Hearts Made Whole

by Jody Hedlund

  “Take me with you!” Tessa’s call followed him. “Please! We could get married. I’d make you a good wife.”

  With a flick of the reins, he pushed his horse into a gallop. The pounding of hooves drowned out Tessa’s voice. Under any other circumstances, he would have stopped and gently informed her that they could never get married. Even if she was a lovely young lady, he had no feelings of attraction for her. He viewed her as a sister, not as a possible bride.

  Aye, he’d noticed her flirting, but he hadn’t made much of it. But perhaps he needed to make sure he wasn’t encouraging her affection. She was obviously reading more into their relationship than was there.

  With his head bent low, he tore down the dirt road, his pulse pounding in a wild and reckless rhythm that matched the horse’s. He urged the horse faster. How could Caroline even consider marrying Arnie?

  For an instant, betrayal sliced into Ryan’s heart. Didn’t she care about him? He thought she’d enjoyed being with him, talking and laughing together. And he thought he’d seen attraction in her eyes. What about the kisses they’d shared? Hadn’t they affected her the same way they had him?

  As he rode, the chilled breeze cut through his shirt and slapped his cheeks as if to remind him that he was losing Caroline. If she married Arnie, he couldn’t have her. His gut flamed in protest.

  The truth was he wanted her. Aye. He’d never wanted a woman as much as he wanted Caroline Taylor.

  Simmons’s Roadside Inn loomed ahead, the peak of the slate roof rising above the trees, and the whitewashed boards showing through the branches.

  Galloping around the last bend in the road, his heart skittered to a stop at the sight of Caroline in her pretty blue Sunday dress. Even though it was covered with soot, it was still a bright spot among the browning landscape. She was walking with firm, steady steps, apparently resolved in her mission.

  At the sound of his horse’s hooves, she glanced over her shoulder.

  “Caroline!” he shouted. He quickly closed the distance between them, reined in his horse beside her, and slid down off the saddle. His chest heaved from the strain of the ride. “Please . . . don’t marry him.”

  Her beautiful blue eyes drooped like wilted flowers amidst the paleness of her face. “I have to.”

  “Nay, you don’t.”

  “It’s my best option, Ryan.”

  “I’ll leave the lighthouse. I’ll find a new job.”

  “That won’t solve the problem.” Her voice sounded so anguished, it tore at him. “Don’t you see? The danger is all because of me. Because I haven’t left the light yet.”

  “But none of this happened before I came. I’ll leave and then things here can go back to the way they were before.”

  Her grip on her shawl was tight enough to turn her knuckles white. “Whether you’re here or not, I’m clearly not wanted. And I can’t put my family in danger any longer.”

  The determination in her eyes was palpable and sent alarm racing like cold water through his blood.

  “My best option is to marry Arnie,” she repeated, then turned away from him, lowered her head and walked forward, albeit more slowly than before. “Please don’t try to stop me, Ryan.”

  “Nay!” He stalked after her, frustration pummeling him. He reached her in two easy strides, grabbed her arm, and forced her to stop and face him. “Nay, I’ll not sit back and do nothing while you throw your life away.”

  Her eyes flashed, and she tried to yank out of his grasp.

  “And marrying Arnie is not your best option.” He held her tight and glared at her. “Your best option is marrying me.”

  At his words she froze.

  He froze too, hardly daring to breathe. Had he just proposed marriage to her?

  Her eyes widened in disbelief.

  What was he thinking? Hadn’t he just told the twins he wasn’t ready to get married?

  As if hearing his doubts, she started to shake her head.

  “Aye,” he said, sliding his hand into hers before she could pull away. Why not marry her? “If we get married, then you won’t have to leave, and you won’t have to move Sarah.”

  His words stopped her protest.

  “The boys and Tessa would be taken care of. And you’d have everything you need.”

  “But we’d still be in danger,” she said but less adamantly. “The person or people trying to drive us away might continue to hurt us.”

  “If someone is trying to drive you away, they wouldn’t have a reason to do so—not after we’re married.” If Simmons wasn’t behind the attacks, his next best guess was Finick. And if he married Caroline, Finick would have no choice but to leave them alone. That was his hope anyway. “You’d have every right to live at the lighthouse as my wife.”

  His wife . . . He’d been working hard to keep proper boundaries between himself and Caroline, but if he married her, he wouldn’t have to worry about being alone with her anymore. He could touch her whenever he wanted. And kiss her . . . He couldn’t stop his gaze from dropping to her lips.

  As if sensing his desire, her lashes fell and she nibbled her lower lip, telling him she was probably thinking the same thing he was.

  “No one would be able to make you leave the light.” His voice came out husky. “Not if you’re my wife.”

  “True,” she said softly. “There are plenty of keepers’ wives who serve as assistants.”

  “It’s the perfect solution.” He wondered why he hadn’t thought of it earlier. He supposed part of him knew that Caroline wouldn’t have considered it before. And he likely wouldn’t have considered it either. But now she was willing to do anything to keep her family safe—even marry Arnie. And now he was desperate to keep her from doing so. The option seemed so much more viable.

  “I may not be a much better choice than Arnie,” he said, “but if you think you can put up with me . . .”

  She smiled. Her eyes lit up and sparkled.

  Before he could come up with any more excuses why he shouldn’t marry her, he lowered himself to one knee. He placed his hand around hers and looked up into her face with as much earnestness as he could muster. “Caroline Taylor, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  “Oh, Ryan,” she said breathlessly. Her eyes shouted her acquiescence. He could see that she wanted to agree. Surely she couldn’t deny her desire for him. He’d seen it, felt it.

  “Please?” he whispered, not caring that he was practically begging her. He wasn’t sure why he was so desperate for her to agree to his proposal, but his muscles tightened with anticipation.

  She studied his face. The light in her eyes wavered. In that moment of hesitation, all the insecurities of the past months crept back.

  “Would you mind if I take the night to think about it?” she asked gently.

  Was she hoping that if she had the whole night, she might be able to come up with a kind way to turn him down?

  He shook off the morbid thought, forced a grin, and rose to his feet. He didn’t let go of her hand. He couldn’t break the connection yet. “Of course I’ll let you think about it tonight.” He tried to make his voice playful. “But you have to promise me that you won’t go running off again, especially to marry Arnie.”

  “I promise.”

  “Will you give me your answer in the morning?” he asked. The sooner they got married, the sooner they’d be able to send the message that they weren’t leaving, that the scare tactics hadn’t worked. And it was past time to involve the sheriff. They needed to find out who was responsible for the threats once and for all.

  “I’ll tell you first thing,” she said.

  “Good. I’ll be waiting.” Then something inside him coiled tight. He didn’t want to think about the fact that she might say no. Now that he’d asked her, he realized he couldn’t imagine life without her.

  In the few short weeks he’d known her, she’d brought more healing to his life than months of medicine and treatments had. She’d become the soothing balm he needed. And n
ow he didn’t want to lose her. He was too afraid of the kind of man he might become again if he didn’t have her by his side.

  “Ready to go back home?” he asked.

  At the snap of a nearby branch, Caroline started, fear flashing across her face.

  “You’re safe,” Ryan assured her, twining his fingers through hers and tugging her close to his side. “I’ll make sure of it.”

  Even as he said the words, he peered in the direction of the sound. He didn’t see anyone, but that didn’t stop the skin at the base of his neck from prickling. Instinct told him someone had been watching them.

  “Let’s go,” he said, reaching for his horse.

  When Caroline nodded at him, he breathed out his relief and whispered a silent prayer that by this time tomorrow night, he’d be a married man.

  Chapter 20

  By the time Caroline arrived back at the lighthouse, a strange calm had settled over her. Not even the sight of the blackened door of the passageway or the broken window or the charred siding could call forth the usual anxiety.

  She wasn’t exactly sure why her panic had evaporated, the panic that had almost driven her to Arnie, to almost accept his offer of marriage. It wasn’t because Ryan had dropped to one knee and formally proposed to her. It couldn’t be. There were still too many uncertainties and no guarantees that her family would be safe, even if she married Ryan.

  She shrugged out of her shawl and tossed it over the back of the wing chair in the living room. She took a deep breath of the smoke-laden air, surprised that her nerves hadn’t pinched her airways as they had earlier.

  “Caroline?” Tessa’s voice sounded from the kitchen. When she stepped into the doorway, her brow was creased with worry. She held the bottle of opium pills in one hand and a pestle and mortar in the other.

  Caroline had no doubt that Sarah was in a great deal of pain after having been moved out of the house and that Tessa was grinding the pain medicine to ease the girl’s discomfort. If such a short distance could disturb Sarah, Caroline didn’t want to think about what a longer move would do.

  Tessa inspected Caroline’s ring finger. “You didn’t marry him, did you?”

  “Not yet.” Ryan opened the door and stepped into the sitting room behind Caroline.

  Her body thrummed to life at the sound of his voice and the hint of humor in it. She didn’t dare turn around and look at him. She was afraid she’d fling herself into his arms and tell him yes, that she’d marry him—tonight. Especially if she saw the hurt in his eyes that he was trying to hide.

  She hated that her hesitancy had brought him some pain, but she had to sort through her confusion before she gave him her answer. His proposal had happened so abruptly that she couldn’t think, couldn’t react or begin to make sense of what it meant.

  He moved behind her, not quite touching her but close enough that she could feel his breath by her neck. “But our wedding will be soon, won’t it?” And with that, he brushed a soft kiss against her cheek.

  The merest touch ignited a flame in her belly. She had to hold herself rigid to keep from melting backward into him. She had the urge to run with him all the way to town and get married. Right then. Without waiting a second longer. But the rational part of her warned her that she couldn’t marry him simply because she wanted to kiss him again, that a marriage needed to be built on much more than physical attraction.

  “I don’t understand,” Tessa said. “I thought Caroline was running off to marry Arnie.”

  “She was,” Ryan replied. “But I asked her to marry me instead.”

  Tessa’s face drained of all color. “You can’t marry Caroline.”

  “Why not? Then you can all stay here. You won’t have to leave.”

  “But I want to leave!” Tessa cried. “And I told you that I want you to take me with you when you go.”

  Caroline shook her head, trying to make sense of what Tessa was saying. “You can’t go with Ryan—”

  “I’m old enough!” Tessa shot back. She took several steps forward, her dark eyes filled with determination. “I’m a woman now. I can make my own decisions.”

  “You can’t just run off with Ryan or any other man—”

  “I can do whatever I please.” Tessa stamped her foot, her supple body shaking with a frustration Caroline didn’t understand. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of a man and my own house. I’ve been managing this house for years while you’ve been busy with the light.”

  The resentment that laced Tessa’s declaration stopped Caroline’s response. Had Tessa been unhappy all these years? Maybe Caroline had been wrong to assume that Tessa had been willing to take over so much responsibility.

  Ryan cleared his throat. “Listen. I don’t want to get into the middle of this, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, Tessa.”

  Tessa lifted her chin, the slightly stubborn gesture frustrating Caroline all the more. The girl removed the cork on the vial of opium pills. Even that small sound and movement reeked with defiance. Tessa tipped the bottle and let a pill slide out into the mortar.

  The motion drew Ryan’s attention. At the sight of the medicine, hunger flashed across his expression. Though his body was free of the addicting pills, he obviously still struggled with craving them.

  Tessa quickly recorked the vial and slipped it into her apron pocket.

  Ryan took a breath and continued, “I’m not planning to leave the light.”

  “You said Caroline deserved the keeper job,” Tessa insisted. “You said you’d leave so that she could have it. And you promised you’d take me with.”

  “I didn’t promise you that,” he said firmly.

  Tessa pressed her pretty lips together into a pout. “I asked, and you didn’t tell me no.”

  Ryan shook his head. “If Caroline agrees to marry me, then I’m staying. If she doesn’t marry me, I’ll gladly relinquish the lighthouse to her. I’ll even ride into Detroit first thing tomorrow and make sure the Lighthouse Board knows exactly how qualified Caroline is for the job. And I’ll tell them we suspect Finick is trying to drive you out.”

  He turned to Caroline and looked directly into her eyes. “One way or another, we’ll get to the bottom of all that’s happened.”

  Caroline gazed toward the rising sun, a faint outline of pink and orange behind a haze of clouds. She’d expected Ryan to relieve her hours ago, as had become his custom. He’d come up during the wee hours of the morning to take over extinguishing the light.

  Their arrangement had allowed her to get more sleep and have more time during the day to do other things she’d been neglecting since her father’s death.

  She exhaled and savored the sense of calm that had stayed with her all night. In fact, she hadn’t worried during Ryan’s absence either. She’d decided that he probably wanted to give her the opportunity to think about the marriage decision without pressuring her.

  She’d been grateful for his sensitivity, since she hadn’t been able to think about anything else all night long.

  It had taken her some time, but she’d finally sorted out some of the reasons why she’d hesitated to accept his proposal. For one, she wasn’t sure that he was completely ready for such a responsibility. It had only been a few weeks since he’d been drinking and medicating himself into a stupor. Was he healed enough to move forward with life?

  She’d also realized that she longed to hear him say he wanted to marry her because he loved her and not just to rescue her from all her problems. But the truth was, there hadn’t been any love between her and Arnie, and that hadn’t stopped her from rushing off to marry him. Why did love have to be a part of the agreement with Ryan?

  After struggling through that question during the dark hours of the night, she’d come to the conclusion that love didn’t matter. Even if Ryan didn’t love her, even if he was only marrying her to do the noble thing and save her from danger, they could still have a good life together. Perhaps they’d eventually fall in love. It was known to happen in marria
ges of convenience on occasion.

  Besides, if she was completely honest with herself, she had to admit, she was already falling in love with him. At least that’s what she thought was happening. Since she’d never been in love before, never even had a beau, she didn’t quite know what all her feelings meant.

  But she did know she admired Ryan, especially for his kindness and tenderness. She appreciated his sensitivity, his sweetness. And he was braver and more daring than he gave himself credit for. He never feared charging into dangerous situations. He was always willing to risk his own safety for the sake of others. And he never asked for anything in return.

  Not only that, but he knew her. He could see inside to her fears. He accepted her despite her weaknesses, and somehow had a way of making her feel stronger. With him at her side, she felt as though she could bear the problems better.

  The truth was, she couldn’t ask for a better husband than Ryan Chambers. She didn’t want any other man but him. She wanted to spend her life by his side. Together they could face whatever came their way.

  She pushed away from the rounded window and her view of the eastern horizon, her heart light and bubbling with excitement.

  Yes, she loved him.

  Even if he hadn’t said the words to her, even if he didn’t love her yet, even if he wasn’t completely healed, she’d still marry him. She’d give herself fully to him and pray that eventually he’d do the same.

  With a lightness to her steps, she rushed down the spiraling stairway. She couldn’t wait to see him and tell him the news of her decision. She could imagine his grin and the teasing spark in his warm, brown eyes.

  She exited the doorway at the bottom of the tower to avoid the damaged passageway. As she made her way around the outside of the house, the silence and stillness of the house nagged her. Reaching the sitting room window, she peered inside. The room was dark without a trace of the usual activity for early morning.

  She glanced to the roof, to the stovepipe, and wondered why no smoke was rising from it into the open air. If she didn’t know better, she’d almost believe Tessa hadn’t started the stove yet. But that couldn’t be true because she was always up early to wake the boys, cook them breakfast, and send them off to school.