by Holly Rayner
“If you’re talking about Nick—”
“Oh, it has a name?”
Eva was shocked. She’d never seen Chris act this way. He was sarcastic and bitter and spiteful. It scared her. She didn’t want to believe that someone so kind could be turned so quickly.
Maybe she’d screwed up. Maybe she hadn’t considered how Chris would feel. But he was acting like she’d cheated on him, and she hadn’t promised him anything more than a working relationship.
“What’s wrong with you?” Eva asked. “I thought we were starting to be friends.”
“Friends? I never wanted to be friends.”
“Do you realize how awful that sounds?”
“Do you realize how awful you’ve been?”
Eva was in tears.
“I can explain,” she said. “I can explain about Nick.”
She was prepared to tell him everything. She would tell him about her weekend with Filipe and the insane offer he’d made. It might not make Chris feel better, but at least it would make sense. At least he would understand why she’d agreed to go on a date the first person who’d asked.
“Explain what?” Chris spat. “That you’d rather go out with a stranger than me? That you’ve been lying to me from day one? You told me you weren’t ready to date. That you had too much going on. That you wanted to get to know someone first. And yet, here we are.”
“But I can explain that,” Eva said. “Chris, please, you’re my friend. I want you to be my friend. I need you to be my friend.”
“I’m not your friend,” Chris said. “Friends don’t lie to each other.”
“You’re the only person who knows the truth about me,” she said. “I don’t have anyone else. Not in the city. Not in Brooklyn. Nowhere. I can’t risk losing you.”
“You haven’t known me that long,” he said. “You’ll get over it.”
“Chris, please.”
He opened the door and left. Eva sunk down onto one of the wooden benches and began to sob. She’d never been so miserable. Everything with Filipe had gone wrong. Now, she’d hurt Chris. Depending on how badly she’d hurt him, she might be losing her job. It was all going south.
Eva wasn’t sure how long she sat there crying, but when Chris came in again, it was nearly nine.
“I can finish the close,” he said, not making eye contact. “You should go home and get some sleep.”
“No,” Eva said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I’m not doing that to you. We need to talk.”
“I’m not letting my customers see you like this,” Chris said firmly. “We aren’t going to talk. There’s nothing to talk about. Just go home, okay?”
He shut the door. Eva began to cry even harder. How had she reached this point in her life? Was there a way back to where she’d been? If there was, it was probably too late to use it.
Still crying, she changed into street clothes and shoes. She rinsed her face in the corner sink and took a few deep breaths.
Her “date” wasn’t expecting her for another forty-five minutes. She didn’t have any way to cancel. He hadn’t left a phone number. She could go home. Nick was a smart guy. Or, at least, he seemed like one. He would be okay. And, if she saw him again, she would explain.
But she couldn’t do that. She knew how it felt to be abandoned—to look forward to something, only to have it taken away. Miserable or not, she would meet Nick for their date. Maybe he would be able to turn her night around.
Somehow, she doubted it.
Eva shoved her uniform into her locker and grabbed her purse. She wasn’t going to sit there crying until Chris came back. She could, but it wouldn’t do any good. They would just fight more. Maybe, if she left him alone, he would calm down. Her father had that kind of temper. It was something she could understand.
If he refused to talk to her by Friday, though, she’d have to start looking for a new job. She couldn’t continue working in this kind of environment. She’d been through enough already. She’d find something else, put in her two weeks, and make a swift transition. But only if Chris made it necessary.
Eva pulled herself together and left the staff room.
Outside, Chris was closing the store early. The doors were already locked. The lobby had completely emptied. It wasn’t even nine-thirty.
“What are you doing?” Eva asked, genuinely concerned. “We’re only supposed to close early in emergency situations, right?”
“Yeah,” Chris said, not looking up from the register. “I need to leave. That’s emergency enough.”
Eva debated over what to do next. She could try to reason with him, or she could walk out. If she walked out, he might think she didn’t care. If she tried to reason with him, he might start yelling at her again. Either way, she stood to lose.
She chose the course of action.
“Chris, I really think you need to hear what I have to say.”
“I’m done,” Chris said. “I’ve heard all of your stories. I know every single one of your excuses. If you weren’t interested in me, you should have just said so.”
“Fine,” Eva said. “I don’t like you that way. But I want to be your friend, Chris. And if you ever want me to feel something for you, you need to think about the way you treat me. I’ve never seen you be this mean. I didn’t think you were capable of it. I don’t know that I’m ever going to look at you the same way again. You’re a different person to me, now.”
“Whatever.”
Eva sighed. The conversation was going nowhere.
“I would have said yes to anyone tonight,” she said. “Including you.”
He didn’t even look up. Her blood began to boil. Was she just a pair of breasts to him? Why couldn’t he treat her like a human being, even when he knew he couldn’t have her?
“I’m going to leave now,” she said, putting on her lawyer pants for the first time in a long time. “But this behavior needs to stop. As far as I know, I didn’t break any policies tonight. I didn’t cross the line. I’ve seen other employees do the same thing. You are my manager. And if my working environment is made hostile or uncomfortable because I won’t date you, I could take you to court.”
Nothing.
“I spent the last hour crying in a glorified closet,” Eva said. “Because of you. And, despite knowing that, you sent me home. You crossed lines tonight. Not me. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I wish you would hear me out. But I’m not going to make myself miserable for another minute because you refuse to treat me fairly.”
Chris stopped what he was doing, but he didn’t look up.
“Just go.”
Eva felt tears sting her eyes again. She pushed them back. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
“Fine.”
She left Gustavo’s, turned right, and headed toward the pizzeria. She hoped, against all hope, that Nick was something special. Otherwise, this night would be a total bust.
The restaurant was nearly empty when she arrived. She asked the hostess to seat her somewhere comfortable. Thirty minutes and two glasses of water later, Nick still hadn’t shown up. It was ten-fifteen. Eva was starting to get nervous.
She wondered if there was another pizzeria nearby. Maybe he’d made a mistake and gone to the wrong place. She wished she’d had the foresight to ask for his phone number—or, rather, that he’d had the foresight to leave it.
Her waiter was getting impatient.
“Are you still waiting for someone, miss?”
Eva nodded.
“Just a few more minutes,” she said. “If he’s not here by then, I’ll order.”
“Are you sure you don’t want anything else to drink? We have specialty drinks half-off on weeknights.”
“Thanks,” Eva said. “But I’m really okay.”
The waiter made a face and left.
Eva was beginning to think she’d been stood up. Nick hadn’t seemed thrilled at her pizza suggestion. Maybe he’d rather date a size-zero bimbo who drank her calories in alcohol and slept with
whoever paid the bill.
Don’t start thinking like that.
Either way, she wasn’t feeling very good about the date. She wanted nothing more than to order her pizza to go and head home. She still had access to Marie’s Wi-Fi. She could watch a few shows and pass out. She needed the rest before her opening shift with Chris. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
It was ten-thirty.
“He’s not coming,” she whispered, hardly able to believe her luck. What a horrible day.
Eva motioned for her waiter to come to the table.
“Are you ready to order?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’d like a pepperoni pizza, to go.”
“That’s it?”
“I think so.”
“All right,” he said. “It’ll be about fifteen minutes.”
“No problem.”
When the fifteen minutes were up, Eva collected her pizza, paid, and headed toward the nearest subway station.
“I’m done dating,” she told herself as she went. “It’s not worth it.”
She was home twenty minutes later. Two hours after that, she was asleep in her sad, tiny bed.
Chapter Eleven
Eva woke up late. Her shift started at eight o’clock, and it was nearly seven. She threw on a fresh uniform, stuffed some leftover pizza in her mouth, and attempted to organize her apartment. Before this week, she’d worked reasonable hours. Now, Gustavo’s wanted her working thirty-five to forty hours a week. She didn’t have time for cleaning anymore.
She was exhausted. But she was earning more money now, which meant the bills would be easier to pay. If she could keep it up, she might even be able to remain independent from her parents.
She missed Filipe more than she could understand or explain, but she had a job. The weather was nice. She was learning new skills. Maybe it would all be okay. Chris was a bump in the road, but they could pull through. Right?
“Yesterday was bad,” she said to herself. “But today is going to be better.”
By some miracle, Eva arrived fifteen minutes before her shift was scheduled to start.
Today is going to be smooth sailing.
When she opened the door to the staff room, though, Chris was waiting for her.
“Hey,” she said. “I know last night was bad, but—”
“You’re fired.”
Eva stopped in her tracks.
“What?”
“You’re fired.”
“That’s not funny, Chris.”
She felt her world shift. Her stomach fell.
“I’m not kidding.”
Her eyes grew wide.
“If this is some kind of joke you’ve come up with to get back at me…”
“It’s not.”
“You can’t do this,” Eva said. She felt her body go numb. “Chris, you can’t fire me because I won’t date you. That’s sexual harassment.”
“Stop throwing around jargon, would you?”
“I mean it, Chris! You can’t do this!”
She was yelling, now.
“I was supposed to fire you weeks ago,” Chris said, raising his own voice. “I fought management on it. But that was wrong. I shouldn’t have pushed for you, just because I liked you. You aren’t good at the job. You aren’t a good fit here.”
“I’ll sue.”
“Management has records that prove I was instructed to dismiss you several times prior to last night,” Chris said. “You don’t have a case.”
“But you would have let me stay. You have that power.”
“No,” Chris said. “I don’t. They would have fired you themselves. I just prolonged it.”
“You can’t do this!”
Her entire body was shaking.
“You need to get your things and leave,” Chris said. “Or, I’ll have you removed.”
She was on the verge of a panic attack.
Do you want to do this here, or in private?
Eva took a very deep breath.
“You’re going to regret this,” she said. “I might not have money now. But the second I do, I’m going to prove that you hired me and fired me just because you had a crush. And, whether or not I win, you’re going to lose your job. And you know what? That’ll still be better than what you did to me. Because at least you had a warning.”
“Keep talking,” Chris said. “It’s not getting you anywhere.”
“A prince tried to buy my baby last weekend, and I think I actually hate you more.”
“What?”
Eva shook her head, turned on her heel, and left. There was nothing for her to collect. She didn’t want the uniform she’d left in her locker the night before, and her work shoes were uncomfortable anyway.
Two of her co-workers—both of whom Eva had tried to befriend—were already opening registers when she walked out. She was certain they knew about her termination. Neither of them made eye contact as she passed.
Great. Now I have no one.
Getting back to her apartment was more difficult than usual. She wasn’t used to riding the subway at eight o’clock in the morning. She was usually already at work. Now, there were people everywhere.
It took thirty minutes for her train to come and, when it did, she barely fit into a car.
Her mood had completely flipped by the time she opened her apartment door. She was drained, depressed, anxious, angry, and hurt. There were so many feelings that she didn’t know where to begin.
First, there was anger at Chris. How could he do this to her? He knew about her situation. He’d promised to help her. He’d been so comforting. And yet, here she was, unemployed, and trapped in a lease she couldn’t pay off. She was screwed. He’d betrayed her.
Then, there was depression stemming from Filipe’s disappearance (or, to be more accurate, removal) from her life—in addition to being stood up by a perfectly normal guy. Was she that unlovable? Her parents certainly didn’t seem to love her. Chris turned on her the moment she didn’t give him what he wanted.
Filipe was no different. Even if she hadn’t told him to get lost, he wouldn’t have been in contact after she firmly declined his offer. He only cared about his precious baby.
With no friends, no boyfriend, no job, and no education, Eva had never been more miserable. This was rock bottom. She’d finally hit it.
Her depression and anger were nothing compared to her anxiety. What was she going to do for work? Her last check from Gustavo’s would pay for rent next month—but then what? How would she buy groceries? How would she pay her cell phone bill? Finding a decent job took time, and Eva didn’t have it.
I never should have left.
Eva shoved the thought almost violently from her mind. She wasn’t going to regret standing up to her parents. It was the first smart thing she’d ever done. If she went home, that would be it. She would never be independent again. And her parents would never let her forget what she’d done. They’d forgive her. Oh, yes. They were merciful. But she would always be reminded.
She pictured her first morning as a partner at a law firm. She would come down the stairs, dressed like a true professional, and her mother would be waiting. She would snap a few pictures. Her father would nod his approval. Then, it would happen.
Her mother would say, “Look at you, now. Can you imagine what would’ve happened to you if you hadn’t come back home?”
Eva would smile and nod. Then, she would walk out the door. And every single night after, she would want to die.
I can’t let that happen.
She felt like she needed to cry, but there were no tears left. She’d used them all up the night before.
Never before had Eva felt so helpless. She didn’t have anything to offer an employer. No experience, no referral, no degree.
You have a uterus.
The thought made Eva pause.
She did have a uterus.
“No,” she said to no one in particular. “No, I’m not going to do that.”
You could see Fil
ipe again. You could feel special. You could start your own life. And all it’ll cost you—all you’ll have to give—is a baby.
No, I can’t do that.
How could she sell her own flesh and blood? Sure, it would be in good hands. Great hands, actually. The hands of a prince. But every child needed a mother. Luiza was cold and mean. How could she be a mother? What if her child ended up unhappy and plagued with unrealistic parental expectations?
Filipe won’t let that happen.
Could Eva have a say in how the baby was raised? Could she create a list of terms and conditions? She doubted they would hold up in court. In fact, she knew they wouldn’t. But at least her baby would know, one day, that she had standards. She had a set of rules. And if they weren’t followed, well…
Well, what? Then it isn’t your fault? You’re cleared of all blame?
No. She would always be responsible. Her child would look back and think, ‘If only my biological mother had been around to raise me.’
There was no escape from that.
But what about her? Didn’t she deserve a halfway-normal life? Didn’t she deserve to live comfortably? To study the subjects she wanted? To see the world? To obtain her dream job?
It was all right there—so close that she could touch it—but she couldn’t bring herself to say yes. How could she become that person? What Filipe had proposed was ludicrous.
Then again, she could always get pregnant and change her mind. Ask for the first half of the million upfront, and then…
And then what? Be a single mother?
Maybe Filipe would stick around. With his dramatic need to be a parent, maybe he wouldn’t be able to stand the idea of someone else raising his baby alone. She was certain he’d at least help out financially. He wouldn’t just leave her cold, no matter what he said.
You can’t do that to him.
No, she couldn’t. It would be wrong. She would be manipulating him and using her baby for money. Besides, her child would still be scarred for life. She knew how difficult it was to raise a baby alone. Legally, she would be responsible for nearly everything. And, if she messed up, child protective services would be waiting.