Conspiracy of Silence

by Gledé Browne Kabongo

  “You are a dirty, stinking rat, so yes, you do bite.”

  “Why are you so angry? You act as if I was asking you to give up your time for free. I was willing to pay you above market value for your services because I know how good you are. I take my responsibilities seriously.”

  “You might have everyone fooled with the good deeds routine, but not me. And God help the people of this state if you actually become a viable gubernatorial candidate.”

  “Don’t be a bitch! No matter what you think of me, what I do matters. I have what it takes to make a difference in the lives of the citizens of this commonwealth. My private sector experience is a major asset, my foundation work says I’m in touch with the problems of everyday people and the less fortunate. My record in academia says I’m a scholar and can be pragmatic about the challenges facing the state.”

  “Save the stump speech, Phillip. I’m not the one you have to convince. I know what you’re really like, so save your breath. But I will ask you to stop trying to trash my life. I wasn’t amused by the photo you sent to my husband.”

  “He deserves the truth.”

  “There is no affair. And as someone who needs a favor from me, I suggest you start playing nice.”

  “You don’t hold all the cards, Nina. You need to understand that.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you’re not in control. I am.”

  “Oh really? Well control this.” Nina reached for her purse on the couch and removed a piece of paper and handed it to Phillip. “I was going to give you this the next time you invited yourself to my office, but since you’re here, why the heck not?”

  He unfolded the paper and began to read. He no longer looked like a man calling the shots.

  “What is this?”

  “You know what it is. Writing things down can come in handy. You never know when you’ll need that insurance policy. I’m willing to cash it in if you don’t back the hell off.”

  Phillip ripped up the piece of paper into tiny little pieces, dumped it in the nearby trash receptacle and dusted off his palms as if that were the end of it.

  Nina laughed. “You don’t believe I’d give you the original, do you? Come on.”

  He moved closer to her, mere inches separating them. He cupped her face in his hands and held it firmly in place. “It looks like you want to play hard ball. But you should tread carefully because I’m way more experienced than you, a mere lamb I will sacrifice without hesitation if you cross me. You’ve established a good life for yourself, a great reputation both professionally and socially. What do you think would happen if this fabrication ever got out? What about your precious husband? What would it do to him and his family to be humiliated by your vicious lies? Have you thought about anybody but yourself in this ridiculous crusade you have against me? Grow the fuck up, Nina!”

  Nina had a way of getting under his skin and now she had him by the proverbial balls. He needed to make her understand what was at stake and put aside her petty vendetta against him and look at the big picture. Why couldn’t she see that this was good for both of them? If he became Governor, he would take her along for the ride, and it wouldn’t be because of her association with him. She was brilliant, accomplished, and stunning, a lethal combination in politics. And who was to say Beacon Hill would be the end of it? Why not the White House?

  Now he was struggling to suppress the terror rising up in his chest despite his display of nonchalance. His mouth went dry and he suddenly needed a stiff drink. The paper she handed him looked like the page from a diary and if it was, what else was written in it that could destroy him? He had to think fast. The ante had just been upped. He needed to rethink his strategy.

  After Phillip left, Nina collapsed on the couch as she fought the hot bitter tears that threatened to spill out in a torrential downpour. Phillip’s tirade left her feeling empty. Was the selfish brat accusation he leveled at her true? Had she been so single-minded in her hatred of him that she never gave a moment’s thought to how trying to punish him might affect other people? But as miserable as she felt, there was hope. He had unwittingly given her the perfect weapon.

  CHAPTER NINE

  After she escaped the library, Nina’s evening went from bad to worse. Trouble reappeared in the form of a very sexy and contentious Frenchwoman.

  Merde!

  Solange Dupond broke away from the small group socializing at the bottom of the grand staircase when she spotted Nina. Her sophisticated up-do and flawless café au lait complexion were the perfect compliment to the scarlet strapless dress that clung to her shapely figure like saran wrap. Solange radiated a sultriness that could strip the paint off an Aston Martin. The two had met once before and disliked each other on sight. Solange’s contention that Marc was her one true love—and Nina was his backup plan, despite evidence to the contrary—only fueled their mutual loathing.

  “Bonne soirée, Nina. You’re looking well.”

  “Merci. So do you, but you already knew that.”

  “Of course. But I see you look the same as last time.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “You and Marc have been married for some time and one would expect things to change. C’est une situation difficile, n’est ce pas?”

  “What situation are you referring to?”

  “Five years and you still have not given your husband a baby. It must be hard knowing you’re—how do you say in English?—inadequate, while for other women, it’s… so easy.”

  The words hit Nina like a thousand needles boring into her skin all at once. The last thing she needed was her husband’s bitchy ex-lover insulting her. Nina tried not to let her imagination run amuck, but that was an odd subject for Solange to bring up. And what did she mean that for other women it’s so easy? Maybe she was being overly sensitive. Solange got her kicks from goading Nina, so she would just leave it at that.

  “Your bitchiness is not charming, despite the accent. What are you doing here?”

  “Boston is my new home.”

  “Since when?” Nina asked sharply.

  “Our company is expanding into the U.S. market and we’re looking to open our flagship store right here in Boston. Marc will be handling the expansion strategy personally.”

  Solange was head of merchandising for a French luxury retailer. She spoke four languages fluently and had spent a great deal of time in the U.S., so she was the natural choice for this assignment, Nina presumed. Despite her rationalizing, Nina felt the pang of insecurity tugging at her like a toddler at his mother’s hem. Why had Marc kept that bit of information from her? Nina didn’t care what kind of business Marc’s firm had with Solange’s company. The idea of her husband spending time with her in any capacity was unacceptable.

  “How lucky for you they chose to open their first U.S. store in Boston.”

  “Luck had nothing to do with it, Nina. I’m very good at what I do. Very good.”

  “I could see why you would be. You’ve had plenty of practice lying on your back,” Nina shot back.”

  Solange visibly flinched at the insult. “You’re going to be very sorry you said that.”

  * * *

  SHE HAD TO CHOOSE HER words carefully. If she showed the least bit of agitation, he would think she was being irrational and that would lead to another fight that would get her nowhere. The ride home was spent in silence but Nina wasn’t about to let the matter drop. She sat at the edge of the bed brushing her hair before she separated it into four big plaits. Marc pulled back the covers and climbed in. He was ready to call it a night.

  “Why didn’t you tell me Solange Dupond was back in town and her company was one of your clients?”

  Marc sat up slowly and let out a big yawn. “Cherie, it’s two o’clock in the morning and I have an early meeting. Can we talk about this later? I just want to catch a few hours’ sleep.”

  “I don’t mean to be unreasonable, but I was humiliated tonight. It hurt having to hear from her that you�
�ll be working together.”

  “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t get around to it yet. Solange just arrived yesterday. The conversations with her company are very preliminary, and nothing has been decided yet.”

  “I see. Solange certainly seems to think things have been decided.”

  “Why are you letting her rattle you?” he asked in frustration.

  “Because I don’t trust her,” Nina snapped.

  The truth was Solange made Nina nervous in a way no other woman did. Women like her caused men to forget their morals and values and a little thing like marriage vows wouldn’t get in her way. Now that she was in close proximity to Marc for the foreseeable future, what would she do with that opportunity?

  “You’re reading too much into this. You have nothing to be nervous about. I, on the other hand, should be.”

  Nina was furious. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m going to sleep. See you in the morning.”

  Nina slid out of bed after she was sure Marc had fallen asleep, though it seemed to have happened the minute his head hit the pillow. She removed her smart phone from its charger and walked down the hall to the stairs leading to the first floor of the house. She hit speed dial number three.

  “Are you sleeping?”

  “The minute you start asking stupid questions, I know you’re about to lose your damn mind,” Charlene said, groggily. “Lay it on me.”

  “Solange is back.”

  “So?”

  “What do you mean, so? She’s circling like a vulture, making threats.”

  “Are you jealous of that skank?”

  “No, don’t be ridiculous. Maybe. Look, I don’t know. She loathes me, Charlene.”

  “Stop worrying. He kicked her trifling ass to the curb, married himself a good woman and that’s that.”

  “I don’t trust her. And I can’t afford another distraction right now. Things haven’t been the best between Marc and I lately. I lied to his face about seeing Sonny and he’s still suspicious.”

  Her insecurity was showing but she couldn’t help it. She was genuinely afraid of the growing distance between herself and Marc. If she pushed him too far, it wouldn’t be a stretch to imagine his ex could tempt him back into her arms. Then all the lying and cover up she’d been doing would be for nothing. The thought was unbearable.

  “I told you secrets can come back to bite you in the ass,” Charlene lectured. “Put yourself out of your misery and handle your business. Start by telling your husband that Phillip Copeland is really your father. The rest will take care of itself.”

  “I can’t do that, Char,” Nina said softly. “I’ve told too many lies already. The snowball is too big and I can’t push it back up the hill.”

  “Well, it’s about to bury you. I’ll back you up if you tell Marc, though. You can’t keep this up, girlfriend. If Marc hears it from someone else, you’ll have one pissed off husband on your hands.”

  “Why do you have to make sense in the wee hours of the morning? I hate when you do that.”

  “Just keeping it real, girl. Just keeping it real.”

  After Charlene hung up, Nina could feel a deep-seated weariness seeping into her bones and winding its way into her spirit. Until Phillip showed up at her office more than two months ago, she and Marc had lived a relatively peaceful existence. He had accepted Nina’s story that her father lived in another state and wanted nothing to do with her because they had a huge falling out over her decision to attend Stanford as an undergrad, a direct challenge to his wish that she attend Harvard, his alma mater. She had lived on edge the first year of their marriage, praying that they wouldn’t run into Phillip on the street or at a supermarket or at the airport. She was finally able to relax when it seemed he had accepted the reality of their relationship.

  Her reasons for keeping Phillip out of her life sounded selfish, but it was the only way she could stay sane and not end up an alcoholic, drug addict, or worse. It took a strength she didn’t know she possessed to walk out and never look back, never considering how it would make him feel. He was the perfect chameleon, a really nice guy who cared about people and the issues that impacted the community—enough to start the Dare to Dream Foundation, dedicated to helping women and children combat poverty. He could be charming and kind when the mood struck him but Nina knew his other side: the controlling, manipulative, and viciously violent part of him.

  By the time she left 48 Collinsworth Drive, that beautiful house with the perfectly manicured lawn and winding driveway that sat at the end of a cul de sac in an upper middle class suburb, she felt used, dirty, damaged, and ashamed. If she had allowed Phillip into her life after she got married, he would have destroyed her relationship simply out of spite. That was one of the reasons she didn’t want Marc to know he’d been living less than an hour away from them for years. Her kind-hearted husband with his strong sense of family would have invited Phillip into their lives, setting the stage for another disaster. She wouldn’t have the strength to survive a second time.

  CHAPTER TEN

  “It’s almost over, babe,” Nina said to Marc excitedly. “In a matter of hours, we could be pregnant. There’s so much to look forward to: decorating the nursery, picking names, shopping for baby clothes, breasts the size of watermelons. And the best part will come when we hear our baby cry for the first time.”

  Marc was quiet, his eyes firmly on the road ahead, as they drove to the IVF facility in Boston.

  “What’s the matter?” Nina asked.

  “I’m excited, too, cherie, but I don’t want you to be disappointed if it doesn’t take on the first try. This could end up being a much longer journey than either one of us anticipated.”

  “I know that, Marc. But we agreed to give it a try.”

  “Is it worth sacrificing your health? We won’t know what the side effects of these drugs are until years from now, and so much could happen in between.”

  Nina was getting irritated. “What’s going on, Marc? Did you change your mind about starting a family?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Then why the negative attitude?”

  “Because I’m not willing to lose my wife to make it happen,” he said fiercely. “Plenty of couples don’t make it because of the strain the process puts on their marriage. How many fights have we had about this obsession of yours? You won’t even consider alternative paths to parenthood.”

  “I’ll consider alternative paths to parenthood if all else fails,” she screeched. “This is our first shot at IVF. Let’s see what happens before you jump to conclusions.”

  She hated the constant fighting between them and longed for the simpler days when they were absorbed in each other and she reveled in his adoration—when he made her feel like the most beautiful, amazing woman in the world who was a treasure to end all treasures. Lately, she felt like an insecure nag and could feel him withdrawing emotionally. On a couple of occasions, when he wasn’t in bed when he should have been, she tracked him to the living room where she almost jumped out of her skin when she switched the light on and found that he was sitting in the dark. There was a kind of helpless look on his face she hadn’t seen before and his eyes looked bleary. When she asked him what was wrong, he said it was just stress at work, kissed her on the forehead and told her to go back to bed.

  Nina was lying on the gurney in a gown and surgical cap. Two enormous lights descended from the ceiling like aliens emerging from the mother ship. A vital signs monitor was off to her right and an instrument stand stood in the corner. She was awaiting the arrival of the anesthesiologist while the embryologist and other staff members busied themselves with preparation.

  Doctor Bennett came by to say hello before Nina went under general anesthesia. She was a warm, likeable woman with soft brown eyes and an Afro.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Excited and nervous.”

  “Don’t be nervous. Your blood work, the follicles—everything looks fantastic
. We expect to see several viable eggs.”

  “That’s great.” Nina turned to Marc, who hadn’t said much since they entered the operating room.

  “You see, babe? Doctor Bennett agrees with me. It’s going to be just fine.”

  Marc nodded. Nina could see the wheels turning, as he tried to stay one step ahead, wondering what their next move would be if this first try didn’t work. She squeezed his hand and mouthed the words “stop worrying.”

  “Good luck with everything, and I’ll see you here again in a few days.”

  Doctor Bennett was about to leave, then thought better of it. “Nina, I know we ruled out surgery as an option to unblock the tubes because of the extent of the scarring, but I took another look at the x-rays a few days ago and it got me wondering about the cause of the damage. We’ve ruled out—”

  As if on cue, the anesthesiologist entered brusquely and cut Doctor Bennett off with a greeting. Nina hoped no one could hear her heart slamming against her chest like a wrecking ball. Marc had accompanied her to every appointment since they undertook this journey, so Doctor Bennett obviously felt free to discuss her case with both of them present. But the question Nina knew Doctor Bennett was about to ask could never be asked in her husband’s presence. She knew from the very beginning why she couldn’t get pregnant and she had put on a good show of surprise for her husband’s benefit when the doctor told her she couldn’t conceive on her own. The truth only existed in her memory now.

  February 18th, 1987

  Today I decided I couldn’t take it any more. I tried to avoid going to him about it but now I’m really scared that if I don’t see a doctor soon, I’ll end up with some terrible disease whose name I can’t pronounce. Mr. Tibbs thinks I should have said something three weeks ago when I started having abdominal pain. I had to be excused from Algebra last week to go to the nurse’s office because the pain was so bad. And that wasn’t the end of it. It hurt to pee, I mean really hurt, and the worst part? I have to go every five minutes. As embarrassing as it is, I have to tell my dad.