The Darker Side of Pleasure

by Eden Bradley

  He shook his head. Then, “I have a lot to say to you. Things that would be better said in private.”

  “You can talk to me right here.”

  If she were alone with him she knew she’d do something completely foolish, like get down on her knees and beg him to be with her. Here, in public, she could keep herself and her emotions under control. Just barely, but it would have to be enough.

  He sighed, ran a hand back over his hair. Other than when he first woke in the morning, this was the first time she had ever seen him in need of a shave.

  “I behaved like an ass.”

  He paused, but she remained silent, waiting to see what else he had to say. His hands twisted together on the table.

  “Look, I’m long out of practice at this sort of thing.”

  “This is not the kind of thing where you practice, Damien. This is not about perfection.”

  “Yes. You’re right. But I understand if I don’t say the right things to you now, I’ll never see you again.”

  “You’re right about that.” So damn hard to say this to him, but she had to. Had to stand her ground with him. Had to be strong.

  “This is my one fear. And fear is unacceptable to me.”

  “Refusing to feel it doesn’t make it go away.”

  “No. I’ve just figured that out.”

  “And—I’m sorry to say this, especially to a man like you—but in my opinion, running away from what frightens you seems…cowardly.”

  He looked at her, his hazel eyes blazing, and she knew she’d just challenged him in a way he wasn’t used to. She wanted to apologize. To throw herself into his lap and beg him to be with her. But she didn’t. After a moment the fire in his gaze burned itself out.

  “You’re right. And I don’t like that about myself. Are you sure we can’t go up to your room to finish this conversation?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  He stood up suddenly, paced the floor for a moment. Then he sat down again, pulling his chair a few inches closer to hers. He was close enough that she could smell him, all clean male, yet dark and smoky at the same time. Her insides quivered. She wanted to draw back, to save herself. But she couldn’t do it when every nerve in her body was reaching out to him. The tears that stung her eyes and fought for release were simply because he was so near, yet she couldn’t reach him. Not in the way that counted, and that hurt too much.

  He put a hand on her arm, his fingers meeting the naked skin below the cuff of her blouse. The touch went through her like an electric current. She tried to shake him off, but he held on, his touch burning into her skin.

  “Maggie, I cannot allow you to leave like this! I have too much to say. If you force me to, I’ll say it all right here.”

  He met her eyes, challenged her. She didn’t back down, even though she was trembling with emotion and pure need for him on the inside—trembling so hard she was afraid she might come apart.

  “Alright, damn it. Right here then.” He took her chin firmly in his hand and she almost lost it. His voice was low and sure. “I am in love with you.”

  She shook her head, but that only served to let the tears that had filled her eyes spill over onto her burning cheeks. Her heart surged with hope, with absolute terror. Had he really just said that to her?

  He went on. “I know it seems impossible to you—hell, it seems impossible to me, but that’s what it is. That’s what I feel. That’s what I wanted to run from this morning. But I knew the moment you left that I couldn’t run from this. I couldn’t run from you.”

  Her throat seemed to close up on her. Her eyes burned, and the tears slid down her face. But there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.

  “Maggie, say something.”

  “Are you sure? Because I really couldn’t stand it if you changed your mind.”

  “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Do you love me, Maggie? Tell me.”

  She nodded. “I love you. I do. I don’t care how improbable this all is.”

  He moved in then, crushed his mouth to hers, and nothing had ever tasted sweeter to her. Her arms went around his neck as he pulled her in close. He kissed her long and hard, broke for breath, then kissed her again. She couldn’t stop crying.

  Finally, he pulled away to look at her. He kissed her cheek where her tears had left a damp trail, let her go long enough to pull a handkerchief from his pocket, then wiped the tears from her face.

  She watched him in amazement. No one had ever cared for her in this way. Not any of the men she’d ever been with, not even her own mother. This was the first time she knew what it was to feel cherished. How could she ever give that up? How could she ever give him up?

  “Damien, what now?”

  “Now you let me take you back to my house so I can show you how I love you.”

  She shook her head. “I mean that you live here, and I live in New York. I have a home there, my career.”

  “We’ll figure it out. That’s not the important part. We can see each other on weekends until we do. I’m very good at solving problems.”

  She smiled at him. “I can see that.”

  He gathered her close again and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was more tender this time, more sure.

  She was sure for the first time in her life. Sure of him. She’d never expected this to happen, but wasn’t that the way life usually worked? When you least expected it, life took a totally unpredictable turn.

  She’d never expected to be drawn into the subject of her research, but he had drawn her in like a fly into a spider’s web. Yes, he was predatory in that way, clever. But she didn’t mind that about him. She needed a man with a good mind. The wicked twist to his would only make life more interesting, wherever it took them from this point on.

  He pulled back again, stroking her hair from her face with careful fingers.

  She said, “Do you remember in our first conversation when you said it takes many of us a number of years to truly know what we want?”

  “I remember every word we’ve ever exchanged.”

  “I thought I knew what I wanted, but I was wrong. I was hiding. From myself, I suppose. From things I didn’t even know I wanted because going there made me too vulnerable. I couldn’t stand to lose control, even for one moment. Even in bed. I couldn’t let go.”

  “I think the same could be said of me.”

  “Yes, that’s it exactly. That ultimately we had the same lesson to learn.”

  He cupped her face with his hand. “I wouldn’t have wanted to learn this with anyone but you.”

  “I couldn’t have learned this with anyone but you. The BDSM play is what opened me up to you.”

  “It does that.”

  “But you remained closed off for years, despite the fact that you’d been practicing this lifestyle the whole time.”

  “I’m a stubborn man. It took more for me. It took you.” He glanced at his watch. “And it took me almost four hours to realize this today, to stop arguing with myself and come after you.”

  “Oh, no! What time is it?”

  “A quarter to eleven.”

  Her heart fluttered in panic. “My flight leaves in two hours.”

  “Cancel it. Stay with me.” He slid a hand down her arm, lifted her hand, and brushed a kiss across her knuckles.

  How could she refuse? For once, she was going to allow something to happen to her without having to be the one in the driver’s seat. She was going to take a chance. On Damien, on love, on the uncertain messiness of it. She would allow him to love her, to let herself love him back, and to simply see what would happen, regardless of the unknown. Finally, she was letting go. It felt damn good.

  About the Author

  EDEN BRADLEY lives in southern California with a small menagerie and the love of her life. She can be contacted at www.edenbradley.com.

  If you enjoyed

  The Darker Side of Pleasure,

  look for

  EXOTICA

  by


  EDEN BRADLEY

  On sale January 2008

  EXOTICA

  ON SALE JANUARY 2008

  PART ONE

  SEVEN DAYS OF KAMA SUTRA

  CHAPTER ONE

  LIVE THE FANTASY

  EXOTICA. An exclusive fantasy resort set in the sultry warmth of Palm Springs. The place for a woman to experience her most secret desires in a safe, discreet environment, surrounded by sheer luxury.

  Choose your dream theme from among our five Ultimate Fantasy worlds:

  *Casa Blanca: Live the glamorous and seductive era of the 1940s.

  *Wild, Wild West: Guaranteed to be the wild experience of a lifetime.

  *The Castle: The romance of medieval times brought to life.

  *Pirates’ Cove: A pirate adventure you’ll never forget.

  *Kama Sutra: The ultimate in exotic fantasy.

  **And coming soon: Arabian Nights: The sensual luxury of a sultan’s palace.

  Relax in absolute privacy at one of the world’s finest luxury resorts. Come to EXOTICA, and live the fantasy…

  THE LIMOUSINE SPED through the desert, the sleek length of it gliding like a snake across the hot sand. Heat shimmered on the highway, the glare of the sun warming the darkened windows of the limo, even though the air-conditioning kept the car at a comfortable seventy-eight degrees inside. Still, Lilli’s hands were damp as, for the tenth time that morning, she looked over the brochure her friend Caroline Winter had sent her.

  She and Caroline were old friends from college. They’d hardly spoken over the years, but they’d found each other through the college alumni association last year, just as Lilli was going through her divorce. They’d talked a bit through e-mail, and then by phone. Lilli could hardly believe it when Caroline had admitted what it was she did for a living, managing Exotica. But the idea had become more and more intriguing, until finally, Lilli hadn’t been able to resist Caroline’s repeated invitations.

  Was she really going to this place? Was she actually daring to do this?

  She shifted on the leather seat, the smooth surface sticking to her bare legs beneath the linen skirt she wore. She felt naked, somehow, just reading about Exotica, imagining what might happen to her there. Gloriously yet shamefully naked. But then, her life was full of contradictions lately, wasn’t it? Had been since she’d found out what a sham her marriage was all these years. But that was behind her now, and coming here was a step toward making her new beginning. From now on, her life would be of her own creation, her own choices.

  Still, she had to stop and wonder if she’d been completely insane when she’d signed on for this adventure. Or was it simply old habit, one instilled by Evan, to question herself, to worry?

  Staring out the window, Lilli took in a deep breath, and tried to calm her racing pulse. Long stretches of sand dunes swept past, punctuated by tall, stately date palms clustered around the entrances to beautifully landscaped homes. She’d always loved Palm Springs; she found the desert soothing, serene. Why did she have a feeling after this adventure, she’d never see the desert in quite the same way again?

  The driver’s voice came over the intercom. “We’re here, madame.”

  A pair of enormous iron gates rolled back in front of the car. There was no sign here. The resort was far too exclusive, too discreet for that. Nothing more than those imposing gates closing it off from the rest of the world. Almost another world in itself, she thought, as they drove past sweeping lawns with peacocks wandering beneath the palm trees. Gorgeous hedges of blooming bougainvillea in shades of red and pink climbed the high stone walls on either side. Her heart beat faster as they pulled up in front of a long, low building, done in the same stone that seemed to blend naturally with the jagged mountain peaks in the distance.

  The car came to a stop and the brochure fluttered from her hand as the driver opened the door and helped her out. She was breathless suddenly, standing in the heat and the brilliant sunlight. Dazed.

  “Lillian DeForrest! You’re here at last.”

  “Caroline.” Lilli looked up to see a woman approaching her, an attractive woman with long brown hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail. She was dressed in a chic, simple summer dress of white linen. The same beautiful, striking blue eyes Lilli remembered. Caroline had hardly changed at all.

  Her friend leaned in and gave her a hug, enveloping her in a warm, spicy scent. She stood back, and Caroline smiled at her. “Welcome to Exotica.”

  “It’s so good to see you. You look wonderful.”

  “So do you. All that curly strawberry hair of yours; I’ve always loved it. You haven’t aged at all, Lilli. But, come inside. It’s too warm today to stand out here in the sun.”

  She followed Caroline up a wide, shallow staircase and into the cool interior of the building. Inside, it was all sparse, calm elegance. High ceilings made the space feel airy. Polished tile floors led to a high, curved reception desk made of some light-colored wood.

  An attractive young woman greeted Lilli from behind it. “Welcome, Ms. DeForrest.”

  “Samantha, please see that Ms. DeForrest’s luggage is sent to the Kama Sutra suite.”

  “Yes, Caroline. Right away.”

  “Would you like to see a little of the grounds before I take you to your suite?”

  “I’d love to. This place is…intriguing.”

  Caroline smiled at her. “Come with me, then.”

  She led her across the cool expanse of tiled floor, beyond the reception desk, down a wide hallway, and through a pair of French doors at the back of the building.

  Dazzled by sunlight, Lilli pulled her sunglasses from her purse and slid them on her face. In front of her was the brilliant green of a wide, sweeping lawn with meandering pathways twisting beneath the towering palms. In the center of the lawn was an enormous rectangular pool of calm, sparkling water. Bronze statues of male nudes done in classical Greek style stood sentry at each corner. They were graceful. Erotic.

  Bordering the lawn were high walls, punctuated by gates in various styles.

  “It’s like an adult Disneyland, isn’t it?” Caroline asked her. “Each of our fantasy suites are really tiny cities done in different themes, complete with servants’ quarters, background players, the appropriate architectural details. See there? You can see the tower of the medieval castle over the wall.”

  Lilli followed Caroline’s gesture and saw what appeared to be ancient stone parapets that could have belonged to King Arthur, with colorful flags flying in the slight breeze.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “We do everything we can at Exotica to make the fantasy as real as possible for our guests, to make it all come alive. We want you to immerse yourself, to enjoy all that we offer here to the fullest. That’s why our companions work on bimonthly rotations, with thorough medical checks in between. Condoms break the fantasy far too easily. All of the men here are clean, so our clients never have to worry.”

  Lilli shook her head, her pulse fluttering. “It’s so…strange that you can talk about such things so matter-of-factly. And I can hardly believe I’m here. That a place like this exists.” She laughed. “That you work here, run this place.”

  “Sometimes I can hardly believe it myself.” Caroline shrugged. “But it’s just my life now. And after your first night here, you’ll hardly be able to remember your life anywhere else.”

  A small shiver went through her at Caroline’s words. What was she so afraid of?

  Caroline put a hand on her arm. “Don’t be nervous. Our companions are highly trained. He won’t do anything you don’t want him to do. We guarantee it.”

  “Oh, God. That word: him. That makes it seem all the more real, for some reason.”

  “Would you like to come back inside and have some iced tea before you meet him?”

  “Yes, I think I would like that. Do you have time to sit with me? Talk with me?”

  “Of course. We can get caught up. And I’ll answer any questions I can. Come.”

  Caro
line led her back into the artificially chilled interior of the reception building, but this time she took her into what Lilli supposed was Caroline’s private office. It was as open and airy as the reception area had been, with tall banks of tinted windows overlooking the lawns. Caroline gestured to a pair of beige leather couches, but too restless to sit, Lilli paced the floor, gazing out the window, as Caroline went to the intercom on her sleek glass-topped desk to ring for drinks.

  “Lilli, come sit down with me on the sofa and tell me what I can do to make you more comfortable.”

  “I…I’m not sure. This sounded so wonderful when you first told me about it. Okay, a little…fantastical, maybe. But after you explained it to me, after I thought about it, I realized it was exactly what I’ve needed. But now that I’m here it’s a bit intimidating. Just…letting go, you know?”

  Caroline nodded and said quietly, “I think I do.”

  “Do you…have you ever become involved with any of the men here?”

  “What? No, of course not.”

  “Why ‘of course not’?”

  Caroline shifted in her seat. “I have to maintain a certain professional distance. It helps me to do my job with a clear head.”

  “I guess that makes sense.” Lilli paused. How could anyone work in such a place and remain so unaffected by what went on here? “Is it because…of what happened with Jeff? That ability to distance yourself?”

  Caroline blinked, looked away.

  “I’m sorry, Caroline. It’s not my place to bring that up.”

  “No. It’s fine. There’s no one else anymore who even knows about that, other than you. It’s been five years. It’s long behind me. And I think I get that ability to detach from my mother. You know how cold she was.”