Rage spilled out of me, and Conway met my gaze, refusing to look away. She understood exactly what I said. “I’ve been doing research,” she started to say.
I collapsed back into the seat and stretched out my legs in front of me. “Research, yeah? And how is your research going to help me?”
“Explain to me, when are you most calm? Without the medication.”
My brow spiked in the air, and I studied her features. Conway’s big brown eyes stared down at me in all seriousness. “I’m calm when I’m alone … when I’m writing … when she’s safe and happy. I’m calm when Zeke’s lip lifts into that stupid half-smile.” I couldn’t help but grin thinking about it.
Conway matched my smile. “And when you’re angry? What pisses you off?”
“Being played, used as a pawn in a game. They think I’m a fucking fool, as if I don’t know what’s up their sleeve, but I see it in their eyes. Too many people in Dolor have a dodgy agenda, and it’s overcrowded. A dark cloud hovers over this place, and I can’t seem to escape it. It’s stifling.”
“They?” she asked.
“What?”
“You said ‘they.’ Who are you talking about?”
“Everyone!” I jabbed.
Conway lowered her head and smiled.
I cocked my head. “What?”
She pulled out a sticky note and clicked her pen. “I’m going to write down a book I want you to try and find at the library when you leave here. Hopefully, we have it. If not, let me know. I can order it,”—she handed me over the bright yellow paper— “I think it’s important you look at all avenues.”
I scanned the paper. Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity. “You think I’m misdiagnosed?”
“No, I never said misdiagnosed. There is science, Oliver, but then there is spirituality. I think it’s important for you to look at all avenues,” she reiterated with a wink. “Look up hyper-empathic, too. You may find you can relate.”
“And in the meantime?”
Conway exhaled and crossed her legs. “In the meantime, I want you to avoid all situations and confrontations from negative people. If that means isolating yourself, very well. Only until you understand and learn to identify and control your emotions. Don’t put yourself in a situation that you know will set you off or be around those who are negative. That negative tension rubs off on you a whole lot deeper than most.”
Dropping my chin, I smiled. Finally, there was a light at the end of this long spiraling tunnel.
“Because you are hyper-sensitive, the medication also affects you more intense than others,” Conway continued, “I don’t know how much lee-way I have in lowering your dosage or getting you off it entirely, but in my honest opinion, you shouldn’t be on it. This medication isn’t going to help, it’s only going to hinder. Let me see if I can make a few phone calls. Until then, try to stay out of trouble.”
“I understand. Thank you.” I meant every word.
“And Oliver?” Looking back up, she leaned over and grabbed my gaze. “If you don’t walk out of here with Mia, know there are other fish in the sea.”
In an instant, my smile faded. “You don’t get it. Mia is the sea.”
“It’s crazy, mate. This book explains me to a T.” I flipped another page over and scanned over the words. The book she recommended wasn’t in the library, but I did find another regarding emotional intensity. “Know despair, but also beauty and rapture? Check. Experience emotions at an unparalleled level of depth and complexity? Check. Constant overflow of both negative and positive feelings? Check. Strong emotional connection with certain people? Fucking check.” Mia. I tapped the page with the back of my hand. “I can get through this without the pills, my friend. I only need to identify what I can physically and mentally handle.”
Zeke smiled.
I grinned and jumped to my feet. “I can’t wait any longer. I have to go find Mia before group therapy.”
If vultures hadn’t been surrounding us, I’d show her how I truly felt back in the hall when she had confronted me. I’d wanted to hold her, to kiss her. All I had wanted to do was grab her by the hand and runaway with her. I’d seen the look in her eyes. In an instant, she had forgotten everything I’d done, forgave me, and looked my demons square in the eyes and accepted every side I’d been so scared to show her—all in one look.
My entire body vibrated under the single thought of her.
I missed that fucking feeling.
Zeke ran to the door and stretched his arms out, shaking his head. I rolled my head back. “Step aside, mate.” His hands moved vigorously, and it became hard to keep up with his movements. “I’m good,”—I raised my palm in the air, showing steady hands— “I won’t even touch her. Just want to see her.”
mia.
“Mia?”
I snapped my attention to my left. “hmm?”
“Progress?” Arty repeated with raised brows.
“Oh, right … ” The only progress I’d made this week was the continuous loss of relationships. Why did Ethan have to push things to the next level? Why couldn’t he keep things the way they were? Everything had been fine with us. “I don’t know. None.”
In the last half hour, I’d managed to avoid all eye contact with Ollie. If our eyes locked, his force would break all barriers, revealing the regret and shame hiding within them from what had happened with Ethan. And his eyes were on me this very moment, calling me, screaming for me, begging for me to see him.
I feel you, Ollie.
A tingle in my bones.
“There’s got to be something,” Arty pushed.
“Pass.”
“Setbacks?” Ollie asked, announcing himself in the room. He needed me to acknowledge him sitting across from me, but I clamped my mouth shut and kept my eyes facing the marble.
A few snickers echoed throughout the circle, yet Ollie’s shift in his chair was the loudest. He lowered his hand and snapped his finger, calling for my attention, but I refused and bit my lip to fight the shame from spilling from my eyes.
The rest of group therapy carried on in the same manner, me staring at the ground and biting the inside of my cheek. Once Arty dismissed us, I jumped up and blew past the circle to make it out the door first and down the stairs.
I hadn’t made it past the third-floor bathroom when I was yanked back by my belt loop and pulled through a door. I kept my head down and fixed my eyes on Ollie’s black Vans as the tears pooled at the corner of my eyes. He stood before me, fists clenched at his sides, already preparing for the worst. Heat emitted from him and his breathing stopped.
Then his fingers stretched out as he let out a long exhale.
“Dammit, Mia. Look at me.” I snapped my head up and faced the music. A fire burned in his eyes, and his nostrils flared. Then as if that one look sedated him, Ollie’s shoulders dropped beneath his black hoodie, and he leaned into me, his body remembering me. Calm. Relieved. Revived. Hopeful green eyes examined mine, and he wet his busted lip. “It’s going to be okay.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“Ollie, I—
“No, Mia. I don’t care to know the details,” he cut in, all-knowingly.
“But—
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I have to get it out!” I’d erupt if I didn’t. It had only been nine hours since Ethan left my room this morning, but that meant nine hours consumed with shame.
He raised his brows and lifted his chin. “Did you fuck him?”
“No, but—
“Did you kiss him?”
“No, Ollie.”
His head tilted and his eyes narrowed. “Are you confused?”
Never. “No!”
“Then it doesn’t fucking matter.”
“How could you say that?”
“Because you h
ave no idea what it’s like to fall in love with you. I’m not stupid, he’s in love with you, and he’d be a bloody fool not to try something.” He looked off for a moment before his eyes hit mine again. “Let it go, love. Guilt looks horrible on you. It doesn’t match the color of your eyes.”
An unavoidable smile played on my lips.
His mouth lifted in the corner as he slowly blinked. “Ah, there she is.”
“You going to tell me what happened to your face?”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Does anything matter to you?”
Ollie’s hand lifted and pointed at my chest. He held his finger there for a moment before turning his finger to his own, his chest steadily rising against it.
My eyes darted from his chest to his face. You and I. All barricades lifted from his green eyes, exposing himself entirely to me. Unsure of how long this moment would last, I gripped the black hood framing his face and yanked him down.
Mouths crashed, pulses kicked, and feelings flowed between our sacred moment. Weakness pulled me under, but Ollie lifted me, wrapping fingers around the back of my head to keep me with him—keep me grounded from floating in what always came of us. Rapture. My lips screamed that I missed him while his screamed to remember him.
To remember us.
Like I could ever forget.
His tongue pushed through the cracks, an injection straight to the heart. A moan rattled inside his chest, and he dropped his forearms on both sides of me against the wall, caging me in.
Our tempo morphed from eager and hungry to slow and sensual, linked by mouths and hearts permanently engraved in each other’s names.
I kissed the corners of his lips, his injuries, and our noses brushed, then he dropped his forehead to mine. My chest ached, and I couldn’t catch my breath, already grieving the absence of this and knowing I’d soon be without him all over again.
“You don’t have to be afraid, love,” he whispered, and I squeezed my eyes closed to ease the burn. “I know you’re hurting, but we’re going to get through this.” I lifted off the wall and sank inside his arms, stuffing my face into his hoodie to breathe him in. Ollie kissed the top of my head and pulled me away just enough to see me. “Together this time. You and I.”
The alarm for lock-down blared through the intercom before Dean Lynch’s voice echoed throughout Dolor as I walked back to my dorm in a hurry. Once my feet landed on my wing, bodies disappeared behind doors before they locked behind them.
I scanned the hall for security. Nothing.
A girl I recognized blew past me.
“What happened?” I called out.
She shrugged her shoulders before receding inside her dorm.
When I entered my room, Ethan’s back was to me as he stared out my window. His shoulder blades moved beneath his shirt as he tightened his arms across his chest. “Where were you?” he asked, then turned to face me with a blank expression.
“Group therapy,” I deadpanned, closing the door behind me and dropping my shoulders.
Ethan’s gaze slid to the clock above my door and back down to me. “Group therapy ended thirty minutes ago.”
“What’s it to you?”
Ethan walked toward me. “Let’s go.”
“Go where?” I asked, taking a step back.
“Lynch wants to see you.” He opened the door and nudged his head for me to follow. When I didn’t budge, he dropped his chin and narrowed his eyes. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Your choice.”
“Is this because I denied you?”
Ethan let out an incredulous chuckle and swiped a palm over his face. “Now, Jett,” he growled. “This is serious.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, and after three seconds of locked eyes, I stepped forward and pushed past him just as Ollie reached his door, coming back from the moment we shared only moments ago.
Ollie’s hand froze over his doorknob just as Ethan closed my door behind me four rooms down. Green eyes dragged from Ethan to me, and I could see his jaw tense from where I stood. Ethan pressed his chest into my back and grabbed my arm. “Come on,” Ethan urged.
Ollie’s lip twitched, and his arm flexed, and I shook my head.
Don’t, Ollie. He’s not worth it.
I yanked my arm from Ethan and started forward. My gaze fixed in front of me. The tension in the hall stretched around us like a rubber band ready to snap at any moment. Though I couldn’t see Ethan’s face, I felt every rush of emotion coming from Ollie to my left as we passed by. His eyes on the two of us replaced my blood with lava. The thoughts going through his mind somehow ripped me open from where he stood rigid. Ollie was ready to launch at any moment.
We made it around the corner, but the pressure didn’t let off my shoulders. Ethan remained quiet the entire way to the Dean’s office, down the stairs, and through the cold building. He paused when we reached Lynch’s door and turned me around to face him. “Relax, Jett. Just be honest.”
My brows pinched together, and Ethan used his knuckle to knock on the door.
Lynch welcomed us in and advised me to take a seat. Ethan stayed by the door, back straight, arms crossed over his chest, gaze looking out the window into the dawn of October. Lynch’s red velvet curtains laid open, overlooking the side of the building, the Looney Bin visible.
“Where did you rush off to yesterday during dinner?” Lynch cut to the chase. I snapped my eyes forward. The shade around his eyes seemed dark, making his brown eyes look lighter.
My brain filtered through yesterday’s events.
Bria. Tyler. Jude.
“I had to use the restroom.” I shrugged, having no idea where he was going with this. Lynch leaned back in his rolling chair, and he rested his elbow over the arm of his chair, propping up his chin. His eyebrows pulled together as his eyes locked on mine, searching for answers—nerves set in. My mouth went dry.
“Don’t lie to me, Mia,” his eyes slipped to Ethan behind me before falling back on mine.
“This is ridiculous. I didn’t do anything.” The words came out faster before I could think.
“Ridiculous? You could have really hurt someone with your clever stunt. Not to mention cost Rhonda her job.”
“What are you talking about?”
Lynch released his fist and held up a key. “This was found in your room.”
I twisted back to face Ethan, but his focus remained out the window. Returning my attention to Lynch, I jumped to my feet. “I don’t even know what that is!”
“Looks like a key to me,” he scoffed, examining the object in his fingers. He leaned forward and slapped it over the top of his desk. “The key to Rhonda’s medicine cabinet, found in your bloody room!”
“Well, I didn’t take it! I have no idea how it got in my room!”
“A freshman is in the hospital. I have to find someone to replace Rhonda’s job. What I want to know is, why? Why do you feel the need to take others down with you to prove a point?”
“You can’t seriously believe I had something to do with this,” my head spun, “Ethan, tell him I didn’t do this!”
Ethan opened his mouth, but Lynch quickly interjected, “I’ve done all I can to keep you here in this program, but this is out of my control.”
“Someone’s messing with me! You know someone’s been out to get me. I didn’t do it!” My nails dug into the palms of my hands, trying to wake myself up because there was no other explanation as to why this could be happening. “Ethan, tell him!”
“Where were you yesterday during dinner?” Ethan asked, taking a step forward.
“Bria pulled me aside, and we went to Jude’s. They were pissed and confronted me, but that was it! I swear to God, I wouldn’t have fucked with people’s medication.”
“Not even to try and switch Oliver’s?” Ethan questioned, but it ca
me out more like an accusation. “You know, to get him off his medication? Switching it with something else?”
I fell back in the chair and dropped my head in my hands. “This can’t be happening.” I lifted my head with tears in my eyes to face Lynch who waved Ethan forward. “You’re going to kick me to the curb now? Just like Bruce!” I stood back up and put my hands behind my back. “Innocent until proven guilty. Something we respect back in the states. You should fucking try it,” I spat out, waiting for Ethan to put me into cuffs.
“Relax, Mia. You’re being sent to solitary until we can do more investigating. I’m not giving up on you just yet,” Lynch said with a tap over his desk.
Ethan’s eyes filled with relief, but his mouth set into a hard line. “This isn’t going to take well with authorities,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Mia is under my supervision. They’d have to force my hand before I let her walk out of here until a thorough investigation is completed.”
“Your call boss.” Ethan dropped his chin and released a held breath.
“I don’t get it. You were so quick to point the finger at me.”
“You’re right. You deserve to be heard. Let’s hope your story sticks.” Lynch tossed his head to the side. “Solitary, Scott. No visitors.”
Ethan’s hand landed on my shoulder to guide me out.
“Scott,” Lynch called out.
Ethan and I turned back at the same time.
“I know,” Ethan stated, answering an unasked question. Ethan pushed me forward, opened the door, and led me to confinement.
For how long? I had no idea.
Chapter Sixteen
“You’re not broken,
only bent to perfection.”
—Oliver Masters
Ollie.
“WHERE THE FUCK is she?” I asked, slamming the red-headed wanker against the cement wall. My patience completely depleted after Mia’s been M.I.A. for the second day in a row. “Last time I laid eyes on her, she left with you. Where did you take her?”
Even When I'm Gone (Stay With Me series Book 2) Page 18