Gazelle

by Bello, Gloria

  She knocks his hand away and scowls, turning back on her heels. He grabs her arms and pulls her against him, squeezing the air from her lungs. “Aw, man, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Don’t cry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so grumpy.”

  She snorts but does not try to pull away. “Yeah…grumpy’sthe adjective I’d use.”

  They hug one another a long time, but both can feel the distance their words have caused. Julian frowns at the dawning dread at the realization he hadn’t meant any of it for her. He understood how convenient she had been to release his wrath, and wondered desperately if she understood this as well. He pulls away and studies her, watching her avoid eye contact. When she finally looks up into him, he flashes one of his more brilliant smiles, a smile designed to capture and hold the trust and desire of women everywhere. She blinks, startled, and then narrows her brow and looks away, stifling her laugh at his obviousness, though the attempt is enough to soften her.

  “What time is the bar-b-que?” He asks, misinterpreting her response as forgiveness.

  “It starts at 4. Are you still going? I told Angie you were, she told all her friends. But they promised not to get all fanzine on you. No autographs.”

  “Yeah, I can’t wait. Anthony’llbe there?”

  “Of course.”

  He wraps an arm around her and walks her back into the house. “What time you think it’ll be over?”

  “I don’t know…a couple of hours. Why?”

  “Sharleenwants to take me to dinner. Some place swanky.”

  “Oh…” Alice tenses before forcing herself to relax. “Sounds nice.”

  “You are, literally, the worst actress I’ve ever met,” he laughs.

  He glances down at his vibrating phone and smiles, Sharleen’s seductive eyes and exposed shoulders poking up at him.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, angel. What are you doing?”

  “I’m on my way to Alice’s thing. What are you doing?”

  “Is she in the car with you?”

  “No, we took separate cars. I’m driving myself. Why, what’s up?”

  “I miss you.”

  He smiles. “I miss you, too.”

  “Come get me.”

  “I can’t. I’ll see you after.”

  “I want you now. I don’t want to wait. You need me. I know you do. So come get me.”

  He licks his lips and glances in the rearview of his new Land Rover, and hits his blinker to make a U-turn. “I guess I can be a little late.”

  He rips at the gauzy dress, pulling it free from her smooth shoulders, biting into them as she drops to her knees and unbuckles his pants before he has left the elevator. He yanks her to her feet and pins her to the doors as they shut, his mouth devouring hers, his tongue pressing hard and wild into hers as his hands hike up her skirt and he is inside her, thrusting himself rapidly. She screams, loud, too loud, and for a second, too forced. He hears Alice’s words, the‘photo op’ comment. He glances at her face, contorted not in the face of what an orgasm looks like, but what an orgasm shouldlook like. Not the uncontrollable, distorted ogre scowl and rolled back eyes humans wear in the ultimate moment of bliss, but the perfectly formed‘o’ shaped mouth of a well-rounded, soft core porn star, the symmetrical, upturned eyebrows, and eyes fixed, bored, on the skyline view behind him. He feels himself losing it, going soft, and he digs deep in a panic, looking away, grabbing her hair and pulling hard until her scream is one of pain, followed by a‘yes, GOD!’ that strikes him as contrived. Fuck, stop analyzing her! He digs deeper, images of former lovers flashing, former moments with her, which immediately fall under scrutiny. He pulls himself out to buy time and turns her around. She braces herself against the elevator frame, his hand turning her beautiful head purposefully away from him. He plunges himself in her again with a growl and thrusts hard, slapping her ass until it welts beneath his palm. He feels himself climbing closer, drawing nearer, feels her clenching him and challenging him. He wonders if it’s been a real orgasm or Kegel’s all along. Fuck! He starts to lose it again, and again, he digs. This time, it is a very specific thought, a very specific memory not of Sharleen. She is watering the plants in her short, pin stripped skirt, squatting over her cacti, her black hair falling around her smooth, naturally brown shoulders covered in the strange images and colors of her tattoos. He can see up her skirt, pink and yellow stripped bikini briefs. He remembers how refreshing to see it wasn’t a thong. Her round ass, her wide hips. He slaps his hand against a much bonier one and feels the build, his heart pounding faster and faster. There was something she was digging carefully for, trying not to prick herself, something in the plants she was after, and he was mesmerized by her ass, wiggling in front of him completely unaware. Still sweaty from his work out, exhausted and drained, he looked down and his dick was rock hard. He looked up, dropping the towel in front of him to cover it. As she rose, slowly, her skirt inched back down, but not enough to cover her completely, and he could still see the edges of her ass peeking out as she stood for a long time examining her prize. There was something in her hand. She turned towards him, pulling her skirt down with her free hand, but now he was staring at her front, at the thing close to her chest, her tank top clinging to her ample, dark breasts, breasts he long to touch, to kiss, from the moment she turned, her hair loose and wild all around her head. Faster, harder, she’s clenching tighter and he doesn’t care if it’s real or not, who he is actually fucking. There’s something in her hand, there’s something in her hand she’s holding up for him and she smiles triumphantly, her cat-like eyes disappearing in a Cheshire grin.

  “God…it’s-a-praying mant-is!” he screams.

  “You said he was coming,” Will says, smoking the joint.

  Alice sighs and drinks her beer, fighting the buzz. Her stomach growls at the smell of grilling meat, and she is suddenly aware she has not eaten since the morning. Will hands her the joint and she passes it to Trina.

  “He’s coming. He said he would. He probably stopped off to see that bitch girlfriend of his,” Alice grumbles.

  “You really hate her, don’t you?” Chris asks, shoving his heavy, thick glasses up.

  “I don’t hate her. I just strongly wish she wasn’t breathing in my time zone,” Alice answers.

  “She sounds awful. And I hate that stupid expression she’s always wearing, like, in every picture you see. Like a deaf puppy,” Trina says, tilting her head and widening her eyes, sticking her tongue out.

  Alice laughs a slow, drunken laugh. “Nailed it.”

  They stand on the side of Anthony’s house, tucked away from the party, smoking a joint Alejandro gave them. Will and Chris share a plate of meat, picking at it like vultures while they smoke. Alice frowns at their food, salivating, and drinks her beer.

  “Are you hungry?” Anthony asks, biting into his carnitas.

  “No, I’m-I’m gonnaeat a little later.”

  “You should eat. It doesn’t look like he’s gonnashow up,” Trina says, passing the joint to Anthony.

  “Is that what’s happening?” he asks. “You’re waiting for your man to show up so you can eat together?”

  “No, don’t be dumb,” Alice lies. “I’m just not in the mood to eat.”

  “Eating isn’t a mood thing, it’ssurvival,” Will laughs.

  “No, sometimes you just don’t feel like eating, is all. Why…talk about something else, you jerks.”

  “Okay, fine. Tell us about that party.”

  “What party?”

  “The party! The big party you’re throwing at his house!”

  Alice sighs again and rolls her eyes. “I mean, talk about‘not me’ things! Like, don’t you guys have any interesting stories? You know, shit that happens to you?”

  They look at one another, baffled, and start laughing.

  “You’re kidding, right? Stuff that happens to us? Ain’tnothing happening to us,” Anthony says.

  “I read an article about the debt crisis California faces with the upcomi
ng budget balances. Even more cities are projected to declare bankruptcy, which is crazy, considering California is the eighth largest economy in the world,” Chris shrugs.

  They all stare blankly at him. He chuckles and pulls meat apart with his fingers.

  “No, wait, I have a story!” Trina says, suddenly excited. “The juice bar has hellaroaches!”

  “Ew…what?” Alice grimaces.

  “Yep. Total massive roach infestation. A customer went to get a bagel and a huge, brown cucaracha ran out from underneath it. I never heard someone scream so loud.”

  “That’s disgusting!”

  “Seriously, Trina, that’s pretty gross.”

  “Yeah…still not exactly the kind of late-breaking news you were looking for, though, right?”

  Alice frowns and grabs another beer from Anthony’s coat pocket, popping it open with the lighter. “No, that’s not what I meant. It doesn’t have to be riveting. Preferably not gross, though. I can’t get smoothies there anymore.”

  “What?” Anthony laughs. “Why not?”

  “Ew,” Alice says.

  “Seriously, dude, that’s gross,” Will chimes in.

  “They sprayed, right, Trina?”

  “Yeah but…”

  “Have you seen any since they sprayed?”

  “…No.”

  “So there you go. They’re fine. You can still get your man his drinks. Besides, what the fuck he gonnaknow about it, even if there was still cucarachas? Those people don’t wanna know about the dirty underbelly that exists everywhere they slither over.”

  “Yeah, but I know,” Alice protests, ignoring the insult. “And he trusts me to take care of shit like that.”

  “Ah, I see,” Anthony smirks. “He has people to make sure he don’t step in the shit by stepping in it for him.”

  “Anthony, you’re such a prick sometimes,” Alice says, shaking her head.

  “Oh, no, here we go again…” Will sighs, rolling his eyes.

  “No,” Anthony says, holding up his hands,“No, she’s right. I’m being rude right now. I apologize.”

  They look at one another and then at him, narrowing their eyes in disbelief.

  “What? Seriously! I’m sorry! Alice, I mean it!”

  “Are you fucking with me right now?”

  He smiles and shakes his head. “I’m being sincere. I don’t want any problems tonight. Tonight is about fun,it’s about family and friends. We are all going to get along and have a great time. This is me, new and improved. Best behavior, I promise.”

  “…Okay,” Alice says, still skeptical. “Apology accepted.”

  “Are you going home for the holidays?” Trina asks.

  “I think so. I’ll be in town for the party but then I think I’m going to go back for a few weeks. Wannacome?”

  “Totally! I love the Bay Area! RAAAI-DERS!”

  “Shut UP, Trina!” Will says, smacking her arm. “You’re gonnaget us shot. We in the hood!”

  “Nobody’s gonnashoot you here,” Anthony says, laughing. “But he’s right, keep it down, Trina. Don’t embarrass us.”

  “Will you really go with me?”

  “Yep. Drive?”

  “ROAD TRIP!”

  The two laugh and hug one another, jumping up and down and then dancing to the music pouring from Will’s phone. All four of them start dancing in tight, little moves against the side of the house, Anthony rolling his eyes, laughing, watching Alice the entire time.

  He pulls up to the iron fence and sits in his car. There are people, all of them Chicano, laughing and talking, drinking beers around their cars and in the yard. A jumping gym in the shape of a castle is packed with laughing children on the front lawn. He looks at his watch and winces. An hour late isn’t too bad. An hour an a half is pushing it…two hours…

  “Fucking traffic,” he mumbles, climbing out of the car.

  They look at him, at first, with hard, narrowed eyes and upturned chins. Then some of the women whisper to each other. Others outright say it. Their eyes twinkle and they smile, moving in to greet him.

  “We didn’t think you’d make it! Angie was so sad!” A middle aged, pretty woman says as she comes up to him. He smiles shyly at her, trying quickly to read the scrolled name tattooed on her neck. “I’m Dina, nice to meet you! Come on! Ay, move it, Hector! Come on, they’re all in the back.”

  He moves through the crowd of baggie shirts and Dickies, through the greetings and cautious smiles, studying the Guadalupe shrine next to walls covered in family photos dating back to the 1920’s. He grins and waves to the people lounging on the velvet, floral print couches, their beers cluttering the weathered wooden table covered in dollies and a plastic protector. He moves through arched doorways, into a small kitchen where even more people stand and talk and laugh, the sound of oldies blaring from beyond them. The brown and yellow tiled floor stretches up to dark brown cabinets and an avocado green refrigerator, a mustard yellow sink filled with bloody meat shanks, sitting on ice, counter tops covered with chopped cilantro, chips and dips, the sweet smell of onions and jalapeños mixing together with French onion and ranch dressing. The woman takes his hand, pointing to random people, making sure everybody sees him and they do, for a second, they look up and see him, their eyes glimmer with recognition and then they go back to their world. There is no confusion, no on-going awe. He’s out of place, no matter where he’s from, but he’s welcomed none-the-less. She leads him through a white, iron porch door out into the back that ends in a long, thick, green lawn, covered in Christmas decorations and family gathered, laughing, talking, dancing with one another.

  “Ay, Dios Mio! He came after all!” Angie exclaims, rising from her chair with some effort. “Where’s Alicía, go get Alicía!”

  She waddles to him, an older Mexican woman with short black hair curled up into a triangle at her forehead. She wears heavy, black eyeliner, like Alice, but hers is caked into her deep smile lines. Her cheeks are heavily rouged, as are her lips. When she smiles, her silver teeth sparkle at him and he can’t help but smile back, taking her in his arms.

  “Happy birthday.”

  “Thank you! It’s so nice to finally meet you!” she says. “You’re so much stronger in person.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too. Alice talks about you all the time,” he replies.

  “I love that girl like she’s my own, I tell you. She came here with nobody and we fell in love instantly. Where is she? Tina? Go get Alicía.”

  “She’s talking to Anthony and her friends on the side,” Tina says, a teenager who can barely tear her eyes from him.

  “Then go get her! NOW!”

  Tina rolls her eyes and dramatically trudges off.

  “Ey, holmes, what’s up? Remember me? Alejandro,” Anthony’s brother says, taking Julian’s hand in a solid shake.

  “Oh yeah…I remember. The car shop, right?”

  “Yep, that’s us. ‘Bobby,’ right? Ha, ha! Shouldaknown you weren’t no‘Bobby.’ Ey, you wannabeer? A shot?”

  “I’ll take a beer. Whatever you got.”

  “Alright. Gordito, get him a beer!”

  A short, pudgyboy no older than ten, his cheeks puffing his eyes into tiny, black pinballs, grins a jack-o’-lantern smile, gaps where baby teeth use to be. He nods and dashes off through the small crowd of envious kids, shoving their heads as he pounces on the great, red tubs filled with ice and beer and starts to dig.

  “You’re much bigger than I thought,” Angie smiles, clinging to his arm. “Alicíasays you work out all the time but I didn’t believe her. I do now!! Mira los muscles!”

  She laughs and squeezes his biceps, everyone laughing around her. He smiles warmly. The boy returns and hands him the beer, staring wide-eyed at him.

  “Thanks.”

  “I like your jacket,” the boy says as smaller children move towards them, much braver with the interaction of their cousin and the man.

  “Thank you.”

  Angie tussles the boy’s head an
d squeezes him into her. “This is my grandson, Gabriel. Gabriel, do you know who this is?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You like his movie, huh?”

  “Yeah…I liked the one where he played that guy with the sword but he lived downtown and was like…a bartender-”

  “No, he wasn’t, he was a bouncer, stupid!” a girl says from behind Angie, shrinking back when Julian smiles down at her.

  “Same thing, stupid, shut up,” Gabriel says exasperated.“And he was all, like, cutting up people and stuff‘cuzthey were messing with that lady-”

  “And then that one guy was all bloody, his arm was all hacked off and he tried to stand up but he couldn’t cuz-”

  “But then the main guy just turns and blam! He slices him in his guts.”

  “I liked that part and then the lady was all, happy‘cuzhe wasn’t dead.”

  “I like that movie!”

  “I liked that movie, too!”

  “Yeah, me too!”

  Julian laughs and drinks his beer as the children forget their shyness and swarm around the adults.

  “Go away! Leave him alone, go play!” Alejandro says, shoving Gabriel away. They shriek and laugh, running towards the dancing adults on the grass and join in. “They watch too much TV. Do you want something to eat? We got carné, carnitas, some chicken…Esther, is there any chicken left?”

  “Oh, no, I’m good,” Julian says.

  “No, you gottahave something,” Angie replies. “Alejandro, make him a little plate.”

  “Okay. Esther! Make a plate!”

  “No, really, I’m not hungry.”

  “You better eat something, don’t be that guy who comes to the bar-b-queand doesn’t eat. Hellarude,” Alice says, coming up behind him.