The Theory of Second Best (Cake #2)

by J. Bengtsson

  “Wow, thanks, Kenzie,” I answered, sarcastically.

  The audience laughed.

  “Honestly, though, there are no hard feelings. At the time, I was just butt hurt. Kenzie played a smart, kick-ass game. More power to her.”

  “So have the two of you had a chance to talk since the show ended?”

  We exchanged knowing glances, and then Kenzie said, “We kissed and made up.”

  “And then some,” I added, grinning.

  The audience, as well as the other cast members, went wild at my comment. Lena actually got up and scooted me into her seat so I could be beside Kenzie. I put my arm around her, and she gazed up at me with a surprised but ecstatic smile. So much for keeping it quiet.

  Once everyone had settled down after my unexpected comment, the host asked, “So then are you two a couple?”

  I placed my hand on her knee and gave the most vague of answers, “It’s, you know….”

  He waited for me to elaborate, and when I didn’t, his demeanor changed, and I knew what was coming. My stomach clenched in anticipation.

  “Of course I have to ask you about Jake. There’s been such an outpouring of support for him. Has your family drawn strength from that?”

  His question surprised me. It was thoughtful and didn’t sensationalize the tragedy. I was grateful for his compassion and answered as honestly as possible. “Yeah, you know, on behalf of my family and Jake, I want to thank everyone for their prayers and good wishes. I promise you, they haven’t gone unnoticed.”

  “Has there been any change in his condition?”

  “No.”

  “Well, I think I speak for everyone when I wish you and your family the best.”

  The conversation moved on to Carl and what he planned to do with his winnings. I had stopped listening. My heart was pounding out of its chest. Kenzie grabbed my hand and squeezed, and I let out a sigh of relief. That hadn’t been so bad, and with Kenzie by my side, I was finally breathing a little easier. Now all I needed was Jake back.

  38

  Kenzie: Facing the Truth

  Losing out on the million dollars was not a surprise. I already knew it was a long shot. Carl had killed it during the final vote. So honest and human, he deserved the money as much as anyone, and I was happy for my friend. I had long ago come to the realization that I’d be playing for second, and when Lena received no votes at all, I knew I’d done it. The prize money for a second-place finish was nothing to sneeze at. I would have enough to give some to my dad and then start up my new life here, in Southern California, near Kyle. I understood that there were no guarantees, but I’d kick myself in the butt if I didn’t give it a shot with him. I was young and free and had some cash in my pocket. The future looked bright.

  Immediately following the show, the cast members’ families crowded the stage. My dad and siblings pushed past the throngs of well-wishers to be by my side. You would have thought I’d won the whole thing by how excited my siblings were for me.

  My sister tugged on my arm and whispered, “Is that Kyle’s brother?”

  I followed her wide, swoony eyes to a teenage boy standing with Kyle. “I have no idea, but he looks like Jake, so probably.”

  “He’s so hot. Take me over there and introduce me.”

  “Caroline, no. I haven’t met his family.”

  “Kyle’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

  “What? No. I don’t know. Maybe. No.”

  “So what is it? Make up your mind.”

  “I have no idea what we are.”

  “Then what exactly did he mean by ‘and then some’?” Caroline grinned slyly.

  “That’s none of your business.” I poked her in the side. “And don’t you dare joke about that in front of Dad,” I added in a barely audible voice.

  “Oh… he’s coming over,” my sister gasped, but then her excitement fizzled just as quickly. “Damn, the brother’s not.”

  Kyle strode over to us. He caught my eye and smiled, and I returned the gesture. Caroline looked between us in awe.

  “Hi, I’m Caroline, Kenzie’s sister. Is that your brother?”

  I gaped at her in shocked admiration. Ballsy. That’s what she was. How had we come from the same parents?

  “Quinn?” Kyle asked, looking surprised. Caroline shrugged and pointed him out for Kyle. He grinned and called over her choice. Quinn bound up to us, much like I’d seen Kyle do a hundred times on the island. “Quinn, this is Caroline. Caroline is Kenzie’s sister.”

  “Hey.” He smiled, eyes bright.

  “Hey,” she answered back.

  “Wow, such stimulating conversation,” Kyle whispered in my ear.

  I nodded and laughed. Grabbing his arm, I steered him over to my dad and brothers and introduced them. My father hadn’t been real thrilled with Kyle’s on-air admission, which basically confirmed for the world that we’d had sex. To Dad’s credit, however, he played it cool and didn’t punch Kyle in the face. My brothers didn’t care about any of that, though, as they were starry-eyed upon meeting Kyle for the first time. He had been their favorite player on the show… and that was with me added to the mix.

  As the boys chatted for a few minutes, I glanced over to see Caroline and Quinn exchanging numbers. If only it could be that easy for all of us.

  Kyle came over to my side.

  “Looks like they’re hitting it off,” I said.

  “Yeah. Shocking. It’s like Quinn has gone from mega-dork to badass babe magnet overnight.”

  “He better not give her ‘and then some.’”

  “Oh, god, I know. Sorry. That was bad. It just slipped out. You know I can’t control what comes out of my mouth sometimes.”

  “Your parents are going to think I’m a slut.”

  “You’re kidding me, right? Their son’s a rock star. The women they’ve seen…” he shook his head playfully. “You’re like the Virgin Mary.”

  “Stop,” I laughed. “Where are they, anyway?”

  “They left already, and took Grace, Keith, and Sam back to the hospital. It’s just Emma and Quinn. Come on, I’ll introduce you to my sister.”

  I glanced at her as we walked up. Emma was beautiful: blonde, high cheek bones, and gorgeous light hazel eyes. Dang. Every one of Kyle’s siblings was attractive. What were the chances of having that many kids and not getting at least one stinker in the bunch? I wondered if Kyle’s parents high-fived each other every night before going to bed at what gorgeous kids they’d produced.

  Bobby was chatting up Emma when we arrived. I had to wonder what she would rank on his beauty scale. Kyle and he exchanged handshakes. “Sorry about starving you,” he said, smiling.

  “That’s okay. Sorry for kicking your ass off the island.”

  “No hard feelings,” Bobby said, and turned to Kyle’s sister. “Call me.”

  “Yeah, sure,” she nodded. As soon as he sauntered away, she deleted his number from her contacts.

  “Not your type?” Kyle asked, grinning.

  “Is he anybody’s type? You left me stranded, jerk,” Emma said, punching Kyle in the arm. “That’s eight minutes of my life I can never reclaim.”

  “Sorry, geez.”

  “I don’t get how you guys put up with him,” she said.

  “We had Marsha to even things out,” Kyle joked. “Emma, this is Kenzie.”

  “Hi, nice to meet you, and I’m sorry about my brother’s stupid comment,” she grinned. “He can be an idiot sometimes, but he means well.”

  I laughed. “It’s all good. My father didn’t hurt him, so that’s positive.”

  “It really is a wonder Kyle isn’t beaten up more often.”

  “Emma, you’re supposed to be making me look good.”

  “Oh, in that case, this guy’s a keeper,” she said with a smile.

  Emma and I chatted for a few minutes until Dale pulled us away to meet his family. As Kyle hit it off with Dale’s kids, I chatted up his wife. She thought it was hysterical how Kyle had hipped up her husba
nd and now he was the most popular carpool dad at the school. We also met Carl’s daughter, Trina. She was unmistakably his, with her red curly hair and spattering of freckles. And at only ten years old, she was already taller than me. But physical features aside, Trina differed from her dad in a very important way: she was filled with confidence and happiness. I smiled at Carl as she chattered aimlessly with me. He shrugged his wide shoulders and went back to adoring her.

  Once Trina was shooting the breeze with Kyle, Carl pulled me aside and gave me a hug.

  “I couldn’t have won without you, Kenzie. I owe you so much. If you need any money or anything…”

  “No, I’m good. I won a nice little sum myself. I’m happy for you. You deserved it.”

  “I don’t know about that.” He shook his head. “Go out there and make a life for yourself. You understand? Don’t compromise.”

  “I won’t.”

  Kyle was leaning into me, almost on my lap, and his hands were roaming my body as our mouths worked furiously. He was with me, but I could tell he wasn’t really with me. Even this make-out session seemed his way of appeasing me. I’d been here for four days, but aside from our first night together, we’d spent the rest of our time at the hospital. I knew he was trying to squeeze in time with me while still staying devoted to Jake, but the stress of the situation was wearing him down. Instead of my company being a good thing for Kyle, it seemed to just be adding to his anxiety levels. If he was with me, Kyle felt guilty for being away; and if he was with his brother, he was worrying about me sitting alone on a chair outside Jake’s hospital room. I tried to reassure him that I didn’t need entertaining, but Kyle kept trying to carve out moments like this to spend with me.

  Waking up this morning, I knew what needed to be done, for his sake. My family was driving back to northern California today, and I’d be making the trip back with them. I wanted to be there for Kyle, but not like this. It was clear that, at this moment in his life, there was no room for me, and it was selfish to stay if all was I doing was piling more weight onto his shoulders. Kyle’s devotion to his brother was absolute, and my presence was a distraction he hadn’t asked for.

  He pushed me further down until he was on top of me, his hand between my legs. We were on the couch in the apartment, and there was a revolving door of his family members making their way through it at all hours of the day.

  “Kyle, stop.”

  “It’s okay. No one will be here for a while.”

  “You have no way of knowing that,” I said, sitting up.

  “I know.” He groaned and moved off me. “You’re right. Maybe we can go to Jake’s place later. I can’t now, but maybe… I don’t know when. Maybe later.”

  His words only reinforced my decision. Kyle’s forehead was creased with strain, and his eyes looked tired and wary. I cupped his jaw and gave him a tender kiss.

  “I think I have to leave,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry. I know I haven’t had much time today. Maybe tomorrow will be better. “

  “I meant, go home.”

  “Oh.” Kyle took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He slumped over, running his hands through his hair and grasping the strands. We sat in silence, neither of us really knowing what to say. Kyle’s phone buzzed, and he checked it.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Um, yeah. I might have to leave in a few minutes, though. The test results are back. Are you saying we’re done?”

  “I’m saying you’re in no position to start a new relationship.”

  “I’ve been trying, Kenzie. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “I know that, but you’re trying too hard, and that’s why I have to go. If I could stay here and be a support for you, I would in a heartbeat, but that’s not what’s happening here and you know it. You need to be there for your family and not worrying about me.”

  Kyle buried his head in his hands. I wrapped my arms around him.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you, Kyle. I’m trying to make this easier on you.”

  “Why do things always have to be so…” He stopped in the middle of his sentence, struggling to find the words.

  I touched his face, running my hands tenderly over the rough patches of whiskers. My lips brushed over his as I dusted them with my affection. “It doesn’t have to be a goodbye. We can think of it as a ‘to be continued’.”

  “So when Jake wakes up, we can try again?”

  “Yes,” I agreed, swallowing the lump in my throat. There was just too much uncertainty in his life to pin my hopes on a future together, and I had a terrible feeling that this was it for us. I stood up. “I’m going to go now,” I managed to say before the emotions caught up to me and I gulped back a sob.

  “Kenzie.” Kyle stood too, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a hug. We held onto each other for a long time. The sadness I’d been struggling to keep in check poured out of me. The reality of our situation weighed heavily on my heart. If the time had been right, we could have been something great, but the fairytale ending I’d imagined with him couldn’t overcome the pressures of real life. I pulled out of Kyle’s arms.

  “I have to go,” I sniffled. “My dad is waiting in the parking lot.”

  “Do you want me to walk you down?”

  “No. Go back to Jake. He needs you.”

  Without another word, we exited the apartment, Kyle heading off in one direction, and I in the other.

  “Goodbye,” I whispered.

  39

  Kyle: The Awakening

  I’d never been good at hiding my emotions and wasn’t surprised that Kenzie saw straight through my pathetic façade. She was right to leave me. I would never have room for her in my life as long as Jake lay unresponsive in his. And there was no way for me to explain that to her without divulging the injustice that bound me to my brother in the first place. So I went on with my sad existence, pushing thoughts of her from my mind as I hung on my brother’s every tiny flinch. He was in there somewhere, and I wasn’t giving up until there was no hope left to hold.

  But as the days went on with no change, my family slowly began to deconstruct. Managing tragedy had never been our strong point, and it didn’t help that we’d been given more than our fair share of it. Heartbreak had a way of bringing out the worst in all of us. Arguments erupted. Words that could never be taken back were spoken. Feelings were hurt. Apologies attempted. Wash, rinse, and repeat. The McKallister clan was nothing if not consistent in our grieving methods.

  Keeping my focus on Jake, I put every last bit of my tattered soul into saving my brother’s. Choosing the nightshift to give my overly exhausted parents a break, I kept vigil at Jake’s bedside in the dead of night for hours on end. When the medical complications first sent him into the coma, I didn’t have one-sided conversations with him like the others did, choosing instead to just sit there impassively, wallowing in my misery, as I obsessively watched him breathe. But after this past week, and Kenzie and the show, something broke open in me, and I couldn’t hold back my grief any longer.

  That first night after Kenzie left, I just cried – ten years’ worth of tears shamelessly poured out of me. Thankfully there was no one to judge me except my comatose brother, who didn’t seem to mind my waterworks. Then, in the days that followed, my silent grief found a voice. The thoughts inside my head escaped with such brazen intensity that I wondered how’d they’d all managed to get along up there in my muddled brain. The trivial words came first. Simple stories. Mild observations. Then the deeper layers made their way to the surface: pain, heartbreak, betrayals. From there, the hidden tiers of my psyche pushed their way through the crowds as I recounted every goddamn insecurity I’d ever harbored. Jake was like a slumbering priest and I the disgraced sinner, looking for absolution.

  Yet still I held back. That one shameful memory clung to its refuge, refusing to seek amnesty with the others. Whether I kept it safe for my sake or Jake’s wasn’t clear. In consciousness, Jake had always placed a muzzle on any menti
on of that day, and my guilt kept me from pushing for answers. But now, with my brother in no condition to protest my insolence, my secret shame crept from the shadows.

  “I’m going to start by saying that your objection to this conversation is duly noted. But seeing as you are the asshole who won’t wake up, I’m going to dump my shit in your lap and see how you like it.”

  I realized I was being a total dick, but I couldn’t help myself. When I’d first started talking to Jake, my words were kind and quiet and gentle, as if harsh tones might keep him from waking. But as the days went on and he didn’t open his eyes, my tone turned sharp and challenging. I was pissed at the world and furious at Jake for remaining in his stupid fucking coma.

  “So here it goes. I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry. I’ve done way too many dumb things in my life, but that…” My voice faltered, and more tears threatened to burst forth. I had no idea my body could produce so many. “That’s one I can’t ever take back. If I had just listened to Mom, to you, we wouldn’t be here today, and I own that. I’ll never forgive myself. And the worst part is, I don’t know how you feel about what happened because you never talk about it. Are you mad at me? Do you blame me? Because you should! We were supposed to go the skate park, and you, like the obedient, kiss-ass you were, just mindlessly followed directions. As always, I was the one to lead you astray. I wanted to go to the business park to ride the handrails on the stairs. You said no because we’d gotten in trouble the time before, but it was a Sunday, and no one was there to bust us. I totally played you. All I had to do was insult your skate jumping skills and you were like putty in my hands. Why did you have to be so damn competitive? And why would you even listen to me in the first place? You knew I never made good decisions. Jesus Christ, Jake, how could you have been so stupid?”

  I stopped myself. Talk about blaming others for my own shortcomings. Was I seriously pissed at Jake for getting kidnapped when I was the one who’d led him to his doom?