Heaven Beside You

by Christa Maurice

  “Stop what?” he asked.

  “Shutting me out. You said I didn’t do anything wrong, but you’re not talking to me.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She knew how to roll over and be quiet, how to avoid a fight. Screaming and knocking over furniture wasn’t avoiding anything. He would leave. Pack his things and go, much sooner than she could stand.

  Hide. She needed to hide. From him, from her life, from everyone. Wasn’t that the point of being here on the mountain? That’s why she’d never told anyone why her marriage came apart. But then she’d gone and invited the whole world in, in the form of Jason Callisto, and allowed him to see her mistakes. To judge her. Condemn her.

  Dodging through the kitchen, she headed for her bedroom, where she might be able to hide, but Jason caught her at the hall door. She tried to pull away, but he dragged her against his chest.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. “I didn’t realize what I was doing. I was trying not to take it out on you. I was angry, but never at you.”

  At last her tears dried and she relaxed into his arms. He didn’t seem upset about her crying. What was he trying not to take out on her? The thought of getting an answer frightened her. Everything seemed so nice right now and she didn’t want to screw it up again. He tilted her face up to his. His jaw flexed as he studied her face.

  “I’m sorry, Cassandra, bella, for everything.”

  “It’s not your fault I married badly.”

  He winced. “Let me make it up to you.” Leaning down, he captured her mouth in a sweet, gentle kiss. Before she had time to recover, he’d lifted her in his arms and carried her into the bedroom.

  Kissing away the last of her tears, he laid her on the bed, tangled his long fingers through her hair. Slipping her hands under his shirt, she caressed his warm bare skin. He sighed and moved away a little, pulled his shirt off. Then he captured her hand, guided it across the tight muscles of his abdomen and up his chest to his lips.

  “So beautiful,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her palm. “So sweet. Cassandra.”

  The low, intimate tone of his voice went through her and settled warmly inside. She still felt dried out and jittery from her tantrum, but he smoothed across her body, taming her nerves even as he pulled them tight. He began unbuttoning her shirt, kissing each new exposed bit of skin. When he reached her belly button, he dipped his tongue into her. Unable to gather breath, she clutched the bed. Heat welled through her. They’d had sex before, so why was this so dizzyingly new?

  Jason unbuttoned her jeans and then lowered the zipper. Sliding up beside her, he slipped his hand inside her clothing, laid it across her stomach.

  “Let me make love to you, bella,” he whispered. His hot breath caressed her ear. “I want to kiss every part of you. I’ll show you what a woman feels like when she’s with a man who loves her. Lie still and let me do everything.” He covered her mouth with his.

  Eyes closed, she allowed herself to just feel. He inched her jeans over her hips and down her legs, dropped her jeans off the side of the bed, then knelt at her feet and rolled her onto her stomach. She pressed her face into a pillow as he kneaded her feet with his strong hands, rubbed each toe with exquisite care. Then he licked her instep, and when his mouth closed over her smallest toe, she couldn’t hold back a moan of pure delight. He suckled it as he massaged her ankle. When he shifted his mouth to her next toe, he moved his hands to the bottom of her calf. He worked across each of her toes and up her calf to her knee. She barely remembered how to breathe.

  “Is it good?” he asked, setting her foot down.

  Trapped between agony and nirvana, she could only reply with a whimper. Her feet felt lopsided, like one was jealous of the attention the other had received. Her heartbeat slowed to a languorous pace.

  Her other foot, he rubbed with the same attentive care, then sucked each toe as he kneaded her calf. When he’d finished, he kissed the back of each knee, exploring the dips and grooves with his tongue. Cass dug her toes into the loose sheets, and as he started working his way up her thighs, clutched the edge of the mattress. He dug into the muscles, squeezing and releasing until she wasn’t sure she had muscles anymore. A low feral growl built in the back of her throat when he reached the tops of her thighs, in anticipation of his skilled fingers touching between her legs, massaging her, filling her.

  He reached up and pulled her shirt off her back and unclasped her bra, allowing it to fall loose. Lingering for a moment, he traced her spine, then shifted forward, leaned down and kissed her buttocks. Just when she thought she couldn’t stand not feeling him against her anymore, he rested his body along the length of hers, keeping most of his weight on his knees and elbows. He kissed her shoulders. “You know you’re beautiful, don’t you, bella?” he murmured. “You know you’re completely intoxicating? You’re irresistible.”

  Jason’s words made her breath catch in her throat. Beautiful. Intoxicating. Irresistible. His bare chest pressed her back. His jeans chafed her massaged, weak legs. His penis nudged, hard and erect, against her buttocks. One small movement, and he could slide inside her, fill her, pushing away this sweet inertia for a much sweeter arousal. She arched her hips upward.

  His chest moved against her as he drew in a sharp breath. “So utterly intoxicating.” He pushed himself upright and began massaging her back. His thumbs in her spine were deliciously accurate, and her muscles uncoiled at his command. She lay helpless as he worked away years’ worth of tension. Randomly, he would place kisses on her back as he continued to manipulate her with his fingers. When she thought she might dissolve into the bed if he continued for one more minute, he stopped.

  He rolled her over, pulled her slack bra away and tossed it on her jeans. “You don’t, do you?” he asked, brushing her hair off her face. “You don’t know how beautiful you are.”

  Nothing in his expression revealed the lie behind the terrifying sincerity in his voice. The look in his dark eyes weighted her to the bed, fixing her like a butterfly in a case, and he roamed down with a hand and cupped her breast. Eyes on hers, he licked his lips as if he wanted to say something else, then leaned over and took her nipple between his lips, traced it with the tip of his tongue.

  Wrung out with pleasure, she didn’t know how she would endure another minute, how she would survive having it end. Tears of frustrated desire leaked from the sides of her eyes. Aching. Throbbing. A vast emptiness he seemed in no hurry to fill swelled in her and she seemed unable to communicate her need.

  He turned, devoting equal attention to her other breast. First licking and then suckling with a maddeningly slow rhythm. Cass clutched his back, distantly aware of her short fingernails digging into his skin. When he lifted his head, a small smile played around his mouth. Then he reached for the condoms on the bedside table. When he turned back, he leaned down and kissed her while he unfastened his jeans. She grabbed for the packet, but he closed his hand around it.

  “I want to do everything, bella,” he murmured, shoving his jeans down his hips.

  With the same agonizing slowness, he entered her. A sigh came from her, and she sank her nails into his skin. She couldn’t remember anything. Nothing. Her life shrank to this pinpoint of time. The beat of her heart picked up pace with the pulse of his thrusts. Climax came over her like the tide, ever increasing crests of pleasure until one crest obliterated her.

  Gasping, she clung to him as he shifted them so her head rested on his chest. He stroked her long hair, murmuring. She never wanted to move again. Every part of her body was warm, loved and exhausted. Her eyes drowsed closed, and she took a deep breath, imprinting the scent of Jason’s skin on her mind.

  So this was how a woman felt when she was with a man who loved her.

  Hours later, she woke, and reached for Jason, but the other side of the bed was cold. Through the view in the fireplace into the living room, he sat on the couch, long legs propped on her coffee table, warming his feet in t
he fire and staring at the dying embers.

  When had it gone wrong? She’d screwed up, but when? At some point, however, she’d gone and fallen in love with him. She hadn’t meant to. Been trying not to. This was supposed to be a little affair she could remember into her old age. Two weeks of passionate sex with no strings. But somewhere along the line she’d gotten tangled up in invisible strings. Was it three days ago when they had their snowball fight, before he’d even offered his proposal? This afternoon when they’d talked about Stella? Today when they’d come home from Gaitherberg and he’d wanted her so much he could hardly wait to get inside the house? When he got so angry about Michael she’d imagined he would have loved her too much to hurt her that way?

  It didn’t matter. She’d made the fatal mistake of falling in love with the transient musician and now she had scores of winters in her future to remember it. Cass pressed her face into her pillow and let silent tears fall until she fell back to sleep.

  * * * *

  Jason stared at the glowing orange embers. How had he allowed this to happen again? He’d gone into this cheap, short run relationship, everything up front, wanting to get Stella out of his system. He’d done that all right, but he’d managed to replace her with Cassandra, who wanted to use him to escape this little town. And to make the whole mess perfect, he felt guilty because he wouldn’t be her savior. He couldn’t be her savior.

  Her ex-husband had done a number on her, teaching her to doubt herself. Jason could imagine what she must have been like before Michael, based on the small miracles she’d worked after him. She’d turned around an entire town almost on her own. She burned brighter than all of them.

  She certainly heated him up.

  He’d never known a woman who turned him on so easily and consistently. She was always warm, willing and fantastic. Hell, he could go in there right now and be in her before she woke up, and she’d still be ready and enthusiastic. Two years of celibacy behind him, and she was scorching that out of his system fast.

  What would it have been like if he’d met her before Stella? In those few months between her divorce and his fatal error. He wouldn’t have seen the trap for what it was—the wronged woman, the siren ready to smash him on her rocks—and he’d have fallen for her without looking back. He’d have been really, really happy for however long it took Cass to get what she wanted. Happier than he’d been with Stella.

  But in the end, when she had what she needed, she’d have gone. Just like Stella. They always left. This time, he had to be the one who left first. He couldn’t be fooled by her false love.

  He loved her.

  Not lust. He knew the difference well, and while there was a fair amount of lust in this three-day-old relationship, it certainly wasn’t founded on that. He’d been smitten with her the day they’d gone into town and he saw how proud they all were of her. Then watching her surefootedness, dealing with those two vixens in the grocery store. Once upon a time, he’d have lapped up the kind of attention those little girls threw at him, but one night of Cassie’s sweet company spotlighted how empty it was. Every moment he spent in her company confirmed it. He’d been right the first night, thinking he could curl up on her couch and fall asleep. If only he’d stopped there.

  He stood and stretched. Should try to get some sleep, or barring that, get some time wrapped in Cassie’s arms. Too soon he’d have to leave, and he wanted to get as much of her as possible before the inevitable.

  * * * *

  Cass sat at the dining room table doing something with index cards and frowning. Jason had discovered a deck of cards on the video shelf and was trying to remember how to play solitaire. He hadn’t slept well. Once in bed, he’d wrapped his arms around her and lain in a half-awake twilight zone, feeling her body curl against his in the darkness, warm and heavy with sleep.

  Nothing had been said about the night before. If she’d woken up while he’d sat on her couch beating himself up, he didn’t know, but he’d noticed tear stains on her pillow this morning. He wanted to believe she had been crying because of the argument. The devil on his left shoulder, though, kept whispering that she sensed her opportunity slipping away.

  They had cuddled in silence until hunger drove them to the kitchen. Breakfast had been quiet, but not strained. She’d started working on her project as soon as they’d cleaned up. He’d watched TV for a while before finding the cards. Now staring at them, he couldn’t focus on them because all he could think about was how to get more time with her. He didn’t mind sitting in the same room with her, not talking or touching, only being together. Liked it, in fact. There was no pressure to be entertaining or entertained. This, he could live with. Forever.

  If it was real. It felt real. It looked real.

  But his judgment wasn’t reliable on that subject. Stella had looked real, too.

  The phone rang. Cass shifted out of her seat and picked it up on the second ring. “Hello?” She brightened. Jason wondered sourly if Finn was calling before coming up this time. “Oh, hi, Bill. Did you weather the storm all right?”

  Bill? Did she have somebody else on the line? No, Bill was the guy selling the land. He smiled down at his cards. Good. Not another guy. But what right did he have to be jealous, anyway? Was she trying to make him jealous?

  That didn’t make sense. If she were, wouldn’t she dangle Finn in front of him, instead of a guy who was selling land?

  How was she dangling anybody, when Bill had called her?

  Maybe this was what a nervous breakdown felt like.

  “How much are you looking to get?” she asked.

  Cass was quiet for too long for the price to be good. He wondered what kind of negotiator she was. He’d never been good at it, which was why he had an talent manager, a business manager and a lawyer.

  “I hear your daughter is moving back with her husband,” she said. “Are they bringing their stable, too? It would be awful good for their business if my business was good, wouldn’t it?” She looked at the floor, nodding as if Bill could hear her nod through the phone line. “Well, at that price I’ll have to think about it. Do you mind if I take a drive over there?”

  How far away was this pasture? Would she try wading through the snow to get there today? The Weather Channel said it would warm up, but a lot of snow had fallen overnight.

  “I don’t think it’ll take me that long to decide. Thanks for giving me first crack, Bill.” She turned back toward the kitchen, but her voice carried through. “Well, thanks anyway. Maybe I’ll take a ride over there as soon as the snow settles. ’Bye, Bill.”

  Cass hung up the phone and leaned on the wall, and he waited.

  “The pasture?” he asked without looking up. Maybe he was playing it too cool. Or not cool enough. He supposed it depended on whether she was genuine or fake. “How much does he want?”

  “Too much.”

  Jason nodded. He didn’t have any idea what land cost out here, and only a passing idea what land cost in LA. “Is it worth it?”

  “To me it’s worth about half what he’s asking. To anybody else, I can’t imagine it’s worth even that. Unless somebody from DC decides to build a little country house here.” She sat down on the couch next to him. He relaxed more than he’d realized he’d tensed up. “That black seven can go over here.”

  “Oh, thanks.” He moved the card, revealing an ace. “So what do you do now?”

  “I’ll go take a look and then I’ll ask Finn to barter him down some.”

  He should have known Finn would enter into this somewhere. Finn had his fingers on the pulse of everything. Or maybe just her pulse. Or maybe he was over thinking it. “Why Finn?”

  “Because he does books for both of us so he knows what position we’re both in.” Cass studied his cards.

  “Isn’t that unethical?”

  She shrugged. “It’s the way things have always been done.”

  “And if he decides you’re in a better position than Bill is?” Maybe
Tessa, his sister and lawyer, would be willing to give Cass a hand with this purchase. How would she feel about his sister stepping in? Tessa would get a good deal and then Cass would owe him a favor. She might be grateful. Very grateful, depending on the quality of Tessa’s deal, and his sister was known for the quality of her deals. That was a nice thought.

  “He won’t.”

  “Because he’s madly in love with you?” Jason tried not to let the venom welling up his throat leak out, but the thought of her grateful to Finn made him want to break things.

  “No, because he does our books. He’ll check the market value and both our finances and come up with a deal that’s fair for both of us. Finn doesn’t put me on a pedestal because he’s attracted to me. Your two of diamonds is up.” Cass hooked her hand through his elbow.

  “What’s fun about that?” What kind of a would-be-beau was Finn, if he wouldn’t work on Cassie’s behalf just because it was hers? That was the point of being with her. Why would Finn even want to be with Cassie if he couldn’t be on her side, making sure she got the best deal, the nicest table and the sparkliest jewels? He moved the two of diamonds onto the ace of diamonds. “You’d look good on a pedestal.”

  “Thanks, but that’s not the way Finn thinks. He takes his position as the town’s only accountant very seriously. Sometimes I think it’s not so much me he’s attracted to as the fact that our seasons don’t conflict.” She leaned her cheek on his shoulder.

  He took a deep breath. Her cheek on his shoulder and her long hair coiling down his back felt good. Almost as good as having her hair trailing around him as she straddled him. A shiver of desire rose, and he suppressed it. He didn’t want her to think he just wanted her for sex, which didn’t make sense because this whole relationship was built on sex.

  Wasn’t it? “Your seasons?”

  “Tax season and camping season.”

  Jason made a face. Finn didn’t know what he was dealing with. Cassie would burn him out in one season. Tax or camping. “What a romantic.” He kissed her forehead and was rewarded with a smile. “Did you know your boyfriend was so dull?”