by Amanda Aksel
“I think you're too absurd for me. Besides, age is just a number.” A number that had fertility percentages attached to it. After trying so long, I had almost about a seventy-five percent chance of conceiving a baby at my age. But if it didn’t happen soon, that percentage would drop on my thirty-fifth birthday.
“Cheers to that!” he said, and clinked his glass against mine.
A woman appeared behind the bar, also blonde, tall, with her hair tied back in a sleek ponytail. She wasn't nearly as young as the last one, maybe in her mid-late thirties. “You guys okay on drinks?” she asked.
Andy stared at her for a while, seeming to size her up. “I'll have another rum and Coke, please.”
She smiled, then shifted her eyes toward me. I gestured that I was fine and she walked off to the other side of the bar. Andy didn't take his eyes off her.
“Do you know her or something?” I asked.
“I don’t recognize her ass, but she is beautiful.” He sucked down what was left of his icy cocktail.
I leaned away, shooting him a strange glare. “You mean she's not too old for you?”
He shrugged. “Age is just a number, right?”
The bartender returned with his drink and he quickly took a sip. His eyes shot open. “Man, that's strong.”
She looked alarmed. “Oh, is it too strong?”
Andy tried to swallow his cough. What a tough-guy. “No, it's good. This is a real drink. Thanks.”
“Sure thing.” She smiled, batting her eyelashes just a little.
“Hey, you look familiar, where are you from?” Andy leaned his elbows on the bar, pointing at her like she was a direction to move toward.
“Maryland,” she said.
“Nice, an East Coaster, like me.” He sent me a ridiculous wink.
“Oh, yeah?” She tilted her head, seeming pleased that they had this in common. He smiled, and I was pretty sure that even though she wasn't in her twenties, he was going to try to take her home. I let them flirt—I mean talk—while I finished the last of my now lukewarm tea.
“Well, I'm going to get out of here,” I said, hopping off the barstool and grabbing my things.
“You're leaving already?” Andy asked, the first time he'd said a word to me in the last ten minutes.
I glanced at my watch, the one James gave me for my birthday a couple years ago. “Yep, it's been exactly one hour. As promised. And I still have to pack for Sonoma tomorrow.” The bar was picking up and the bartender had other patrons to serve. “Enjoy the rest of the night. Good luck with a . . .” I bounced my eyebrows a few times and nodded at her.
“Okay,” he said. “Have fun at that hippie wedding.”
“Goodnight, Andy!” I called as I walked away.
Maybe it was because I was on my way to a cozy fire and my favorite pair of leggings, but the fifteen-minute walk home was even better than the walk to the bar. Rows of Edwardian houses were lit like quaint Christmas trees; people dressed in puffy coats and hats walked little dogs in their own outerwear as I passed the park at Alamo Square. The only thing that would’ve made it more picturesque would’ve been snow.
Just as my nose was getting uncomfortably frozen, I arrived at our house on Fell Street. It wasn’t any different from the other Edwardian houses, adorned with white twinkle lights, plastic green garlands, and faux-velvet red bows. The moment I stepped inside, Marvin trotted forward like a small horse.
“Wanna go outside?” I asked him in a motherly tone, patting his colossal Great Dane head, which was well above my waist. Over the last year and a half that James and I had lived in the house together, Marvin had become my surrogate son. Or my adult son, as he had grown very protective of me.
“C’mon!” I said and he followed me over to the back door in the kitchen. I filled his bowls with food and fresh water and turned on my stove kettle while I waited for him to return to the back door. He went right for the fresh kibbles, chowing down like a teenaged boy. I left him to enjoy his feast and returned to the living room. The pine smell of the Christmas tree near the front window was as crisp as the day we brought it home. I flipped on the lights and stood back, admiring the tree once more. I imagined a future Christmas morning with a slew of gifts and two little ones with smiling faces tearing through the pretty wrapping. I placed my hand on my belly and hoped, believed, that there was a little Christmas miracle growing inside it.
The sound of keys jingled at the front door. Marvin let out a loud, but tame bark and raced over. James appeared from behind the door and when he saw my face, he smiled in that sweet way that told me I was the best part of his day.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said and wrapped his strong arms around me. The scent of cold air lingered on his jacket, his chilled hands pressed against my back.
“Hey, you’re home early.” I kissed his lips and began unzipping his jacket, slipping it off his shoulders.
He pushed his coat off the rest of the way, keeping his sky-blue eyes fixed on me. “Yeah, I was feeling a little tired and thought I should come home since we’re leaving town tomorrow.”
My teapot screamed from the kitchen. “Good idea. So should we light a fire upstairs and watch a show in bed?” I said, pulling away.
James took my hand and reeled me back in, burying his cold nose in the crook of my neck. “I was thinking we could do something else.” His hands wandered below my waistline and he squeezed my tush.
“I thought you were tired,” I said, pushing my body into his and smelling what was left of his morning cologne spritz.
“Yeah, but I’m never too tired to get naked with you,” he said in his low sexy voice, then lifted me up in one swoop. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he pressed me against the wall, kissing me like it was our first date. It wasn’t long before I was screaming louder than my teakettle.
CHAPTER TWO
Sunny Sonoma
The sun rose, beaming through our cream-colored bedroom curtains. I couldn’t wait to get up and get on the road. My best friend since childhood was getting married. An event I never thought would happen since she had no desire to be a wife until she met Noom in Thailand and fell in love. James' sleepy arm rested on my hip. I rolled over and rubbed his warm bicep. His eyes slowly peeked open just as his mouth turned up in a smile.
“Good morning,” he said with the early-morning grog I always adored. Maybe it was because that sound or that look of his crystal-blue eyes after a sleepy dream was reserved for only the closest few. And I was still so happy to be one of them.
“Good morning,” I said, tracing my finger along his healthy, sandy-blond hairline. “We have to get up and get going. Holly's getting married today.”
His eyelids fell and he breathed a sleepy sigh. “Just five more minutes.”
“I'll start the coffee.” I flipped the covers off and hopped to my feet.
James pursed his lips and tugged me back to bed and into his arms. He squeezed me so tightly that there was no way I could escape. Not that I wanted to. “Can't I get five more minutes in bed with my messy-haired wife?”
I giggled. “Is that what you're calling me these days? My hair isn't that messy.”
“It is right now. And I think it's sexy.” I could feel his breath on my skin as he kissed my shoulder. We lay there a few minutes longer. I passed the time, running my fingers up and down his forearm until he began to breathe heavily again. I rolled over to face him.
“James,” I said, in a stern motherly tone.
His eyes shot opened and he shook his head, startled. “Huh?”
“It's time to get up.” I hopped out of bed and smoothed back my long, so-called messy dark hair, tucking any loose strands behind my ears.
“Meet me in the shower?” he asked. I turned back to him with a sensual smirk and tousled my hair once more. He did say it was sexy.
Three hours later, we arrived at the inn. I recognized Telly’s Elizabeth Taylor-style sunglasses immediately. She sat in a rocking chair on the porch, enjoying a glass of red,
with a flannel blanket around her shoulders, hiding her long, dark locks.
“Hey, Tell,” James said as he carried our luggage inside.
She sent him a big, friendly wave. “Hello!”
I sat in the white rocking chair next to hers. “Seriously? It’s eleven a.m.”
“Are you kidding? I'm kid-free. Go grab a glass. We have plenty of time before the wedding.” Telly leaned back in the chair, letting the sun cover her already tanned face.
In that beautiful wine country, a little cabernet would have been wonderful, but . . . “I'm not drinking.”
“You on a cleanse or something?” she asked.
I put my hand on my belly. “No, I might be pregnant.”
Her head whipped in my direction, nearly tossing her sunglasses off of her face. “Really?”
I leaned back, pulling my legs in under me. “We'll see. I was supposed to get my period two days ago.”
“Did you take a pregnancy test yet?” She sounded more panicked than excited. I remembered how hard it was for her that night she took those three pregnancy tests. All positive. After a year of trying, I'd be over the moon to have three positives.
“Not yet. I brought one with me though, and a pack of tampons. I'm sure I’ll use one or the other.”
“Or both, I had a lot of breakthrough bleeding in the beginning.”
I winked, making a clicking noise with my mouth. “Good to know.”
She returned her gaze to the sunny vineyard view, rocking back and forth in her chair. “Trust me, Mar, when your test comes back positive, you're gonna be calling me all the time about your weird symptoms. Pregnancy is no joke.”
I rubbed my belly like a magic baby would appear. “Well, I can't wait. Can you imagine my baby with James?”
She smiled and scrunched her nose. “Yeah, he would be a cutie.”
“She,” I said. “I think we're gonna have a girl.”
Telly snapped her fingers. “Hey, maybe your daughter could marry Leo.”
As much as I loved my girl Telly, if Leo turned out to be anything like her or Will with their promiscuous behavior, I’m not sure he would be the best fit for my daughter. Then again, behind their tough exteriors, they had hearts of gold. So . . . “Maybe.”
Telly took a long sip of her wine. “This feels so good. Remember the last time we stayed at an inn together?”
“You mean the time I had James followed and the mystery woman he was photographed with turned out to be his sister?” I said, feeling a twinge of guilt for my crazy behavior, even though it had somehow turned out for the best.
“Yeah that and how we ran into Will at dinner and I . . . reconnected with him.”
I rolled my head to the side, raising my brow. “I’ll say you reconnected.”
She swished her wine around her glass, holding it up in the light. “It’s crazy to think where we might’ve ended up if we hadn’t come up that weekend. I might not have Leo.”
“Maybe not now, but it would’ve happened eventually. You and Will and Leo.”
Telly shot me a look. “You think so?”
I shrugged. “Definitely. Some things are meant to be.”
“Hmm,” she said, taking another sip.
“So where’s Holly and Rachel?” I asked.
“They're all at the venue. I think Holly and Noom took a wine tour and Rachel's setting up, or rather, supervising the setup.”
“Of course.” I rose to my feet. “I'm gonna go get settled, but I'll see you later.”
She waved with fluttering fingers. “Ciao!”
Later that afternoon, in Holly's suite, Rachel chased the bride around with rosy blush and a kabuki brush.
“C'mon, just a little,” Rachel whined. Her cheeks were fully rouged and her dark hair sprayed in a perfectly plastered up-do.
“No, no more makeup!” Holly shooed her away.
Rachel bulged her amber eyes at me as if pleading with me for help. I smirked and sat next to Holly on the vanity bench. “Are you nervous?” I asked quietly, pushing her wavy, brown hair over her shoulder.
Holly shifted her eyes at me in the mirror. “A little. I'm mostly relieved to finally be married.” Noom certainly wasn't my first choice for Holly's hubby, but he'd been so good to her that I couldn’t imagine anyone better. I lifted Holly's white floral headpiece from the dresser and held it over her head like a halo. “Are you ready?”
She smiled so big that her cheeks blushed naturally. Makeup would never do her justice. I placed the floral crown on her head and, instantly, joy and light radiated from her like a heavenly angel. Holly stood up and faced the other girls. Her lacy bell-bottom sleeves fell at her wrists in just the right place. I stepped in front of her. “You look amazing,” I said, taking her hands.
She seemed to search my eyes. “Really?”
“Really,” I said, gentle tears welling up. I turned to the others. Rachel stood tall in her long, merlot chiffon dress, her chin trembling before tears spilled down her cheeks.
“Pull yourself together. You're gonna ruin your mascara,” Telly said, handing her a tissue.
Rachel blew her nose into it. She continued to sob and Telly passed her the entire tissue box. Holly and I exchanged looks. We’d expected tears from her, but not that much.
“Are you okay?” Holly asked, wrapping her arms around her little sister.
Rachel sniffed, dabbing the tissue on her cheeks. “Fine. I'm just so happy you're getting married.” Then she cried harder. Oh, geez.
I nudged Telly’s arm. “Why don't you and Holly get in the car? We'll meet you down in a couple of minutes.”
Telly gave a disapproving head shake to Rachel. “Sure,” she agreed, then led the blushing bride out the suite door. Rachel still hadn't gotten it together.
“Rach, what's going on?” I asked.
“My marriage is over!” she said, mascara beginning to run beneath her lashes.
“What?” I couldn't say I was too surprised by the news. Rachel and David had one of the worst runs I'd ever seen.
“We're getting a divorce.”
“When did this happen?” I asked, giving her a sympathetic arm rub.
Finally, her tears began to subside. “A month ago. I already hired Telly.”
Wow! She was serious. I couldn’t believe Telly hadn’t said anything. I mean, I knew she couldn’t technically tell me, but give a hint or something. “I'm so sorry,” I said.
She nodded. “Me too. We tried. We really did, but we just couldn't put the pieces back together. And I'm so happy that Holly's marrying this amazing guy, but at the same time, all of this reminds me of my failed marriage.” She sat down, pulling apart her wilted tissue. “I just wanted to live happily ever after, you know? I'm going to be thirty and divorced and I feel like I'll never find anyone to grow old with.”
I sat next to her, putting my arm around her shoulder. She leaned her head on mine and I couldn't help but feel a little responsible. If I had never told her about the infidelity service, would David have had an affair? Would she have had an affair? Would their marriage have been saved? “I'm so sorry, Rachel. This is my fault.”
She looked at me with glassy, pink eyes. “No, it isn't. It's his fault and my fault. I should've listened to myself in the beginning. I just wanted so badly to be a wife. Be settled. Check off that box. I mean, I thought we'd have two kids by now.”
What was it about our society that led us to believe if we finished college, started a career, got married, and had a baby all before the age of thirty we could just coast the rest of our lives? All my life I'd been chasing those things and every time I'd had a setback. Medical school didn't work out, so I changed my career path to something better. My fiancé cheated on me, so I found someone new—more like stumbled on to someone new.
“I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you planned. They didn't work out the way I planned either, but so far, they've turned out better. I think this divorce will allow you to make room for something even more amazing than
you could've imagined. Think about it. Did you really think Holly would ever get married? Or that Telly would be someone's mother?”
“Or that you would've ended up with James,” she said, her voice growing more optimistic.
I blushed at the thought. He had been the unexpected gift. “Exactly.”
She let out a deep sigh. “You're right. It's just hard.”
I patted her shoulder. “I know. It's gonna hurt, but after the rain comes a rainbow.”
She laughed and it seemed to dry up all her tears. I pulled her up with me as I stood and gave her a tight squeeze. She was basically my little sister too.
“Listen,” she said, “we haven't told anyone else. So, if you could just keep it to yourself for a while.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
CHAPTER THREE
Happy New Year
The four of us arrived at the vineyard right on time. A crisp breeze swept off of the hills and on to my cheeks. Rows of grapevines covered the ground and the pumpkin-colored sun lowered behind the scene. Inside, stacked wine barrels stretched up the beautiful Tuscan-style walls like vines. Holly waltzed right into the main room, despite our best efforts to keep her hidden until the ceremony. Noom waited for her near the tall arched windows that looked out onto the landscape. As he turned to his wife-to-be for the first time, his heart seemed to leap out of his chest and onto her lacy white hippie wedding dress. He took her by the hand and said something I couldn't understand.
My favorite pair of hands wrapped around my waist. “Hey,” James said from behind me. I looked back at him and he kissed the top of my nose. “Isn't it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?”
“Holly doesn't believe in any of that stuff apparently.” There was a time I didn’t think Holly even believed in marriage.
“Neither do I,” he said.
I turned to face him, narrowing my eyes. “You don't?”
He cocked his head. “You know I’m not superstitious. But it was pretty cool not seeing you until right before we said I do.” He pulled me in, swaying a little to the faint classical guitar music overhead. It was only a year ago that I walked down the aisle to James—the happiest day of my life. And even though I spent my wedding night by Telly’s side in Labor and Delivery, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.