by Amanda Aksel
“Amber, that’s a nice name. Are you with the photographer?” he asked.
“Yes. I mean, I'm working with him. I'm not with him, with him,” she giggled, fidgeting around her words.
I didn't see it, but I could hear him smirk. “Great.”
“I'm interviewing Marin for the Top 40 Under 40 feature,” Amber said.
“Oh, so you're a journalist.”
“Mmhmm.”
I glanced over and watched him whip his card out from his pocket and hand it to her like it was a golden ticket. “Well, if you ever want to interview me or maybe I could interview you.”
I rolled my eyes. Did that actually work on twenty-year-old girls?
She giggled again and took the card from him, gently placing it in her bra. Seriously? Who put business cards in their bra? Besides, she was half his age. Gross. I suspected daddy issues. Maybe I should give her my card? I bet she wouldn't put it in her bra.
“Okay, I think I got it,” Eli called out, looking down at his camera.
Katie rushed to his side. “Really, can I see?”
He lowered his camera. “Sorry, you'll have to wait until it comes out. But trust me, they look great.” Eli turned to me. “Nice working with you. You're very photogenic.”
I smiled and shook his hand one last time. I bet he said that to all the Top 40 Under 40 professionals. “Thanks.”
Andy slipped back into the hallway and Amber's eyes followed him.
“Amber,” I said. “Where should we do the interview?”
“Your office?”
“Sure, come on back.” I waved for her to follow me.
As we walked down the hall, I caught her peeking around for Andy. I closed the door and asked her to take a seat on the talking couch. She pulled out her iPad and sat it on the coffee table in front of her. “Cool office.”
“Thanks.” I sat in my usual chair for patient sessions and grabbed my notebook just in case she wanted to talk.
“Marin, I'm so excited to interview you.” And for the first time I noticed her teenaged-Valley Girl accent.
I raised my eyebrow. “You are?”
“Yes! I interviewed Chantell Torres last week and she was so cool. She told me that the two of you are best friends and I was thinking that anyone who is her best friend must be so fun.”
I laughed and crossed my legs, making myself comfortable. “Actually, Telly's the fun one.”
“So fun! And she has a baby. I mean, I don't know how she does it.”
I nodded. “She's a badass.”
“So true. Do you have kids?”
My stomach tightened and I couldn’t wait until the day I no longer dreaded that question. “Not yet. My husband and I are actually hoping to have a baby soon.”
“Really, wow.” She looked stunned. What was she so surprised about—the fact that I wanted to have a baby or the fact that I was trying to have my first baby at thirty-five? “So are you still going to work after you give birth?” she asked.
And that was the other question I dreaded. I flashed a tight-lipped smile. “Of course, why wouldn't I?”
“I didn't mean to make an assumption. Where I come from, all my friends, even the career-oriented ones, get married by the time they’re twenty-five, and if they get pregnant they end up staying home and quitting their jobs even when they said they wouldn't.”
“Some women do that and that's great. But I love my job and so does Telly. She didn't quit.” Telly would never quit.
“Yeah.” Amber sounded unconvinced of the notion. “But she's an exception. I mean, I think she would give up her baby before she would give up her law firm. That's the kind of dedication you'd need.”
What kind of mother would give up her child for work? Telly wasn't a typical mom, but she'd never forsake her baby. I grabbed my notebook and pen. “So is that why you don't want to have children?” I asked.
“Totally, my friends back home are so different now that they're mothers. But I love my life. I don't want to give it up so I can have another person living in my apartment for free. That's crazy, right?”
“Over half of the population does it. It can’t be that crazy.”
“I dunno. Things are changing, right? Now my generation is living alternative lifestyles, you know, no kids, no marriages, sometimes even like poly-amorous relationships.” Poly-amorous? Great. All I needed were three people in my office bickering about their messy relationship.
“Where did you say you were from again?” I asked.
“I didn't. I'm from Ohio.” Hmm, she must’ve picked up that accent from those teen movies.
I nodded. “I see. And are your parents still living there?” I asked.
“My mom and her boyfriend are. My dad lives in Arizona.” Absent father, huh?
“So your parents divorced when you were young?” I asked.
“Yeah . . . Wait, are you psychoanalyzing me right now?” She looked offended.
I dropped my pen, shaking my head. “No, no, we're just talking.”
She smirked. “Oh, my God, you are! And I didn't even realize it at first. You are good, Marin Johns-Young. You are really good.”
I shrugged. “Well, I do what I can. But seriously. You're a long way from home. If you need someone to talk to, let me know.” I handed her my business card.
“Thanks,” she said and slipped it into her purse.
I knew it.
“Let's get back to the real interview,” Amber said. “How long have you been a partner here at Golden Gate Psychotherapy Center?”
“Geez, I was almost twenty-nine, so about six years now.”
“Girl, you look good for thirty-five!” she said, snapping her fingers. So maybe the twenty-five-year-old wasn't so bad.
“Thanks.”
At the end of the interview, she gave me a hug and thanked me for my time. “See, I knew this interview was going to be fun. You're amazing!”
I told her that she was pretty badass herself. When she left my office, all I could think about was when I was her age, finishing grad school and starting my internship here in San Francisco. Everything was new, but even back then with all my career aspirations, I still wanted to get married and have a family. Just not until I was thirty. I should’ve started it sooner. Part of me wanted to run out and warn her about the dangers of waiting to have a baby and to get knocked up as soon as possible.
Even though I struggled to find the right guy, struggled to get married, and now struggled to have a baby, everything always worked out in the end. I needed to remind myself that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. At least that's what Linda, my energy healer, kept telling me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Girl Talk
With babies, adoptions, fertility treatments, and work, it seemed nearly impossible to plan a time to get together with my besties. But eventually we ended up drinking iced tea and snacking on raspberries in my backyard on a sunny Sunday in early June. Holly sat with Leo, playing with his toys on a blanket in the grass. Marvin lay next to them, soaking up the sun and keeping watch. What a relief that Marvin was so good around children. I couldn’t imagine how hard that would’ve been for James if he weren’t.
After the usual catch-up chatter, the conversation grew quiet. We all seemed to be enjoying the leisurely moment, something that seemed so rare for three busy, working women.
“So is this what your life’s like in Thailand?” Telly asked Holly.
Holly looked up, her newsboy hat shading her face. “Some days are.” She glanced down at Leo. “Minus the baby.”
Telly rested her head back, her large sunglasses covering most of her face. “Oh man, can I go with you? I heard massages there are dirt cheap.”
Holly laughed. “You should. You’d live like a queen.”
“If I didn't love my job so much, I might just hire a few more people and run my firm from Southeast Asia.”
“You guys would ditch me for cheap massages and pad thai?” I joked.
“Sorry,
Mar,” Telly said, like I'd be S.O.L.
I glanced over at her tanned, sun-covered skin. “So did you ever hire someone?”
Her shades were just transparent enough for me to see her roll her eyes. “Yes.” She gritted her teeth.
“What is it now?” I asked, thinking that she had made a new habit of complaining that past year. She had a great job and a super-adorable son. What was there to be unhappy about?
She sat up. “This is so my luck. A young attorney comes into my office and he's kinda short and nerdy looking, but his track record is amazing. So I hire him because he seems cool, very competent, and I have zero attraction to him whatsoever. He is so nice, like almost doormat kinda nice. And at first I didn't understand how he was so good at his job. So I went to watch him in court, you know, see how he works. And . . .”
“What?” Holly asked. Leo sat up next to her, his mouth stuffed with a plastic toy.
“He was such a bulldog, not just a bulldog, but a clever, fast-talking one. You know I like fast talkers. And by the time court was adjourned, my panties were wet. I don't think much of him because he’s not that bulldog in the office, but there's a little part of me that's curious about how he is in the sack.”
Holly scowled. “You can't sleep with him, Telly.”
“I know that!” she yelled back. “Don't you think I know that? The last thing I need is a sexual harassment suit.” Telly sat back with her arms crossed, fuming a little.
“Look, there's nothing wrong with being curious about how a guy is in bed, just don’t act on it,” I said.
“Easier said than done. Like what if one night we’re working late together. Alone. And then a compliment leads to a touch, then leads to a kiss, and before you know it he's ripping off my panties and banging me on the desk, knocking all of my files onto the floor like an earthquake.”
Holly and I exchanged glances.
“You know I don't usually advocate this, but, Telly, you need a fuck buddy.” Holly cupped her hand around her mouth and whispered the expletive. Telly parted her lips but Holly jumped in and said, “Not him.”
My horny friend let out a frustrated groan and I could tell she was in the worst sexual crisis of her entire life.
I shrugged and sipped my iced tea. “Or you could just fuck Will. For the rest of your life.”
She threw a raspberry my way and it hit my bare shoulder, leaving a pink juice stain on my skin. “I'm not going to marry Will, okay? Get over it!”
“I'm just sayin'. It would solve a lot of your problems.”
She gripped the armrests. “I don't want to talk about my problems anymore.”
“Yeah, let’s move on. I think you two are up to speed on my stuff. What about you, Holly? Any word on the adoption list?” I asked.
Holly glanced at me for a single moment then reverted her attention back to Leo. “No. It's the same. Long wait, I guess. It’ll come through soon enough. No need to stress about it.”
“Totally, agreed,” I said, thinking that my stress level had definitely been a four and was falling fast.
The next evening after work, I arrived home to find Rachel waiting with a fresh homemade vegetable pizza. She sang along with the latest pop hit streaming from her miniature Bluetooth speaker as she rolled the pizza cutter across the pie.
“Oh, good, you're home. I was beginning to think I’d have to eat this pizza by myself,” she said.
My mouth watered at the sight of the mushrooms and olives. “Nope, I'll help you.” I sat on the barstool and watched Rachel grab plates from the cabinet. “How was your day?”
She flashed a toothy smile. “Great! School’s out next week and I can’t wait to sleep past six a.m. But . . . that means Holly’s leaving too. So I guess I'll be moving to her place.”
My heart pounded and I grasped the edge of the counter. “Oh no! You can't leave. Who's going to help James cook for me? I like our new routine, the yoga and smoothies in the morning, the evening chat and herbal tea. You're like the wife I've always wanted.”
She chuckled and slid a couple of slices my way. “I know. I'm gonna miss you too, but now you and James can get it on whenever and I can have my own private rendezvous with Kyle.”
“Oh, yeah?” I said, bouncing my eyebrows. “You must really be itching to sleep with him.”
Rachel ran her fingers down her neck. “I am. I think we may head out of town as soon as school's out. Either up north or down south.”
I smirked. “Let's hope he goes south.”
“I know, right?” She blushed before taking a bite. I was so proud of her for moving on in a healthy way. I just wanted to see her happy.
A week later, I stopped by Holly’s place to visit her one last time before she departed for the summer.
“What time does your flight leave again?” I asked, sitting on Holly's boho-patterned bed sheet while she rolled her T-shirts, denim jeans, and shorts, and tucked them into her suitcase.
“Ten thirty tonight.”
“Where's Rachel?” I asked, glancing at my watch. She should’ve been here by now.
“She had a bunch of things to finish up at school since it’s the last week. But she came by yesterday.”
I wondered if Rachel was really working or was she spending time with Guidance Counselor Kyle? Holly had no idea that Rachel had started dating again. She'd be crushed to learn that her own sister ditched her to hang out with a guy the night she was leaving for three months. I hated keeping it from her, but Rachel asked me not to say anything until after the divorce was final.
“I can't believe you're going to miss the entire summer, Fourth of July, and barbeques at my house. Leo's probably gonna grow twice his size by the time you get back.”
“You’ll be fine without me. Just focus on work and getting pregnant. So we can both have babies on the way.” She smiled, keeping her eyes on her half-packed suitcase.
“Wait, does that mean the adoption’s happening?” I asked, trembling with excitement.
Holly shook her head. “Nothing’s changed with the adoption but you know what I mean.” She was quiet for a moment then looked up with fresh tears in her eyes. “Oh, my gosh. I can't believe I just got sad. I'm about to go to a beautiful country that I love, with the man I love. I should be jumping for joy.” She wiped her eye with the edge of her pinky.
“It's my fault. I've got you feeling super guilty.” I grabbed her hand. “I don't want you to worry about us. We're going to have a great summer. I'll make sure Rachel’s taken care of. And yeah, by the time you come home we'll both be expecting our babies. I know it, okay?”
She sniffed her tears back. “Okay.”
I glanced around her bed, thinking she still had a lot to do before leaving. “Look, I'm gonna go so you can finish packing. And I’ll see you as soon as you get back.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“What? I don't want you to miss your flight,” I clarified.
She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me in. “I'm gonna miss you, Marin. But I’ll be able to talk to you when I'm there.”
“I know. I'm gonna miss you too,” I said, inhaling her eucalyptus scent.
She pulled back and I looked into her chestnut eyes. It was always the same. I never realized how much I really loved her until she was about to leave. She was my oldest and dearest friend. I was lucky to have her and even luckier that she was planning to return home to San Francisco in just a few months.
“Don't forget to bring me back some of those harem pants I love so much,” I said.
Holly laughed. “Okay, I won't forget.” She hugged me again. “I love you, Mar.”
“I love you too.”
When I got home, Rachel was still out and her portable school file bin was on the floor in her room. I found James sitting outside with an open beer and reading a copy of the new Bay Local Magazine.
“Hey, I thought you were going to Holly's,” he said.
“I just got back.” I took the magazine and read the cover—
Top 40 Under 40. I flipped the page and there I was standing in front of our reception desk at work. I didn’t look serious but not too serious at all. I actually looked happy—like a zero stress level. I smiled, thinking that considering everything, I really was in a good place and it showed in that photo.
“It just came in the mail and can I say, hubba, hubba.” James let out a catcall whistle and took the magazine from my grasp.
I laughed. “No one says that anymore.”
“Well, I do.” He glanced between the picture of me and the real me. “My wife is a hot supermodel.”
“What are you talking about?” I said, snatching the magazine back, and scrutinized my nicely airbrushed mug on the glossy page. “I'm not a model. I'm Top 40 under 40.”
“Well, you're at the top of my forty list.” He grabbed me by the waist and playfully pulled me down on his lap. He tossed the magazine on the table and kissed my neck.
“Do you want me to hide the magazine under the bed for you?” I asked.
“Funny,” he said with his voice muffled on my skin. “Mmm, you're so sexy.” His hand slid up my thigh. “We haven't had sex in weeks.” He wasn't the only one dying for a little skin-on-skin action.
“I know, babe. We need to wait until I'm ovulating.” I gently pushed him away, even though I wanted to grab his rod that was pressed against my thigh.
He let out a pitiful whimper. “You know, I kinda thought getting pregnant was going to involve more sex.”
“Me too, but I need you to save your juices so they run wild once they're released.”
“Baby, my juices always run wild. Can't we just have a little?” He pouted his sexy lip, and I wanted to bite it, then lick him all over.
I shook my head.
“When are you ovulating?” he asked.
“Later this week. Don't worry,” I said, kissing his neck. “It’ll be worth the wait.”
The next day when I walked into the office, a stack of Bay Local magazines was piled high on the waiting room table. I hadn't even made it to my office when Katie came rushing by with a copy in her hand.