by Marta Perry
“I see.” That surprised her. She’d naturally assumed he’d be staying at his mother’s house. Surely he didn’t feel unwelcome there.
“I can’t do without modern conveniences,” he said, maybe understanding her thoughts. “As long as I’m in Pleasant Valley, I have to stay in touch with my business associates, so I need a high-speed Internet connection.”
She could understand that, she supposed. The Englisch seemed to pride themselves on being constantly connected to the world, as if that was always a good thing.
“Are they making you comfortable there?” she asked po-litely.
His smile had an edge to it. “They aren’t stuffing me with food, if that’s what you mean.”
“People who do physical work need plenty to eat.” She answered the implied criticism. “I’m sure your mamm fed you well when you and your daad were working the farm. I seem to remember you were very partial to her apple dumplings.”
This time his smile was genuine. “I haven’t had any to equal hers since I left,” he said. “You didn’t happen to bring an apple dumpling in that tin, did you?”
Smiling in relief that they’d gotten past his edginess, she shook her head. “Only walnut streusel coffee cake,” she said. “I don’t think apple dumplings—”
“I don’t know why you’re spending all your time talking to her.” Jessie’s voice cut across what she was saying, and Naomi turned, mind racing, searching for something to head off the approaching storm.
“I think I—”
“You should leave,” Jessie said, her voice as sharp as a knife. “You’re not wanted here.”
“Jessie, what’s gotten into you?” Seth was looking at his little sister with such perplexity in his face that Naomi guessed this was the first time he’d been treated to one of Jessie’s tantrums.
“You don’t know.” Jessie whirled on him. “How could you? You haven’t been around to know. Naomi was always jealous of Ada, and now she’s doing everything she can to get Nathan to marry her so she can take Ada’s place.”
“Jessie—” Emma began, but it was too late. Jessie ran to the door, rushed out, and set it swinging, leaving an appalled silence behind her.
It took a moment for Naomi to gather her wits together, unsure whether she was shaken or humiliated by the sudden attack. If the others saw her that way—
But there was no time to worry about the adults’ reactions now. It was Joshua and Sadie who needed all her concern.
“Goodness,” she said, trying to smile. “Aunt Jessie left in a rush, didn’t she? I’m sure she’ll come back in time to say good-bye to you, though.”
Galvanized by her words, Emma nodded, patting Joshua’s shoulder and taking Sadie’s hand. “That’s our Jessie, for sure. Always in a hurry. But she did love your poem, you know. Did you see how she clapped at it?”
Joshua nodded, wary, while Sadie looked straight at her grandmother.
“Why is Aunt Jessie mad at Naomi?” Sadie’s high voice seemed to puncture the smoke screen they were trying to erect.
“She isn’t mad, Sadie.” Emma snuggled her close. “Aunt Jessie just has a sharp way of speaking sometimes, but it doesn’t mean anything.”
“You know, I think I saw a vending machine down the hall. Why don’t we go and see what some change might buy for Sadie and Joshua?” Seth jingled coins in his pocket.
“Vending?” Sadie’s brow wrinkled.
“You know,” Joshua said, with the lofty assurance of a six-year-old. “Like that thing with the bubble gum in it at the hardware store.”
“Does it have gum?” Sadie, perfectly willing to be bribed, took Seth’s hand. “Daadi doesn’t let us have gum.”
“Well, then, Onkel Seth won’t, either,” Naomi said, with a warning glance at Seth. “But there might be candy or crackers. Do you need any more change?” This last was aimed at Seth.
He shook his head. “I have enough, I think.” He held out his hand to Joshua. “Coming, Joshua?”
Joshua looked at Naomi, and when she nodded, he took the offered hand and the three of them went out into the hallway, leaving Naomi alone with Emma.
Naomi had to steel herself to turn, half afraid of what she might see in Emma’s face. If Emma believed that what Jessie had said was true—
But one look relieved her. Emma’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, and she held her hand out to Naomi pleadingly.
“Ach, Naomi, can you forgive her? I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I never thought to hear a child of mine speak such nonsense.”
“Of course it’s forgiven.” She went quickly to clasp Emma’s hand. “And it’s not your fault, that’s certain-sure.”
Emma shook her head, and a tear escaped to trickle down her cheek. She looked shrunken suddenly, and older than her years.
“Ach, I am so weak I want to cry over every little thing. You know that Jessie doesn’t take easily to change, and the poor child has had too much of that, with me away and now helpless in this chair.” She smacked her hand against the arm of the wheelchair, as if it were to blame.
“Maybe…” Naomi stopped, censoring the words she wanted to say. Clearly Emma was not ready to admit Jessie needed more help than she could give, despite this most recent outburst. And with Emma in a weakened state herself, Naomi could hardly press the issue.
“Maybe what?” Emma asked.
Naomi shook her head. “I don’t know. It seems I bring out the worst in Jessie, but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because Ada and I were so close.”
She spoke at random, trying to cover the direction her thoughts had actually taken, but she might have inadvertently come close to the truth. Emma was nodding.
“I think you might have it,” she said. “Jessie always admired her big sister so much and wanted to be like her. She maybe resented the time Ada spent with you.”
Naomi nodded, but whether that had been the starting point for Jessie’s resentment or not didn’t really seem to matter. Something had to be done. Perhaps Seth, coming back after so long a time, would be able to look at the situation more clearly than Emma could.
“But maybe Jessie was right in one thing.” Catching Naomi’s eye, Emma shook her head. “Ach, not about her idea of you chasing Nathan. That’s foolishness. But maybe Jessie senses that it would be a gut thing for Nathan to marry you.”
“Emma!” Naomi could barely catch her breath. “I’m sure the thought never occurred to him. Or to me,” she added hastily.
“Maybe it should,” Emma said. “Look at me.” She gestured to the chair. “Whether Nathan has realized it or not, I’m not going to be able to take on those kinder full-time again. I’m not what they need. They need a mammi.”
Naomi’s throat was threatening to close. “Maybe one day Nathan will fall in love again.”
Emma shook her head. “He buried his heart with Ada, I fear. And Joshua and Sadie need a mamm now, not off in the future sometime.” Emma’s grasp tightened on Naomi’s hand. “You wouldn’t be taking Ada’s place, Naomi. But it could still be a gut life, having a husband and young ones to call your own.”
Meaning she thought it impossible that Naomi would ever find someone to love her for herself, apparently. Naomi tried to smile, gently loosening her hand from Emma’s grasp. “I think that is the weakness from your accident talking, Emma. You must stop worrying. The children will be all right. Now I think I’d better find them and send them back in to you.”
Naomi stepped into the hall, glad to be away from Emma and her disturbing ideas. Surely that suggestion was the product of her accident and current weakness as she fretted her way through each day.
But there was no solitude in the hallway, as Sadie came rushing up to her, waving a half-eaten candy bar. “Look, look, Naomi. I put in the coins, and this candy bar came out.”
“Amazing,” she said. “Let’s try not to get the chocolate on your dress, ja?” She glanced over Sadie’s head at Joshua. He had his own candy bar, eating it slowly as if to relish every bite
.
“Did you remember to thank Onkel Seth?”
“They did,” Seth said, joining her. His face softened when he looked at the children. Did he see himself and Ada in them?
“You two go back in and visit with Grossmammi,” Naomi said. “Scoot, now. We’ll have to leave before too long. We don’t want to keep Ben waiting for our ride home.”
“I could drive you,” Seth offered.
“Denke, but we have already made arrangements.” And she suspected that Nathan wouldn’t be best pleased if she allowed Seth to drive the children.
Joshua and Sadie, clutching their candy, vanished into Emma’s room, and for a moment before the door swung closed Naomi could hear Sadie’s high voice exclaiming about her candy.
“I can’t imagine a kid being that excited about vending machine candy.” Seth was frowning. “I guess I’d forgotten how much you miss, growing up Amish.”
“I do not think they would trade their faith and their family for a vending machine,” Naomi said.
“Like me, you mean.”
She shook her head. “I don’t suppose your leaving had anything to do with vending machines, either.” She reminded herself to be cautious. If she hoped to enlist his help for Jessie, she shouldn’t antagonize him. “But you are back now, and that has made Emma very happy at a time when she needs cheering up.”
“I hope I’m making this time easier for her.” He frowned, and she wondered if he was thinking about Jessie. “What was all that business with Jessie, anyway?”
“It’s not the first time she has spoken that way to me,” Naomi said carefully. “It is troubling.”
“I know my mother has been worried about her. But Mamm always says she’s just immature.”
“Is that what you think?” she asked directly.
Seth shrugged, as if trying to rid himself of a burden he didn’t want to carry. “I think it’s not my business. My mother is the best judge of what my sister needs.” His tone made it clear that he wouldn’t discuss his sister with her.
Naomi could hardly force him to talk about it. But was she the only one who saw that something was very wrong with Jessie?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Saturday’s snow had only dropped an inch, which quickly melted. But snow was threatening again on Sunday morning, and Naomi had a feeling they wouldn’t get off so lightly this time. Fortunately worship was being held just a couple of miles down the road at the Weaver farm.
Naomi rode with Libby and Isaiah, their buggy closely following the one carrying Nathan and the children. When they’d reached the Weaver place, it had seemed natural for Sadie to run to Naomi. When she’d walked into the Weaver family’s basement to take her place holding Sadie’s hand, she had felt as if the appearance were the reality—that they were any Amish mother and daughter.
But it wasn’t true. Sadie leaned against her, eyes drooping closed, and Naomi moved her gently to a more comfortable position. She might look like the children’s mother, but she wasn’t.
Emma’s disturbing comments zigzagged through Naomi’s thoughts like lightning, illuminating the painful truth of her situation. She had gotten herself into just the place she’d vowed she wouldn’t, raising someone else’s children, loving them without having the right to be loved in return. In fact, everyone believed it impossible for her to be loved for herself.
Sadie sighed a little, drifting into sleep with her head on Naomi’s lap. Naomi patted her, love clutching her heart. A slight movement from the row behind caught her eye, and she turned her head.
Leah, with little Rachel Anna dozing on her lap, smiled at her. She returned the smile, feeling a bond with the young mothers who filled the bench behind her. Leah, Anna, and Naomi’s sister-in-law Lovina sat next to one another with their children, and it occurred to Naomi that it wasn’t an accident that they were so placed. They were wordlessly showing support for her.
Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked until her vision cleared and she could see the minister’s face again. What was she going to do about Daad? That worry had nagged at her for weeks, it seemed, but with the news of his complaint to the bishop it had taken on fresh urgency.
She did not want to be at odds with her father. She did not want to give up the work she was doing with Nathan’s children. Surely it didn’t have to come down to one or the other.
Please. The prayer was so incoherent it was nearly wordless. Guide me.
When the service wound to its close, Naomi realized that even though it had given her no answers, it had comforted her. More, she knew one thing she must do as soon as possible. She must speak to Bishop Mose.
There was a bustle of activity as men began the task of transforming the worship space into the eating space, while women scurried up and down the stairs with trays of food. Sadie woke, obviously refreshed by her nap, and ran off to find her brother. Across the large open area Naomi spotted Elijah helping to move a table. Beyond him, Daad stood against the wall with several of his friends, deep in conversation.
Momentarily adrift in a crowd of people, all of whom seemed to have jobs to do, Naomi sidled toward the steps. She would go up to the kitchen and see what she could do to help. She’d just reached the top when someone moved into her path. Her fingers gripped the railing when she saw it was Bishop Mose.
Forcing a smile she didn’t feel, she took the remaining two steps to reach him. She realized she was holding her breath, and she let it out, scolding herself. This was Bishop Mose. She’d known him all her life.
“Naomi, I was chust hoping to see you.” When Bishop Mose smiled, the resulting crinkles in his face seemed to testify to his years of caring for his people. “I wanted—” He stopped, noticing that he was blocking the path to the basement. “Komm,” he said. “Let us find a place a little less crowded.” He nodded toward the back door. “Out on the porch, maybe, if you don’t mind the cold.”
“I could do with a breath of air.” Naomi opened the door and followed him out onto the porch.
Bishop Mose steered her to the corner of the porch, and she realized that was deliberate. Here, no one would spot them and wonder what they were talking about.
“I hoped we could talk today.” Her breath came out in a cloud on the cold air. “Someone…I heard at the Christmas program that my daad had come to you about my behavior.” That much came out in a rush, and then she stopped, unable to say more.
“Ach, you should not have heard about it that way.” Bishop Mose looked vexed, but not, so far as she could tell, with her. “I suppose someone who was in the harness shop that morning couldn’t wait to pass on the story.”
She blinked, determined not to give way to tears. “If the story is true, it doesn’t matter how I heard, I suppose.” For an instant she hoped against hope that Mary Esch had been making up the tale, but she couldn’t quite believe that comforting thought.
“Did the person who passed on the story mention how I responded to your father?” Bishop Mose’s blue eyes surveyed her shrewdly, and she suspected he knew full well who the tale-bearer had been.
“N-no.” It startled her to realize that she had barely even considered Bishop Mose’s response in all her worrying.
“I thought as much.” He leaned against the porch post, seeming willing to stand here in the cold for as long as necessary. “I told your daad that it was not appropriate to air his complaints with his child in a public place. Further, that Scripture tells us that if we have a quarrel with a brother or sister in the faith, we must go to that person and try to make it right.” There was a suspicion of a twinkle in his eyes. “I think you can guess how he responded to that idea.”
She could, and she was emboldened by that twinkle. “I think Daad would say that Scripture also tells us a child should obey its parents.”
“Ja, you have it.” Bishop Mose shook his head slightly. “Sam Esch is a gut man, but that is not the same as being wise. You are his daughter, but no longer a child.”
“Denke.” Naomi breathed the word, he
r throat tight.
Bishop Mose frowned slightly. “You are doing a gut thing, I believe, taking care of those motherless kinder. Sam would probably agree if he were not so stubborn. There is no fault in the choice you have made, Naomi. But is there a fault in how you have dealt with your father? Have you tried to talk to him and explain what you are doing and why?”
Humbled, she shook her head. “I am at fault, too. Daad has not tried to talk with me, but I have not tried to talk with him, either. At least, not as much as I should. I must try again to explain.”
Would it do any good? She didn’t know, but her conscience convicted her of not trying hard enough to bridge the gap between them.
“Ja, that is what you must do. And if your daad still will not do his part to mend things between you, then he is the one to carry the burden of that failure.”
The words sounded so final that they hurt Naomi’s heart. But she had asked for guidance, and it had come. Now she had to follow it.
When Isaiah drove the buggy between his place and Naomi’s on the way to the stable, the first huge flakes were starting to fall. He halted the horse by the back porch. “Libby, you and Naomi go ahead and climb down. No point in you getting wet.”
“It’s snow,” Libby exclaimed, sounding like one of the children to Naomi. “It is worth getting wet just to see it.”
Isaiah met Naomi’s eyes and grinned. “Ja, I know. I’d like to stop and play in it, but I think the mare would just as soon be in her warm stall.”
Libby spun around once, holding out her arms as Isaiah drove on. Then she stopped and smiled at Naomi just as Isaiah had done. “Isaiah thinks he has to act like a grown-up just because we are married.”
“Even grown-ups can enjoy the first big snowfall,” Naomi said. “I heard some folks at worship saying that we are supposed to get several inches. Joshua and Sadie will be clamoring to get out their snow saucers, I think. Maybe they will let you borrow one for a ride.”
“Don’t tell anyone,” Libby said, “but I have my own saucer up in the barn rafters.”