by Amanda Aksel
“I recommended you. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to get your hopes up just in case. I know how badly you wanted to make the Top 30 Under 30 list when you started here.” She leaned on my desk, giving me a greedy grin. “This is going to be great press for the practice.”
Great press? The last thing I needed was another patient.
“So what do I have to do?” I asked, wondering if it was going to be more work. Ugh.
“Nothing,” she said, like the whole thing was already done and behind us. “They'll call you to set up an interview and photo shoot.”
Wow, my face in Bay Local Magazine. With the way things had been going that year at work, a little validation would’ve been nice. “Okay, sounds good.”
“Great!” Katie glanced at her watch. “Oh, I gotta run. Camden got in trouble at school yesterday and I have to go meet with his teacher so she can tell me what a horrible mother I am.”
That was odd. Camden was one of the most polite kids I’d ever met. “What did he do?”
She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “He's been diagnosing kids at school with mental illnesses and subscribing them medications on a notepad from his father's company. Apparently, the teacher started getting calls from parents because their kids were googling the symptoms of his diagnoses and getting really upset.”
It was cute that he was playing doctor, but misdiagnosing sensitive, impressionable children his age was dangerous territory. “Geez, those kids could end up with all kinds of complexes.”
“Oh, believe me, I know,” she said as if she were weary of blaming herself for it. “I had a talk with him, but I also don't want to punish him for learning about psychiatry. I probably shouldn't have told him about the recommended prescriptions. I thought he was just taking an interest, on his way to becoming the next Carl Jung.”
I gave her a caustic look. “Just be careful he doesn't end up being the next Freud.”
She dropped her head, her red hair falling on her face. “Yeah.” Katie took a deep breath, then popped her head back up with an optimistic smile. “Anyway, I'll see you later. Congrats on Top 40 Under 40!”
She disappeared out of my office, shutting the door behind her. Top 40 Under 40, huh? I had to tell someone about it, someone who would appreciate it. Telly was the only person I knew who’d wanted to make Top 30 Under 30 as much as I did when we were younger professionals. I grabbed my cell.
“Hey, what's up?” she asked.
“Guess who made the Top 40 Under 40 list?” I asked playfully.
She gasped. “How did you know about that?”
“What do you mean? Katie just told me,” I said, pulling up my email.
“How does she know that I made the list?” Telly asked.
“Wait. You made the list?”
She scoffed. “Yeah, isn’t that why you’re calling me?”
I smiled and slammed my hand on my desk. “Holy shit. I made the list too. That’s why I’m calling.”
“Whaaaat?” She drew out the word in disbelief. “That’s so crazy that we both made it. Remember that time when we found the editor of the magazine at a bar and flirted with him, trying to get ourselves on the list? We were what? Twenty-nine?”
I laughed. “No, you flirted with him, Telly. No man pays attention to me when you’re around.”
“That’s not true.” It was totally true. Whenever we’d go out back when we were younger and single, I’d always feel invisible next to her. “Remember when that hot surgeon picked you up that night after your breakup with Chad?”
He was super hot and I couldn’t believe he was after me. But it ended up being a total catastrophe. Not one of my best moments. “That was the exception and it totally blew up in my face.”
“Oh, yeah!” She laughed. “Well, you don’t have to worry about that now that you’re married,” Telly said married in a nasally whine. I just shook my head, wondering if my friend would really be single for the rest of her life. “Anyway, how cool is it that me and my best bud made the list. How successful are we?”
“Very, I guess.” In that moment, success felt very relative. Telly was a success. I was more like best efforts.
“So aside from being a total badass making the Top 40 Under 40 list, what's going on with you?” she asked, and I could hear her shuffling papers around.
“Same stuff. Just working, getting stuck with acupuncture needles every week. I know it sounds hokey, but I feel like it’s working, like maybe I could be pregnant by the fall.”
“I just hope you like being pregnant more than I did. It was the worst! And having my own practice didn’t leave much time for maternity leave. What are your partners going to do when you have the baby?”
I had actually been avoiding the subject. My inner environment seemed to be more baby-friendly, but I still didn’t know how to improve my outer environment. I figured that once I was pregnant I could focus on lightening my workload. But really? How would I handle all my patients after maternity leave? Could I be a mother and Top 40 Under 40? Telly could.
“How did you do it?” I asked.
“I only took six weeks, worked some, but mostly I have a great team.”
Katie had already given me a ton of patients so she could spend more time with her kids and there was no way Andy could handle everything while I was gone. Besides, I was hoping for a twelve-week leave. The only viable solution seemed to bring on a fourth partner. Before I hung up with Telly, I was already drafting an email to Katie and Andy.
I need to meet with you both about a fourth. Dinner after work?
Katie wasn't free that night. Of course. So we opted for breakfast early the next day at the café near the office.
“So what's on your mind?” Katie asked, sipping her coffee.
I interlaced my fingers and leaned in, resting them on the table. “I've been thinking about the future, personally and professionally, and I think it's time that we make a decision on bringing on a fourth partner. I vote yes.”
Andy dropped his fork. “Wait. The future? Are you quitting? Are you pregnant?”
I shot him a look. “No to both of those, but I will be soon. And once the baby comes I'm going to be in the same boat as Katie. I'm going to need to hand off some of my patients and I've barely seen you wandering around the office so I know you're tapped out.”
Katie placed her hand on his forearm. “See, Andy? I told you this was a good idea.”
He flinched and she pulled back. “I don't like it.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“It's just going to mess with our whole dynamic. Things are good. Why do they have to change?” He slapped his hands on his thighs like he was done with the discussion.
Katie glanced at me, then back at Andy. “Because things are changing.”
He glared at us, jaw clenched and cheeks flushed. “This is your fault. Why couldn't you both just be childless, like me?”
Katie and I shared a look. He should’ve been on a bachelor’s list called 40 Over 40. “Sorry, Andy. It's two against one,” Katie said.
He folded his arms and shook his head. "Nope, my percentage is way bigger than Marin's. You still need my approval to make up the two-thirds.”
“Not anymore,” she said.
He jabbed his index finger on the table. “Yes-huh. Check the partnership agreement.”
Yes-huh? Andy had his tightie-whities in a wad. “She's right. We just updated my shares when I took on all those patients. Our vote is enough to move forward.”
“Besides, what's the big deal? Maybe we get another cool guy in the office so you're not so outnumbered.” Katie kept up her soft, placating voice.
“I'm the cool guy in the office and that's the way I like it. We're not bringing on another guy.”
Then she took a stern tone with him. “We're bringing on whoever is best for the practice. Don't you remember when we hired Marin? We wanted a bigger team so we could have them run it and we could retire early. The only reason we held off w
as because the economy was terrible.”
Andy scoffed. “Katie, this city costs a fortune. We'll never be able to retire here.”
“I wasn't planning to retire here,” Katie said.
“What? So now you're moving too?” Andy raised his voice.
Katie stood and grabbed her purse. “Grow up, Andy. Stop being so selfish!” She stomped out of the café, leaving him with the bill. I remained still as I watched him take out his credit card. When I finally parted my mouth to speak he said, “I don't want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” I said, and he didn’t utter a word to me the rest of the day.
That evening when I walked through the front door, the smell of warm salmon and lemon salad dressing soothed my worried mind for just a second. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my giant purse. “I'm home!” I said.
“In here!” Rachel called from the kitchen.
She was serving up two plates, while James sat on the barstool drinking a cold beer. “We were wondering when you’d be home.”
“I could not get here fast enough. There’s so much tension in the office right now.” I dragged my feet over to James and he put his arm around me. I grabbed his beer bottle and sipped on it as if it were my own.
“What happened?” he asked.
I made a face and he rubbed his hand along my back. “Katie and I want to bring in a fourth partner and Andy is being . . . well, he’s being Selfish Andy.”
James kissed the top of my head and my worries melted just a little. “Don't worry, baby. He’ll come around.”
“Yeah,” I said, moving over to the other stool. “So what's going on here?”
Rachel sprinkled feta over the salad. “I'm just making you two dinner to say thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Aw, Rach, you don't have to do that,” I said.
“I know, but I really appreciate this.” Rachel plated the salmon over a bed of mashed potatoes and broccolini. “It's ready!” She carried the pretty, steaming plates to the dining room and we followed her. Food was exactly what I needed, especially if I was going to have a glass of wine, which I also needed.
“Bon appétit!” she said, untying her paisley dress apron.
There were only two plates on the table. “Wait, aren't you going to eat too?”
“No,” she said, keeping her eyes lowered. “I'm actually going to spend the evening with Keiko.”
“Really?” I said, giving her a strange look.
She turned back toward the kitchen. “Uh-huh.”
I jabbed the salmon with my fork and the moist meat flaked easily. I took a bite; the sweet and savory flavor delighted my tongue. It was better than the thirty-dollar salmon I got a few weeks back at the marina. “Rachel, this is delicious!” Then, the rest of my worries seemed to melt in my mouth along with the yummy fish.
“Oh, good.” She kissed my cheek and then James'. “Don’t wait up!” Rachel strutted to the door and was gone.
I looked at James. “Is she okay? Seemed kinda jumpy.”
“She's fine,” he said with a full mouth of mashed potatoes.
“Did she talk to you about David at all?” I asked.
He lowered his head. “Yeah. I really don't want to but I need to go see him. Rachel made it sound pretty bad.”
“Man, what’s with this year? After everything we’ve already been through, now Holly's leaving soon and the partners at work are at odds? I think my stress level might be moving back up to a six.”
He opened his hand and I took it. “If it makes you feel any better, so is mine.”
The next morning, I went downstairs for a glass of lemon water. Rachel, fully dressed, poured coffee from the French press into her travel mug.
“Good morning!” I said, opening the fridge.
She yawned. “Good morning. What are you doing up so early?”
“I have that photo shoot today and I need to fit in yoga and meditation before I go in. You’re usually gone by the time I come down. Late night with Keiko?” I asked.
She shot me a look. “I wasn't at Keiko's. I was with Kyle. I just didn't want to tell James.”
“Really? So that’s what dinner was about, huh? So much for appreciation.”
Rachel flashed a coy smile. “It was both.”
I leaned my elbows on the counter and rested my chin in my hands as I watched her finish packing her lunch. “So, what happened? Did you sleep with him?”
“No!” She sounded as sexually frustrated as Telly had all year. “We did make out on his couch, though. It was like being back in high school, you know, on top of the clothes stuff. But oh, my God, Marin, I wanted to rip his pants off so badly.” Rachel balled her fist near her face and gritted her teeth.
“Oh, I'm sure he wanted the same thing,” I said and squeezed a lemon wedge into my mug.
“If the bulge in his pants was any indication, then yeah, he did.”
“Is he a good kisser?” I asked.
She shot me wide eyes. “Yes, it's like our lips were made for each other.” And I knew exactly what she meant. “Anyway, I got about five hours of sleep but it was totally worth it.”
“Just don’t act too funny when you see him at school today.”
Rachel lowered her travel mug onto the counter, along with her jaw. “Oh man, you’re right. What if someone figures it out?”
I tilted my head. “Yeah, you might want to disclose it first before someone else does.”
She snatched her quilted lunch bag off the counter. “See! This is why I didn’t want to start anything until the summer break. Shit. I need to press pause on this whole thing.”
I pursed my mouth for a second, watching her expression fall into one of depression. “Press pause on the guy whose lips are made for yours?”
Rachel let out a deep sigh and dropped her head. “Yeah, I’m afraid so.” She dragged her feet all the way to the front door, leaving without another word.
After she was gone, I slipped on my yoga leggings and rolled my mat on the floor in the living room. By the time I was done with my YouTube yoga session, it was just after six a.m. I sat cross-legged on my mat and put in my headphones, queuing up a fertility meditation I downloaded. I let the words permeate my subconscious, willing my body to be the most fertile on the planet.
It was seven-thirty-one when I arrived at the office. I wasn’t really looking forward to the photo shoot, but after the morning I’d had, I was feeling good. I’d tried to convince the magazine to get my picture in the park or something in the afternoon, but they were adamant about taking the photo in our office reception area. The thing was, we had to get it done before our patients flooded in. So I walked in with my second green tea, wearing a trendy-meets-classic outfit with my navy blazer’s sleeves rolled up, my red skirt perfectly tailored, and chunky jewelry. Katie was already there directing the photographer on what should be in the shot.
“This is a promotional ad for us too,” I heard her say as I sat my oversized purse on one of the waiting room chairs.
“Hi, you must be Marin.” A young woman approached with her hand extended. She wore a pair of Tory Burch ankle boots and I was certain she was still a college student.
“Hi,” I said, taking her hand.
“I'm Amber Tucci, I'll be interviewing you today.” Her bronzed face was caked in shimmery makeup.
“Great. Nice to meet you.”
She had so much promise in her eyes. Her entire future lay before her. I remembered when I was that young and wore that much makeup. Holly and I had a lot of fun back in those days, but I also worked my ass off.
“Marin, they're ready for you!” Katie called from the reception desk. I gulped as much green tea as I could without it leaking out of the sides of my mouth. I used the photo app on my cell to check my lipstick.
“Ready!” I said.
“This is Eli,” Katie introduced me to the photographer and we shared a friendly smile and handshake.
“Pleasure to meet you. Where should I stand?” I
asked him.
“Why don't you stand here?” He stepped in front of the reception desk and placed me just to the left of the practice’s name emblem below the frosted glass top. We had done an entire makeover of the front office last year when we surpassed our revenue goal. And by the grin on Katie’s face, I knew she was glad we did.
I placed one hand on the counter and the other on my hip. “How's this?”
“Great!” he said and the shutter snapped. “I'm just going to get a few test shots.”
“Marin, maybe you should cross your arms and look more serious but not too serious,” Katie said, waving her finger around like a Hollywood film director.
“Like this?” I said, following her directions to a tee but feeling really awkward. It obviously wasn’t about me. It was about the practice.
“Yes . . .” She squinted and rocked her head side to side. “But you look too stern, try to smile a little more.”
“Like this?” I asked, holding my lips tightly against my teeth.
Katie waved her hand. “No, no, that looks phony. You can't look phony. Just be natural.”
I dropped my arms and my smile. “Katie, I never naturally stand here with my arms folded, looking serious but not too serious.”
“Oh, you know what I mean,” she said, taking the stance of a pushy stage mom.
I caught Eli giving Amber a secret nod, and immediately she swooped in next to Katie, pulling her away for a conversation. Amber complimented the office and Katie’s outfit. My partner just ate it up.
“Just stand like this,” Eli modeled for me and I took the pose. “Perfect,” he said.
“Lookin’ good, Marin!” Andy called out. He'd just walked through the front doors, still wearing his sunglasses. I blushed. Andy was the last person I wanted around for the shoot. “Whoa, you're like a model!” he called out and struck vogue poses around the photographer and I did my best not to laugh.
“Andy, stop! She needs to focus!” Katie yelled. He turned back to her and removed his sunglasses, keeping his awestruck eyes on Amber.
“Hi, I'm Andy,” he said in his flirtatious voice, extending his hand.
Now she was the one blushing. “Amber.”