Conspiracy of Silence

by Gledé Browne Kabongo

  Nina sank into the pale green floral couch and clutched one of the throw pillows. She switched on the television and settled on one of the entertainment news shows. Taking in the latest celerity gossip, rumors, and tell-all books helped to take the nervous edge off. She was in the middle of learning who ruled the box office that weekend when the food arrived.

  She directed the wait staff to the desk at the edge of the living room, near the windows. She picked up one of the bouquets of roses from the top of the fireplace and placed it in the center of the table. The unusual combination of red, yellow and white roses had been deliberately chosen for their meaning: red signifying love, yellow a reminder of their friendship, and white for humility.

  Nina almost missed the sound of the key card being inserted into the door. She made it just in time to turn the handle and greet him.

  “Good evening,” she said pleasantly, careful not to sound desperate.

  He was surprised to see her. Nina watched a plethora of emotions play across his face. He was trying hard to be annoyed but couldn’t quite pull it off. The white, off the shoulder silk cocktail dress she’d chosen fit her body with precision. Her only jewelry was a pair of teardrop diamond earrings he bought her for their fifth wedding anniversary. Charlene decided to go in a different direction with her hair, opting for a headful of loose curls that hung freely around her shoulders. Her look had achieved its objective. He was hooked, and the hours she spent at Charlene’s salon getting ready had been worth every torturous minute.

  “How did you find out where I was staying?”

  Nina didn’t answer. She watched as his fingers fumbled nervously over the knot in the tie he was trying to loosen. She took a step closer and noticed his face was flushed and glistening with tiny beads of sweat. She could hear his heart beating wildly and figured he must have taken the stairs. It was precisely the kind of thing he would do if he missed his morning workout.

  She slowly removed the tie from his neck and opened the top button on his dress shirt. “I don’t want you to suffocate.”

  She took his briefcase as she had countless times before but he was hesitant to follow her lead. “I promise it’s safe to come inside.”

  She was rewarded with an electrifying smile that made her heart turn over in her chest. She cleared her throat noisily. “I need a drink.”

  Dinner went better than she expected. They slipped back into easy companionship with their usual teasing, and anecdotes about family and work. Nina instinctively reached across the table and gently caressed Marc’s hand. The aching she had suppressed since he left was like a rubber band about to snap.

  “Don’t do that,” he said, withdrawing his hand from hers.

  “Do I repulse you, Marc or do you prefer the touch of another?”

  He looked perplexed. “I don’t want to go down this road. It’s better to make a clean break.”

  “I won’t accept that. If you want to leave me, it can’t be for Solange.”

  “How dare you question me after you betrayed me with another man?”

  “You don’t really believe I was sleeping with Sonny, Marc.”

  “I know what I heard. I’ve been in hell ever since.”

  “Is that why you took up with Solange again, especially now that she gave you what I couldn’t?”

  “You’ve lost me. What are you talking about?”

  Was it possible he really didn’t know? That was exactly the sort of thing Solange would be quick to tell him. “I’m talking about your son, the one you had with her.”

  “Did you drink too much wine? You’re not making any sense.”

  “Solange has a son.”

  “Yes, I know. I met his father.”

  “You did?” Nina asked dumfounded. “So he’s not yours?”

  It was Marc’s turn to look dumfounded. “Where would you get a ridiculous idea like that?”

  “I asked her if the boy was yours and she didn’t answer.”

  “So you just took that as a yes. Nina, you’re some piece of work.”

  “Don’t make fun of me. I thought I was losing you to her.”

  He picked up a glass of ice water and got up from the table. He took small sips as he paced the floor. “You’ve been deceiving me for a long time. That’s what drove me away. I honored my marriage vows. I don’t know about you.”

  Her voice cracked with emotion. “I’m still the same girl you married, Marc. I haven’t changed.”

  “Yes, you have. I watched it happen with my own eyes.”

  “I wasn’t cheating on you with Sonny. I asked him to do me a personal favor. That’s what I meant when I said I lied to you about him. I told you Jack wanted to hire his research firm but I was the one who needed his services.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll tell you soon. I promise. That’s why I came tonight. I don’t want any more lies between us.”

  “Okay. Let’s start with why we can’t have children and the discussion I walked in on between you and your mother. I watched you go through grueling IVF treatments. Still, you hid the truth.”

  “Something happened when I was younger.”

  “You didn’t think I had the right to know why my wife couldn’t get pregnant?”

  Nina had to concede that the time had come to stop running, stop hiding and lying. If she wanted to pull her marriage back from the brink, this would be her final opportunity to do so.

  “I don’t even know where to begin.”

  “The beginning is usually a good place. We were happy. But everything changed last summer.”

  “I was a coward then,” she said simply. “I allowed fear to drive out common sense.”

  “You didn’t just lie about some trivial thing. It was a series of calculated deceptions on your part starting with the nature of your relationship with Sonny Alvarez, then I come to find out your father lived only a few towns over from us and the list just kept growing from there. I couldn’t take it any more.”

  “I had good reason.”

  “So you lied to me for my own good?” He stormed off in frustration towards the bedroom.

  Nina followed, determined to have it out.

  He removed his jacket and tossed it on the back of the chair. “You can go now. This evening was a mistake.”

  “If you want me gone, you’ll have to carry me out.”

  She watched him strip down to his underwear. She averted her eyes when he caught her staring. He disappeared into the bathroom. Nina sat at the edge of the bed, her perfectly manicured fingernails digging into the mattress. She could hear the shower running. She closed her eyes tightly, trying not to think about his naked body.

  He returned minutes later in a white terry robe, more collected, and stood mere inches from her.

  “I asked you to leave.”

  “This is important.”

  “You didn’t think so before.”

  “I made mistakes. We all do at one point or another. I was trying to hold on to us, maybe a little too tightly, and… and we shattered like glass.”

  “How do you expect me to trust anything that comes out of your mouth?” he asked.

  “Honestly, Marc, all of this was set in motion years ago, long before we met. I had no way of predicting that years later, it would come back to haunt me in so many ways, even impacting my ability to have babies.”

  He looked at her, his expression worried. He sat next to her on the bed. “What are you saying, Nina? Why can’t we have children?”

  “I said I would tell you everything and I will. But first I need to understand where you’re coming from. Why you felt divorce was the only option for us.”

  He got up and started pacing around the room, as if to collect his thoughts.

  “After the IVF took the first time, I couldn’t believe our luck. As your pregnancy progressed and it looked like we were going to be a family of three, I couldn’t have been more proud of you. When you miscarried, and I know it wasn’t your fault… I don’t know. I felt like part of m
e died with our son. I wasn’t sure we would get that lucky again. I felt cheated, twice. You wouldn’t let me in. You excluded me from understanding why this was happening to us. From there, the other lies just compounded the loss and frustration I was feeling.”

  “I get it. I came here tonight to stop the lies.”

  Nina was nervous. There was so much to tell. She didn’t know where to begin. She decided to work backwards. She signaled for him to sit. He pulled up a chair directly in front of her.

  “I fooled myself into believing I could escape my past. And for a while, I did. But it found me again—the darkness, the shame. If I didn’t tell you, the nightmare would lose its power and I would be normal. But I’m not normal, Marc.”

  His posture was defensive, as if he were preparing himself for an inevitable blow. His eyes were transfixed on hers.

  “Say it. You’re safe. Tell me what you haven’t been able to since the day we met.”

  She hesitated. What if he ran out of the room in disgust and vowed never to have anything to do with her again? Would he refuse to believe it actually happened? She knew the kind of man she had married, yet she was riddled with doubt.

  “I was molested when I was a little girl, Marc. It started when I was ten and went on for almost eight years. It was frequent and relentless. Somehow, I found a way to separate myself from my body… it was the only way I could survive. College was the first real chance I had to end it, so I went to school in California. It was the furthest I could get from him without leaving the country. That’s the reason I can’t get pregnant. He gave me chlamydia when I was in my early teens. I didn’t see a doctor right away because he wouldn’t take me—there would have been too many questions and he didn’t want that. By the time I finally got medical attention, an antibiotic cleared up the infection but I paid for it with damage to my tubes.”

  Her husband didn’t react. His stone cold expression sent Nina into panic mode, afraid her confession had so repulsed him he couldn’t bear to speak to her.

  “Marc?” she whispered. “Please, say something.”

  When no response was forthcoming, she resigned herself to the inevitable. She would end up alone. But maybe he just needed some time to process what she had said. She would leave, and come back another time. She got up from the bed and dragged her feet slowly. They felt like lead. She headed for the door. Before she could turn the knob, she felt his hand on her shoulders. He spun her around to face him. The pain etched on his face was raw, his eyes clouded with deep sorrow. He guided her back to the bed and sat beside her.

  His voice quivered with emotion. “Who did this to you, Nina?”

  She almost forgot. She hadn’t yet told him the worst part. “I’m… well… you’re not going to believe this.”

  “It couldn’t be worse that what I’ve already heard.”

  “I was abused by my own father.”

  There was a long pause, during which Nina watched horror, compassion, and disbelief wash over Marc’s face.

  “It’s just not… it’s inhumane. It’s vicious… it’s heinous.” His hand trembled as he struggled to express his pain. “When you said you were abused, I thought it was by some deranged neighbor or a family friend. I could never have imagined that your own father did this.”

  He got up from the chair and started pacing again. “I’m going after him.”

  “You’ll do no such thing,” Nina said.

  “What? How could you want to protect him, after what he—”

  “He’s not worth it. He has no power over me anymore.”

  As she said the words, she realized that all she needed to be free was to tell the truth. By lying, she had given Phillip the power to control her life.

  “Why didn’t you just tell me from the beginning and save us all this misery over something that wasn’t your fault?”

  “I was afraid if you knew I was an incest survivor, you’d find it revolting and wouldn’t want me anymore.”

  Marc knelt before Nina and gently removed her three-inch stilettos. He massaged her left foot, then her right, as he had countless times before. A soft moan escaped her lips, his touch warm and comforting, yet undeniably exciting. He moved from her feet to her calves. His fingers fluttered across her bare skin in a dance that made her want to cry. She bit down on her lip. He stood up and leaned over her. His lips found hers and she opened her mouth eagerly, like a neglected plant suddenly awash in cool rain. Nina rolled onto the bed and pulled him on top of her. His fingers reached behind her and unzipped her dress. He peeled it off her body then went to work removing his robe.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, his breathing ragged.

  “Yes,” she answered, her voice barely audible.

  Nina could barely breathe as he made love to her slowly and delicately. She ran her fingers down the smoothness of his back and squeezed the tautness of his butt. He whimpered his approval, his hunger urging her to continue. His tongue flickered across her breasts and made its way down to her belly. She gasped when he parted her legs and plunged his tongue between her thighs. Her fingernails dug into his flesh, but he didn’t care. Just when she thought she would faint, he slipped into her. She welcomed him with a sincere yearning that let him know he was home. He slipped his hand under her hips and she arched closer to him. As he went deeper inside her, her cries got louder and louder until they both climaxed.

  Afterwards, Nina was caught in the grips of a hysteria she couldn’t control. She buried her head in her husband’s chest and wailed like a wounded creature. Marc hugged her tightly; somehow he understood this kind of emotional purging would help his wife escape the darkness she talked about.

  Nina was still half asleep when she reached over for Marc and realized he was gone. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and noticed the digital clock on the night stand read ten a.m. She had overslept but didn’t mind. Maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay after all. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. She immediately yelped in pain. Something had pricked the bottom of her foot and it hurt like hell. She looked down and found three roses held together by one of Marc’s favorite ties. She picked them up and held them close to her heart. She plopped down on the bed, allowing herself a few more minutes to revel in the gesture. She was interrupted by the ringing telephone.

  She picked up without thinking.

  “I’ve been calling you all morning but you won’t answer your mobile or your office line. Shall I come by your hotel?”

  “No, you shall not,” Nina answered coldly.

  Solange was momentarily stunned. “Why are you in his room?”

  “Because I’m his wife. What do you want Solange?”

  “Marc and I have a very important business meeting this morning. I wanted to make sure he’ll be there.”

  “Marc’s a professional and very good at his job. If this meeting is as important as you claim, he’ll be there. But I suspect your call has nothing to do with some so-called meeting.”

  “You are jealous, oui?”

  “Goodbye Solange. I hope your son and his father gives you the family you want.”

  Why did she have to call and ruin a perfectly good morning? Nina griped.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Nina and Cassie were on their long-awaited shopping spree at Copley Place in historic Back Bay—four and a half acres of upscale shopping, high-end hotels, office buildings and a parking garage. An overpass connected the shopping area to the Prudential, Boston’s second tallest building.

  The girls had mapped out their shopping strategy in advance, which included stops at Jimmy Choo, Neiman Marcus and Burberry. They stood on the first floor, looking up at two massive white structures with stone carvings that connected each side of the mall. Their arms were already aching from the weight of their earlier purchases.

  “Shall we go up?” Nina asked.

  “Sure,” Cassie said glumly.

  “What’s wrong, Cass? Aren’t you excited about this anymore? Kate is waiting for
us at Neimans.”

  They stepped on the escalator for the brief ride up.

  “Be honest, Nina. Are you and Marc having problems?”

  Nina almost lost her footing when the escalator got to the top of the floor and she didn’t get off fast enough.

  “Where is this coming from?”

  “You haven’t mentioned him all day. You usually can’t go five minutes without saying his name.”

  “Today is our day, just us girls.”

  “There’s more to it than that. Are you two even living together?”

  Nina was flabbergasted. What was her sister getting at? “What’s on your mind?”

  “I saw Marc at a restaurant in Waltham. He didn’t see me. He was having dinner with this woman.”

  “What did this woman looked like?” Nina asked calmly.

  Her sister described Solange to the letter. This newsflash was not welcome, especially since Nina and Marc just reconciled. But perhaps a bit of probing would put things in perspective.

  “What were you doing in Waltham?”

  “Visiting Kate.”

  “When was this? When did you see Marc and Solange together?”

  “Last month. They looked like they knew each other well. She kept flirting with him, touching him every chance she got. It was disgusting.”

  “Marc and I are good, Cassie. We hit a rough patch but we worked things out just a few days ago. Maybe Solange was taking advantage of the situation when you saw them together.”

  Before Cassie could formulate an appropriate comeback, they were at the entrance of Neimans. Cassie asked one of the ladies at the Clinique counter for Kate and was promptly directed to the women’s apparel department, just beyond cosmetics.

  Kate had a deep tan that made her clear grey eyes and freckles even more pronounced. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in an up-do held together by a banana clip. Cassie made the introductions.