Irresistible

by Susan Mallery

  She cut him off with a flick of her fingers. “Here’s my question. Have you ever been faithful to your wife? Did you at least wait a couple of months before starting to cheat? Because there’s no way in hell I’m the first time. You’re too smooth at the lies.”

  He stiffened. “I love my family.”

  “Of course you do. I can see it in every move you make. Sleeping with me was such an incredible act of love. Is Jen grateful?”

  “Are you threatening me?” he asked. “Are you going to tell her?”

  “Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind. I think you’re hurting her enough for both of us, so I don’t need to. Now that I realize what an asshole you are, I would like to tell her the truth, but I suspect she wouldn’t believe me. I’m sure you’ve convinced her you’re all things wonderful. It’s funny. When I first found out I felt really sorry for myself, but I don’t anymore. I feel sorry for her. I’m in a position to walk away and never look back.”

  He swallowed. “You’re going to have your brother fire me, aren’t you?”

  “Not necessarily. You’re a decent general manager and with Penny out on maternity leave, the restaurant can’t handle any more changes right now. So as long as you don’t piss me off, you’re safe. But you will play it straight with every single woman who works here and every woman I may ever encounter. You’ll start the conversation by announcing you’re married and not even think about flirting. Do I make myself clear?”

  “You’re still angry.”

  She considered the statement. “You know, I’m not. I thought I would be, but I feel oddly cleansed by this conversation. Maybe because I finally get that I didn’t do anything wrong. That was the thing I hated, that I’d made such a lousy choice. But I didn’t. You set out to convince me you were exactly what I was looking for. I had no reason to mistrust you. You lied, I didn’t. Thanks to Al, our fabulous cat, you’re the only rat in this building, and I can live with that.”

  WALKER STAYED for dinner. Elissa found it interesting that her once-reserved neighbor was now comfortable with her five-year-old. Zoe and Walker chatted easily and even had a couple of shared jokes from their day at the mall.

  He was so different from any man she’d ever known. Some of it was her life circumstances. She’d gone from being a kid in high school to a runaway on her own. Being on the fringes of the music business in L.A. hadn’t exactly put her in the path of very many guys who could be considered normal. Then she’d gotten pregnant and returned to Seattle where her lifestyle didn’t lend itself to meeting a lot of single men.

  So Walker was quite the change. But it was more than that. Some of the differences came from who he was. She had trouble reconciling a man who would carefully and patiently play cat’s cradle with her daughter with an eighteen-year-old who had abandoned his dying girlfriend.

  So what had happened in the fourteen plus years in between? Was it just a matter of growing up? Or was it deeper than that? He’d run from Charlotte to avoid death and pain, yet he’d planted himself right in the middle of a war. He’d sent men into battle and some of them had been killed. And what about his quest for Ben’s Ashley? How much of that was guilt about Ben taking a bullet and how much of it was about his leaving Charlotte?

  Walker was a complex man, she thought as she sipped her wine and listened to her daughter laugh. But a good man. She didn’t like that he’d run out on his girlfriend, but she also didn’t like several pieces of her own past. Everyone made mistakes. The measure of a person was what happened afterward.

  Later, when Zoe was in bed, Elissa returned to the living room and settled on the sofa. Walker had produced another bottle of wine which, given her exhaustion and stress level, might be considered dangerous. On the other hand, alcohol would make it easier to talk about Neil, who happened to be her big mistake.

  “Neil’s come after you before,” Walker said by way of introduction.

  She nodded. “He often travels with bands. It’s easier than putting his own together—that might require actual work, something he really hates. He’s been through twice before. I don’t know how he got my phone number, but he did. He would call and say we had to meet. If I refused, he threatened me. When I showed up he would start talking about Zoe and how he doesn’t ever see her. It was always some version of that. I would give him whatever money I had and he would go away.”

  “Have you ever talked to him about signing a release?”

  “No. Why would he agree when he can just step up to the money train anytime he’s in town?” She sipped her wine. “Neil is a gifted musician and songwriter. When he’s clean, he’s brilliant. Still an ass, but brilliant. When he’s on drugs, all he can do is play guitar and try to get through a day.”

  “Legally what he’s doing is blackmail,” Walker told her. “There are laws against that.”

  “I know, but if I push things legally, it could get ugly. He could tell the courts he desperately wants to see his daughter. He’s a good liar. He could also say I’ve been keeping her from him, which is true. I saw a lawyer today.”

  “From the look on your face, it didn’t go well.”

  “Not even close. She wasn’t very sympathetic. Her feeling was supervised visits wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Neil had never been emotionally or physically abusive, so Zoe’s not at risk. The fact that Neil told me to get an abortion didn’t seem to matter, either. She feels that many men react badly to an unexpected pregnancy and that I shouldn’t hold that against him.”

  She clutched her glass in both hands. “The thought of getting involved in the legal system terrifies me. What if he were to win the right to see Zoe? Neil doesn’t care about her. He would use that right to get money from me. I can see him running off with her and then holding her hostage while I begged or borrowed more money.”

  Her eyes began to burn. She drew in a breath and concentrated on staying in control.

  “I would do anything to keep Zoe safe. I’ve even thought about running away. I just didn’t know if I could start over again. And she would hate it.”

  “Running is a temporary solution. You need something permanent.”

  His words were cold and flat and for the first time since getting to know him, she remembered that Walker was a man capable of killing.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked, not sure she really wanted to know.

  “That I want to find him and beat the shit out of him. That I want to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget and make him understand that if he ever gets near you or Zoe again, it would be the last thing he did.” His mouth twisted. “Scared?”

  “Of you?” She shook her head. “No. You wouldn’t hurt me or Zoe. I’m not even sure you’d hurt Neil. I believe you’d want to, but I don’t know that you could just walk up to him and beat on him.”

  “Want to bet?”

  She smiled. “I don’t think so.”

  He stared at her for a few seconds, then said, “You need to talk to a lawyer.”

  “I just did. It was awful.”

  “I’m talking about a specialist. Someone who will take your side and get the job done. Someone brutal.”

  “Someone expensive,” she said, thinking of her pathetic twenty-seven hundred dollars and knowing a lawyer like that would suck it up in a week.

  “Experienced,” he said. “I want to do some research and find the right person. I’ll pay for it and before you get all emotional, let me say this is a loan. You can pay me back over time.”

  “I don’t get emotional,” she told him, even as she considered his offer. In her heart she knew that continuing to pay off Neil would only lead to trouble. If she could find someone who would really help, then she could keep Zoe safe.

  “You do,” he said. “Okay. Have at it. I’m braced for the fight.”

  She smiled. “There isn’t going be a fight. Thank you for the offer and yes, please, find someone to help me.”

  He opened his mouth, then closed it. His expression of shock made her giggle.

/>   “I had all my arguments lined up,” he said with a frown. “They were pretty good.”

  “You can still use them if you want. I’ll just sit here and listen, and then I can applaud.”

  He reached across the sofa and touched her cheek. “Better,” he said. “I like the attitude. It’s been missing lately.”

  She covered his fingers with her own. “You’ve been so good to me and I’ve…” Oh, God. She had to apologize, but just thinking about what she’d done made her want to crawl under a rock. “I wanted to tell you I was sorry. About what happened. About what I did. It was wrong and I feel awful. I panicked and reacted but that’s no excuse.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I hate that I went there. It makes me feel as if I haven’t grown at all. I just kept thinking I had to distract you.”

  “You did a hell of a job.” He leaned in and kissed her. “Here’s an idea. You quit beating yourself up, I’ll accept your apology and we’ll call it a day.”

  He was making it easy on her. “Thank you,” she said. “Was it too awful?”

  He kissed her again. “Emotionally it sucked but physically, let’s see. I had a beautiful woman desperate to have her way with me. Every guy should be so abused. And just as a heads-up, you’re never allowed to tell anyone I care about emotions during sex. I have a reputation to think about.”

  The last of her guilt and shame faded away as she studied his face.

  “Your secret is safe with me,” she promised.

  “Good. Now…” He took the wine from her and set both their glasses on the coffee table. “The way I see it, you owe me and I think it’s time to collect.”

  Her first instinct was to protest. Not because she didn’t want to make love with him, but because she felt foolish and awkward.

  “I’m nervous,” she admitted.

  “Nervous as in no?”

  She stared into his dark eyes. He would stop if she told him to. He would walk away and never blame her.

  “Nervous as in ‘Oh, God, what does he really think of me’?”

  He leaned in and kissed her. “That kind of nervous I can handle.”

  WALKER DRESSED while Elissa stepped into the shower. It was still dark outside and not much past four in the morning. They’d stayed up way too late making love and he knew she was going to spend her day exhausted. But based on the way she’d moaned and writhed beneath him, he was willing to bet she’d think the night had been a fair trade for sleep. Besides, it was Friday and the end of her workweek.

  He considered going upstairs and sleeping for another hour, but then decided to get an early start on his day. He could—

  His cell phone rang. He grabbed it, then studied the caller ID. Cal. Which meant…

  “Hello?” he said. “Cal?”

  “Penny’s in labor,” his brother said, sounding both excited and terrified. “We’re at the hospital. It’s going to be a few hours yet, but I wanted you to know we’re here.”

  “Want me to come in now or wait?”

  “You can wait. I’m staying pretty close to Penny, so you’d just be hanging out by yourself. But check back with me.”

  “Will do. Tell her good luck and that I’ll be thinking about her.”

  “Sure. I’m gonna call Reid. See you soon.”

  Cal hung up. Elissa walked out of the bathroom, her hair pulled back and a large chicken staring at him from the front of her apron.

  “Everything okay?” she asked. “Is it your grandmother?”

  He hadn’t given Gloria a single thought. “No, Penny’s in labor.”

  Elissa grinned. “At last. I know she was ready to have the baby out. Are you going to the hospital?”

  “They just got there. Cal said I should wait. I thought I’d go by this afternoon.”

  “First babies can be slow. I was lucky. Zoe only took about six hours, but I’ve heard horror stories of long deliveries. Can I call you later and find out how she’s doing?”

  “Of course. Do you want to come by the hospital after work?”

  “I’d like to but I don’t want to get in the way.”

  “You won’t. Phone me and I’ll let you know if we have a kid yet or not. How’s that?”

  “Perfect.” She raised up on her tiptoes and kissed him. “Want coffee?”

  “I’d rather have you, but I’ll take what I can get.”

  WALKER ARRIVED at the hospital shortly after one in the afternoon. Cal had called to say Penny was ready to deliver, so by the time Walker arrived, Reid was standing in front with good news.

  “A girl,” Reid said with a grin as he pounded Walker on the back. “She’s kinda red and squashed, but Penny and Cal think she’s beautiful so don’t say anything.”

  “You seen Penny yet?”

  “For a couple of seconds. She’s tired but happy. There’s some test for newborns and the baby did great, so that’s good.”

  Walker knew both Cal and Penny had to be relieved. Penny had miscarried their first baby years ago.

  “Dani’s here,” Reid told him as he led him to the elevator and pushed the up button. “She was the standby coach in case Cal couldn’t do it, but he managed. Said he nearly passed out a couple of times.” Reid grimaced. “I never much thought about having kids. Now I’m thinking I won’t.”

  “Based on Cal’s one experience?” Walker asked. “You might want to come up with a better reason.”

  They stepped onto the elevator. “Do I need one?” Reid asked. “Do you?” He narrowed his gaze. “It’s Elissa, isn’t it? Her daughter’s getting to you.”

  Walker wasn’t about to admit that. “Zoe’s a good kid, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to be a father.”

  He’d never thought about having a family because he’d long ago decided he would never get married. Connections weren’t for him. He couldn’t be trusted.

  Except the familiar litany no longer had such a ring of truth. After all these years, was he willing to let the past go? Was he willing to forgive himself?

  They stepped off the elevator and onto a long corridor. The maternity ward was bright and airy, but the underlying smell of hospital was still there. Walker flashed back to visiting soldiers in makeshift wards after a battle and then he remembered visiting Charlotte after her first surgery. How she’d been scared and he’d promised she would be fine.

  He’d been wrong. And then he’d left. He swore silently as he remembered her tears when she figured out he was leaving, that he wasn’t going to stick around and watch her die.

  He should have stayed. He should have been there for her. They’d been in love, and when the going had gotten tough…

  So did he have the right to forgive himself? Did he have the right to acknowledge the mistake and move on? She had told him to. Maybe that’s what made this all so difficult—that she’d been able to see what no one else had. His coward’s heart.

  He’d faced death, had sent men to die. He’d been wounded, taken prisoner for an ugly three weeks and had lived to tell the tale. But did that change who he was inside? He wasn’t as concerned about anyone else trusting him as he was about trusting himself.

  “Hey, big guy.”

  Walker turned at the sound of the familiar voice. But the woman walking toward him wasn’t exactly the tall, brunette bombshell he remembered. She still wore leather pants and come-fuck-me boots, but her walk, her smile, everything else was different. Softer. Happy.

  “Naomi.”

  She smiled, shrugged, then moved toward him and hugged him. “In the flesh, so to speak.”

  “You look good,” he said.

  “I feel good,” she told him as she stepped back.

  “You’re still hot.”

  “I do okay.” She linked arms with him. “Have you seen the baby?”

  “No.”

  “Then let me show you. She’s beautiful.” She led him down the corridor. “How are you doing? Penny told me you’ve taken over Buchanan Enterprises. I would never have predicted that
happening.”

  “Me, either. But there wasn’t anyone else.”

  “There’s always someone else. But I’m sure they appreciate you stepping up and saving them from the job.”

  They stopped in front of the nursery. Naomi glanced around. “Oh, they’re still fussing with her. She’ll be along in a few minutes. So are you happy?”

  “Are you?” he asked, sidestepping a typically blunt Naomi question.

  She smiled. “Yes. Blissfully so. My husband and I are back together. The old fool didn’t bother to fall out of love with me, which makes no sense.”

  “You’d be hard to replace.”

  “Aren’t you sweet for saying that.” She sighed. “We have a lot of work to do on the relationship, but we’re determined. We’re also going to adopt a little girl from China. We’ve sent in the paperwork and we’re very hopeful.”

  He knew about the loss of her son and how she’d nearly lost herself in the grief. “Good for you.”

  “Have you found Ashley?”

  He didn’t want to think of failing Ben, but he was running out of names on the list. “Not yet. I’m beginning to think she doesn’t exist.”

  “She does and you’ll find her,” Naomi told him. “Have faith.”

  “There’s not a lot of that going around.”

  “There should be.” She faced him and took his hands in hers. “You’re a good man, Walker Buchanan. One of the best I know, and I’ve known plenty. Don’t give up on yourself or the world and don’t stop saving people, especially yourself.”

  “I haven’t saved anyone,” he said gruffly, not believing a word of it, but also unwilling to get trapped into an emotional moment.

  “You saved me,” she said quietly. “You saved my life in more ways than you can know.” She raised herself onto her toes and lightly kissed his mouth. “For old times’ sake, whatever the hell that means.”

  He touched her cheek. “I’m glad you found your way.”

  “Me, too. I wish you could—” She sighed, then swore. “Okay, there’s a very attractive woman in her midtwenties glaring at me like I’m the devil with boobs. I’m guessing you know her.”

  Walker held in a groan as he turned and saw Elissa standing about six feet away. She’d obviously gone home and changed because she wasn’t wearing her chicken uniform. She also didn’t look all that happy.