how to warm them up. I verbally warned him not to make them too warm. I also wrote down the name and number of a good pediatrician, just in case. I told him the fever wasn’t worrisome but to keep an eye on it. I left him with my infant ear thermometer, and I showed him how to use it.

  As I watched him rock Gia, I was again reminded that life really sucked sometimes. Peter looked up at me, and I turned away and looked at Scott who sat staring at me, not saying a word. Gia quickly fell asleep in her dad’s arms, and I was more than ready to go. Peter thanked me profusely. I couldn’t leave before giving him the do’s and don’ts of where to and how to place sleeping babies. I admit I was acting like a paranoid mother, but he clearly didn’t know what he was doing. I was surprised Stacy had left Gia with him, but she was probably desperate.

  As Scott and I made our way to the door, I paused and looked back. “Peter, I’m glad you’re trying to be part of Gia’s life.”

  He looked at me with regret. “Ava, I…” But he didn’t finish. And in the end, it wouldn’t have mattered what he was going to say.

  I couldn’t say goodbye quickly enough.

  By the time we got into the elevator, I was emotionally drained. Without a word, Scott wrapped me up in his arms and held me all the way down. I felt safe and warm in those arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear.

  He held my hand as we walked toward his car. I still didn’t say anything. We approached the passenger side and before he opened the door, he backed me up against the car and leaned toward me. “After watching you tonight, I feel like a jerk. I forget that you have loss to deal with too. I really am sorry. I was way out of line today and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

  I looked into his sincere eyes. “I’m thinking about it.”

  I think that surprised him.

  “Really?” he said.

  “Scott, I feel like I’m never going to be enough for you. You know how you say I hold back part of me physically? You do that emotionally.”

  I couldn’t help it, a stupid tear fell. I was so done crying over men.

  He softly wiped my cheek. “Ava, you’re more than I deserve. I know that, especially watching you tonight take care of your ex-husband’s baby. You’re amazing. P
lease don’t give up on us just yet.” He smiled down at me. “If you do, my family may disown me.”

  I smiled.

  He touched my lip gently. “There’s the smile I love so much.”

  I just shook my head. He pulled me close and rested his chin on the top of my head. “Do you want to grab some take-out and go back to your place where we can talk and be completely emotionally available to one another?”

  I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his cheesiness, but I was hungry. I hadn’t been able to eat earlier; I was too upset.

  “Sounds great,” I replied.

  He grinned and then kissed me hard, once, before helping me into his car. On the way over to the Indian restaurant I kept thinking, I hope I’m making the right decision. It’s not like I really wanted Scott out of my life, I honestly wanted him more in, but I would be foolish to think this couldn’t end badly. I already had one failed marriage to my credit. And to be honest, my feelings for Scott ran deeper than they had for Peter in the ways that counted. Scott was truly my friend. Yes, physically I was attracted to him, but I loved his sincerity and his mind even more. And there were times when Jenna wasn’t present and I knew it was only me he cared for. I loved those moments. In those moments, I couldn’t ever see myself with anyone else.

  We pulled up to the restaurant, and he looked over to me. “Come here.”

  I leaned toward him; he met me in the middle.

  He kissed my forehead and then worked his way down to my lips, where he just sweetly brushed them with his own. “Ava, have I told you lately how beautiful and talented you are? Today I’ve watched you be an interior designer and then a nurse, seriously you’re amazing.”

  “Are you just trying to get on my good side?”

  He lightly laughed. “Is it working?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Good, because it’s all true.”

  We came back to my place with coconut chicken and chicken tikka masala. We ate at my coffee table as we watched some ridiculous reality T.V. show that reminded me why I hardly watched T.V.