My Teenage Dream Ended

by Farrah Abraham

  I thought it was pretty rude of her not to talk to me, but I stayed neutral and didn’t say anything to Derek. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I didn’t want to make trouble for him.

  FALLING IN

  The next week Derek wanted to hang out with me a lot. I suggested we go fishing. I knew my dad had fishing rods, so I thought it would be a good opportunity for him to meet my dad. My parents were separated at the time, so Derek and I drove out to my dad’s house to get the rods and the two of them met for the first time. It went great; my dad seemed to like Derek. When he came down to meet us at Derek’s car they shook hands and my dad said, “Here you go. I hope you guys have fun.” I was happy that my dad accepted Derek. I always wanted my parents’ approval and I (usually) tried hard not to disappoint them.

  We went to my friend Sarah’s house and fished in the lake in her backyard. Derek and I sat at the end of the dock, chatting while we waited for the fish to bite. It was so cute and perfect and he was such an outdoorsy, manly guy—I loved it!

  After a while he said, “We’re not going to catch any fish here. We should detach this dock and go out further.”

  I have always been scared of going out further into the lake and jumping on and off moving docks. I’m always afraid of falling in. But I didn’t want Derek to see how chicken I was, so I said okay.

  Sarah came outside and I told her that Derek wanted to detach the dock and go out farther. To Derek she said, “My brothers do it all the time—it should be fine.” Then she whispered to me, “Watch him fall in.” and we laughed to each other.

  Derek unhooked the rope, retied it, and then ran fast to catch the dock before it was too far away for him to jump onto it. He leapt, but only landed halfway on the dock, grasping to pull himself up for a couple of seconds before completely falling off into the water.

  As he rushed out of the water and back to the land dock, Sarah and I busted out laughing. He looked up at me, so I tried to stop laughing and squeezed out, “Are you okay?”

  I could tell he was embarrassed, and probably mad at me for laughing at him, but I will never forget that moment because he handled it like a man. He didn’t get mad or act like a jerk. He just climbed up from the water and kept quiet, his face blank, trying not to show any emotion. He was probably hoping I would forget it if he acted like nothing had happened. He looked so cute, standing there all dripping wet and embarrassed, that it made me fall for him even more.

  After he dried off and changed clothes, he came back out and grilled us some burgers for dinner. As we sat and ate together, he asked me to go to the prom with him. He did it totally nonchalantly, like, “Hey, prom’s next week. Do you want to go with me?”

  I was so happy. I couldn’t believe that Derek was asking me to the prom. I threw my arms around him and kissed him. “Of course, I want to go with you!” I was ecstatic. I liked him so much. Plus, it felt cool to be going to prom as a sophomore—very few sophomores are ever invited to Senior Prom.

  After we finished eating, we cuddled on the couch. He held me really close and we lay there looking at each other. He was quiet for a little while and then he said, “You know, when we go to prom I really want to have sex. Are you okay with that? Everyone has sex that night. All the guys will make fun of me if we don’t.”

  He had on such a puppy dog face that I couldn’t help laughing, but my response was serious. “I’m not going to prom with you if you think you’re getting sex that night. Just because everyone does it doesn’t mean we have to. If we have sex, I want it to be special.”

  Derek gave me a sexy grin. “I will make it special.”

  That sounded so cheesy to me. I stuck to my guns. “No, Derek, sorry. If it’s that important to you, go with someone else.”

  I was never afraid to let a boy go if he was pressuring me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with—he could go do whatever he wanted with some other girl. At that point, it was up to Derek to make or break our relationship.

  Derek looked at me for a moment and then whispered, “Okay, no pressure.”

  I was relieved. Truthfully, I was already feeling attached to him and didn’t really want to let him go. But I also felt strongly that he had to prove how serious he was about me in order for us to be that intimate. I wasn’t going to have sex for the first time with just any guy. It had to be someone I loved, and who I was sure loved me back. I wanted Derek to be that guy—I hoped that he would be—but I knew we weren’t ready yet.

  He was pretty quiet for the rest of the night. Obviously he wasn’t used to rejection and my response had shocked him. I felt a little bad for him, but I figured he needed to start getting used to hearing the word “no.” If he was going to date me, he wasn’t always going to get his way.

  THE CROTCH INCIDENT

  After that, we hung out every day that we didn’t have school, work, or sports, and we would be on the phone for hours on the days we couldn’t see each other. Friends weren’t really a priority in those days. We just wanted to be with each other.

  Derek was really showing that he cared about me and wanted to get to know me better. He would call me a lot, and take me out to dinner and to the movies. He seemed to really enjoy being with me. When he talked about his future he always included me as a part of it, like we would be dating for years to come. I felt so close to him.

  Meanwhile, it was getting closer and closer to prom. I still hadn’t really met his family, but I decided not to think about that and focused on getting ready. I ordered my prom dress online, which I knew was probably a bad idea, but I saw this dress that I just had to have. It was shiny hot pink with a haltered top and a low back that showed off my best asset at the time—my butt. Of course, when the dress came I totally didn’t have enough boobage to fill it up.

  Fortunately, I’ve since fixed that problem.

  While I was trying to solve my cleavage dilemma, I asked Derek what he was going to wear. I wanted everything about prom night to be perfect. He told me he and his stepdad were going to go look at tuxedos and his dad was going to buy it for him as a birthday present. Our prom was on May 5th, Derek’s birthday was May 8th, and my birthday was May 31st. May was going to be a big month for us and I was bursting with excitement.

  Finally, it was the beginning of May and prom day was approaching fast. I had managed to get my dress problem sorted out, fortunately. I had to use two pairs of boob pads to fill out the top, but it looked pretty good. (I was a little nervous about making sure they stayed hidden, but I had my fingers crossed.) So, now I had the perfect dress, I had found the perfect shoes, and I had made appointments to get my makeup and hair done.

  I was ready.

  I called Derek to see if he wanted to do pictures at his house for his parents, but he said, “No.”

  I was shocked. For all the other dances I had gone to—which weren’t nearly as big a deal as prom—both sets of parents, mine and the guy’s, always wanted photos. Then he told me we would be stopping to do pictures at the houses of his friends with whom we were going. The fact that only Derek’s family wasn’t taking any pictures made me continue to wonder about his relationship with his parents. I didn’t push him to explain, but it added to the mystery surrounding his family.

  When prom night finally arrived, Derek showed up at my house to do pictures and met my parents together for the first time. He was in an all-white tux, looking perfect. The corsage he gave me was the perfect pink to match my dress. Little touches like that made me like him even more.

  I was nervous about him meeting my parents, but you could tell Derek had it worse—he was sweating from nerves. It made me laugh, to see him so anxious, and it felt kind of good, since I knew he wouldn’t be so nervous if he didn’t really like me and want to make a good impression on my parents.

  After we posed for pictures outside, my parents told us to be safe and for me not to be out too late. Then off we went.

  Our first stop was the house of one of the girls in our group, where I got to meet the o
ther couples that would be with us.

  I was the youngest in the group and it was a little awkward for me at first. Of all the couples, Derek and I had been dating for the least amount of time. The newness of our relationship made me feel a little out of place, but I wanted to ignore that and focus on having the night of my life.

  Derek had made a deal with his sister to borrow her car for the night, so after more pictures we ended up going to Derek’s house to switch cars and drop his sister off at her boyfriend’s. It was a very strange experience; we stayed outside the whole time. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it seemed like Derek was avoiding his mother and stepfather. On any other night I could understand doing that, but on prom night? That seemed odd to me.

  Derek’s sister surprised me by asking to take pictures of me and Derek. I had gotten the impression from the first time we met that she didn’t like me, but now I thought maybe I had read her wrong and she was good with me dating her brother after all. I felt like at least this was a positive sign that she was warming to me.

  After we dropped Derek’s sister off, we met our group of friends for dinner at a steak house. I totally enjoyed myself there. We all got along and had a great time and got to bond some more.

  Then, suddenly, dinner was over and it was time for me to go to my first prom.

  We arrived at the Mid-America Center, an enormous complex where they host everything from conventions and sporting events to proms and banquets. We took some fun photos in the entryway and said “hi” to everyone on the way in. It was like walking a red carpet—and I was Derek’s leading lady.

  We got in line for our prom picture and Derek chatted with his buddies, while I worried about my dress holding together and how we were going to pose.

  Finally the photographer called us up. She asked me to be on one side and Derek on the other. She told me to pose a certain way and lean in, and she asked Derek to put his hand by my bellybutton.

  And that’s when everything got weird.

  Derek put his hand on my crotch!

  I’m still not sure if he put his hand there on purpose, but when it happened, it became obvious to me what was really on his mind and what he wanted at the end of the night. Everyone waiting in line saw. Our friends were laughing and Derek had turned bright pink from embarrassment.

  I wasn’t laughing. I was mad. I thought, Derek’s cool “no pressure” act and his claim to not want “anything” on prom night just went out the window.

  Derek knew he was busted, too. He kept giving me this puppy dog “I’m sorry” look. To his friends, I played it off like I didn’t think it was that big of a deal—I didn’t want everyone knowing that he had embarrassed me—but I let Derek know I was annoyed. I couldn’t let him think it was okay that he had touched my crotch in front of everyone. Then he might think he had a chance to have sex with me that night—and that totally was not in my plans.

  After the crotch incident, we went and found our group and sat down at our table. We took more pictures with different friends. We danced, ate, and drank. Everybody was talking about After Prom and all the after parties—there were a lot of them going on.

  Then it was time for the final dance—the Senior Dance. Derek and I shouldn’t have been out on the dance floor, but our senior friends got us out there and it was one of those times in high school when you have to admit to yourself: This is so damn great! I have the perfect date. I’m with the perfect group. I’m hanging with cool upperclassmen!

  It really was the ideal prom—one that I didn’t want to end or to ever forget.

  AFTER PROM

  As we were leaving, a dark cloud began to gather over my perfect, dreamy prom. When we were heading out, a couple of Derek’s guy friends asked me, “Are you and Derek having sex?”

  I was thinking, It’s none of your fucking business! But I didn’t want to be a bitch, so I bit my tongue and just said, “No way!”

  Derek was standing right next to me when they asked, but he didn’t say anything. I felt totally awkward and uncomfortable. I was sure that Derek had told them I had said “yes” to sex on prom night, so I asked him, “Have you said anything to your guy friends about our sex life?”

  Maybe it shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it felt like he had lied to me back when he had said, “no pressure,” that day at Sarah’s house. Now it seemed that by then he had apparently already told his friends that we would have sex on prom night.

  Derek claimed that he hadn’t said anything and acted like it was nothing to worry about. I didn’t know what to believe, so I let it go.

  We got ready to leave and when we walked outside it was pouring rain. Not just a few drops, or even a steady soaking rain—this was a torrential downpour. My heart sank. I couldn’t believe it. I thought, Prom night cannot end like this!

  Derek went and got the car and pulled it up for me so that I wouldn’t get wet. He had gotten soaked walking to the car, so he decided we should go back to his house so he could change out of his tux.

  I figured that when we got there his parents would be up and I could finally meet them. I was psyched to tell them all about how prom went and all about our night and give them all the details parents usually love to hear. That’s what we would have done with my parents.

  Instead, as we tried to dash through the rain into Derek’s house, we were stopped abruptly at the front door. From the doorway, his mom and stepdad stared at us and there was this huge awkward silence. When they finally spoke, they asked us why we were there. I was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t speak.

  Derek said, “I have to change out of my tux. It’s completely soaked.”

  We started walking to his room, but were stopped again. “She can wait right here,” his mom said. I wondered if Derek might be in trouble with his mom. He hurried off to change and I just stood there in the doorway waiting in silence, while his mom and stepdad watched TV. When Derek came back he immediately said, “Let’s go,” so we just left.

  As we were driving away, one of his friends called and said that their car got flooded and that they were trying to get it out. I turned to Derek. “I can totally believe their car got flooded!” It had been pouring so hard, I was sure that there would be flash floods in some places.

  I asked Derek if he wanted to go to After Prom and do whatever lame activity had been set up for us, or if he wanted to call some friends to see where they were. I desperately wanted to salvage what was left of our night. He said that because of the rain, most of his friends had stayed at After Prom, but he clearly wasn’t in the mood to do that.

  Instead, he started driving to my house.

  I felt sad that the rain had ruined our after-prom fun, so when he parked outside my house I told him he should come in until the rain stopped. I figured if my parents were up we could tell them the situation and they would understand.

  My parents were already asleep, so we let ourselves in and ran upstairs to my bedroom so I could dry off and change and we could get comfy. I had already made it clear that we were not having sex, so I figured it would be like all the other nights Derek and I had hung out in my room and he hadn’t tried anything.

  I went to the bathroom to change and came back to lie down with Derek, snuggle up, and get some sleep. But he said, “I can’t sleep.”

  I was exhausted, but I turned to him and mumbled, “Okay. Let’s talk then.”

  Derek took my hand. “Can we please try having sex? I promise it will be special. This is our first prom together…Please.”

  I just looked at him.

  “Please?” Derek wheedled. “It can be my birthday present.”

  When I didn’t say anything, he changed tactics. He started making out with me and going below the belt with his hands.

  He was fighting dirty. My body felt amazing and he was turning me on by doing this thing with his tongue in my ear.

  Then he whispered, “Let’s just try it and I’ll stop if it hurts you.”

  In the end it wasn’t the pressure from
his friends or even from him. I was just so turned on that I totally caved. “Okay,” I said. “But let’s not do it in my bed, let’s go to the front bedroom. My bed is too small.” It was a twin and I thought it would be better if we had more room.

  So we went to the front guest bedroom. I had only a shirt on and Derek was naked. He lay down and said, “Get on top.”

  I assumed the position and tried to go for it, but it felt like I was stuck on a branch. It hurt so much. I tried easing myself down more slowly, but that didn’t work either. Derek was huge and this was my first time. He encouraged me to keep trying and I did, but it just wasn’t happening. We tried it with him on top, but it still hurt. I wasn’t prepared for this much pain at two AM. We tried a few other random positions, but enough was enough. I just wasn’t ready.

  Derek finally spoke up. “Are you okay babe? If it’s hurting too bad, we’ll stop. I want you to enjoy it, too.”

  I spoke up quickly, through my pain, “Yeah, we need to be done.” I was a little embarrassed because I was sure this wasn’t exactly the hot after-prom sex Derek had envisioned, but at least we had tried.

  We stopped and went back to my bedroom. He kissed me as we were falling asleep and said, “I’m happy we tried it.”

  I said I was, too, but really I was freaking out. I had all these thoughts racing through my head as I drifted off: I just had sex...I just had sex in my house…I just had sex and it was nothing like what I thought it would be like…Derek better not break up with me now that we’ve had sex…Derek better not tell anyone we had sex…I need to get Derek out of the house before my parents wake up and find out we had sex…Oh my God, I just had SEX!