“You owe me hot-shot,” he pulled the gum pack from his pocket and tossed it over to me.
I looked over the already opened package to see two missing. “Send my bill to my new address. I’ll take care of you.” Travis used to mail me cash until the cash started disappearing. I had to fuel my gum addiction a new way without the funds. Jinx was my only option.
“You’re on fire on The Amazon, brother. Just looked you up a few days ago. You’re in stores and online. People are buzzing.”
“It’s not ‘The Amazon,’ mate, just Amazon,” I shook my head, “Thanks, means a lot, but it’s only a start. My first publication. Something small. I’ll be able to do better once I get out of here.”
Jinx chuckled, flashing his missing teeth. “Damn, brother. You don’t take compliments well. Don’t be so hard on yourself, yeah? People are eating that tosh up like it’s candy. Everyone on the outside is dying to know who Oliver Masters is. Soon enough you’ll have so much fanny, you won’t need to recycle.”
I popped a piece of gum in my mouth and smiled over at him. His remarks were innocent, something every bloke would say or want to hear.
Mia and I haven’t made love since the beginning of the school year, our quick fuck not counting in the least bit. She mentioned she already forgave and looked past the whole Maddie situation, but she needed to know what I did was unacceptable. I had to earn the chance to be intimate with her again. My choice. “You know I’m not into it. I’ll pass them over to you, big man.” I patted him on the shoulder before pushing through the door, charging for the phone.
Jinx’s laugh bounced through the closing door. “My man!”
I lifted the phone off its receiver and brought it to my ear, thinking about Jinx’s words. People were talking about my poetry; my words were out there in the world while I was isolated in here. The irony laughable, but my vision still blurred from my eyes glossing over.
And then it hit me …
I’d touched hundreds of souls.
After punching Travis’s number into the receiver, I pinched the bridge of my nose to fight back the waves threatening to crash.
“You’re a fucking legend,” Travis greeted.
My hand found the wall as I leaned into it, my legs growing weak. “What are the stats looking like?” I managed to get out, “hundreds?”
“No, Ollie. Thousands! They want to do merchandise. I told them no merch until you’re released, but they’re getting antsy. Wanna get it out now while people are talking and schedule a signing.”
“You know I can’t do anything for another six months. They know where I’m at.” I didn’t intend for all this to happen. All I wanted was to make a little money for the house—for Mia. Get enough funds together to travel and collect people’s stories from around the world. “Go ahead and approve the merchandise. You have the okay from me. But, don’t go overboard.”
“Alright, alright. I have you, my friend.”
There was a deep sigh on both ends of the phone.
“How you holding up,” he asked. “You sound different.”
Travis had never heard or seen me at my normal self, and I was surprised he’d noticed as soon as he did. “Things are good. Can’t say much, calls recorded, but I’m exactly where I want to be.” Off the pills, no withdrawal, with Mia.
“You sound happy … you sound good. Summer wants to paint the walls at the cottage. She understands it isn’t ours, but she’s excited for you. Wants to help out any way she can, you know?”
A thousand questions went through my head, starting with if Mia liked to paint, and what color Mia would choose. This was her house as much as it was mine, though Travis did not know of that. “What color are the walls now?”
“A rubbish orange. It has to go.”
“Paint everything white. Brighten the place up, alright?” Mia would decide once she stepped foot in her new home. As long as she was standing beside me when I walked through the door, I could care less what color the bloody walls were.
The door closed behind me as Travis agreed into the phone. Lifting off the wall, I turned my head to see Maddie pick up the phone beside me. “I have to go. I’ll ring you next week.”
“Just to be clear, yes on—
I hung up the phone before Travis could finish his sentence. The last thing I needed was for Maddie to listen in on my conversation. “What are you doing here?” My eyes slid to the window to see Jinx relaxed in his chair. “This isn’t your scheduled time.”
“Had it changed.” She took a step closer, and I took a step back. “Why ya so jumpy?” she asked, and I shook my head and trudged past her. Nothing good ever came from Maddie and me in the same room alone together, and as if I spoke too soon, her arm slithered around my waist to stop me. I pulled back and turned to face her, my face reddening, and my jaw clenching. “See? So jumpy.”
Sinister thoughts crossed my mind, a thousand things I could say to belittle or hurt her, but Maddie’s eyes shifted, and I’d seen something inside I’d never noticed before—desperation.
But I couldn’t put a finger on why she was so desperate.
She didn’t look like she wanted this—any of this.
The four walls around us inched closer as I studied her. “What do you want with me?” I finally asked, getting to the bottom of her intentions. Her forehead creased and arms folded over her chest as if she was hiding from the question. “Don’t make me ask you again.”
Maddie’s gaze dropped to the floor, and she dragged in a breath.
When she looked back up, her features twisted into the rat I’d always seen her as.
“Come on, let’s get out of here and talk in my room. Mia’s with Conway.”
“You know Mia’s schedule now?” I raised a brow. “What do you know her schedule for?” Maddie looked away again, a sign she was thinking of a lie, and I was already over this. “This is your last warning. Stay away.”
I passed her for the second time with long strides straight for the door, slamming it behind me. “All good, mate.” I held up my hands, and Jinx shook his head.
I must have fallen asleep in my dorm, because the next thing I knew, there was a knock on my door, waking me and bringing me to my feet. “I told you to stay away,” I groaned while opening the door.
Then I was face to face with my love—Mia.
Her eyes went wide, and she took a step back.
“Dammit, Mia. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t show up for dinner, I was worried,”—she raised a brow— “Maybe I should come back another time?”
“No, no, no,” my arm snaked around her waist, and I pulled her into me, “Don’t go.” I inhaled her, and her scent instantly brought me back from whatever nightmare I got sucked into.
Before I had a chance to close the door, an ear-piercing scream rang through the wing.
I peeked my head through the door, and a girl ran from the bathroom near the end of the corridor.
“What’s going on?” Mia asked, turning to see outside the door.
I shook my head. “I’m not sure,” I turned my attention back to Mia, “Stay here. Don’t leave this room.”
She nodded, and I took off down the hall.
The girl shook on the floor against the wall as she stifled her cries with her hands.
“What happened?” I asked as people formed a circle around us.
The girl pointed her thumb back toward the bathroom, unable to speak anything coherent. I pushed open the bathroom door, and I froze.
Hanging from the ceiling with a makeshift noose around the neck was Chad. Face blue, eyes wide open, and feet dangling. My stomach rolled, and I took a step back when someone caught my balance. I snapped my head around to see Scott standing behind me with his hand on my shoulder.
I fisted his shirt. “Where were you?” I screamed and threw him against the wall.
His eyes darted back and forth between Chad and me. “You’re supposed to be watching them! Where the hell were you? How could you let this happen?”
“Calm down. I was—
“You were what?” I shoved him into the wall again as tears pricked my eyes. “This place is filled with people ready to take their own lives. You’re supposed to be looking out for them!”
Scott shoved his palms into my chest. “I can’t be everywhere at all times! Now calm the fuck down, I have to call this in.”
He put his palms up before reaching for the radio on his belt, and I ran my nervous hands through my hair as Mia’s voice sounded through the cracked door. “Ollie?”
“No, Mia,” I struggled to say, choking on emotion and took long strides to stop her. “You can’t come in here.” Slipping through the door, I blocked anyone from entering. I flew my hands over my face and dragged them back through my hair. Fighting. Battling. Struggling. A constant brawl raged inside me. The image of what was on the other side of the door seared into my mind. I curled my arm over my face, and Mia enveloped me immediately. Her warm hand slipped up the front of my shirt and to my chest as she held me close. My heart slammed against her hand, and I dropped my head over her shoulder.
“I can’t handle it,” I whispered as the sickness stirred inside me and a burn punctured my eyes. “It’s too much.”
“Let’s go back to your room,” she whispered.
I moved my head side to side against her. “Not until the police get here.”
She never asked questions, only stood with me, trying to comfort me the only way she knew how, and it was more than enough. When I’d reached the point of finally being able to breathe normally, I pulled the hood over my head and locked eyes on her. She’d always been that one person to quiet the turmoil seething in my heart when the surroundings got to be too much.
She was my center. My home.
Chapter Nineteen
“You’re a thief in the night,
robbing my gaze,
swiping my hand,
stripping my breath,
cheating the odds,
stealing my heart,
and I don’t mind.”
—Oliver Masters
mia.
IT TOOK A LITTLE OVER TWO WEEKS to find our rhythm after the death of Chad, a boy I’d never known personally. Ollie hadn’t known him well either, but he explained the impact of Chad’s death on him. He’d said seeing Chad hit him like an atomic bomb of one hundred grieving people. Even Chad himself, feeling the emotions of his last moments closing in on him, and Ollie’s heart unable to contain it. I didn’t fully understand it myself, but the look in his eyes was that of a million broken hearts. The single moment had utterly drained him, and for a week Ollie ran on empty. It had been heart-wrenching to witness, how someone else’s pain could physically affect him in the way it did.
It was a cold mid-November afternoon, and I sat in Conway’s office wrapped in Ollie’s oversized hoodie. His familiar scent fought against the bitter winter and Conway’s unwanted opinion.
“You are capable of so much more than to skip out on college,” Dr. Conway said through a shake of her head, and spun in her chair to face her desk. My teeth sunk into the plastic end of the hoodie string and I rolled my eyes. “You’re a genius. And you’re throwing it all away. Why?”
“I don’t have to explain myself,” I mumbled, annoyed with the conversation. My head was overflowing with current events—the prankster, Bruce, Ollie, Ethan—leaving no room to think about the future. At one point, I was sure I’d been destined to help victims of sexual assault, but the prankster had taken that away from me the second he revealed my journal and showed everyone I couldn’t be trusted. Maybe I was never cut out for it.
Empathy had never been my strong suit, so perhaps he did me a favor.
Conway narrowed her eyes, reading my body language because she couldn’t understand the words coming out of my mouth. “Do me a favor, Mia. Take a walk around campus tomorrow. By yourself. Fresh air and no distraction. Give your future an hour of your time to think this through before you make drastic decisions. It deserves that much, okay?”
The string fell from my mouth. “Okay.”
Sales trick one-oh-one: leave the question ending in “okay,” “alright,” or “sounds good,” and nine times out of ten your audience would reply with a positive response, automatically agreeing to whatever they said without thinking it through. A trick of the mind.
She got me.
Fuck.
I quickly came to terms with it and stood from the couch.
“See you next week,” Conway said through a knowing smile as I headed for the door. “Oh, and Mia?” Resting my palm over the door frame, I turned to face her. “I still cook for Thanksgiving. I’ll bring leftovers, and we can have a mini Thanksgiving during our session Thanksgiving Day, sound good?”
“Sounds good.”
Shit. She got me again.
I chuckled to myself. “You’re good, Dr. Conway,” I called out while walking away.
“I know,” she reminded me from behind.
It was difficult to dislike Dr. Conway. Since day one, she’d grown on me. Even when I’d thought I doubted her and couldn’t trust her, she’d proved she truly cared, being the only acting parental figure who pushed my limits and had been there every step of the way. I was going to miss her.
On my way back to fourth wing, Jake, Tyler, and Bria blew past me with cringed features. Well, except for Jake, that is. His eyes betrayed his disgusted expression, and I knew he missed me. But around Tyler and Bria, he wouldn’t dare defy his loyalty. I had to get him alone and talk to him.
I knocked on Ollie’s door before opening and found him asleep in his bed with a book sprawled out over his stomach. Gently, I lifted the book and set it aside before melting beside him. Ollie hummed, wrapping his arms around me, burrowing his head into my neck.
I dove my hand under his shirt and trailed my fingers over the surface of his warm skin.
“Conway give you the third degree again?” he asked, his breath brushing my neck.
Goosebumps flared, and I leaned into him with a small laugh. “Always.”
“She’s right, you know … ”—His arm pulled me closer— “You can become anything you want, and you choose to do nothing. It’s a waste if you ask me.”
“Wonderful. You too?”
Ollie pulled away and opened his sleepy eyes. “No. Conway has different reasons, then I do. Me? I believe everyone is sent to earth with a clear path.” He wiped a hand over his eyes. “What interests you, love?”
“I’m not so sure anymore.”
“Your body tells you every day of what you’re meant for. Any time you get goosebumps, never ignore them. Your body reminded you to take notice in case your brain didn’t get the message.”
“So, I’m meant for you? I wonder what major that falls under.”
His smile grew. “Give me your hand.” I lifted from under the thin sheet and held it out in front of me. Ollie’s hand disappeared from my waist. His fingertips touched mine and continued to trace down the length of my palm. Shivers rushed through me, and Ollie smiled. “You feel that?” I bit my lip and nodded. His fingers continued, merely brushing over mine, but the faintness alone sent the small hairs standing straight. “It will feel like this, and you will know it’s what you’re meant for. Don’t ever question it.”
“Is that how you feel about writing?”
Ollies fingers laced through mine and he brought our hands close to his chest. “Yes. I feel that way when I write, and I feel that way when you’re near. Even when the demons take me, my soul always remembers.” His lips landed over my forehead, and he lingered there for a moment before he pulled away. “but you never felt that way about playing the piano, have you?”
I shook my head. “How
did you know?”
“Because if you did, you’d be playing all the time.”
“I guess I’m just not cut out for this life.”
“Or maybe you need to see things from a different perspective.” Ollie’s boyish grin returned, and his mischievous eyes bounced between mine. “I got you something. It’s under the bed.” I opened my mouth to speak, but my tongue wouldn’t work. “Go on.” He nudged his head.
I flipped the other way, reached under the bed, and waved my hand around until it grabbed hold of something. When I pulled it out, I laid back and took a look at it.
A camera.
And not your average camera.
A machine of some sort I had no idea how to use. “Ollie?”
“Another perspective, love. It may help you see the world a little differently.”
I sat up and crawled over him, pulling the camera over my face to look through the lens. “Nope. You’re just as beautiful, but I prefer the real thing. And how in the world did you find this?”
Ollie’s hands clutched my hips, and his eyes beamed up at me. “You’re smiling. You like it.”
“How, Ollie?”
“I asked a friend,” his head tilted into his shrug, “It doesn’t matter. Come here, let’s take our first picture, yeah?” His fingers dug into my hips, and I curled over, severely ticklish and falling on top of him. Ollie grabbed the camera from my hands and held it above our heads, snapping the picture before I had a chance to be ready for it.
When I looked back up, the film came from the top and Ollie dropped the camera beside him on the mattress and held the picture over us. We both looked up, waiting. “You didn’t let me get ready.”
“Ready? You mean a fake smile? No. I had to get the real one.” He fanned the film, and the picture came into focus. “You see there?” The picture showed my head over Ollie’s chest with a cheesy smile plastered on my face as he looked down on me. “Breathtaking.”
“Black and white?”
He shook his head. “There’s enough color between us, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I said through an exhale as I looked up in awe at the first photo we’d ever taken.
Even When I'm Gone (Stay With Me series Book 2) Page 22