by J. Bengtsson
“How long has it looked like this?” I asked, feeling glum.
“Started last night. Medical checked it out this morning. It’s not responding well to the antibiotics. I need to at least make it through this first council to give you guys a chance, but once it’s over and we win, it’s possible they’ll pull me from the game.”
Tears filled my eyes. Although I’d been seriously contemplating voting against Dale three days ago, I now felt that my heart was being ripped out.
“Maybe they’ll just give you stronger antibiotics,” Kyle said hopefully.
“Maybe,” Dale nodded, but he did not appear optimistic. “I just didn’t want you two blindsided by this. I’m not saying anything to the others because, you know, it’s always been the three of us to the end, right.”
We nodded. I swear I saw Kyle mist up. He genuinely cared about Dale.
“Does this mean I’m not going to get to see the pus?” Kyle pouted, choosing to replace worry with humor.
“Are you kidding? I made a promise to you that I intend to keep. If you’re not there to witness the miracle of its birth with me, I’ll take video.”
We all laughed.
“Let’s just get us through the first vote, and then we’ll go from there.”
The news of Dale’s predicament hit Kyle hard. Not only was the thought of his possible departure difficult enough to process, but also the emotional jockeying taking place between the members of both tribes was exhausting. Things were moving so quickly. Scheming, lying, and backstabbing were the name of the game. Gone were the days of acting like lazy monkeys. We weren’t just surviving anymore; now we were fighting for control of the game.
Marsha won the first individual immunity, which meant she was safe from elimination. She managed to outsmart all of us in a memory game. It really wasn’t that surprising, considering the amount of information she carried around in her head on a daily basis. The haughty smile on her face grated on my nerves. I still hadn’t forgiven her calling me out in the Ten Fingers game or blabbing to the other tribe about Kyle. It took everything in my power to keep a civil tone with her. If I didn’t need her so badly, I would’ve kicked her to the curb long ago.
With Dale’s possible exit from the game looming, it became even more important to get Lena on our side; but she proved a hard nut to crack, and no amount of jostling or sweet-talking from either Kyle, Dale, or me had any affect on her. In fact, the more we tried to pull her onto our side, the nastier she got, with Kyle getting the brunt of the abuse. She gleefully hurled insults at him every chance she got, and although it killed him not to sling them right back at her, we’d convinced him to hold his tongue for the sake of our alliance.
With no way to reach Lena, things were looking bleak for the Dork Quad until an unlikely friendship formed, changing the course of the game. Carl, with his newfound social skills, somehow used them to sway the unlikeable Lena. Apparently they bonded over their shared hatred for the human race and the divorces that had shaken both their lives. And out of nowhere, Lena shocked us all at the first individual Council by sticking it to her former teammates and knocking off Fergus, one of the biggest physical threats in the game.
Lena jumping ship fluffed our sails, but the victory was bittersweet. After being evaluated by the medical team, Dale’s infection was deemed too serious for him to continue in the game.
“I’m disappointed in you, dude. After all the stubbed toes, black eyes, and broken bones, you let a bug take you down?” Kyle joked, the achy expression on his face belying the light-hearted conversation.
“I know, embarrassing,” Dale said, pain evident in his words. He grabbed Kyle’s shirt and said dramatically, “Avenge me!”
“I promise you, Dale, I’ll track down that damn bug if it’s the last thing I do!”
And then Dale was gone. Although I’d never admit it, I was glad he went out the way he did, because with his injuries compounding the way they were, it would have been a battle for him to get to the end. My focus shifted with Dale’s exit, and my vision became clearer. There were only eight of us left, and I kept my eye on the prize.
Kyle, on the other had, struggled in his absence. I feared he’d put too much of his game play into Dale’s hands. Don’t get me wrong – he played hard and was a fierce competitor, winning two individual competitions in the days following – but his strategic game play was all over the place. With Dale not there to keep his focus, Kyle was making friends with the remaining Easties and wavering on the group decisions based off that.
Why he was trying to save players on the other side puzzled me. It was a game. We were all going sooner or later; but obviously he wasn’t looking at the big picture. Kyle felt sorry for the marked players and tried to protect them, like stray dogs left out in the rain. In any other aspect of life, that personality trait would be viewed admirably, but out here, kindness was enough to get you booted.
His wishy-washy behavior had caught the attention of Carl and Lena, and both worried that Kyle was becoming a liability. We were picking off the other tribe one at a time, and with their numbers dwindling, Kyle’s position in the alliance was getting more precarious. He was no longer necessary to maintain the numbers. At this point I wasn’t even sure I could get the others to keep him in the game longer than Marsha, who had always been the lowest man on our shaky totem pole.
After coming back from another elimination ceremony and kicking out Carol, Kyle’s favorite Eastie, he was pissed, and he wasn’t being real subtle about it. Kicking a basket across camp, Kyle stomped around like a scorned kindergartener. Lena immediately got in his face, and they volleyed a litany of obscenities at one another. To keep him from getting his ass kicked by a woman, I pulled him aside and we took a walk on the beach.
“What the hell was that?” I asked, not even trying to control my temper. Kyle was making my job so much more difficult, and I didn’t appreciate it.
“You could have gotten rid of Eugene. I asked you guys for one thing, one favor… save Carol. But no one listens to me. I thought we had an alliance, Kenzie, but you’re always siding with Carl and that” – Kyle growled under his breath –“bitch.”
“Carol was a stronger player than Eugene. You know that.”
“So my opinion doesn’t matter, is that what you’re saying? Dale was the only one who cared what I had to say.”
“I care,” I said.
“No, Kenzie, you don’t,” he answered bitterly.
His words hit me hard. He had no idea how wrong he was.
“I get that you were friends with Carol and Amir, but you have to understand what a target you put on your back by making friends with the enemy. Why would Carl and Lena want to sit next to you in the final if you have a bunch of people who like you and will vote you the winner?”
Kyle gaped at me as if he had never once considered that scenario. Come on, dude, that’s just common sense.
“No one is going to vote for me. You said it yourself.”
“Look, Kyle, I’m going to be honest with you… the others are starting to question you.”
“I did what they wanted!” Kyle said in a raised voice. “I voted her out. What more do you want from me?”
Kyle’s jaw was clenched tightly, and his fists balled up in frustration. I grabbed him and gave him a hug. He struggled against me for a moment, but when I didn’t let go, I felt his body relax and he hugged me back. “What’s going on with you?” I whispered in his ear.
“I don’t know,” he sighed. “This game is getting to me. I don’t like backstabbing people that I like.”
“It’s a game, and if you don’t play it, someone else will be happy to do it for you. And you aren’t going to like the results.”
“I know. I don’t think I’m cut out for this shit.”
“You’re too nice.”
“That’s just the thing… I’m not. Back home I’m a sarcastic, jaded asshole. And then I come here and I’m an emotional mess. I swear I need tampons.”
I laughed. “Can you do me a huge favor?”
“What?”
“Get your shit together, swallow your pride, and apologize to the bitchy snake lady.”
“Ugghh,” Kyle gagged. “I’d rather drink bleach.”
He did end up apologizing, though the sincerity behind the words was severely lacking. And really, who could blame him? Lena’s verbal assaults were incredibly personal, as if his taking up space on the island left a sour taste in her mouth. Most of the time, her attacks took place away from Kyle, thank god, because he would not have appreciated her accusations of him of riding on his brother’s coattails to get this far in the game. I tried to keep my opinions to myself, but her constant nastiness was taking its toll on me. Kyle was my guy, whether he knew it or not. Every insult she leveled against him was a personal affront to me. The more Lena and I butted heads, the more I worried that my devotion to Kyle might eventually be my undoing.
Marsha went home in a blaze of glory, as well as middle fingers wagging. I wasn’t sorry to see her go, since her ouster only came after I uncovered her diabolical plan to break up the Dork Quad by voting out either Kyle or me. And since Kyle won the immunity challenge that day and was safe from elimination, that left me on the chopping block.
With Marsha’s exit, and Eugene’s directly before hers, that left four: Kyle, Carl, Lena, and me. It was a major feat to have lasted as long in the game as we had, and we celebrated around the fire upon our return. The mood was relaxed and fun, until Lena decided make it personal.
“So what’s the deal with you two?” she asked Kyle and me. We exchanged glances. As far as I knew, there was no deal. We’d remained incredibly close even after my dramatic, dick-shaming declaration of love. In fact, I dared say, Kyle might possibly be the best friend I’d ever had. Of course, I said that through gritted teeth, since friendship wasn’t really the objective. I had plenty of buddies, but this was the only one I wanted to fornicate with.
“That’s none of your business,” Kyle replied, glaring at her across the fire.
“I’m just asking. Don’t be a dick.”
“Then don’t be a bitch.”
Obscenities started flying. Carl and I sighed. After Lena criticized the way Kyle had scooped his rice from his coconut bowl a couple of days ago, it had become an all-out war between them. And once they got started, the four-letter gender bits dripped off their tongues like acid. Kyle and Lena were like two peas in a very dysfunctional pod.
“It’s not an S.A.T. question, dumbshit. Would you bang her or not?”
“Can you please leave me out of this?” I complained. Carl gave me a sympathetic shrug, but the other two were foaming at the mouth and not in the mood to take my feelings into consideration.
“Oh, wait, maybe you don’t swing that way.” Lena pursed her lips. “I could see that with you.”
“I do swing that way, and yeah, I’d bang her,” Kyle answered, without even looking my direction. In a pathetic kind of way, I was flattered.
“In her current condition, or after a shower?”
I raised my hand, chancing a quick sniff, as I said, “Um… hello? Right here.”
Kyle appeared flustered by Lena’s line of questioning. “I… I’d prefer she take a shower first,” and then turned to me and said, “No offense.”
“None taken,” I smiled happily. The important thing was, he’d bang me.
TV Confessional
“I’m no stinkier than anyone else out here.”
—Kenzie
27
Kyle: Night Terrors
I looked into my brother’s eyes, his fear reflecting my own. The man’s knee was digging in his back as he bound Jake. I shifted my position, catching Ray’s attention.
‘Didn’t I tell you to stay down? Do you want to die? Get back down! Hands over your head. Do it now!’ And then he was on me, pulling my arm back. I could hear the snap. Then blinding pain.
‘If I have to tell you again, he dies!’
To drive home his point, the man grabbed my hair, slamming my head into the ground. Jake screamed, drawing the attention away from me. Blood dripped into my eyes. I couldn’t move my arm. I blinked back my shock. What was happening? A minute ago we’d been jumping our skateboards down the steps, and now we were lying face down in the parking lot. Where had the guy come from? What did he want?
His mouth covered in tape, Jake had only his eyes to speak, and they were fraught with warning. What are you saying? What do you want me to do?
“Kyle?”
A hand touched my back, shaking me. I bolted upright, sweat rolling down my face. I darted my eyes around in a panic, looking for Jake before landing on Kenzie’s worried face. I knew I had to focus and do the breathing. It’s just a nightmare. It’s not real… just a nightmare.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“Yeah…” I exhaled, a tremor rumbling through my body. “I’ll be… just give me a second.”
Kenzie nodded, her eyes were trained on me. Thankfully she didn’t say anything. Once I got my wits about me, I glanced around, looking for the camera guys who were never far away, even in the middle of the night. “Did they get that on film?”
“No, I don’t think so. I just woke up myself.”
I dragged in some oxygen. My heart was still pounding. You’d think, after all this time, I would be used to them. It was always the same general dream, but the outcome changed every time, keeping me guessing and worried for the next one to invade my sleep. In reality, though, they weren’t really nightmares at all, but memories revisited. Thankfully, my mind had given me a reprieve for the past few months, making me hopeful that they would be warded off during my stint on the island. And I’d almost made it. Five days left. Really? I inhaled another ragged breath, and realized her hand was still rubbing my back.
“Do you get those often?” she asked.
“No. I was dreaming about being eaten by a shark. No biggie.”
She nodded as if appeasing me, but I knew she didn’t buy it. To her credit, she didn’t push. I lay back down on the hard wood flooring. She copied me.
“Sorry if I woke you,” I whispered. I was getting really damn tired of being a slave to these nightmares. Usually after one occurred, it took time for me to recover. Going back to sleep immediately following one of them was the worst thing possible as it almost guaranteed me a journey right back into hell. For that reason, I always got out of bed and went to watch TV or play video games, anything to take my mind away from that day. But here, with cameras all around, I had no choice but to pretend it hadn’t happened and force myself to stay put on the bamboo floor. Cold, clammy chills spread through me, and I shivered.
Kenzie reached her hand out and gently touched my face. I lifted my eyes to meet hers, and the kindness and compassion I found staring back at me made me wonder why I wasn’t looking at this woman with a more objective eye. She was sweet and determined and beautiful, and for some unknown reason, she saw something in me that she liked. Why was I important to her? What had I done to deserve her loyalty? And why in the hell wasn’t I jumping at the chance to be with her?
I traced my finger over her lips, and she blinked back her surprise. We didn’t speak as I explored her face. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing, but at that moment I guess I just needed her. Kenzie’s eyes stayed glued to mine as I leaned in and my lips brushed past hers. Two or three light kisses followed before the familiar sound of footsteps descended upon us and I pulled away. The look on Kenzie’s face was one of confusion but also one of joy. Suddenly I felt like the biggest shithead ever. I should never have kissed her if I wasn’t willing to back it up. Had I just changed the rules of the game?
With the cameras surrounding us, I flipped over, my back to her, and pretended to be asleep. After a good half hour of trying to downplay the kiss in my head, and then another ten minutes of inner panic, I felt arms wrap around me from behind. Surprised, I glanced over my shoulder.
“You’re shivering. I’
ll warm you up.”
“Kenzie…” I started to say. She was way too good for me, especially seeing as I was such a gigantic douche.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. Her sincere, caring eyes met mine. “Please don’t say anything… not tonight.”
I turned back around and laid my head down once more. She was giving me a pass for the night, and I couldn’t help but be incredibly grateful for those few sleepless hours I’d been gifted in order to get my story straight. I blamed my lack of judgment on the nightmare. There was nothing like a visit from Ray to rattle my bones.
I was far from sleep now, but I stayed quiet for Kenzie’s sake. My mind was still reeling from the nightmare, and the kiss and knowledge that Carl and Lena were gunning for me. I needed to pull it all together and get through the last few days. Tomorrow, I told myself, I was going to wake up and be the Kyle that could win this damn game: strong, smart, focused. Basically, I just needed to be the opposite of the guy I was in my everyday life.
I hadn’t realized that Kenzie was awake until I heard her yawn. No one was more loyal to me than that woman. I needed to sort out my feelings for her before it was too late.
Feeling warmer and more relaxed, I whispered, “You know, I read somewhere that if someone is really cold, the fastest way to warm them up is skin to skin contact.”
“I think that procedure is for people who have nearly frozen to death,” she replied, her voice heavy with fatigue.
“I don’t think so,” I countered playfully, feeling more like myself now.
“I’m not getting naked for you, Kyle,” Kenzie giggled. “But nice try.”
“Fine,” I jokingly huffed. “I’ll just freeze to death.”
Kenzie grunted but didn’t respond. A few minutes later I heard her soft breathing. I smiled. The funny thing was, I knew that if I really were freezing to death, Kenzie would stop at nothing to save me. And then a realization hit me like a brick: I’d do the same for her. Suddenly I knew what I wanted. My body relaxed. With Kenzie’s arms snug around me, I fell back to sleep.