February The Fifth (The Glothic Tales)

by Derek Haines

  ‘Please rise for February the Fifth, Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth,’ the old man almost bellowed, and instantly the entire gathering of thousands stood to attention and saluted February the Fifth with the customary two fingered and one thumbed salute of loyalty. Feb saluted back as he thought it seemed the right thing to do, as he couldn’t remember being given any instructions about this bit. After everyone had had their enjoyment from all the saluting, the ushers made their way back to Feb and prepared him for his departure from the assembly. Once ready, they guided him to the red carpeted aisle and his three sisters followed.

  ‘Right. What next?’ Feb thought to himself.

  Off To Work

  February the Fifth set off for his first day on the job immediately after his investiture ceremony. He was welcomed to the great offices of the Supreme Potentate by his personal assistant and advisor, Oderly Kerth Dagnion. In fact he was his father’s personal assistant and advisor up until August the Eightieth’s unfortunate demise the day before. Oderly had become a very powerful man in the Glothic Empire and it was well known that very little ever happened without it being so called OK’D first. After the politeness and platitudes were finished with between the two men, Feb took his seat behind the Supreme Potentate’s huge desk and thought about his first task. His thoughts were interrupted by Oderly Dagnion.

  ‘Sir, your agenda today has been arranged so you can be briefed by the head of each ministerial department. Due to the late start to the day, this series of meetings should conclude shortly after midnight.’

  ‘I have one question Mr Dagnion.’

  ‘Yes, certainly sir.’

  ‘How did my father and two brothers die?’

  ‘Oh I am sure the details of the unfortunate event will reach your desk in good time sir. There are more pressing matters at hand that require the attention of the Supreme Potentate.’

  ‘Mr Dagnion. You will cancel the proposed meetings for this evening and busy yourself with having all the details of my father and brothers’ deaths available to me here at nine tomorrow morning. Should this information not be forthcoming by five past nine, I will immediately proceed to contact the Puissant of Croonumble, Lefroy Overload, the President of the Grand Council and have him authorise your replacement and those of all department heads. Do I make my self clear?’

  ‘Sir, I must object. This is outrageous. It is……,’ Dagnion protested before being interrupted by the determined, new, and very young Supreme Potentate.

  ‘I will see you here at nine tomorrow morning. Please close the door on your way out.’

  ‘But I must insist….’

  Good evening Mr Dagnion. That will be all for today,’ Feb said firmly and held Dagnion’s stare until Dagnion finally ceded and headed indignantly towards the office doors, slamming them behind himself in a fit of disgust. Feb then started going through the contents of what had been his father’s desk and files to see if there was anything important he should know about. After an hour he knew that he had not been the first to look in these places since his father’s death. Every drawer was neatly empty and astonishingly dust free. Filing cabinets full of meticulously filed alphabetical and numerically ordered files holding nothing but fresh air for contents. One small upper drawer of his desk did contain something. A row of official seals, stamps and ornate pens were arranged in precise order from largest to smallest with a key set in a felt holder as the last item.

  It took another hour of searching his office to find the lock for the key. A small safe hidden behind a portrait of a previous tenant of the office, December the Thirty-First. Before opening the safe, Feb wondered what would happen if one more December was to become Potentate. Would Gloth have to have a December the Thirty-Second? Sounded rather absurd to him. It prompted him to wonder if his obnoxious little cousin, officially December the Nothingth now, was currently throwing one of his famous tantrums. As there was no immediate answer possible to his question, he went back to the task at hand. Opening the safe. With great care, he placed the key in the lock, turned it and opened the safe door. He was rather annoyed to find that the safe contained only one small item. Another key.

  ‘Damn. I could be here all night if this keeps up,’ he thought to himself. His prediction was remarkably accurate as it was nearly five in the morning before he had located the seventh safe in a procession of keys and locks and hidden safes. He had a feeling this was the last as it didn’t seem to contain a key. Instead, there was a small, rather ornate black box. Before opening the box he took a deep breath just in case another key was lurking inside, but needn’t have been concerned, as it only contained a small blue memory ball instead.

  Feb had heard about memory balls, but had never had the opportunity or need to use one before. They were designed for busy people who needed to remember lots of stuff about lots of things. As his life up until now certainly hadn’t been busy and he had almost no need to remember anything at all, it would have been quite useless to him. Now however, he might find a useful use for it. Feb didn’t need instructions to operate the memory ball as he had been instructed at school in the benefits, practicalities and use of the most useful and useless gadgets. He placed the memory ball in the palm of his right hand, clenched his fist around the ball and waited.

  In a matter of seconds, information was being fed into his brain. Location of the Supreme Potentate’s office bathrooms and toilets. Location of his sleeping quarters and the names and contact numbers for his private staff, dressers and personal guards. Schedules of designated official celebration days on all known planets and habitable asteroids in the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth, plus a handy in-line translator for meetings when real breathing translators weren’t available. There was also information about accepted protocols when addressing various officials and dignitaries as well as a list of all known members of the Gregorian Royal Family with their official titles and numerical sequencing in case of confusion due to repetitive naming in larger Gregorian families.

  Feb released his grip on the memory ball once he realised it was simply a social etiquette guide and palace contact list and placed it back in its box and safe. He then went about returning all keys to their appropriate safes until finally he replaced the initial key in its place at the end of the seals, stamps and pens. Sleep was the next item on his agenda after deciding that the whole night had been a complete and utter waste of time.

  He went to his new royal chambers without getting lost, as the memory ball had given him the now instinctive knowledge of where to find them. His dressers, valets and royal butler were slightly drowsy when he arrived. An alert had woken them when he left his office, so they had ten minutes warning of his imminent arrival. However the two Gregorian Guards at his door were wide awake and alert and greeted Feb with a matching pair of immaculate two fingered, one thumbed salutes.

  After being royally prepared for bed by his dressers and valets, Feb thanked them and finally went to bed for his first night's sleep as a benefactorial empiric ruler. As his head hit his pillow, he realised that he had been very rude, and not asked the names of his house staff and guards. That would have to wait until tomorrow now. Just before he fell asleep he realised that did indeed know their names. They were on his memory ball.

  He slept deeply until eight and enthusiastically went to have a shower and get dressed before a quick breakfast and his nine o’clock meeting with Oderly Kerth Dagnion. His dressers and valets he now knew were Pitias, Miltim, Zagger and John and they made sure he was royally ready for his meeting. As he left his chambers he noticed his guards had changed. He took two minutes to find out their names and that there were in fact ten personal guards who rotated in three hourly shifts. He wished Majors Plithic and Ragril a pleasant day as they saluted his departure for his first full day on the job. Happy that he now knew his personal staff, he was a little confused as the names recorded on the memory ball were not those of the staff he had just met. Perhaps the information on the memory ball wasn’t as up to dat
e as he had presumed.

  Feb arrived at his office at ten to nine and immediately summoned the Commander of the Gregorian Guard, who arrived within minutes.

  ‘Yes sir,’ the commander said as he arrived a little short of breath.

  ‘Good morning Commander Glutz,’ Feb greeted the man quickly and continued. ‘The Gregorian Guard is as old as my family. Throughout our shared history, the allegiance of the Guard to my family and my family to the Guard has been unquestionable and unbreakable.’

  ‘Yes sir. This is true.’

  ‘Then I ask you to trust me in my orders for you this morning, not only as the Supreme Potentate but as a Gregorian.’

  ‘Without question sir.’

  ‘Very well. You are to arrange for the immediate arrest and detention of all twelve heads of department. You will also place my close family under immediate emergency protective guard,’ Feb stated firmly and paused.

  ‘Yes sir,’ the commander said and immediately called on his Q’muniktor to order the arrests and extra guards.

  ‘Thank you commander,’ Feb said and continued. ‘You are not going to ask why I have issued these orders to you?’

  ‘I never question my orders from the Supreme Potentate sir.’

  ‘Yes. I thank you for your loyalty and good grace commander. But I will inform you of my reasons. Purely so you can take measures you deem appropriate under the circumstances.’

  ‘Yes sir.’

  ‘I believe the death of my father and brothers was not accidental and I have my suspicions that they are part of a plan to destabilise or overthrow Gregorian rule of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth. I also doubt that my father and brothers died simultaneously yesterday. My susp…..,’ Feb stopped speaking as there was a knock at his door.

  ‘Wait a moment,’ he shouted authoritatively, then continued to address the commander.

  ‘I will ask you to stay for my meeting with Mr Dagnion. If he fails to provide me with the information I have requested of him, I will ask you to escort him from my office and proceed with his arrest as well. Understood?’

  ‘Yes Sir.’

  ‘Enter!’ Feb shouted and within moments the door opened and Dagnion entered the office and was clearly surprised by Commander Glutz’s presence.

  ‘Oh I am sorry sir,’ Dagnion started. ‘I can return shortly when you have finished with Commander Glutz.’

  ‘That won’t be necessary Mr Dagnion. Please take a seat. Commander Glutz will be staying with us for our meeting.’

  ‘But I must…..,’ Dagnion started to protest before Feb cut him short.

  ‘Please sit down. Can we begin Mr Dagnion? The details I requested from you about the tragic deaths of my father and brothers.’

  Dagnion sat down uncomfortably and rustled a few files that he had in his hands. He finally looked up after nearly a minute of rustling and re-rustling.

  ‘With such short notice sir, I have been unable to assemble the full report and even though I have had my officers working throughout the night, I’m afraid the information we have received so far has not been officially substantiated and or corroborated. As you would understand, I cannot furnish unsubstantiated information to you sir as this would be in breach of my sworn oath to provide only fully certified factual information for your consideration and determination of subsequent action and……,’

  ‘Wait, wait, wait!’ Feb interrupted. ‘What sort of nonsense are you telling me here? Was my father poisoned, stabbed, vaporised or did he break his neck by falling off a chair while in a drunken stupor? Or even easier. Where did he die? At home, in this office or on some far distant planet?’

  ‘As I said sir. I’m afraid the information we have received so far has not been officially substantiated and….’

  ‘You think I am an idiot, don’t you Mr Dagnion?’

  ‘No. I mean, certainly…..what I mean….’

  ‘An idiot as the Supreme Potentate would be beneficial for some Mr Dagnion, would it not?’

  ‘I can’t comment on …..’

  ‘Mr Dagnion. Let me make one thing clear to you. As the third son of August the Eightieth, there was never any expectation of my taking my father’s place. As such I was left to a life that accounted for very little and I acted accordingly. But I want you to know one fact Mr Dagnion. Matters have changed. I’m a Gregorian and have the blood of thousands of generations of Gregorian rulers in my veins. Underestimating any Gregorian is something you do at your own peril Mr Dagnion. Do I make myself clear?’

  ‘What are you insinuat…?’

  ‘Your failure to provide me with one skerrick of information about my father’s death can lead me to only one logical conclusion Mr Dagnion. That you are hiding the truth,’ Feb said sternly.

  ‘That is redic…’

  ‘Look! If my father simply dropped dead of a heart attack, his body would be on its way here now and all details would be sitting right here on my desk,’ Feb said angrily.

  ‘I don’t see….’

  ‘And there’s the other fact Mr Dagnion. To loose a father and two brothers in one day makes me awfully suspicious. So? What is it that you are hiding from me Mr Dagnion?’

  ‘I must say sir that you must be under some strange delusion!’

  ‘Perhaps Mr Dagnion. But you sir, are under arrest.’

  ‘You have no authority to……….,’ Dagnion started to protest.

  ‘Commander Glutz. Please escort Mr Dagnion from my office and report back to me at midday.’

  ‘Yes sir.’

  ‘You will regret this!’ Dagnion protested as Commander Glutz took him by the arm and led him to the door where six guards were waiting to escort Dagnion to the royal penitentiary. Feb didn’t answer and once the door had closed he called his sister April to arrange for a family meeting at three that afternoon.

  Then he stood and went to his office bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and it confirmed his suspicion. His acne had definitely improved remarkably overnight. And something had given his brain a real jolt as it now seemed to be full of information, suspicions and a newly acquired wisdom and determination. It had to have been all those throbbing, pulsating bright blue glowing things that he and Lefroy Overload had been handling that had caused the sudden changes.

  Tea Time

  The Puissant of Croonumble, Lefroy Overload, the President of the Grand Council arrived at precisely eleven for their hastily arranged meeting. Feb had called him just after Glutz left with Dagnion.

  ‘Good morning sir. Thank you for coming at such short notice,’ Feb said, welcoming the President of the Grand Council.

  ‘It’s of course my duty to obey your order sir.’

  ‘No other reason?’

  ‘Should there be sir?’

  ‘Very well Mr President. We shall continue?’ Feb said as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise in anticipation of something. He had no idea what that something was, but trusted his hairs well enough to know it probably wasn’t a very good something.

  ‘Certainly sir.’

  ‘During yesterday’s investiture something changed Mr President. In me I mean. Am I correct in assuming that the bright blue glowing things changed or added something to my being?’

  ‘Yes sir. You are correct. Very similar to a simple memory ball in fact but much more powerful.’

  ‘From the black then blue pyramid thing?’

  ‘Well sir. It is in fact the Royal Gregorian Dodecahedron.’

  ‘A what?’

  ‘The Dodecahedron has twelve identical pentagonal faces, with each face representing the twelve facets of the Royal Gregorian family traits. These traits were transferred to you via the Orb you held.’

  ‘And these twelve traits?’

  ‘No one knows sir. Only a rightful male Gregorian is able to receive these traits and only at the moment of becoming the Supreme Potentate. Many have tried of course throughout time to access these secrets, but to no avail. If you feel you have received something new in your being, this
is proof that you are a true Gregorian and as such the rightful Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth.’

  ‘Can I ask you a direct question Mr President?’

  ‘Why, yes of course sir.’

  ‘I believe my father and brothers were murdered. What do you say to this?’

  ‘I can say nothing sir as I have no knowledge of this matter. My role is almost totally symbolic and ceremonial now. Younger councillors are in charge of daily matters. But I might say sir that I think your question is in fact wrong.’

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘Yes sir. Based on your assumption, I believe your question should be in fact why you are indeed still alive?’

  ‘Or is there still a plan to finish what has been started?’

  ‘As I said before sir, I have no knowledge of such matters.’

  ‘Mr President. You’ve been around the palace longer than anyone. If you can’t answer my questions, perhaps you may wish to give me some helpful advice on my first full day as Supreme Potentate.’

  ‘The truth is never discovered over tea in your own living room.’

  Feb looked directly into the eyes of Lefroy Overload and searched for someone he could trust. He instead found a tired old man, who although still maintaining a deep respect for palace secrecy, was weary of his task. Feb was left with the sense that he could only trust the rather cryptic advice from the old man.

  ‘Thank you so much for coming Mr President. I’m sorry I interrupted your morning.’

  ‘Thank you sir,’ was all Lefroy Overload said as he rose, bowed his head respectfully, then left.

  Shortly after the President’s departure a palace servant arrived with a tray of tea.

  ‘Your tea sir,’ was all the young man said as he placed the tray on a side table and readied to leave.

  ‘Just a moment young man.’

  ‘Yes sir.’

  ‘Would you please pour a cup for me?’

  ‘Umm, yes sir,’ the servant hesitantly said as he reached for the pot.

  ‘What’s your name young man?’