My Teenage Dream Ended

by Farrah Abraham

  He didn’t stop at the register and the alarm had gone off, so I figured he must have stolen something. But I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything to my friend who was with me. My friends didn’t want to hear about Derek anymore anyway. I decided to just let it go. I realized that if he really didn’t want to talk to me anymore, I needed to accept it.

  But I couldn’t help thinking, What’s happening to Derek? He was smoking and now it looked like he was shoplifting? I felt like it was my fault. I broke up with him and gave his ring back. I had sex with some other boy and told him about it. I felt like I had pushed him over the edge and now I wasn’t there for him when he was clearly self-destructing.

  DUDE, THERE’S A HAIR IN MY TACO!

  Meanwhile, I had started talking to a preppy skater boy who I had kind of always had a crush on. I was sick of Derek and when you’re sick of a boy sometimes the only answer is to talk to other boys. One day I went up to Skater Boy and said, “Let’s go out tonight.” I thought he had a girlfriend but he agreed to go out with me, so I figured they must have broken up.

  That night, Skater Boy and I went to my college friend’s party and I drank enough jungle juice to forget where the potty was. The next morning, my alarm went off at 5:00 AM and I found myself in Skater Boy’s bed, spooning him. I untangled myself, stood up and whispered loudly while tapping him, “Hey, you need to get up. I have to go to work. Can I borrow some shorts? Mine are wet.”

  He got up and threw me some shorts. I ran to the bathroom and peed. The release felt good because my bladder was so full from all the alcohol I had drunk the night before. When I came out of the bathroom, Skater Boy told me to call him later and I went to work. So on my break, I called, like I used to do with Derek, but this call wasn’t as cute.

  When he picked up, I said, “Hey, I’m on a break. Figured I’d call you quick.”

  He answered, “Are you okay? Do you remember anything from last night?” He didn’t seem concerned. I was getting more of a smartass vibe.

  Right away he said, “Dude, you pissed all over me and my bed last night!!”

  I started laughing, “Huh? I don’t get it. I peed this morning after I got up.”

  Laughing, he said, “That’s why you asked me for my shorts.

  Remember?”

  I said, “Oh. You’re probably right. Sorry about that.”

  “My mom had to wash my whole bed.”

  I was shocked and embarrassed, “Wow. You told your mom?”

  He didn’t answer that and skipped to the next subject, “My mom wants to invite you over for dinner tonight.”

  I was shocked. Seriously? After she cleaned up my pee? But I said, “Okay. I’ll call you when I get off work.”

  After work I went home to change and Skater Boy came to pick me up. On the surface, he seemed to have everything I was looking for in a guy. He was a bit too much of a momma’s boy for my tastes, but I did like that his parents were inviting me to dinner. After my experience with Derek’s mom, I had learned how important it was to get along with the parents of the guy you’re dating.

  When we got to his house, I met his parents, who seemed really nice, and we played with his dogs. Then we sat down to eat.

  A couple of bites in, I looked down and saw a huge hair trailing from my taco to my mouth. I tried to not to gag. I had to hide my disgust because his mom was in the middle of telling me something and out of the corner of my eye I could see Skater Boy looking over at me. Finally, I just reached down for my napkin and acted like I was wiping my mouth. I spit the food into my napkin and slowly put down the taco.

  I looked down again. Now, there was a long taco hair dangling down from my face to my plate. It was totally noticeable, but no one said anything. I excused myself for the rest of the meal by saying I had an upset stomach. I actually really was feeling crampy, like I was about to get my period, so at least I was being honest.

  After dinner, Skater Boy invited me to watch TV in his room.

  He asked, “So how did you like my parents?”

  I bluffed and said, “Oh they were nice and your mom cooked a good dinner.”

  I guess my answer made him feel pretty confident because the next thing I knew he was moving in towards my body. As we sat under his covers pretending to watch TV, he started rubbing my tummy and making his way down my pants. I wasn’t really turned on and my cramps were getting worse, so I stopped him.

  I turned the covers over and his bed was covered with blood. It looked like a massacre. Clearly my period had arrived. This was too much. I said, “Okay, maybe this is a sign that we shouldn’t talk anymore. It’s not working out.” He seemed fine with that and took me home, but then called me later, saying he had told his ex-girlfriend about us. She was a good friend of Derek’s sister, so I knew eventually it would get back to him.

  The next day at school, I told my guy friends the whole story of what had happened with Skater Boy and they laughed. Then they told me that Derek had started working at Burger King. At least he had a better job when he was dating me. I thought, Things just keep getting more and more depressing for Derek (and me) since we broke up. He didn’t even look the same anymore. He was skinnier and had blonde tips in his hair. It was hard for me to watch him changing like that.

  TIME TO TALK

  On the days that I had PE and got out early, I noticed that Derek was always sitting in front of a classroom near my locker. We had stopped sharing a locker when we broke up, so he must have had a class nearby. I wouldn’t even have to look, I just knew Derek was watching me as I waited at my locker for the bell to ring or as I walked to my locker in my gym clothes.

  I liked it when boys would flirt with me right there in front of him. I was angry and wanted to make Derek feel like a loser for trying to make me jealous of him and his new girlfriend. After a couple of weeks of him watching me walk by, I started hearing rumors in the hallway that his girlfriend was mad at him. Supposedly, he wasn’t picking up her phone calls or picking her up when he was supposed to.

  It was actually hard to avoid hearing the gossip. It seemed like everyone around me was talking about them. I wondered if she wanted to get cooler by dating Derek. What she didn’t realize was that Derek was looking totally uncool.

  I felt like something was brewing and deliberately didn’t put myself anywhere near her. I kept quiet and just observed the drama from a safe distance. It was entertaining, in a way, but I was disappointed that Derek wasn’t smarter than this. The whole thing was pathetic.

  Meanwhile, with only two months left in the school year, everyone was talking about graduation and prom. A guy friend had asked me to go with him to prom and I had said yes, though I couldn’t help thinking about last year’s perfect prom. Things were starting to look up for me, but I wondered how Derek was doing. I had no clue.

  The next week, the storm I had felt brewing turned into a full-blown category five hurricane. I felt like his girlfriend was coming after me, talking about me in every class and yelling at me in the halls.

  I assumed this meant that things between her and Derek weren’t exactly going great, but I didn’t want anything to do with it. I hadn’t talked to Derek in what seemed like months. Then one day, he came over to my locker and said, “We need to talk.” I walked away, but when I came back after class he was there again. I still didn’t want to talk to him, though.

  I went home and that night I thought about whether or not I should talk to Derek and give him another chance. I knew I should never take a guy back who stole, smoked, did drugs, and worked at Burger King, especially after he tried to make me jealous with some other girl. That all screamed, “Loser!” to me. But I still loved him and I couldn’t help wanting things to work out between us.

  The next day I finally agreed to talk to Derek. We left school to get away from his girlfriend, and went to a park to play basketball. While we were playing, we talked about what was on his mind. Basically, he said he wanted me to tell his girlfriend that he didn’t like her anymore and
that we were dating again. I felt bad for him, like I always did, even though I knew the situation he was in was his fault. It certainly wasn’t my fault, but I told him, “Let’s go back to school. I’ll take care of it.”

  We went to see the assistant principal and I said, “Can I speak with you? I need your help.” I went into his office, while Derek stayed in the waiting room. I told the assistant principal that Derek and I wanted to date again but that we were worried that his (soon-to-be-ex) girlfriend would cause trouble for us at school. The assistant principal looked at me like he thought I was out of my mind. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to get involved with Derek again.

  I didn’t know what to say. I had told myself that I would never break my dating rules and here I was embarrassing myself because I loved Derek, even though it felt like I didn’t know him anymore.

  Finally, I spoke up, “Yes. I’m serious. This girl he was dating won’t leave me alone. I need her to quit talking about me, to quit trying to fight with me, and to leave Derek and me alone. We don’t want her in our lives anymore.”

  The assistant principal agreed to help and called Derek’s ex into the office. I could feel her anger as she walked by us. Derek and I sat together in the waiting room. I was sure she hated me. In the end, though, he must have gotten through to her, because from then on she left us alone.

  After school, we went to the park by the river where we used to always hang out and I was happy that we could be friends again. I sat on Derek’s lap, hugging him, squeezing his cheeks and giving him kisses. He said he wanted to start walking, so we walked along the dock. Some guys were looking at me and Derek noticed. He said, “Farrah, you know you’re beautiful. I see guys looking at you all the time. You mean a lot to me and I really care about you.” It felt good to hear that. It really made me feel like I had accomplished something, like he was finally starting to appreciate what he had.

  He continued, “Let’s go for a boat ride.” We got on a little boat and I felt like we were that perfect couple again. I took pictures of us together with my cell phone. Looking back at those photos, I can see that Derek’s skin was starting to look dull and muted. He wasn’t the sexy, tan, healthy, muscular guy he had been when we first started dating. But, even at this low point, I can still see the happiness and love he had for me in his eyes and in his smile.

  After our boat ride, I went home with just one thought running through my mind: How am I going to get my parents to like Derek again?

  PROM NIGHTMARE

  So, Derek and I started talking again. I was low key about it with my friends, because no one wanted me to date him anymore. We would talk a lot at night and once a day at school. Slowly we started catching up. I told him I was now on birth control, but since I didn’t really trust him yet, I insisted he get a STD test before we had sex again.

  Eventually, Derek brought up prom. I told him that I had already agreed to go with a friend of mine. I felt bad because it was Derek’s prom, his senior year, but no matter how much I would have preferred to go with Derek I had already committed to going with another guy and it wouldn’t have been right to bail on him.

  Derek let it go and just said, “Well I’m not going this year if I can’t

  go with you.”

  I told him, “Ok, but I’m still going.”

  My date was into planning our prom night, getting our group together, setting up pictures, and getting a limo. Honestly, I wasn’t that into going to this prom. Last year’s prom with Derek had been epic. I felt like nothing could top that night, and I definitely was not going to have sex with this guy. I borrowed a blue dress from a friend and did my own hair. Prom Date took care of the rest.

  He showed up at my house and met my mom. She took photos and then we left to meet up with our group. We sat in the limo, all squished together because our dresses were too damn big, and drove to the restaurant that they chose. All of a sudden, Prom Date had the urge to put me on the spot. He said, “Farrah, I just want to say you look amazing.” He was sitting diagonally from me and leaned in for a kiss.

  I let one kiss fly, but then he wanted to move over and sit by me and kiss me some more. I said, “No. I’m not kissing you. What are you doing?” I never thought Prom Date would try to pull that “because it’s prom night” excuse on me. He was supposed to be my buddy. But that’s what this situation was turning into and I wasn’t having any of it.

  After that, it seemed like Prom Date’s cocky side started coming out. He couldn’t let it go that I didn’t want to kiss him. He started making a public display, which made it seem like I was being a bitch and being mean to him. Really, though, I felt like these girls and their dates could keep giving me dirty looks and think whatever they wanted about me. I wasn’t being mean. I just wasn’t going to kiss someone I’d never kissed before or let him even think he had a chance to have sex with me at the end of the night, just because it was prom night.

  So I started texting Derek. Earlier, he had texted me, acting normal about the day. He hadn’t even mentioned prom. I texted back how unhappy I was and Derek came up with the perfect plan to get me away from Prom Date and his friends. We texted all through dinner and he promised to whisk me away from the after-party at our friend’s house, so I wouldn’t have to spend a minute longer than absolutely necessary with these awful people.

  I still tried to be decent to Prom Date. Since he insisted on buying me dinner, I offered to share a meal to save him money, but he didn’t want to do that. He ordered the same entree as me and we both ended up with half our meal on our plates at the end of dinner. When the bill came, I knew I had been right to try to share. I felt that at this point, I was going to have to walk on eggshells until I got away from Prom Date and his friends.

  Derek kept calling me and wanted to come get me, but I told him I would feel bad if I didn’t at least make it to the dance. We arrived at the same convention center where prom had been hosted the year before. There were no nervous feelings in my belly like last year, though. I didn’t even want to take photos with Prom Date and I just sat for most of the night. I looked at everyone in our group as a blur. I wished I was with Derek. I wanted to get away from this supposed guy friend who I felt had turned out to want more.

  Prom was ending and we all got ready to drive out to the party at our friend’s house. I asked for the address and texted it to Derek so he could meet me there and save me from this prom nightmare. When we finally got to the party, I had had enough of Prom Date projecting innocence, when what he deserved was a slap in the face. As I changed in the bathroom, I heard him out in the living room talking angrily about me.

  As far as I was concerned there was no real reason for him to complain. So I walked out and said, “You’re a scumbag. After the way you’ve treated me, I’m leaving. I’m not staying to hang out and I’m not having sex with you!” Prom Date was silent. His friends looked embarrassed for him.

  I got my stuff and waited in the front yard for Derek. Five minutes later, he drove up. I rushed to his car. We were so happy to see each other. I told him all about Prom Date and my prom group and that was the end of that nightmare.

  We drove downtown to this club I had never heard of. I got the feeling this was more of a gay club; some people were on drugs, most were drunk, only a handful were sober like me. We got through the bouncers and it was crowded inside. I could hear the thumping of deep base techno, my favorite kind of music to dance to. We went past the bar into the main dancing room. There were mirrors everywhere, on every wall, even on the ceiling. There were stripper poles on the stage, for anyone to dance on. It was a room full of movement.

  Derek took me and put me against the wall of mirrors and started dirty dancing with me. It was so flattering, how he started building the passion between us. I switched positions with him and wasflirting with him and turning him on. We were so wrapped up in each other, both of us felt like we were the only ones in the room. As we danced, we stared at our reflections in the mirrored ceiling and walls, lusting over
each other’s bodies.

  Derek was into me like he had never been before. We kept dancing and dancing. It felt like we were all that mattered. We knew we were hot. It was a moment that I never wanted to end.

  Sadly, the moment did end, with the DJ shouting something loudly through the club. Suddenly we were aware of fifty pairs of eyes staring at us. No one in the room was dancing but us. We just laughed and kissed each other, and he said, “Let’s go over there and see what all this noise is about.” We realized that they were starting a dance-off competition, but I would rather have just gone on watching our reflections. Two AM hit and I was sweaty, tired, and completely happy. We left the club and Derek took me home. We parted, saying, “love you” and “’night” to each other.

  From then on, Derek would meet me every day after PE. He showed Prom Date that he had never had a chance with me. It was funny, Prom Date would practically cuss out loud when he saw us. It seemed like he hated seeing Derek and I together.

  Now everyone knew to leave Derek and me alone because we were going to be together no matter what. It was the last few weeks of my junior year and Derek’s senior year. I had all my class work done, but Derek was freaking out that he wasn’t going to pass math. We both stayed after school to make sure he got all his work done. With my help, he got his grades up and passed all of his classes. I was so happy that he was going to graduate.

  GRADUATION GAS-AND-GO

  At the beginning of May, Derek graduated. I went to watch the ceremony with one of my friends whose boyfriend was also graduating. I was so proud of Derek for pulling it together and making it to graduation. I couldn’t wait to see him looking all handsome in his cap and gown, but as I scanned the faces of the three hundred graduating seniors, I didn’t see his. It was so crowded in the auditorium, I was starting to get anxious that I wouldn’t be able to find him when it was over.