The Theory of Second Best (Cake #2)

by J. Bengtsson

  “You’re not. It’s just a sad story that I rarely talk about. It still hurts my heart, even after all these years.”

  “I get it. Believe me, I do.”

  Kenzie’s eyes squinted as she took me in with a concerned expression. “You do?”

  I nodded.

  An understanding passed between us. Her face softened.

  “After I was born, my mom and my dad tried for years to have another baby. They did everything they could to make it happen, but she would get pregnant and then miscarry. I can’t even tell you how many times. It was pretty rough on all of us. After repeated failed IVF treatments, she finally she got pregnant with triplets.”

  “Triplets? Crap. That sucks.”

  “That was actually the good part of the story, Kyle,” she laughed, slapping me on the leg.

  “Oh.” Triplets sounded pretty damn awful to me. How would you even feed three babies with two hands… and two nipples?

  “And the amazing part was that she didn’t lose them. We were all so excited when she went into labor. She had managed to carry them for seven months, which was miraculous, considering my mom was having all kinds of complications with the pregnancy. She delivered three tiny but relatively healthy babies, two boys and a girl. She’d had preeclampsia throughout the pregnancy, though. She had it with me too but the complications weren’t as severe. During the C-section with the triplets, her condition turned into eclampsia and she started seizing and then went into cardiac arrest. The doctors tried everything to save her, but she died about forty minutes later without ever getting to hold the babies she wanted so badly.”

  Kenzie shook her head then looked away. Neither of us said anything. I knew she needed a moment. Sometimes memories just required time to filter through without interruption.

  “So,” she said, gripping her thighs with her hands. “That’s my deal.”

  “Damn,” I said, shaking my head. “That really sucks. I’m sorry.” I could see in her expression that she was fighting back tears. I felt bad for asking. Now she was upset and it was my fault. I slipped my arm over her shoulder and squeezed. Kenzie’s eyes traveled up to meet mine. There was hurt and sadness in them, but there was something else too… it was almost like she wanted me to kiss her. I broke our contact and glanced over at the camera recording us. What was happening here? Was Kenzie falling for me? At that very moment, we weren’t playing a game. Shit just got real, and I wasn’t sure where my head was. I had feelings for her, but not in the way she might have for me… at least I didn’t think I did. With the moment gone, Kenzie scooted out of my embrace. We sat there quietly looking out over the ocean.

  “How long ago was that?” I asked.

  “It’s been sixteen years. I still miss her so much.”

  “She sounds like a great mom.”

  Kenzie smiled sadly. “She was.”

  “So what did you end up doing with the babies?”

  “What do you mean, what did we do with the babies?” she asked, looking amused. “We raised them, of course… me and my dad. I basically became a mom at eight years old. I could change three diapers in five minutes flat.”

  “Nice,” I nodded, although I had no idea if that was impressive or not since I’d never changed a diaper in my life.

  “I’ve spent sixteen years taking care of my siblings, and I love them to death, but I want this money so I can make them secure. Then I can go out and live my own life… finally.”

  Interestingly enough, Kenzie and I had followed a similar path in that we both had taken on a certain amount of responsibility for our siblings. Her commitment was obviously more extensive than mine, but we both felt that pull. The difference was, I’d never desired to go it alone. Maybe I needed to rethink my game plan.

  Possibly taking my silence as a judgment, she added, “I know it’s selfish.”

  “That’s not what I was thinking. What you’ve done – raising your siblings – that’s the opposite of selfish.”

  Our eyes met, and she gave me that look again. Just before I started squirming, she forced a smile on her face and said, “Your turn.”

  “My turn?”

  “Yeah, what’s your story?”

  “I don’t have one,” I lied.

  “Yes, you do. I know you’ve been holding back on me. You won’t even tell me your last name. Why?”

  “What does it matter?”

  “Come on, Kyle. I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.”

  “Oh, you want me to show you mine? Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” I asked, pretending to pull down my shorts.

  “No,” she laughed and grabbed my hand. “Fine. If you don’t want to tell me, then I’m going to guess.”

  I leaned in, very interested in what she’d have to say about me. “Please do. This ought to be fun.”

  Her eyes scanned over me as she was coming up with a narrative. “Okay, let me give it a go. You’re a trust fund kid. Your parents are filthy rich, maybe even famous, and you’ve spent your life trying to figure out where you fit in. You know there’s more to life than just throwing money at a problem, so you volunteer at soup kitchens and try to make a difference in the world. You probably even wanted to join the Peace Corps at some point in your life…anything to shun the trappings of wealth and privilege. Yuck. Barf. Gag me with a silver spoon.”

  Kenzie’s face was twisted up with disgust as if my fictional life was more than she could stomach.

  “Wow, that was so totally bitchy of you.”

  She looked up, shook herself out of her disappointed fantasy world, and laughed. “I know. I must have some real pent-up anger.”

  “Seriously. I thought you were going to punch me for a minute there.”

  Kenzie wiped sand off her leg then asked, “So how did I do?”

  “Um… let’s see.” I started going though all the things in my head that she’d labeled me. “You got one thing right, and even that was only partially right.”

  “Do you have rich parents?”

  “No.”

  “Do you volunteer in soup kitchens?”

  “No. But I should.”

  “Have you ever wanted to join the Peace Corps?”

  “No again.”

  “Then what did I get partially right?”

  I hesitated before saying, “I am related to someone famous, but it’s not my parents.”

  Kenzie leaned forward, immediately interested in my admission. “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. How famous are we talking?”

  “Like, famous famous,” I replied.

  “Seriously?” she asked, making a face.

  “Yep.”

  “Would I know this person?”

  “Well, I don’t know. You do live in Humboldt County, so it’s possible you’ve been stoned the past few years…”

  Kenzie smacked me. “Shut up,” she said, laughing.

  “Yeah, you’ve probably heard of him.”

  “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?”

  “I’ll tell you if you promise me you’re not going to freak out.”

  “I promise.”

  “Seriously, Kenzie. You can’t tell anyone else on this island, not even Dale or Marsha.”

  “I said I promise. Now just tell me.”

  “My last name is McKallister.”

  Kenzie sat there a second processing my words, and then her eyebrows rose in surprise and her lips formed into an O and she even said the word. “Oh.” Then followed it with, “Shit. Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  Then her eyes got even wider, and her face took on a cartoonish expression of shock. Shit, here it goes. Cue the Jake worship.

  “Oh, my god. Kyle. Crap! Crap!”

  “You said you wouldn’t freak out. Stop yelling crap, Kenzie.”

  “No. Crab. Crab going up your pant leg.” She jumped up screeching.

  “What?” I looked at my shorts and saw nothing. I patted the fabric, and then I felt the pinch. “Ouch!”
I jumped up on the rock. We were both screaming. “It’s got me.”

  I pulled the leg of my board shorts up to reveal a colorful crab actually dangling there on my inner thigh. Kenzie was jumping up and down, laughing and squealing.

  “Don’t just stand there. Help me get it off.”

  “You want me to stick my hands up your shorts?”

  “You want it to pinch my balls?”

  We both looked over to the sound guy and cameraman who had big smiles on their faces. Kenzie started giggling again.

  I wasn’t paying any mind to her or them. The pink-clawed fiddler crap had my full and undivided attention. I grabbed his shell and yanked, but the pincher didn’t detach from the flesh, and I screamed in protest. Kenzie doubled over in laughter, so loud and so hysterical that I realized I was completely alone in this ordeal.

  I took hold of the crab with one hand and tried to pry his claw off me with the other. The two of us were playing tug a war, with my skin as the victim. This went on for an uncomfortably long period of time, neither one of us willing to concede defeat. Finally, after a swift, firm yank, my little tormentor mercifully let go. I gasped in surprise at the sharp pain and then threw the offending creature out into the water.

  “Fucking crab,” I mumbled.

  Kenzie was struggling to pull herself together as I rubbed my sore thigh. “Oh, lord… oh, Kyle, that was classic, really just epic,” she said wiping tears away. “I mean, if you weren’t already the star of this season, that little episode with the crab is pretty much going to seal the deal.”

  Kenzie and I didn’t talk about my admission until we were well away from the beach and the intrusive cameras. I wasn’t sure what was going on in her head, but her reaction surprised me. She didn’t seem all that impressed and didn’t appear to be treating me any differently. Because the camera typically didn’t follow us to the poophole, Kenzie and I made a break for it. It wasn’t until we were standing in front of our makeshift bathroom that she brought up my relationship with Jake.

  “So are you older or younger?”

  “Younger.”

  “Is it just the two of you, or do you have other siblings?”

  “I have four brothers and two sisters.”

  Kenzie’s eyes flickered with surprise. “Geez. I hope you had more than one bathroom growing up.”

  “We had two. Thanks for your concern.”

  “No problem. Are you two close?”

  “Yes. I’m his bodyguard.”

  She nodded, seemingly considering my job.

  I paused, thinking about my little white lie. I always said I was his bodyguard, but in reality, it was a title I’d given myself to justify my place on the tour and in Jake’s life. I knew my brother didn’t view me that way. No one did. I was just the kid brother who got a paycheck for being lucky enough to share a bloodline with a superstar.

  “Actually, I’m not a bodyguard,” I blurted out, surprising myself with my honesty. What was it about Kenzie that made me want to dump my secrets in her lap? “I’m really just a mooch.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Yeah, actually, I am.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t believe that. Your brother is lucky to have you.”

  I scoffed.

  Kenzie stopped and searched my face. “You don’t think so?”

  “It’s more like he’s stuck with me and I’m fortunate to have a job.”

  She considered my comment for a moment before saying, “You’re a lot more than you give yourself credit for. If I can see that, so can your brother.”

  Kenzie’s words floored me. I’d always considered myself the lucky one to have Jake. Never had I thought that maybe he would feel that way about me.

  “Why were you hiding the fact that you’re related to Jake?”

  “I wasn’t hiding it. I just wasn’t announcing it to the world.”

  She eyed me skeptically. “You were hiding it, don’t lie.”

  This girl had me pegged. It was like she knew me better than I knew myself. She was starting to creep me out. “Okay, fine. Telling people who I’m related to puts a giant bull’s eye on my back. Obviously I was trying to avoid that.”

  “No, I get it. I’d probably keep it quiet too if I were you.”

  “Well, that’s what I was trying to do.” I protested. “But you kept harassing me.”

  “Sorry,” she smiled. “I have to say, I think it would be cool to have a famous sibling. But at the same time, it would probably suck. I’m sure everyone you meet just wants to talk about him all the time.”

  How did she know so much about me? My life was anything but an open book, yet she seemed to have been flipping through the pages for a while.

  “Well, Jake’s a hell of a lot more interesting than I am, that’s for sure.”

  “No offense, but I beg to differ,” she said, assuredly. “I think you’re very interesting.”

  “No offense, but I think you’re delusional,” I scoffed.

  “Do you do that a lot?” she asked, concern etched in her pretty features.

  “What?”

  “Put yourself down?”

  “I’m not putting myself down,” I replied, defensively.

  “Yeah, you are. Since revealing your secret, you’re acting like a different person, like you don’t have any confidence in yourself. It’s weird.”

  Was I really? I had to scan back through my behavior to see if she had a point, and then I realized: the minute we started talking about Jake, I got passive aggressive and self-deprecating. I’d never noticed that about myself before. I had to wonder if coming on the show was changing me for the better. Relying on myself really wasn’t as hard as I’d thought it would be. As much as I loved being part of Jake’s crazy rock star life, maybe I didn’t love the corner I’d been crammed into. Maybe I was just as trapped in my world as Kenzie was in hers. Did I really want to be someone’s sidekick for the rest of my life? Not particularly. But did I deserve a life of my own? That was the question I wasn’t sure how to answer.

  Kenzie looked up at me with her Disney princess eyes, and then she placed her hand on my arm. “You don’t like talking about your life, do you?”

  “It’s complicated.” I shrugged. “I have to be careful what I say. Jake’s scrutinized enough without me adding to his woes. Besides, people aren’t all that interested in talking to me anyway.”

  “I don’t believe that. You can’t tell me you don’t have girls knocking down your door, Kyle.”

  “No, I do – but only if Jake’s behind it.”

  “Liar,” she grinned.

  “I’m not lying, Kenzie. When Jake’s around, I’m background noise.”

  She shook her head, not entirely buying my story. “Well, if that’s the case, maybe you need to venture out more, because I promise you, if you were to show up in my hometown, you would most definitely not be background noise.”

  “Ehh, and drive all the way to Humboldt County? No thanks.”

  Kenzie laughed, touched my arm, and said, “I hope you know I’m not most girls. I don’t care what your last name is. I think you’re a great guy. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Wow, such enthusiasm. How could you think otherwise? I didn’t know who your brother was until today, and I’ve still let you spoon me every night this week.”

  A smile broke out across my face. She was right about that. Even if you didn’t count my breakfast boners, Kenzie and I had been getting all kinds of funky on that hard wood flooring. I loved making her blush with my sexually suggestive comments every evening just before assuming the position. “You know you love it.”

  “As far as skilled spooners go, you aren’t bad… a solid six.”

  “Six? Clearly I need to bring more dick into play. I just didn’t think you’d appreciate it.”

  Kenzie peered up at me with an expression of surprise. “What made you think I wouldn’t appreciate it?”

  “You always give me that look
when I wake up with a boner.”

  “Because you’re always making up some lame excuse, like that time when you said you were dreaming about pizza. Who gets a hard-on from Italian food?”

  I raised my hand and smiled sheepishly. We both laughed.

  “So why all the excuses?” she asked.

  “You’re not that type of girl.”

  “What type of girl?”

  “The type who jumps into it with just anyone.”

  “You’re not just anyone, Kyle. I’d jump into it with you in a second.”

  My eyes caught hers, and, no doubt seeing the confusion in mine, Kenzie turned bright red and broke the contact. Oh, shit. She was into me. That look she gave me on the beach… that was exactly what I’d thought it was. Something in the tone of her voice and the sincerity of her words caught me totally off guard. The minute the words left her mouth, I could tell Kenzie regretted them.

  Okay, not good. How had I not seen it coming? I mean, sure, we flirted back and forth all the time, but I thought it was just playful fun. She was cute and fun and sweet, but she was the opposite of the practice women I went after. Kenzie was marriage material, and I was nowhere near that stage in my life. In fact, I didn’t know if I would ever be there. The lifestyle I led didn’t exactly lend itself to long-term commitment.

  Kenzie took on a defensive stance, the horror on her face plain to see.

  “What are you looking at?” she snapped. “It was a joke!”

  “Yeah, okay. I don’t know why you’re getting mad at me.”

  “Because you’re standing there staring at me with that idiot expression on your face.”

  “That’s my natural resting face,” I argued.

  “Yeah, well, then I feel sorry for you,” Kenzie spat, looking exasperated and oh, so miserable.

  She was working herself up into a frenzy. Clearly this was a woman scorned. And I was the dummy who hadn’t figured it out until just now. I had nothing to say that would diffuse the situation, so I remained silent.

  “Ugh… I was just kidding, so… so… keep your dick away from me,” Kenzie demanded, and then stomped off to her bathroom area. Stunned, I slunk off to mine.

  TV Confessional

  “I didn’t actually think the claws on those crabs worked.”