by Ashley Jade
I just want to stop missing them.
Turn the agony off.
A jittery breath escapes me as one of my flip-flops disappears into the night.
A moment later, the next one follows suit.
It’s now or never.
I can’t help but wonder if Liam was this scared when he fastened the noose around his neck and jumped off the chair in his closet.
Did he have a moment of regret before he lost consciousness?
Did he think about his family before his last breath was wrung out of his lungs?
Did he know how much it would destroy us?
How much it would kill me when he selfishly took every broken piece of my heart with him as he left this world?
Big, ugly sobs wrench out of me.
I’m so hollow inside if someone placed their ear to my chest they wouldn’t hear a thing.
Just the reverberating echo of my pain.
Fortunately, it will all be over soon.
Swallowing the ball of nerves lodged in my throat, I lean forward and open my arms.
I’ve always wanted to go sky diving, and if I close my eyes, this will be exactly like that.
Minus the parachute.
My head whirls as I slowly slip off the ledge.
Dying isn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be.
Except for the sharp pulling sensation under my armpits.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Oakley grunts.
Sand and rocks scrape the underside of my thighs as he lugs my drunk ass from the cliff.
“I told you to stay away from there,” he roars, refusing to ease up on his death grip.
Confused by his presence, I glance up. There are not one, but two Oakley’s. Yum.
“I didn’t think you were coming. Either of you.”
The expression on his face tells me he’s not amused.
“Stand up,” he grits out. “Now.”
Tsk, tsk, tsk. You’d think he’d know me better than that.
No one orders me around.
“Nah. I’m good right here.” I pat the ground beside me. “Come join me.”
The little vein in his forehead makes an appearance. Given he’s always so chill, it’s kind of funny how much I can rile him up.
Then again, I love pushing all his buttons.
In one fell swoop, he yanks me off the ground. “I wasn’t asking.”
I notice he’s wearing his No Name t-shirt and it occurs to me that he must have rushed straight here from work.
Not that it matters, the seedy bar across town he works at two nights a week is only a cover-up for his actual job.
Drug runner for a scumbag named Loki.
He has Dylan, Sawyer, Cole, and Jace all believing he stopped dealing after Sawyer ended up in the hospital, but that was a lie.
He’s just become more secretive about it.
Given they all go to college and he doesn’t, it’s fairly easy for him to conduct his double life with his friends being none the wiser.
“Start walking,” he commands like a drill sergeant.
Swear to God, I want to punch and fuck the son-of-a-bitch in equal measure.
I shoot him the dirtiest look I can muster. “No can do.”
“Why?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Are your legs broken?”
“No.” I point to my now dirty feet. “But I’m not walking through a forest without shoes.”
An irritated sigh leaves him as he mulls this over.
A moment later he turns around. “Let’s go.”
And here I thought I was the drunk one. “What part of I don’t have shoes don’t you understand?”
Oakley rolls his shoulders, and I can’t help but notice the way his muscles flex. He’s been working out with Jace and Cole a lot lately and it shows.
“Hop on.”
Shit. He doesn’t have to tell me twice.
“Just so we’re clear, that was an invitation to hop on your cock later, right?” I enquire as I jump on his back.
Craning his neck, he glares daggers at me. “One more word out of you and I’ll toss your ass off that cliff.”
I’m about to ask him to do me the favor, but then I’d lose out on my little piggyback ride so I wisely shut my mouth.
We begin trekking through the wilderness and I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol or because I’ve had a shit night, but I can’t take this tension between us anymore.
“Why do you hate me so much?”
I loathe the way my voice cracks, but I have no control over what’s coming out of my mouth right now.
No handle on my emotions.
It feels like an eternity before he answers.
“I don’t hate you.”
Lies. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Oakley.”
He drops me so quick I nearly bust my ass.
“Fine. How about the fact that you keep screwing around—”
“That was after,” I tell him. “I started messing around with Hayley and Morgan after you started hating me. Months after we...you know. Not before.” I draw in a shaky breath. “We used to be cool, Oakley. I used to be able to talk—”
“Then why?” he snarls. “Why do you keep fucking with me?”
“I’m not…” I swallow hard and try again because lying to him always feels wrong. “You know why.”
If I can’t have him...no one else can either.
I’ll keep playing his skanks like my personal fiddles until he finally realizes he has no loyal bitch left in his corner but yours truly.
“Un-fucking-believable.” His jaw works as he pulls a joint from his ear and lights it. “You are un-fucking-believable.”
“It takes two to tango, remember? Therefore, instead of being mad at me, maybe you should be mad at them for dining on my pussy like it’s their personal buffet all the time.”
“I don’t have time for your shit,” he huffs as he stalks off. “Find your own way home.”
“You know, there is a simple solution to all this.” I hold my arms out wide. “How about a threesome?”
Fuck that noise. I’d happily cut those bitches throats and drown them in their blood before I’d ever share him.
I just want to know if he’ll take the bait.
Turning around to face me again, he digs his finger into his temple. “You’re fucking psychotic. You know that?”
Oh, I’m aware.
You don’t study psychology since elementary school in hopes of working in the field one day without being able to diagnose yourself first.
Trust me, I’m as fucked-up as they come.
However, if he really wants a reason for all my animosity toward him? I’ve got one.
“You looked at me like I was lower than dirt and then tossed me out like I was garbage,” I utter as a flicker of pain infiltrates my chest. “I snuck into the guesthouse because I was having a bad night.” Missing him so much it hurt to breathe. “I never went there to seduce you, asshole. So don’t fucking flatter yourself.”
It’s the truth. Not that I was mad when we hooked up—far from it—but it wasn’t the reason I ended up in his bed.
Although it was the reason I took off my clothes afterward.
Either way, his rejection when I was at my lowest and seeking comfort and human connection stung like hell.
Frowning, he rakes his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
My sadness is quickly replaced by rage. Screw him and his pity.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Bianca—”
It’s too late. I’m already slapping his face and kicking his shins as hard as I can.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until he’s pulling me into his arms.
“I know it hurts, baby girl,” he whispers against my hair. “I’m so fucking sorry he’s gone.”
And just like that, I’m back in my mom’s car, clinging to Liam’s hand for dear life because I can’t make it through the pain.
Only, i
t’s not Liam.
It’s Oakley.
But no amount of sorrys in the world will bring my brother or mom back.
And no amount of consoling will ever unleash the secret I’m forbidden to tell.
I clutch the collar of his t-shirt, breathing in his trademark scent. Marijuana and citrus soap.
I close my eyes as he tightens his hold around me. Like I’m the only one that matters to him.
His touch shouldn’t feel so good, but it feels like my salvation.
Like nothing and no one can harm me because I’m safe with him.
It’s comforting in a way I haven’t ever felt before.
“I—”
I want to tell him so bad. Tell him things I’ve never told anyone.
Things that shaped me into the fucked-up person I am today…but I can’t.
Instead, I slam my mouth against his.
“Goddammit,” he grunts as he pulls away. “No.”
“Why?” I yell. “Why does it scare you so much to want me?”
Everybody wants me…yet he’s the only one who won’t admit it.
His stare is downright murderous. “The only thing that scares me is how pathetic you are.”
With that, he stalks off.
My cheeks flame with humiliation as I run after him, the twigs and branches biting into my bare feet. “I don’t have any fucking shoes on, asshole.”
“Not my fucking problem, lucifer.”
From citizen high to citizen low.
I don’t know why he ruffles my feathers the way he does, but I’m so fucking sick of it I could scream.
But I won’t give him the satisfaction.
Instead, I square my shoulders and tread through the woods, refusing to make so much as a peep.
Not even when sticks and stones slice through my flesh.
Oakley wants me.
He might refuse to acknowledge it, but I feel it in my bones.
However, that was the last time I play nice and make the first move.
By the time I’m through with him, he’s going to be so blind with his want for me, the fucker won’t be able to see straight.
He’ll be down on his hands and knees begging for a taste.
And when I’m the one turning him down and spitting in his face…it will be sweet, sweet victory.
By the time I trudge over to his BMW, he’s already gunning the engine.
I want to wipe the smirk off his gorgeous face as I climb inside.
“Have a nice walk, princess?”
I give him a smirk of my own. “It was lovely.”
For the briefest of moments, uneasiness flashes in his eyes before he reverses out of his parking spot.
“I can’t believe Hayley left without calling me.” Shrugging, I study my nails. “Then again, the last time I saw her, Zack—her new boyfriend—was fucking her so hard on the hood of her car they probably left indents, so I can’t really blame her.”
The hand clutching the steering wheel tenses before he presses a button and turns the music up.
Buckle up, baby.
Because there’s plenty more where that came from.
Chapter 12
Oakley
Fuckity fuck fuck.
It seriously blows that my new apartment is in the danger zone, but there’s fuck all I can do about that right now.
“Everything okay?” my dad questions as he walks up the stairs.
“Yeah…no.” I give him the box I’m holding so he can take it back to his car. “The stuff in this one isn’t mine.”
Given it’s a bunch of shoes, it can only belong to one person.
Crystal.
Peeking inside the box, he mutters a curse. “Crystal asked if I could drop off some of her things at her new apartment. I must have gotten the boxes confused.”
“No biggie.”
He blows out a breath. “Is there anything else you need before I head home for the night?”
Dude’s already bought me a futon and a television. Plus, he paid the first month’s rent and he’s loaning me one of his bikes.
Ergo, my dad’s done more than enough.
“Nope. I’m all set.”
He nods. “I’ll call you tomorrow after work. Get some sleep.”
“Dad,” I call out when he starts walking away.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for saving my ass.”
He smiles like it’s no big deal. “It’s what parents do.” He starts to walk away again, but stops abruptly. “Just make sure you get the ass I saved to a meeting tonight.”
“I plan on it,” I tell him as he jogs down the stairs.
I’m about to head inside my apartment, but a book on the floor catches my attention.
The muscles in my chest tighten when I notice the title. Elephants on Acid.
Past…
Satan keeps her manipulating trap shut the entire car ride home, which suits me just fine.
Why I let this girl get under my skin is anyone’s guess, but tonight was the last favor I ever do for her.
Irritation prickles the back of my neck as I roll down my window and light up a joint.
“Get out.”
I have a few drop-offs tonight so the sooner she’s gone, the better.
I expect her to protest, but to my surprise she grabs the joint from my fingers and brings it to her lips.
I’m about to snatch it back, but the next words out of her mouth stop me in my tracks.
“I’ve never gotten drunk before.” A frown mars her face. “I’ve never smoked weed before either.” She takes an apprehensive puff. A second later she starts coughing up a storm. “Shit.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Everyone coughs their first few times.”
I have no clue what to make of the expression on her face.
There are times when she straight-up looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
It makes no sense to me.
She’s rich, she’s beautiful, she’s smart—dangerously smart—she could have anything—anyone—she wants in this world.
Yet there are times she looks so lost…so full of pain…it takes my breath away.
However, I know better than to get too close.
Her brothers have their issues and I sure as fuck have mine, but at least we still have traces of humanity.
Bianca has none.
The girl is a black widow, luring unsuspecting victims into her web.
And the moment she captures you…she’ll fuck you and your life up before she devours whatever remnants are left.
A soul as black as the night sky.
Lips as red as the blood she’s out for.
I make a mental note to jot that shit down in my notebook later.
“I have somewhere to be,” I inform her, hoping she takes the hint.
Her face tenses as she goes back for a second hit, almost like she’s trying her hardest not to cough as she inhales.
Fucking hell. The girl is as stubborn as she is lethal.
She smiles smugly as she hands it back to me, but I make no move to take it.
“Keep it.”
Whatever gets her out of my car.
Her eyes drift to the pink Mercedes that’s still parked in the driveway. “Best birthday present I received.”
“It’s a nice car.”
Too bad she’ll never drive it.
“That’s not what I was talking about.” Her expression turns somber. “It’s probably the weed, but I can’t remember the last time I felt safe enough to let my guard down in front of anyone.” Leaning over the center console, she kisses my cheek, lingering for a second too long. “Thank you for rescuing me.”
The sincerity in her voice punches me in the chest.
Don’t fucking do it—I tell myself, but it’s too late. I’m already opening my glovebox and handing her the bag.
“Here.”
She eyes it warily as she steps out of the car. “What is it?”
“Look i
nside and find out.”
I hadn’t planned on getting her anything for her birthday, but I was picking up some rolling papers and the title caught my attention.
Once I realized it was about psychology my attention went out the window, but I thought Bianca might enjoy it given she wants to be a psycho-something one day.
“Elephants on Acid?” she questions. “You got me a psychology book?”
“Happy almost birthday.”
Reversing out of the driveway, I press a button on my dashboard.
“What’s up?” Jace answers.
“Baby Covington is home safe and sound,” I inform him.
The relief in his voice is tangible. “Thank fuck. Where was she?”
“Chilling with Hayley.”
“Chilling with Hayley where? And why the hell didn’t she pick up her phone?”
“Don’t know,” I lie. “All I know is they got into an argument and she asked if I could pick her up.”
He sighs. “I wish she would have called me, but I’m glad she’s safe. Thanks, man. I owe you.”
“No problem, brother. Enjoy your trip.”
A trip no one invited me to go on.
“Thanks. I’ll hit you up when we get back.”
“Sounds good.”
A text comes through as I hang up.
Hayley: How does Thursday night at Sushi Sushi sound?
Oakley: Works for me.
Hayley: Great. Can’t wait to see you, babe.
And I can’t wait to see her.
So I can ask her why the fuck she lied to me.
Chapter 13
Bianca
“You’ve been really quiet tonight,” Stone comments as we slip into bed.
His observation draws me from my thoughts. “Sorry. I’ve just been…”
Ruminating about another man.
“Thinking,” I settle on.
He drapes an arm around me. “Talk to me, Bourne.”
I want to. I just don’t know how to tell him what I’m feeling without making him angry.
“It’s starting to bother me.”
The fingers that were stroking my arm stop. “What is?”
“Not remembering who I used to be,” I admit. “I thought it was for the best…but I’m not so sure anymore.”
There’s a sharp flare of irritation in his eyes. “Is this about Oakley?”