“Who did this to you?” Seeing him this way destroyed me. When I had been too busy protecting myself, I’d left Ollie behind. I understood his resentment toward me and the pain in his eyes. We both made mistakes, and I wished now more than ever, I could’ve taken every nasty word I’d said back.
We were supposed to be in this together.
Ollie kissed the inside of my palm before darting his eyes around. “Get to second block before you get into trouble. It’s about to start.”
“Please, talk to me.”
Maddie passed by, and Ollie dropped my hand between us. “Get to class, Mia,” he muttered through an exhale, then walked away from me.
The mess hall stayed eerily quiet. The thick cold air swarmed through the unsaid tension, and I darted my eyes around, just like everyone else, knowing something was about to hit the fan at any moment.
“Come with me,” a voice said in my ear.
I twisted my neck back to catch a glimpse of short black hair rolling over my shoulder. My gaze darted over to my old table to see Tyler and Jake staring in Bria and I’s direction. She had weeks to come and talk to me, why now? “Miss me?”
“Hardly.”
My ass stayed put and my eyes locked on Ollie’s who fixed his attention on me from across the room. The slight shake of his head was subtle, but I caught it. A fire set ablaze in his two emerald gems beneath his hood, warning me. “Are you ready to put this nonsense behind us?” I asked.
Bria snorted. “Stand up, and let’s go.”
Rolling my head back, I stood. Bria linked her hand in mine, and I looked back to Ollie. His lips set in a hard line, jaw flexing, and hands ready to push off the edge of the table to stand. “What is this about?” I asked low, not wanting to draw attention. Security detail had gone rogue, and Tyler rose from my old table the same time as Jude stood from another, both following us out while Bria ignored me.
Side by side, Bria led me down Jude’s wing and through his door. Once we were both inside, she released my hand and plopped down over his mattress.
“What are we doing here?” I was losing patience. Tyler and Jude walk through the door, and Tyler’s eyes refused to meet mine as she took a seat on the mattress. Standing tall and on a mission, Jude stepped toward me until my back hit the wall. “Get away from me,” I gritted out.
Jude smiled and dropped his hands on both sides of me. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t budge. He leaned one forearm over the wall, and his face came an inch from mine while his other hand fished for something from his pocket. “You know what snitches get ya, don’t you?”
Pale blue eyes bounced between mine. My heart leaped, but I didn’t dare show an ounce of fear on the outside. Jude dropped his mouth to my ear, and he inhaled a deep, sickening breath. My muscles went stiff as he dragged an object along the sliver of bare skin of my abdomen. “Now say you’re sorry to your friends.”
“Fuck you,” I spat, yanking my head to the side. Tyler and Bria watched us from the mattress in anticipation. Is this why they brought me here? For a fucking apology?
A smirk stretched across his face when he placed a cigarette behind his ear. His fingers wrapped around my chin, forcing my eyes on his. “C’mon, Mia. It’s not that difficult.”
“I didn’t do shit.” I pushed him off me, and he took a step back and held his arms out in the air. My chest heaved as I dragged my gaze between all three of them.
Then they all burst out laughing.
“You should have seen your face!” Bria struggled to get out through her fit and shoved Tyler in the back. “Ah, that was totally worth it, yeah?”
“You suck,”—I pointed at her— “I’m leaving.” I turned to walk back toward the door, and Jude jumped out in front of me.
“Aye, not so fast.” He tilted his head and dropped his chin to face me. “You still owe your girls over there, and I’m kind enough to give you two options.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
Jude’s smile reached his eyes when he turned his focus over my shoulder to Bria and Tyler. “Become one of mine, or don’t.”
“One of yours?”
“You see, Tyler and Bria came to an understanding. I can protect you, too, Mia. And from the looks of it, you need some protecting.”
“I don’t need anything from you.”
“Because of Ollie, right? If you haven’t noticed, Ollie can’t even protect himself.”
Bria, I could understand agreeing to something like this, but Tyler? She wasn’t the type. I looked her over, and she still couldn’t look at me directly. “Is this what you want, Ty?”
Her head snapped to Jude before turning back to face me. “I have two years here.”
Shaking my head, I faced Jude again, scanning him over. “What happens if I don’t?”
“Easy,” he smirked. “Bria and Ty are off-limits. But I promise it won’t be long before you come running back to me with your fucking tail between your legs.” He gripped my hip and shifted his pelvis across my abdomen as his tongue slid along his bottom lip. “And trust me when I say, I take care of my girls.”
I forced my body from flinching. Jude wanted to see me squirm, and I refuse to grant him that small victory. “I can take care of myself.” With that, I freed myself from his grasp and left, wondering if Tyler knew exactly what she had gotten herself into. You’d see these kinds of things in a prison, not here at Dolor, and I wondered how the rest of the students were going to take to it. Sure, relationships were forbidden, but this was something straight out of Prison Break.
The cold towel was like ice against my hot skin, and I wanted it to touch every inch of me. It started at my hairline, and over my face until the towel pressed against my lips. Cries echoed, and I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. The chill swept along my neck and my shoulders, and I shivered but wanted to dive into it and drown myself in the cold.
My brain protested, half of me held hostage in the nightmare, and the other half of me stuck in the darkness behind my stubborn eyelids. The cries somehow stopped, and I couldn’t fully gain consciousness, as if my soul left my body and watched me from above. My limbs were heavy and too tired to move. Trapped.
A dark figure loomed over me, but I feared more from the state of paralysis I found myself in. Low hushing chanted in my ear followed by, “I’m right here.” My head knew it was Ethan, but my heart so desperately wanted it to be Ollie, and the part trapped in the stage of sleep couldn’t respond either way. The bed moved as the figure climbed in bed beside me.
My eyes finally opened and I instantly calmed, fusing to Ethan, thankful to be released from whatever hell I was slipping from. Ethan moved the hair clinging to my cheek as I turned to face him. “What was it about?” he asked, referring to my terror.
“I can’t remember. I can never remember.” I glanced up and found his blue eyes. They no longer held the electric I’d grown accustomed to. His static had faded, and he ran a palm down his face as if he read my mind. Inching away, I asked, “Where have you been the last couple of nights?”
He looked away, but slid that same hand over my hip and dragged me until my chest pressed against his, right where he needed me. “Things I had to take care of.”
“Right,” I said, dragging out the “I.”
“You’re shaking.”
“No, Scott,” I said through an exhale and flit my eyes to him. “That’s you.” One other time I’d seen him like this—shattered—and it was when Haden took his life. “You okay?”
“Let’s not talk, alright?”
“Why even come?”
“Do you want me to leave? Because I’ll go. Just say the words.”
Panic rose. I shook my head and grasped him tighter. Afraid to face the night on my own, I’d become attached to Ethan and the way he saved me from the terrors. Deep down, I wasn’t ready to let go. But I had to. The only
way to get Ollie back was to let this charade with Ethan go. It had been going on long enough.
Biting my lip, I looked down as Ethan’s muscles twitched against me. He knew too. We couldn’t keep doing this. It wasn’t fair to anyone.
Ethan lifted my chin. “One more night.”
“And then we’re on our own?”
“And then we’re on our own.”
And we laid there as I stared into bright blue eyes until my lids grew heavy, surrendering to the depths of his ocean, knowing I was safe in his arms from terrors and the hell begging to suck me back in.
It wasn’t the sun that woke me, because it was still dark in my dorm.
What woke me was Ethan’s hand inside my panties and his warm mouth over my breast. My body arched and my eyes snapped open to see red wild hair and shoulders flexing in the dark. My tank had been lifted up to my neck, and eager fingers slid my panties to the side and rolled over my clit. A desperate moan vibrated from within me, responding to a touch I’d been craving for so long.
“Ollie,” I instinctively whispered as my body begged for more of what he was giving to me.
“No, Mia, It’s Ethan,” his voice thick and course, and his hard-on strained against his boxers, “and that is the last time you will ever call me by his name.”
Wet lips traveled up the center of my chest, across my collarbone and over my neck as he moved on top of me.
I didn’t want him to stop, and my hips matched every movement of his, wanting the same thing. But something inside me was screaming.
Inside, I felt sick.
But, still, I couldn’t find the will to stop.
Determined hands slid my panties off and pulled my legs apart, exposing me fully against the cold night air and his deep blue eyes. I watched as his eyes strayed and his hands roamed over my body. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to be with you,” Ethan whispered, then lowered himself on top of me until his forehead touched mine. His large erection pushed through the hole of his boxers and kneaded over my clit through every hungry grind.
Ethan’s lips brushed mine, and I turned my head to the side to avoid his kiss. “This is entrapment. It’s not fair,” I tried to get out, but I still couldn’t control my hips as his cock slid through my center teasingly. “We can’t do this.”
“We’re already doing this.” His fingers traveled down, and he dipped a finger inside me. My hips involuntarily rocked against each satisfying thrust. “You want this too, just let it happen, Mia,” Ethan breathed into my ear.
My head snapped forward. It was the first time he had said my name since we met. “It can’t go further than this.”
“Kiss me,” he argued. I shook my head, and Ethan growled, picking up his pace. He added another finger as his hard shaft grazed through my wetness and crashed against my needy clit each time. Every brush of his lips against my neck, every thrust of his hand, every knead of his cock pushed my body closer despite the hard fight within my soul.
Ethan’s lips inched closer to mine, and again, I shifted my head, causing his lips to graze my cheek. Frustrated, he picked himself off me.
Both our chests rose and fell at different rhythms, and I expected him to push off me and leave. But he didn’t. Ethan stood at the end of the mattress and withdrew his boxers entirely. Perfect skin glowed against the small sliver of the moons light, revealing abs sculpted by God. Pure. Faultless. Untouched by ink and a needle. Dark blue eyes blazed in the night, boring into mine with a silent plea as he gripped my ass and dragged me to the foot of the bed.
With two hands, Ethan guided my legs open and lapped his greedy tongue from bottom to top, and my hips helplessly curled into his mouth, begging for it. His stubble grazed the insides of my thighs, and his tongue darted out over my clit before moving back down. My body shook against him, unwilling to pull away. “You’re so fucking sweet,” he moaned. “Come for me, Mia.”
Ethan pushed two fingers inside, and my walls gripped around them, completely willing. Teeth scraped against my clit, and I slammed my eyes shut to imagine green eyes, brown hair, and inked skin before I finally climbed back up to the place I’d been trying so hard to reach. But right before I busted, Ethan completely stopped, taking everything away.
The sound of a condom wrapper tearing ripped an ache in my heart. Ethan stood and pressed his thick condom-covered cock against my entrance while his hand moved over my clit, rolling the knot of nerves between two fingers. “Your move, Jett,” he challenged, and my heart pounded out of my chest.
Kissing him was out of the question. Fucking him was out of the question. He managed to take advantage of me while my guard was down, and though my body cried for release, my mind stayed fucked in this teased turmoil. Ethan’s hands moved over my hips, and he jerked his hips forward, him and the tip of his cock testing me.
I lowered my hips, and his shaft slid back through my soaked center, and Ethan frowned but didn’t stop his movements. “Let me get inside you.”
Shaking my head, the burn erupted behind my eyes as my chest tightened and I tried to catch a steady breath. I snapped my legs closed and rubbed my hands over my face, fighting the tears threatening to pour.
Then there was no fucking use.
My confused body shook as the hot tears spilled from my eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I cried out. “I love him.”
“Yeah, I fucking got that.” Ethan bent over and picked up his boxers, shoving his legs back through. “What the hell was I thinking?” He laughed, but hurt laced each breath that followed.
“You don’t understand.”
“You’re right about that. I don’t. It’s fucking cool. I’ll be alright … but you?”—He shook his head before pulling his shirt over his head— “Oliver Masters will be the cause of your undoing. It’s in his fucking blood. I read his bloody file. He doesn’t know any different, ruins everything he touches. And you, Jett … you’ll be just another fucking tally.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said through gritted teeth.
He snatched his pants off the desk chair and shrugged a shoulder as he chuckled. “Yeah, okay. I’m a bloody liar.” He stood over me fully clothed as I laid over my mattress completely naked and body shaking. His eyes roamed over me. “Tell me this, yeah? When was the last time he made you feel like that? When was the last time he touched you like I do? Tell me, Mia. Help me understand! When was the last fucking time he gave you pleasure over pain?”
I jolted upright until both feet hit on the marble. My hands pushed against Ethan’s flexed chest once, but he didn’t budge. “Get out!”
“Careful, Jett,”—Ethan took a step back— “You’re pushing away the only person left who gives a damn about you.”
“I said, get out!”
Ethan opened the door and something on the ground caught his eye. He bent down and swiped it up with his back to me as I scanned the room for a shirt. When he turned around, I’d just gotten the plain white tee over my head when he tossed the object at me.
After catching it mid-air, I opened my hand, and my heart plummeted when my eyes fell upon the origami rose, imperfectly pieced back together. My eyes glossed over, and my chin trembled. The tips of my fingers filtered through its leaves when Ollie’s handwriting appeared.
There are cracks, but now the light can shine through.
Chapter Fifteen
“Call me a criminal,
killing her heartache
with unsteady hands and
lips shaped like a knife.”
—Oliver Masters
Ollie.
OVER THE LAST WEEKEND, I slumped it with Zeke.
Hid from the world.
Hid from Mia.
I’d taken over Zeke’s project of “fixing Ollie and Mia” by gluing the origami rose back together, but only after Zeke had experienced a nervous b
reakdown over it. That final time I’d made the attempt, the pieces had fallen back into place with ease. Perhaps time was all that had been needed, or the right frame of mind. Either way, I wasn’t going down anymore without a fight.
Mia and I was something worth fighting for. We were written in the stars. That’s the thing about love. Once it touches you, it doesn’t go away. It’s laced in every breath. It’s embedded in your skin. It seeps deep into your soul and lives forever, and you spend your entire life feeding that single heavenly feeling afraid it will leave at some point.
But love never leaves you. It only hides behind every temporary emotion until you deserve to be embraced by it again. And bloody hell, Mia deserved it.
Dr. Conway held the answers. Every day this week, I’d shown up in her office, even on days I didn’t have an appointment. We’d practiced meditation. We’d practiced control. She’d brought me back through the most traumatic situations, and I’d learned how to face it and let it go.
Today was no different.
“You should take a break, Oliver. You’re going to overexert yourself,” she said as soon as I walked through her door during lunch.
I sank into the couch and dropped my head back. “No, this is working. I’m ready.”
“You have group therapy in a few hours.”
My eyes opened to see a white ceiling, and I smoothed my hand over my bouncing knee. “If I have to live one more second in this hell, just kill me now.”
“Don’t talk like that,” Conway muttered.
I lifted my head off the couch to face her. “Like what? You have no clue the constant battle I deal with every bloody day. The back and forth—the numb, the pain. I feel like I don’t know myself anymore.” Leaning forward, I dug my elbows into my knees. “Even on the meds, every whisper is a scream. Every dig is a blow. Every look is a blame. Every smile makes me high,” I grit out. “A female so much as breathes on me, my dick gets excited—excuse my fucking language—everything that made me happy is missing, and everything that sucks the life out of me surrounds me. I’m tired of being one way or the other, feeling everything and nothing. One second I want to kiss her. The next I want to strangle her. Do you catch my drift?”
Even When I'm Gone (Stay With Me series Book 2) Page 17