His shoulders dropped and he hung his head. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear your apologies, and I don’t want to see you anymore.” I unclicked my seatbelt, wiped my eyes, and opened my door. “Don’t come in to get Josh. I’ll have my dad bring him over to you.”
“Ok,” I heard him say quietly.
I whipped back around. “Oh, and if I wanted an out, believe me I wouldn’t have chosen you. For your information, I could have been married by now to a man that loved me more than anything and he would have never let his friends treat me the way yours did, if an out was what I was looking for. So don’t flatter yourself, Ryan Carter!” I slammed the door, but I had a second thought and opened it quickly. “And by the way, you and your friends and your ex-wife can all go to hell!”
He looked up, stunned. I slammed his car door again and ran in.
I ran down to the family room, and there were Josh and my dad.
“You’re home early, honey. What’s wrong?”
I stared at him hard. “Don’t talk to me.” I was so not happy with him at the moment.
“CJ?”
“I mean it, don’t talk to me. You need to take Josh over to Ryan.”
I picked Josh up off the floor where he was playing with his blocks and snuggled him to me. He gently touched my face. “Why are you crying, Cherry?”
It only made me cry harder. I kissed his cheeks. “I’ll see you later, big guy.”
“I love you,” he said so sweetly.
“I love you, too,” I choked out.
I set him down and glared at my dad, who stood nearby looking as confused as ever. Then I ran down to my room and grabbed my basketball.
Chapter Eighteen
As soon as I heard my dad leave with Josh, I headed back upstairs with my basketball in hand. I thought about leaving, but I was too emotional to drive. I couldn’t even talk to Krissy I was so upset. So this is what everyone thought of me? Maybe they had good reason to, but they had no idea what I had to put up with and struggle through. No wonder Ryan treated me so indifferently at times, and especially today. Believe me, I wasn’t excusing him, oh, no. I hated him with a burning passion.
I shot basket after basket after basket while thinking about my next move. For sure, I was moving out as soon as possible. New job, definitely. Dying a little inside because the man I fell in love with was the wrong man, check. Every time I hit the backboard I pictured Ryan’s perfect face. I would have loved to chuck the ball at his actual head, and my dad’s for that matter. How dare he talk to Ryan about me like that! This was all his fault in the first place, the philanderer.
I don’t know how long I was out there, but it was getting dark, and my dad still hadn’t come back. I assumed he was still at Ryan’s and they were probably talking about me. No matter, I was washing my hands of the idiots.
I was working on my layups when my dad came walking home. I ignored him. I was in no mood to talk to him or anyone with a Y chromosome, unless they were three years old.
“Hey, baby girl,” my dad said tentatively as he neared.
I ignored him, went up for my shot, and missed. Ugh! I hadn’t missed one until he showed up.
“You didn’t follow through,” he said kindly.
“Don’t talk to me.” I dribbled back, turned, and shot from the three point line. The ball hobbled in and through the net.
My dad grabbed the ball before I could rebound it.
Whatever. I turned and walked toward the house.
“CJ, please talk to me,” my dad called out.
I ignored him and kept on walking.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I heard him say.
I turned from where I stood near the porch. “Because I wasn’t going to give you the satisfaction of knowing what you did to mom.”
He dropped the ball and looked dumbfounded. “Honey.” He walked closer to me, kicking the ball onto the grass. “How could you think that? I loved your mom; I still do. And, more importantly, I love you. Had I known what was going on, I would have brought you home and gotten your mom the help she needed. I would have never allowed you to go through that.”
I held onto the rail of the porch, and the tears started up again. My dad took that at his cue and took me up in his arms. I didn’t even bother fighting him. I let him hold me, and I soaked his shirt with my tears. I’m sure we were giving the neighbors more to talk about.
He stroked my hair. “Baby girl, I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Daddy. I’m sorry I took your money.”
He hugged me tighter to him. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I knew something wasn’t right. I should have done more to find out. I’m sick thinking about what you went through.”
“I survived.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Yes, you did, but it wasn’t right.”
He walked me in. We sat on the living room couch, and he held me as I got out eight years’ worth of tears. I also talked about how much I disliked accounting and how what I really wanted to be was a psychologist. He was disappointed, but he understood. He even offered to help pay for grad school again. I declined. He did talk me into staying with him until I could qualify for in-state tuition.
“You know, I wish you would have told me you hated being an accountant.”
“I probably should have, but everyone around me was telling me what a terrible idea majoring in psychology was, and I just couldn’t deal with it,” I said through the never-ending tears.
He rubbed my arms.
When I finally stopped crying, I sat up.
My dad softly touched my tear-stained cheeks.
“I’m thirsty.”
My dad chuckled. “I can fix that at least. Are you hungry, too?”
It was well past nine, and neither of us had eaten dinner.
I nodded my head.
He stood up and helped pull me up. We made our way to the kitchen.
“Have a seat and I’ll make us some grilled cheese sandwiches,” my dad offered.
I kind of melted into the stool. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically, but I mustered up a little enthusiasm for dinner. My dad made grill cheese sandwiches with bacon. He was a genius.
“You know you need to talk to Ryan,” my dad said as he was pulling the necessary items out of our fridge.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“He feels terrible, you know.”
“He should. He didn’t treat me very well today.”
“I know. I’m not happy about it.”
“So why do you want me to talk to him?”
“Because everyone makes mistakes, kiddo, and he’s feeling pretty rotten right now.”
“Will you think I’m terrible if I say, ‘good’?”
“No, I’d think you’re human and more than justified.”
“We’re done, Dad,” I said it bravely, but inside I hurt. A lot.
He set the griddle in front of me. “I think he got that message loud and clear. Are you ok?”
I shrugged and tried not to cry.
“That’s what I thought,” my dad said.
“Do you think I could call in sick tomorrow?” I somewhat teased.
“If you want to, but I don’t think that’s going to make you feel any better. And usually, running away from our problems only makes them worse.” His eyes were so full of concern when he spoke.
“Yeah. Unfortunately, I know that from experience.”
“CJ, I’m proud of you, and I’m sorry that I let anyone think any different.”
“Daddy, you had cause for being concerned, and I was being selfish. I felt like you owed it to me, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t apologize to me, baby girl.”
I lay in bed that night with dueling emotions. I was completely heartbroken, I’m not going to lie. For whatever dumb reason, I loved Ryan Carter and I loved Josh. I wondered if I could get in on the whole shared custody deal. Of course
I couldn’t, because his mom hated me. Any respect I had for her went out the window today. How immature was it for her to sit there and text her friend? If she wanted Ryan, she should have just stayed married to him.
As heartbroken as I was, I also felt lightened. My dad finally knew the truth, and I think I could finally move on from the past. I felt free. The best part was, my dad was going to help me realize my dream of becoming a psychologist. Now I just hoped I got into a program.
He also gave me some more insight into my mom. It didn’t help me feel better about what she put me through, but it helped me to understand a little better. I guess she battled depression more frequently and severely than I knew growing up. She and my dad had done a great job hiding it from me. I think that, more than anything, made my dad feel worse about letting me leave with my mom. I guess he had been counting on me to say something. Too bad he forgot how stubborn I could be.
I woke up later than normal. I sure as heck wasn’t running with my moronic neighbor who I was in love with. I really needed to get over that, like as soon as possible. I knew it wasn’t happening, though. I suppose if it was quick and easy, it wouldn’t have been real love. I dreaded going into work and seeing him, but I had goals and I needed that job. My dad was going to help me come up with a plan, and he was willing to work around my school schedule once I started. It looked like I would be putting my CPA license to use, at least for a little while.
I rode in with my dad. I figured if I ran into Ryan, at least my dad would be with me. On our way in, my phone went off. I nervously picked it up. I thought perhaps it was Ryan, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Jay.
“Hello.”
“How’s the most beautiful woman in the world?”
Why wasn’t I in love with this man? “I don’t know, I’m not sure who that is.”
“Well, you’re the only, one that would know.” That was his usual response.
I laughed as I always did. It was nowhere near true, but he honestly felt that way.
“Tomorrow I’m passing through there on my way to Wyoming. Do you think we could have lunch together?”
“Yes, please!”
“Great. Give me the address to your office and I’ll swing by and pick you up around noon.”
“I’ll text it to you.”
“I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me, too. Bye.”
“Who was that?” my dad inquired.
“Jay.”
“Jay, as in the guy that wants to marry, you, Jay?”
“Yes. He’s coming through town tomorrow and wants to take me to lunch. Do you mind if I take a long lunch tomorrow? I’ll stay later and work.”
He reached over and patted my knee. “You’re a good kid. Just be careful tomorrow.”
“What does that mean?”
“Your emotions are running high, and I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.”
I sighed. I knew what he was getting at. “Thanks, Daddy. I wouldn’t do anything to lead Jay on. I’ve already hurt him enough, but I do wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Why can’t I be in love with Jay? He would have never treated me the way Ryan did.”
“I don’t know, baby girl. Love is a very fickle creature. I’m not going to pretend I like how Ryan treated you, and I’m not going to tell you that you need to give him another chance, but Ryan’s a good man. He has some issues he needs to work out, but I don’t think he’s irredeemable. He, too, fought a long, hard battle. Maybe on a different front than you, but the last eight years were anything but a cake walk for him.”
I didn’t say anything back. I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window and pondered my life.
As we walked in, my dad said, “I’ll tell Ryan to give you some space today.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He kissed the side of my head and opened the office entrance for me. We parted ways, and I started my very long day. Mondays were the worst, but this Monday beat out all the other Mondays. Not only was I worried I would run into Ryan, which thankfully I didn’t, but there seemed to be never ending issues from my computer freezing up to the internet being down at the precise moment I needed to transmit a report to the IRS. It was normally stuff I let slide off my back, but I was tired.
I was looking forward to a relaxing evening at home, but I had two calls that prevented that. First up, my mother. She called while I was changing out of my work clothes into some more casual attire. She was not happy at all. I guess my dad called her and gave her the what for. I wished he hadn’t, but there was nothing I could do about it now.
“I can’t believe you told your father that I was a terrible mother.”
“I never said that to him.”
“Well, that’s what he thinks. He is such a hypocrite. And you. After everything I went through, this is how you repay me. Mark is very upset with you, young lady.”
“For what? Telling dad the truth. And what does Mark have to do with it anyway? I don’t remember him being the one in the hospital with you praying that you would wake up. He also wasn’t there to clean up your puke after you came home falling down drunk all the time, either. And don’t even get me going on the parade of men.”
“Enough. I don’t deserve this.” Here came the tears.
“No. You know who didn’t deserve any of this? Me.”
She hung up.
I walked upstairs for dinner. Her calls didn’t even rattle me anymore.
I started the meat for taco salad, and my dad soon joined me. We both liked to change when we got home.
“When did you call mom?”
“This morning.”
“She’s not very happy with me now.”
“I’m sorry for that, but what she did was wrong. I’m sorry my horrible mistake ended our marriage and broke up our family, but her taking you and not taking care of you is inexcusable. Had I known, I would have fought tooth and nail for you.”
“I just want to forget about it and move on,” I said as I chopped the lettuce.
“Your old man is going to need some time. I’m still livid about the situation.”
“Ok, but quit calling mom. She and I already have enough issues.”
“We don’t have anything left to say to each other,” my dad said angrily, but there was some sadness mixed in.
I had never seen my dad really angry before. He was a pretty even keel sort of guy. I had no idea this would shake him so much.
During dinner, my second phone call came. It was Krissy, and I could barely understand her. “Please come over,” I made out during her hysterical crying.
“Are you ok?”
“Just come quick,” she begged.
I jumped up. “I’m headed to Krissy’s. She’s crying, and I don’t know why.”
My dad’s brow scrunched together. “You don’t think it’s anything domestic, do you?”
“No,” I laughed. “She probably burned dinner and Chance said he didn’t like it.”
My dad laughed in return. “Well, have fun then.”
I stopped quickly at the store and got her favorite ice cream, cookies and cream. I thought about getting some Midol, but she should have already had her period for the month, so I decided against it. Instead, I bought my favorite ice cream, fudge revel, because I was nursing a broken heart.
With grocery bag in hand, I knocked on the door of her new digs. She answered the door almost instantaneously and pulled me in. “What took you so long?” she said as she drug me back to her bedroom.
“What are you doing?” I laughed. “I have ice cream in my hand.”
“Just follow me.”
I let her pull me into her master bath.
“Ok, this is weird. I didn’t need to see your love den.”
She stood there, looking pathetic. Her eyes were puffy, and she was wearing sweat pants and an ill-fitting t-shirt.
“Are you ok, honey?”
“No,” she cried and grabbed onto me for dear life.
> I dropped the ice cream bag and held onto her. “Did Chance do something to you? Because if he did, I’ll kill him.” After him, I’d kill Ryan for good measure. If you’re going to kill once, you might as well do it again, I figured.
“Yes,” she howled. “He got me pregnant.”
Whoa! I was not expecting that. “Krissy, that’s terrific.”
She let go of me and handed me her peed-on pregnancy test stick.
“Um … thank you. I always wanted to touch your pee.”
She cracked a small smile.
I looked at the two very distinct lines. “Well, you sure didn’t waste any time.”
“We weren’t planning on having kids for at least two years.” She sat on her toilet and cried some more.
I set down her pee stick and washed my hands. “So you’re having a surprise blessing. What does Chance think?”
“He’s so happy about it.”
“Well, that’s great.”
“No, it’s not. I’m not ready to be a mom. I’ve barely been a wife. How can I be a mom? And what are people going to say when I have a baby before we’ve even been married a year?”
I knelt in front of her and took her hands. “Krissy, you’re going to be a great mom, and who cares what people say. Most people today don’t even wait to get married to have kids.”
“I’m not ready.”
“Well, ready or not. And I’ll be here every step of the way.”
“You’re such a good friend.”
“I am, aren’t I?”
She laughed a little.
“Wash your face and let’s have some ice cream.”
“Ok,” she said obediently.
We sat on her couch, each with a carton of ice cream in hand.
“So, if it’s a girl, you’re going to name her Charlee, right?”
She grinned at me and shook her head no.
“Fine. I don’t know why you don’t want your daughter to have a strong, masculine name.”
“How about a middle name?”
“I’ll take it.”
“So how are you and Ryan? You never told me how your weekend of fun was.”
I looked down at my half-eaten carton. I was going to regret that. “Oh … We’re not seeing each other anymore.”
Trouble in Loveland Page 23