“Why?”
I told her the whole ugly story. Like a true friend, she interrupted when she should, and she was outraged on my behalf.
“I guess it’s for the best,” I sighed when I finished.
“Are you sure?”
“No, honestly, this hurts like hell.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I was going to, but it hurts to even think about it. Plus, my dad’s been hovering over me. He’s totally freaking out about everything that happened in Kansas. He even had it out with my mom this morning.”
“Wow.”
“Well, at least it’s all out there now. But enough about me. Let’s talk about your baby. I can’t believe you’re going to be a mom.”
“I know.”
“Have you told your mom?” I could see Ann now. She was going to be beyond excited.
“No. I want to wait for a few weeks.”
“My lips are sealed.”
She set down her ice cream and reached for my hands. “CJ, you’re the best person I know. You just make sure Ryan treats you that way.”
“Ryan and I are over.”
“We’ll see,” she countered.
We spent the rest of the night watching one of those reality shows where they show live births. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do. My insides hurt just watching the process, and Krissy looked a little squeamish. I think she was hoping they could just knock her out and then wake her up when it was over and hand her a perfectly cleaned up baby. I left as soon as Chance got home from work. I’d never seen him look so happy and proud of himself. It was like he wanted to high-five over the fact he knocked up his wife. What the heck, I high-fived him.
I knew there was a reason she didn’t make that squad, I just never guessed this would be it. Note to self, when it comes to birth control, don’t believe your husband when he says trust me.
Chapter Nineteen
I kept looking at the time on my computer, waiting for noon. I needed a drama-free friend at the moment. At a quarter ‘til noon, a man happened upon my doorway. I looked up, expecting to see Jay, but I was surprised.
“Charlee.”
“Ryan.”
He bravely stepped into my office. He didn’t look well. I mean, he looked gorgeous as usual, but his demeanor was solemn, and he looked tired. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know I told your dad I would give you some space, but I’m finding that difficult. Will you please go to lunch with me?”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” he asked sadly.
Looking at him, my heart ached. Part of me wanted to jump up and hug him, the other part wanted to punch him in the gut. “Both,” I answered, but I kind of regretted it. He looked miserable.
“Charlee, please.”
It was then that the man I expected earlier graced my doorway. I smiled at him, but I think Ryan mistook that for him and looked relieved. That was, he did for a split second.
Jay wasted no time coming to me. I stood up, and he picked me up and swung me around. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, beautiful.”
He set me down, and I straightened my dress. He was always a little too exuberant. I looked between the two men who were now in a full on staring contest. “Jay, this is … my dad’s business partner and neighbor Ryan. Ryan, this is my … Jay. We went to grad school together.”
Ryan looked at me; he looked hurt and unsettled by my introduction. I didn’t know what else to call him. I was never his girlfriend, and technically we weren’t seeing each other anymore, but friend or coworker seemed weird to say. Jay, too, seemed disappointed. Why did Ryan have to come in here?
Jay reached out his hand to Ryan, and Ryan reluctantly held out his own and shook Jay’s. “Nice to meet you,” he said without meaning one word of it.
“Same,” Jay said.
“You ready to go?” I asked Jay.
Jay put his arm around me. “Anywhere with you,” he responded.
I looked at Ryan, and he looked worse than ever. “See you later,” I said.
“Count on it,” he replied.
I walked out with Jay, but my eyes and heart were on Ryan. Ryan didn’t move, he just watched us leave. Awkward didn’t even begin to cover that little scene.
Jay led us to his loaded-down truck.
“What’s all this?”
“I’m meeting up with some buddies in Yellowstone for some hiking and camping.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“Do you want to come?” he asked, half teasing.
I rolled my eyes at him.
He laughed and helped me into his truck.
He ran around and jumped in the driver’s side. “So, where to, my lady?”
I gave him directions to my favorite burger joint. I knew he would love it.
“You going to tell me what’s up with Ryan?” he asked on our drive over.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t play coy with me, Charlee Jensen. That guy was about ready to punch me.”
“He was not.”
“You don’t know men very well.”
“Believe me, I know.”
“Are you dating him?” he asked hesitantly.
“Jay, I don’t think you and I should talk about him.”
“Charlee, I know you don’t love me. I saw the way you looked at him, and it was the way I always wished you would have looked at me.”
“Jay.”
“I’m ok.” He reached over and took up my hand.
I squeezed it tight. “You’re one of the best guys I know. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know. This isn’t your fault. I always knew. I just hoped.”
“I hoped, too.”
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with your ‘neighbor’?”
I laughed. “No.”
“Actually, I think I’m good with that.”
I needed a lunch with Jay. He always made me laugh. He was just a big goofy kid at heart. The two hours passed quickly, and I found myself back in my office questioning my sanity again. I felt like I should get on an episode of Dr. Phil called, “Women Who Can’t Find Love with Perfect, Available Men.”
I tried not to dwell on it as I crunched numbers the rest of the day. I also helped my little widow friend again.
At five, my dad came by. “Don’t stay too late.”
“Oh, I won’t.”
He chuckled. “All right. See you later, kiddo.”
I only planned on staying until six. I was trying my best not to look like the boss’ kid. I knew my dad didn’t care if I took a two hour lunch and came home on time, but I didn’t want the other employees having any contempt for me or my dad about it. And heaven forbid anyone think I’m a spoiled brat. Yeah, I still wasn’t over that one yet. I still wasn’t over Ryan, either.
I don’t know how much extra work I got done as I sat there and thought about him and what happened on Sunday. My heart ached.
A half hour later, the man that occupied way too much of my thoughts called, but I didn’t answer. Part of me really wanted to. I wanted to hear his voice and tell him about my day and I wanted to hear about his day and Josh, but he’d really hurt me.
Within a couple of minutes, my phone let me know I had a voice message. I tried to resist listening to it, at least for a few moments, but I gave in.
“Charlee, I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make this right. I guess I just want you to know I’m thinking about you and I miss you. I’ll try back later.”
I’ll admit, part of me wanted to call him right back, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready to talk to him.
I had a lot of messages over the next week, not to mention the flowers and his frequent visits to my office to test the waters. No matter the cold reception or the number of times I declined to have lunch or dinner with him, he still came back for more.
After a good ten days, my dad intervened on his behalf, although he wasn’t very happy with his partner and friend. My da
d reached over and held my hand on the way into the office. “I’ve noticed a decline in productivity the last week and a half.”
I turned to him, somewhat taken aback. “What do you mean? I’m actually ahead of schedule with most of my clients.”
My dad chuckled and squeezed my hand. “I’m not talking about you. I meant my partner.”
“Oh.”
“I’m not telling you that he deserves another chance, but could you at least talk to the guy?”
My dad had no idea how much I wanted to talk to him. I missed him and Josh, although he did let Josh come over on Saturday for a bit to jump on the trampoline with me. My eyes started watering. They had been doing that a lot lately.
“Honey, people make mistakes. I know that better than anyone, but not all mistakes are fatal and sometimes there’s greater happiness to be found on the other side of our stupidities. Mistakes are the best teachers.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I just want you to listen to your heart. That’s all.”
I thought a lot about what my dad said during the day, but it wasn’t until the next day I actually acted upon it. We drove in separately because I had to stay late, again. I promised my little widow friend I would help again, but she couldn’t meet until after hours. After our call ended, I had a visitor. I thought he would have left when my dad did, but I guess not. He was looking pretty miserable, standing there at my door. “Your dad said you were working late.”
“He was right.”
Ryan gave a hint of a grin. “Do you want to grab dinner?”
“No, thanks.”
Ryan boldly walked in and perched himself on the edge of my desk.
I looked up at him from where I sat. “What are you doing here?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t know why.”
He took my hand that had been writing down a calculation on my scratch pad. I looked up at him, annoyed, and he smiled. “Charlee, I’ve missed you, and I want to see what I can do to make things right between us.”
I took my hand out of his, and rubbed my face. “It’s never going to work between us.”
“Why? Because of Jay?”
I wasn’t expecting that comment. “You almost sound jealous.”
“I haven’t wanted to punch anyone since junior high until I saw the way that guy looked at you, so I guess you could say I’m jealous.”
I guess Jay was right. “I don’t understand why you would be.”
He edged closer to me and took my hands in his. “I’m sorry. I know that comes nowhere close to making this right, but I am. My behavior toward you at the sports bar was inexcusable and it in no way reflects how I really feel about you.” He pulled my hands up to his heart. “How much I care about you. I’ve been kicking myself for the last week and a half. And let’s just say, Hayes and Rob were less than impressed with me. Hayes read me the riot act over the phone afterward.”
“Well, I’m sure Trixie and Alec will sing your praises if you’re looking for some comfort.”
His head dropped as he sighed. “I deserve that. I should have never let them talk to you that way. I don’t know what got into me. Alec did call, though, after he sobered up, and he asked me to apologize to you.”
“How kind of him.”
“Charlee, I’m sorry for what I said and didn’t say that day, and I’m sorry for believing things about you that were false, but most importantly, I’m sorry for what you had to go through. I had no idea.”
I removed one of my hands from his grasp and wiped at my eyes. “How would you have known?”
He stood up, took my hand back, pulled me up, and held me against him. “Regardless,” he whispered in my ear. “I hate thinking of what you had to go through and I hate that I misjudged you. And you know what else I hate?”
“What?”
He released me enough to look into my eyes. “I hate that you introduced me as your dad’s partner and neighbor.”
“Well, that’s what you are.”
“I was hoping since we made out, I would get a better title.” He grinned like an idiot.
I backed up, but he held firm and didn’t release me. “No, you and I have shared some very nice kisses. We’ve never made out.”
His brow furrowed. He pulled me closer, and like a moron, I let the butterflies in my stomach override my head. Our foreheads met.
“Charlee, I’m sorry if I’ve given you the impression that you’re anything but desirable to me. Believe me, I want to more than make out with you, and if I were younger, I would have already acted on that. But I’m a father now, and I look at things differently. I don’t want to remake past mistakes, especially with you.”
“Maybe you should have asked how I felt on the subject.”
“You’re right. I should have, but it wouldn’t have changed my mind.”
“You’re assuming things about me you shouldn’t.”
“I’m confused.”
“I wouldn’t have slept with you even if you’d wanted to.”
He straightened up and looked at me incredulously. “Why?” He sounded offended.
I laughed at his reaction. “Don’t take it personally. It’s not just you.”
He arched his perfectly shaped eyebrow at me. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I don’t know, am I?”
“You really are an unusual girl, I mean woman.”
“No. I just decided a long time ago, and after watching my parents make huge mistakes when it came to sex, that I didn’t want that for myself. When that time comes, I want that person to be fully committed to me in every sense of the word.”
He took my face gently in his hands. “I wish, at your age, I was as wise as you.”
“So, you weren’t perfect?”
“Anything but. Victoria and I got married because she was pregnant,” he admitted reluctantly.
I felt my own eyes dilate. I was not expecting that piece of information. I was speechless. It did explain a lot, though; especially her behavior before and during the wedding.
“We didn’t tell anybody because Victoria was … less than happy about it. She didn’t want people to think that I had to marry her. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but I would have waited to ask.”
“She didn’t look pregnant at the wedding, and what happened to the baby?”
“We rushed to get married before she started showing. She miscarried two weeks after our wedding.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We both took it hard, but she questioned our decision. I think she stayed because of how it would have looked if she left, so we muddled through, and eventually we had Josh. I thought that would fix things, and for a while it made things better between us, but her indifference for me returned, and she finally called it quits.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan.”
He gently slid his hands back and through my hair before he leaned in and barely grazed my lips with his own. “Charlee Jensen, you are intelligent, beautiful, and irresistible. I’m sorry if I made you feel anything less.” His lips met mine again, but this time harder.
I pushed him away, just barely.
“I’m sorry. Do you not want me to kiss you?”
“I should probably say no, but that would be a lie.”
He grinned.
“I told my dad I wouldn’t make out with you in the office.”
“I have no intention of ever mentioning it to him,” he said before his lips met mine.
My arms quickly found their way around his neck, and my hands found themselves happily tangled up in his hair. They had wanted to for so long. He wasted no time in parting my lips and removing any available space between us. My body easily sank into his; this only heightened the intensity of his kiss. When his lips finally left mine after several minutes of bliss-worthy kissing, they found their way to my ear and then down my neck.
I sighed deeply as he reached the base of my neck and the
n worked his way back up to my ear. “I hope this makes me worthy of being called more than your neighbor,” he whispered low in my ear.
I needed to take a breath before I could speak. “What do you want to be called?”
“Charlee’s,” he said with no hesitation.
Chapter Twenty
So what are we on? Charlee and Ryan take three? I warned him this was the last take. If we didn’t get it right this time, it wasn’t happening. I also warned him I didn’t date men that made me cry. He thought that was unrealistic, but agreed to do his best not to let that happen again, unless of course they were the happy kind of tears. I was a complete sucker for him, so I agreed after lots of groveling, and of course making out. He was better at it than I imagined, and much more willing to do it now that he knew I didn’t want it to go further. Who knew that would take pressure off of a guy? It was also helpful for him to know that’s what I wanted. Not surprisingly, Victoria was a cold fish and not very affectionate. He was afraid to be overly so with me. I guess rejection gets to guys after a while. I told him to pile on the affection, of course, within my boundaries.
Speaking of which, I was glad we were on the same page there. That took the pressure off of me.
For a while, things were a little tenuous between my dad and Ryan. There was an uneasiness that hadn’t been there before. My dad was being extremely protective of me in light of past revelations. I knew he loved Ryan, but I think he wanted him to know not to mess with me. Ryan took it in stride and did his best to prove to my dad he was “worthy” to date his daughter.
Ryan was also doing his best for me. The uneasiness between us diminished almost completely. I don’t know what exactly changed for him, but it was like a switch flipped and the door to his heart opened. I loved having access to it.
Along with that came another invitation to meet the guys again for the Bronco’s first home game of the regular season, which happened to be on a Monday night.
We had just finished running the course where the 10k was taking place the next weekend. It was the first trial run, and I didn’t die, so that was a plus. It was hillier than I would have liked, but I thought doable. Ryan, of course, ran it like a pro and was breathing like a normal person. I knew I was red in the face, and I was breathing like I had been smoking for forty years. I laid out in the cool grass of the evening and tried to recuperate. Ryan sat down next to me and smiled down at me.
Trouble in Loveland Page 24