by J. Bengtsson
TV Confessional
“What relationship? Kenzie and I are just friends.”
—Kyle
28
Kenzie: The Betrayal
Marooned Rule #7
All players eliminated after the merge will return for the final Council as members of the jury. The jury will decide which of the remaining three contestants deserves to be the overall winner.
I teetered on the peg, my legs shaking, toes numb. I was holding a plate with ping-pong-sized balls, trying to keep them from falling. Lena was the only competition left, as the boys had fallen out of the challenge minutes ago. If I held on longer than Lena, I was guaranteed to be in the final three, so I concentrated on the balls as reminders of my family flashed through my mind. I would not let them down.
After a resounding win, feeling on top of the world, I took a victory swim with Kyle. He seemed different after the kiss, more attentive. In the water, he wrapped his arms around me and playfully dropped me into the waves, his body landing on top of mine. I took the opportunity to run my hands over his body, all in the name of our little game – or so he thought. Although I had to say, his hands weren’t staying in the safe zone either.
We laughed and flirted, and I was more confused than ever. He was definitely acting like a guy who was interested; or at least, that was how my biased brain interpreted it. At one point our eyes met, and his softened, small creases forming in the corners as he smiled seductively at me. He leaned in close, and I held my breath in anticipation. Hot damn, he was going in for a kiss! I’d assumed the sweet kisses from last night were just a fluke, but there was no mistaking Kyle’s lustful gaze now. Just then the scrambling of cameramen caught our attention, and we pulled apart immediately.
“Would you two mind repeating that scene, please?” one of the guys said.
“What scene?” Kyle asked, as he dove into the waves and swam out further into the ocean. I was not nearly the swimmer he was, and understanding that our moment had passed, I walked out of the water in disappointment and headed back to camp. Lena was waiting for me.
“You do realize you need to cut the cord, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you really think you can beat Kyle?”
“No one is going to give him the prize money, not with his brother being a multi-millionaire.”
“Well, see, that’s where you’re wrong. If it’s you, Kyle, and Carl left at the end, let’s just figure out your odds. Shall we?”
I really didn’t care for her condescending tone, but I heard her out anyway.
“Who’s going to be on the jury? First, you have Dale and Marsha. Of course they would vote for Kyle. They frickin’ love him. Then you’ve got the four from my tribe. They don’t like Carl because he’s got the personality of a shoe. And you – sorry, Bambi, but people view you as weak. You follow Kyle and Carl. You haven’t made any big moves on your own. Who wants to vote for someone with no backbone? And then you have Kyle; good old likeable Kyle. Who did he rub the wrong way besides me? Nobody. And he was getting real friendly with my tribe at the end. Do you think that was by accident? The way I see it, you and Carl cancel each other out, and guess what? Kyle wins.”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.
“Yes, you do, Kenzie. Use your damn head. Kyle’s dangerous and you know it. And that’s before he even plays his trump card. If he pulls that out…” Lena shook her head, as if to warn me of the potential devastation.
I looked at her in confusion.
“Oh, lord, Kenzie, do I need to spell it out for you? Kyle’s got a hell of a story to tell, and if he decides to share it, you… are… screwed.”
I just sat there, crestfallen. She was right. With Kyle in the game, I had no chance to win.
“Now, if you take Kyle out of the equation and you add me instead, now all the sudden you have a three-way fight. My tribe doesn’t like any of us. I betrayed them, so getting their vote will be next to impossible. It will come down to you and Carl, and my money is on you – if you can convince them that you’re the brains behind the operation. Tell them your big move was knocking out Kyle. I think they’d be impressed, considering how obvious your crush on him is.”
“I don’t… I… it’s not… I don’t like him.” I stumbled helplessly over my words.
“Oh, please. You’re like a grease stain on his shirt. You never go away.”
“We’re friends. We like hanging out, that’s all.”
“Okay, whatever you say. Just know that if you need that money, Kyle can’t be sitting beside you on that final day.”
It should have been an easy decision: vote out Lena and take my chances in the finals. That had been the plan all along, only instead of Carl it should have been Dale. If he were here, he would have known what to do. Would he have turned on Kyle? And more pointedly, would Kyle turn on me? I knew the answer to both those questions. Neither one of them would have betrayed me. I just knew it. But Lena’s words played over and over in my mind. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I told myself I wouldn’t let anyone derail my game, especially not a guy. I knew Kyle liked me-we were friends. Maybe we were more than that, but since he wouldn’t talk to me about it, I couldn’t be sure. He’d been emotional after the nightmare. Was the kiss just a reaction to that?
I was feeling sick, knowing the decision I had to make. Kyle’s fate in the game was in my hands. I could either vote with Carl and Lena and knock him out, or vote with Kyle and bring it to a tie. In that case, the two chosen contestants would compete to see who could build a fire fastest. And Kyle, over the course of the last month, had become quite skilled at starting fires. Chances were he’d win, and I’d be sitting next to him in the finals.
Dammit. If Kyle would just give me some sort of reassurance, so I knew where we were in our relationship, then I could make a more informed decision. As it stood now, if I kept him in the game solely because I was falling for him, there was no guarantee I’d get the outcome I was hoping for. In fact, there was a very real possibility that I would be walking away at the end of this without the guy or the money.
As if sensing my apprehension, Carl approached. “It’s the right move, and you know it.”
“But he’s my friend.”
“And you’re mine – and I wouldn’t hesitate to cut you down if it meant winning a million dollars.”
“That’s comforting.”
“It’s a game, Kenzie. Take the emotions out of it.”
“That’s not so easy, and you know it.”
Carl was the only one who knew my true feelings for Kyle. “I’m not saying it will be easy, but you know it’s your only chance.”
I nodded, tears flooding my eyes. “If I did that to him, he’d never forgive me.”
“But a million dollars will wipe away countless tears.”
I slipped away from the others then, needing to be alone with my thoughts. I especially didn’t want the pressure from the others to make the decision for me. I knew what I was facing. If I sent him home, I’d lose the guy. If I kept him, I’d lose the money. There was no scenario where I could have both. My choice was grim: Kyle or my family.
“Hey.” Kyle came out from around the tree and startled me. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t feeling good.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing exciting. Just cramps.”
“Oh, geez, say no more,” he grinned. “And I mean it.”
I smiled, but, in reality, I was miserable. How could I betray him?
“You seem a little emotional. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” I answered, forcing a smile on my face. “You ready?”
Kyle grabbed my hand and squeezed. Us to the end. That had always been the plan; and what kind of a person would I be if I turned on Kyle now? Even if I didn’t win, I’d still have my dignity and pride… and a possibility with the guy. No, I would stay true to my word. I would stay true to Kyle.
As the rain drenched my hair and sent chills down my spine, I thought about Kyle and his faith in me. In any other situation, he’d be right to trust in my integrity. I was, after all, the girl who put everyone else’s well being before her own. I was the girl who was letting the promise of a boy rule my world. But tonight I didn’t want to be that meek girl. I wanted to be a strong, determined woman who benefitted from making her own decisions. And so I did. I chose me.
Yet the minute the paper left my trembling hand, there was no feeling of empowerment or vindication. There was just overwhelming dread. In a few minutes, Kyle would know what I’d done, but he wouldn’t know why… nor would he care. I’d betrayed him, lied straight to his face. How could I have done such a thing? Kyle wasn’t just a boy crush. He was the man I’d fallen in love with. Suddenly I felt dirty and oh, so sorry.
As I slunk back to where the others were gathered, I passed by the jury, former players who’d earlier been eliminated from the game. The jury members watched each Council, and the information they gathered from it helped them make the final decision of who deserved to win the prize money. Dale was there, having obviously recovered from his illness.
I could feel him staring as I returned to my place on the log. Tilting my head up, I reluctantly met his gaze. Dale’s eyes swelled in shock upon seeing the uncertainty and strife in mine. He shook his head as if to say No, you didn’t. I bowed my head in shame. Oh, yes, I did.
In a nod to his exceptional character, Kyle’s confidence in me never wavered. Not when I wrote his name down on the sheet. Not when he received the first vote. Not even when he received the second. But when the third vote was pulled from the box and his name was written on it, Kyle knew I’d betrayed him. I covered my face with my hands, refusing to look at him. I knew what I would see if I dared chance a peek. The hurt and confusion would be palpable. So I allowed Kyle to walk out of the game, without even giving him the courtesy of a goodbye.
TV Confessional
“I’m sorry.”
—Kenzie
29
Kyle: Seething
I was seeing red as I took the walk of shame. What the fuck was that? I was numb with shock. It almost didn’t seem real. Kenzie had lied to me, flat-out bald-faced lied to me, and I, like the trusting idiot I was, had believed every minute of it. And then she wouldn’t even look at me? What the hell was that? Goddamn coward!
I wandered through the medical evaluations in a daze. The fact that I’d been kicked out still hadn’t really registered with me. It wasn’t until I got to the hotel and saw Dale that shit got real.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Uh… no.”
“You didn’t see it coming at all?”
“Nope,” I replied angrily. “I got played.”
Dale guided me into the hotel and over to the kitchen area. He handed me a menu. “Order something. You need to eat and shower, and then we’ll talk.”
“I’m done talking. If she thinks she’s going to win now, she’s got another thing coming.”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“I’m going to make sure everyone in here votes for Carl. That’s what I’m going to do.”
After eating, showering, and shaving, I was actually feeling a whole lot better, but the anger was still there, festering. I’d kissed her last night… and meant it. Hell, I actually had feelings for that traitor. What an idiot I’d been!
There was a knock on the door and, when I opened it, Dale breezed past me without waiting for an invitation.
“I’ve got something for you,” Dale said, eyes gleaming with excitement. He pulled a phone out of his pocket and held it up to me.
I gasped. “No?”
“Yessiree,” Dale replied. “One leg volcano eruption for your viewing pleasure.”
And truly, Dale’s pus was just what I needed to take my mind off Kenzie. I watched his video multiple times, becoming more impressed with the green, oozing goo with each view. “Wow, Dale, I’m speechless. This was truly special.”
Dale laughed. “I knew you’d appreciate it. Are you feeling better now?”
“Surprisingly, I am. Who needs women when you’ve got disgusting, infected abscesses?
“Exactly,” Dale smiled. “And can I just say… you smell lovely.”
“Well, thank you,” I grinned. “I used a whole bar of soap… most of it on my gooch.”
“I don’t doubt that.” He laughed just before his mood quieted. “Can I just say one more thing?”
“Not if you’re going to talk about her.”
“She didn’t do it to hurt you. I saw her face after the vote. Kenzie seemed so upset and conflicted.”
“Ahh, poor thing,” I whined. “Sorry but I can’t seem to muster any sympathy for her. She’s there, and I’m here.”
“She knew she couldn’t win against you. You two had something…”
“Dale!” I interrupted, unable to harness the irritation. “No offense, but I don’t want to talk about Kenzie… like, ever again.”
TV Confessional
“Yeah, I’m pissed, but my conscience is clear. I can’t say the same for hers.”
—Kyle
30
Kenzie: Making the Case
After the deed was done, I refused to allow myself to feel. I knew what I’d done had ruined any chance I could’ve had with him; but in reality, he was never mine to begin with. I’d stayed true to myself and did what was best for me. Or had I? What if what was best for me had just angrily stomped out of my life? No. No. No. Enough with the self-doubt. Once this was all over and I had my prize money, I could buy myself a new life and maybe, just maybe, I’d find a guy I liked as much as Kyle. Or maybe not.
Carl, Lena, and I returned to camp. They were jubilant and I tried my best to muster the same enthusiasm, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. Tomorrow I would face him again. What would I say? Could I really look into his eyes and make him understand?
“You all right, Kenzie?” Carl asked.
“No.”
“You did the right thing.”
“For who? Me? You? Because it definitely wasn’t for Kyle.”
“He doesn’t need the money.”
“How do we know what he needs?”
Carl sighed and wrapped his giant arms around me. I was dwarfed against his body, but I didn’t pull away. I felt like a defector. Suddenly I wanted to go home. I was done with this damn game. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
Marooned Rule #8
The final three contestants will face the eliminated players and explain why they should win the game. The jury will then vote for the player they feel is most deserving of the grand prize. The winner will be announced at a live studio taping in Los Angeles several months after filming wraps.
The next day was spent memorizing my speech. I had two minutes to make my case to seven people whom I had a hand in kicking out of the game. Somehow I had to convince them I was deserving of the money. Of course I knew I had to exploit my childhood trauma in order to stand out. I had to talk about losing my mom and raising my siblings. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but then I’d been doing a lot of things I didn’t want to do lately. I feared when I returned home, I was going to have to take an acid bath to rid myself of all the nastiness I’d been part of.
I sat nervously as the exited players returned to take their seats in the jury box. One by one they filed in. I tried to make eye contact with every single one, but most were not exactly emotive. In fact, they looked as though they were headed to a funeral. I hoped to god it wouldn’t be mine. Kyle was the last of the bunch to take his seat. I almost didn’t r
ecognize him. His brown, sun-streaked hair had been cut shorter and was slicked back. He was clean and shaved and, although thin from his time on the island, surprisingly healthy-looking. Wearing tan jeans and a tight white V-neck t-shirt, I couldn’t help but gape at him. Kyle was so handsome. For the first time I saw in him a strong resemblance to his famous brother. You let that go, Kenzie? Idiot. No wonder you’re single.
I stared at Kyle, willing him to look back, but even with my eyes burning holes through him, he steadfastly refused to engage me. And really, why would he? I could only imagine some of those nasty words he’d been exchanging with Lena the past few days were now being directed at me.
Lena was up first. She told a story of the struggles of being a single mom raising two boys. And while that was admirable and important, it seemed to do little to sway the angry-looking jury. She reminded them that she was the last of the East tribe, and for that reason she deserved their respect. A few of her former tribe mates actually scoffed, and I was feeling pretty certain she was not getting any of their votes.
I was next. And I told my story. I tried to explain why I’d made the choices I did in the game and played up some of the big moves I’d made to get me to this point. Kyle stared down at his hands the entire time. If he would just look at me… scream at me… anything but this agonizing silence. I looked around at the other members of the jury – their interest in me seemed lukewarm, at least more than Lena had got from them. And then I came to Dale, wonderful Dale. He was smiling at me, and I wanted to burst into tears at his unconditional support.
Carl’s moment to shine arrived, and he didn’t disappoint. The man who hadn’t said more than a few words to most of the jury members now had their full and undivided attention. The gruff, ginger-haired giant spoke of his childhood filled with bullying, his coming out, his father’s disownment. He talked about his divorce and his daughter and the struggle he had every day to come up with the money to fly to see her. Every word that came out of his mouth made my chances of winning decrease, and by the time he was done, not only did I have tears in my eyes but I was rooting for him myself.