To Love a Soldier

by Sophie Monroe

  “Oh, I can’t take that.”

  “Please, you guys paid for the movies. It’s fine.”

  “Mandy, it’s okay. Brady’s got it.” Liz said.

  I wanted to say something, but knew she wouldn’t take it well. I don’t think she realizes just how good of a guy she has and is making that ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ mistake. If she didn’t start treating him better he was going to leave and she’ll regret it.

  “Liz, it’s fine. Brady, take the money,” I demanded.

  “Okay, thanks,” he said, taking the money from my hand.

  Giant bag of tacos in hand, we headed back to my place. I was happy that Brady and Liz joined me for our late meal.

  “Liz,” I said before they left. “I’m really worried about John.”

  “Mandy, he’s fine. I’d say you’d need to get used to this, but lucky for you, he’s supposed to be home soon.”

  “I guess you’re right. I’m just not feeling right inside.”

  “Look, I know he wanted it to be a surprise, but clearly you’re upset, so I’m just going to tell you.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “He planned on getting home by Christmas,” she said. “He put in for it and was pretty sure they would accept it, especially because his unit’s served in many different places over the years.”

  “Really?” I couldn’t stop smiling. “I knew he said he should be back within a month, but he never sounded certain about it, so I didn’t get my hopes up.”

  “Really,” Liz said, pulling me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

  I broke down and started to cry. I was filled with mixed emotions.

  “Liz, I just don’t feel right about everything. I’m pregnant and he’s gone.” I sucked up some tears. “I’m scared he won’t come back to me. I’m scared I’ll be alone raising our child. I’m scared our kid will have to grow up without a father.”

  “You’re not alone, Mandy. You’ll never be alone, no matter what. He’s coming back for sure, but even if God forbid he didn’t, you are not alone.”

  “I’m a little out of my element here and don’t know what to do, so I’m going to go into the kitchen,” Brady said, excusing himself.

  “He’s such an ass,” Liz said.

  We both laughed. Somehow Brady had lifted my spirits with his awkward aversion to female emotions. Pulling back the rest of my tears, I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve.

  “You’re right. I’m fine.”

  “I know I’m right.”

  “I can’t seem to get a grip on my emotions lately. Maybe it’s the hormones.”

  If this is what I had to look forward to for the rest of the pregnancy, I had to hope that Liz was right. John had to get leave because I was going to be a hot emotional mess.

  “It’s understandable, just hang in there.”

  “I’m trying. I just wish he was here and not God knows where in under dangerous circumstances. ”

  “Brady, you can come back now,” Liz yelled. “We’re done being emotional.”

  “Oh good, okay,” Brady yelled back. “I’m coming.”

  He came back in the room and sat in the chair across from us. We started talking again, but I changed the subject to Liz. “So how are you dealing with everything that happened?” I asked.

  “I’m dealing. There are times when it doesn’t even cross my mind, and then there are times when it’s all I can think about. I replay things in my head, even things that happened back at the party.”

  “Yeah, I know. I still do the same thing. I spent years avoiding certain social situations for fear of a repeat occurrence. Then, I decided I couldn’t live like that anymore. Even now I’ll have a trigger.”

  “Yeah?” Liz asked.

  “Yup, but believe me, it does get easier as time passes.”

  “Good to hear and to be honest, almost every night I’m having nightmares. Some are of what happened, but most are very scary, visually, of things that didn’t happen, but I guess could’ve happened, if that makes sense.”

  “It does,” I said, pulling her into a hug. She finally broke down, sobbing in my arms and then crying loudly.

  “And again,” Brady said, excusing himself to the kitchen once more. I grabbed his arm as he walked past us and pulled him down.

  “She needs you,” I whispered in his ear. I slid out and let him take my place. This time, I left for the kitchen to give them privacy. After about 10 minutes, Liz called me back in.

  “All right, this was supposed to be a fun night,” I said.

  “I know,” Liz said. “And here we are, both losing it.”

  “Yeah, thanks, ladies,” Brady joked. “Am I going to wake up sporting a pair of tots and getting a meriod?”

  “Shut up, Brady,” I teased. “You’re the only one who got off tonight, so the rest of us are stressed. And what the fuck is a meriod.””

  “A man period and don’t worry,” Liz said. “I plan on putting him to work after we leave.”

  “Lovely, so I’m the only one not getting off.”

  “Sorry,” Liz said. “You could always have Skype sex again.”

  Brady’s head snapped my way. “Wait, video sex? Again?”

  “Don’t ask.” I shook my head. “Liz, take him away.”

  “You got it.” She stood, after giving me one last hug. “Come on, Brady.”

  “Thanks for coming out with us, Mandy,” he said. “Have a good night.”

  “Thank you, guys. I’ll talk to you later.”

  Walking them to the door, we said goodbye. They drove off and I was alone. Heading upstairs, I did my nightly routine, exhausted and ready to sleep. I checked my email and of course saw a bunch of CNN new alerts with war and Afghanistan in the subject. I deleted them because all they did was make me worry more. I knew John wasn’t there, but any information on soldiers being killed always upset me and now it was times ten. Closing the computer, I laid my head back on my pillow, and felt myself drift to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The Call

  Liz

  Last night was great. I had really gone out of my comfort zone and done something I never thought I’d do. I pleasured Brady, risking getting caught and humiliated. I couldn’t believe I did it, but I did! Afterwards, Mandy and I both got some emotions out, which also felt really good, finally airing out. I brought Brady home with me, and luckily, my mom was working the overnight shift, because I had him take care of me and I wasn’t quiet about it. There’s something to be said about delayed gratification. The fact that he couldn’t get enough seriously turned me on.

  We feel asleep afterwards and I ended up having to kick him out at 4 am before my mom got home from her shift. It’s not like she didn’t know we were sexually active, or that she’d actually mind if Brady spent the night, but it was just something that I didn’t want thrown in her face.

  Stretching, I got up and climbed out from under my cozy covers, making my bed. Halfway through, I realized I had no panties on and found them tangled up in my blanket. I guess things last night were a bit wilder than I remember. Tossing them into the hamper, I finished making my bed and grabbed a clean towel before heading to take a hot shower.

  When I was done, I tossed on a comfy pair of sweats and a t-shirt and headed downstairs. I wanted to make my mom breakfast because I knew she had only come home two hours earlier and would be leaving again for another shift soon. I honestly didn’t know how she did it, but to her, she had no choice. I scrambled some eggs with cheese in them, brewed a pot of coffee, and gave her a side of burnt toast. We really need a new toaster. I had just finished setting out her plate when I heard her alarm go off. I poured her a cup of coffee and met her at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Good morning, Mom.” I tried to stop the gasp that slipped from my lips. She looked completely and utterly exhausted. “You look horrible.”

  “Gee, thanks, Liz,” she said. “You try working nonstop with only a few hours of sleep in
between.”

  “Sorry.” I instantly felt horrible, knowing she was dealing with more than enough right now. “I made you some breakfast.”

  “Thanks, honey. That was sweet of you.”

  She took the coffee from me and followed me into the kitchen. I slid the leftover scrambled eggs onto my plate and sat down across from her. “Sorry about the toast.”

  “It’s fine. I appreciate it,” she said, stabbing a piece of egg with her fork.

  “Mom, is there anything I can do to help you out? I feel so bad you’re always working.”

  “You do more than all my friends’ daughters I know, honey. It’s always been my job to take care of you and John. I made that promise to your father before he died, and I’ll stick to it until I do.”

  “Mom, we’re grown now. John’s off and I’m almost done getting my degree.”

  “So?”

  “So, it means you’ve done your job. And you’ve done it more than Dad would’ve expected.”

  “Thanks, baby girl.” She began to cry. “I miss him so much. It’s been so hard without him.”

  “Aw, Mom. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

  “I know you didn’t,” she said, pulling back the tears.

  “I’ve noticed you’ve been real happy since you found out you’re going to be a grandmother.”

  “Absolutely! I’ve always dreamed of the day. Honestly, since John hadn’t screwed up in high school with a mistake, I thought for sure you would.”

  Shaking my head, I tried not to choke on my food. “That’s so messed up.”

  “Whatever, honey,” she laughed. “It’s life. It’s not like it would make you a bad person.”

  “Yeah, I get that and I agree. I’m just shocked because John was the bad one and I was always the good one. I barely dated, while he was always out partying.”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s true. Sometimes, I wondered if you liked girls…”

  I spit my coffee out all over the table. I couldn’t believe she just said that.

  “Mom! I can’t believe you!” I gasped. “And I know I wasn’t completely girlie, but still.”

  “Oh, sorry, honey, what I meant to say was maybe you were a lipstick lesbian.”

  “OMG, Mom!”

  “Liz, I don’t judge. I’d love you either way.”

  “You’re using derogatory terms and yet you say you don’t judge.”

  “Stop being such a wuss. So what, there’s different names for things. Suck it up.”

  “I’m not personally offended. I was just saying. It’s just you’re always so reserved.”

  “Oh honey, I know you’re not gay now.” She shook her head. “You’ve been rocking that boy’s world lately.”

  “Holy crap, Mom!” I turned red. “You know what? I can’t take this. Enjoy your breakfast.”

  “Don’t be upset, Liz. It’s not like anyone can’t see it in his face. He’s a guy, easy to read.”

  “I’m not upset. I’m just not comfortable talking to you this way.”

  “Suit yourself. Thanks again, honey.”

  I went upstairs and heard a notification on my phone. There were several texts from John.

  Hey, it’s 5pm here, so I think it’s like 9am there. Wake up!

  Hello? You up late with pussy boy? Haha, come on….

  Fine, call me when you get up. I have to talk to you first.

  I hit the phone key and touched John’s name under my favorites list. The call went out. It rang only twice before he answered.

  “Hey, sis.” I could tell from his voice that something was amiss. “John, everything okay?”

  “I’m fine. All good. I have some news, though.”

  A million thoughts raced through my brain. “Shit. Okay, just tell me.”

  “You sure you don’t want to guess?”

  “John, seriously, cut the shit. What is it?”

  “Okay. Okay.” he took a deep breath. “We’re being sent back to the suck.”

  “What the fuck does that even mean? Stop using your military lingo and tell me.”

  “It means we’re being sent back into the active war zone. Afghan, to be exact.”

  My eyes welled up. My throat started to close. I didn’t sleep the last time he was there. “They can’t do that! You were already there. You did your time. You served your fucking country!”

  “Liz, calm down. They can and they are.”

  “It’s not fair, John. It’s not fair.”

  “Tizzy, settle down,” he said. “Listen, I got through it last time. We know what we’re doing and Sergeant T is a great leader.”

  “Sergeant Thompson? The guy I talked to the one time when you weren’t there? Paul?”

  “Yeah, that’s him,” he said. “We all trust him. He’s not going to let any of his men fall. We’re smarter this time.”

  “Fall? Oh my God, stop. Stop talking like that.” The last tour they did there they lost Lt. Ryan Jenkins, who was only twenty-two. There was a military communications blackout for three days while they notified the family of the fallen, and it had me going out of my head until he finally called.

  “Listen, I need to tell Mom and Mandy, but I wanted to talk to you first. I don’t want to ask this of you, but can you be there for them when I tell them? I know Mom won’t take it well, and I’m pretty sure Mandy is going to be pissed and probably fall apart a little. She’s been extra emotional with the pregnancy hormones.”

  “John, she’s not going to be pissed. She’s going to be devastated.”

  “Well, that’s worse then. Listen carefully. I’m going to be okay. I’m stuck for another two months and that’s it. It’s only a little over a month longer than we had planned, right? No big deal, sis.”

  “No, it is a big deal.” I was angry. “It’s only another month, but it’s not like you’re in a safe area!”

  “Liz, we’ve been moved though most of the Middle East, so we’re never truly in any safe area. I’m going to come home to all of you. I’m going to come home to my son.”

  “Or daughter,” I said. “You better promise me, John. Promise me!”

  “I’ll do my best. You know I won’t make a promise like Dad did to Mom.”

  “When are you going to call them?”

  “Mom now, and Mandy in a little while. Can you help?”

  “Of course. Just give me 10 minutes and I’ll call you back so you can talk to Mom.”

  “Okay.”

  “I love you, John.”

  “I love you too, Tizzy. Always will, more than anything.”

  I couldn’t control the tears. I choked out a goodbye and hung up on him. Racing into the bathroom, I crawled into a ball on the floor. I was shaking as I rocked back and forth with my back to the tub. Last time he served over there, I barely slept. At first, he would tell me all the stuff that was happening. I couldn’t even believe it. Eventually, I made him stop telling me. I couldn’t listen. He was faced with horrible things and was forced to do unspeakable things to stay alive. It dawned on me after that he needed someone to talk to about those things and he chose me. Instead of being there for my brother, though, I had turned him away so I wouldn’t have to hear it. I felt so horrible. I didn’t do it intentionally, but after realizing it, I swore that I would be like a sponge for him. I would always allow him to let his painful memories out, and I would just soak them up so he could get rid of them.

  My phone beeped. I pulled myself together and went back to my room. It was a text from Mandy. Fuck! She wanted to know if I was working today. I replied.

  No, not today.

  Oh, okay. Is everything all right?

  Sure, fine. I’ll catch up with you in a bit.

  I know you and you don’t sound normal. Spill it!

  I will. Please just give me a little bit.

  Aw, sweets, I’m really worried. All right, just call me as soon as you can. You know I’m always there for you, too!

  Thanks. I will

  I sent a new message
to Brady.

  You up?

  Yup, been up for a while. Xoxo

  I need you… now! I texted him.

  You just had me a few hours ago, sexy, but okay, I’m game for another round

  I simply sent a sad face in reply.

  Liz, you okay? I’m sorry, I thought you meant sex.

  I got bad news from John

  Shit, is he okay? He asked.

  He’s fine… for now. Just come over, please!

  Already in my car!

  I grabbed my phone and called John back. “Hey, are you ready?”

  “No, but I don’t think I could ever be ready for these calls,” he said. “Let’s just do it.”

  “Okay, hold on then.”

  I clutched my phone in my hand and went downstairs. My mom was just cleaning off the table and putting dishes into the sink. She turned around and saw my face. My eyes were puffy and red, and tears still ran down my cheek. I held my phone up in the air. Her facial expression turned to terror. She dropped her plate and it shattered on the floor.

  “Tell me John’s okay!” she demanded.

  “Mom.” I pushed my phone towards her. “You need to sit down.” She dropped to her knees and began to howl. I ran over as quick as I could and grabbed her. “Mom! Mom! He’s fine. It’s not that.”

  “Are you okay then?” she asked.

  “I’m fine, Mom. It’s John. He needs to tell you something.”

  She took the phone from my hand. She was shaking so much that she had trouble holding the phone up. I sat at the table and waited. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but her eyes grew large and filled until they let tears pour like a gutter in a summer storm.

  “You can’t, John! I can’t go through this again!” she yelled into the phone.

  I watched as she became weaker. She sat down across from me. It took all I had to keep it together to be there for her and this was only the first call. She shooed me away so she could have her privacy. Her voice became muffled and I waited to hear her hang up. Eventually she did, and I heard my phone hit the table. I ran back into the kitchen to find her slumped on the floor against the fridge.

  “Aw, Mom.”

  “No, Liz. He can’t do this,” she cried out.

  “He’s going to be fine, Mom.”