Inked

by Mia Ford

  Knowing this grave is where Jane’s body will remain forever is hard to digest. But at least I will have somewhere to visit her, talk to her when I need to. It’s really challenging to find any positives in this situation, but there are the odd couple here and there, if I look hard enough. There is a lot that I can’t control, that I’ll never be able to control, but I can sort out how I react to things.

  “Do you need some time alone?” Isaac asks once everyone else walks off. “With Jane?”

  “Yes please.” I smile at him gratefully. “Thank you.”

  He holds my hands for a couple of seconds before walking off, leaving me with Jane’s head stone. The tears are rolling, but there’s a smile playing on my lips, just for her.

  “I’m sorry that you had to go, Jane,” I start softly. “You know I wish it wasn’t so. I would do anything to have you back here with me… but I know that isn’t possible. It will be more difficult, but I survived losing Mom and I suppose I will survive losing you as well.” I reach out and touch her gravestone, not really enjoying how cold it is. It needs to have the same warmth as Jane. “I know that you sent Isaac to me, and I’m grateful for that. I really appreciate it. It means a lot to me. He means a lot to me. I love him. And having him around for the baby is much better.” I sigh loudly. “It seems like he’s sort of fixed things with his family a bit. And he’s starting his own business too, so his life is on the right track. I’m… well I’m going to have to get ready to be a mom, aren’t I? I don’t know how well I’m going to do at that.”

  I can almost hear her saying that I will be good at being a mother, just because she always has confidence.

  “I will make sure my baby knows about Auntie Jane though, you can be sure of that. Your influence will live on, because you’re an inspiration, an amazing sister, and a wonderful person. I’m going to live for you, Jane, make sure that I make the most of every day for you. I will get a life and do it right.” I nod and chuckle through the tears. “I know that’s all you’ve ever wanted for me and now I’m going to do it. I love you, Jane, you will always be one of the most important people in my life. I will never forget you.”

  I stay with her for a while longer before I eventually walk away, knowing that it won’t be for the last time. But Jane always wanted me to get a life, and now it’s time to start that, to begin that living. For her.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Isaac

  “Are you looking forward to today?” I ask Lexi, holding her hand tight. “We’re going to see our baby.”

  She smiles at me, a genuine grin. She’s started doing that a lot more recently. I know that she isn’t going to ever fully move on from what happened, but she’s getting stronger by the moment, which makes me incredibly proud. She’s over come so much.

  “I can’t wait… and we can finally find out if we’re having a boy or a girl.”

  My eyes almost pop out of my head. “Does that mean you want to find out?”

  She giggles. “Yes, I’ve finally decided. I know that you do, I can read your body language like a book, and I know that you’ve been patient with me making a choice, because you want to do whatever I want to make me happy, but now I want to know. I can’t wait any longer to find out. I need to know.”

  I squeeze her hand a couple of times, excitement blooming in me. Everything that Lexi just said is right. I’m desperate to know what we’re having, but I didn’t want to push her. She’s been through so much, so of course I would be happy to do whatever she wants. I’m over the moon to know that we’ll find out though.

  “Do you have any preference what we’re having?” I ask excitedly.

  “I don’t mind. As long as our child is healthy, that’s all I care about.”

  “Mmm, me too. I can see us having an awesome time with our child, no matter whether a boy or a girl!”

  She leans her head against my shoulder and drifts off into a daydream. I can almost see that she’s wishing Jane was here, coming to see the baby with us, and I do too. I know this must be hard for her because she doesn’t have good experiences with the hospital before now, but I’m hoping this will turn her around.

  “Are we still going to see your mother after this?” Lexi asks. Her nerves are on edge.

  “Don’t worry, Mom is going to love you,” I reassure her. “You have nothing to panic about.”

  “I haven’t ever met a boyfriend’s parents before though, and it’s scary.”

  “I’m going to be with you the entire time. Plus, we’ll be at my new office, so we’re going to have a lot to talk about. It isn’t like we’re going for an awkward tea or something like that.”

  “Hmm, that’s true, I suppose, but it’ll still be scary. I mean what if she doesn’t like me?”

  I can understand why she’s so fearful after her terrible experience with my father, but she’ll soon learn that she is totally different. Mom doesn’t care about her tattoos or her not looking like a boring high class wealthy woman. Mom also doesn’t care about the opinion of high society. She only cares about my happiness.

  “She will. There are no reasons that I can think of that she won’t. You’re amazing.”

  I lean across and kiss her gently on the lips, loving her with every inch of me. I’m just about to reassure her some more, because I know that she won’t be hated… but the doctor calls us in and it’s time for the ultrasound.

  We enter into a small room which is weirdly lit, and Lexi lies back on the bed. Her top rolls up and I can see the end of the snake which really makes me chuckle. The end of the snake is where all of this started. If it wasn’t for that snake, then there’s a chance that we wouldn’t be here now.

  A jelly like substance is spread across Lexi’s stomach, which makes her gasp because it’s so cold. I feel bad for her, especially as she squeezed my hand, but that soon subsides, and I don’t notice anything aside from the image growing on the screen. My baby is appearing and it’s all that I can think about.

  “Oh, my goodness, is that our child?” I gasp, tears forming in my eyes as the black and white image appears. “Is that our baby there. Lexi, can you see? Oh, my goodness, can you see?”

  She smiles and nods at me, the emotion getting to her as well. Now it’s all even more real than it was before, and that much more exciting. We really are going to have a baby. How perfect is that?

  “Do you want to know what gender the baby is? Because if not, you might want to look away now.”

  I glance at Lexi one more time, just to check, and she nods happily. “We want to know.”

  The doctor running the ultrasound then fiddles around before smiling. “It’s a girl.”

  The world stops spinning for a moment, but this time in a really good way. Knowing that we’re going to have a baby girl is everything. Now the image of our future family is even clearer. Seeing a baby girl in my arms, in Lexi’s arms, it feels amazing. And it’s also a bit like the circle of life.

  “We should call her Jane,” I tell Lexi desperately. “Don’t you think? To honor your sister?”

  She grips on to me even tighter. “Jane, are you serious? I would love to call her Jane. But are you sure?”

  “I want to honor Jane, to remember her in the best way, to have her in our lives forever.”

  The tears really flow then. “Oh, Isaac, you are perfect, I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, Lexi. And I love Jane as well. Our baby and your sister.”

  We hold on to one another, safe in the knowledge that we’re facing this world together, that we’re going to be okay as long as we have one another. And baby Jane will make our lives perfect. Our past might have been incredibly difficult, we have faced all kinds of challenges together, but the future looks good.

  “So, this will eventually be one of the therapy rooms,” I tell Mom and Lexi proudly. “Which is going to be a major part of what we do. And I have already been in contact with some therapists who are willing to volunteer their time because they believe so much in the c
ause. I’m very happy about that.”

  Lexi and Mom both glance at one another and smile, getting along like a house on fire. I knew that they would, but this sight is awesome. Seeing them having fun is everything that I want.

  “Has your father been here to see this yet?” Mom asks. “He will be so proud to see it.”

  “He hasn’t, but I know that he will eventually, since he’s an investor.”

  That’s something I would never have expected to happen, but he insisted. This might be me going out on my own, but still I wouldn’t be able to do it without him. That’s okay though, it’s a business relationship, not a family one. Plus, I don’t think there is any issue with taking a bit of help now and again.

  “That’s good, because this is amazing. I’m so happy for you. And what you’ve done.”

  “Me too,” Lexi joins in. You have done something amazing here. I’m proud.”

  I smile at my inspiration, and hold her hand in mine. This woman is everything. She has changed my life in so many ways, she has made everything much better for me, and I don’t know where I would be without her. It’s scary to even think about it. I need her, she’s my entire freaking world.

  “I would love to volunteer myself, too, when I can help,” Leah continues. “I don’t know what I’ll be able to offer, but it might be something. Since I’ve been through this myself.”

  “That would be incredible, thank you. Any help from anyone would be awesome, especially you. I’m aware of what an uphill battle it’s going to be, it won’t be the easiest, but I’m determined.”

  After that, Mom offers to take Lexi out for a cup of tea alone, the thing I thought that she would dread, but much to my surprise, Lexi agrees happily. I can already see that this is going to be an everlasting bond, which I hope will help to bring my father around a bit more too. If Mom loves Lexi, then he will have to change his mind. This could be a family to Lexi. The family that has been taken away from her far too soon. Of course, we will never be able to replace what she’s lost, but we can help her with the future.

  “Right, well while you guys do that, I have some errands that I need to run as well.”

  “Do you need any help?” Lexi offers, but I shake my head. “Okay, well I will see you after then.”

  I smile at her, knowing that the next time we see one another, everything will be different.

  I find Lexi and Mom still in the same café I left them in a few hours before, talking away like old friends. Because this sight is so wonderful to me, I stand and watch for a few minutes. I haven’t ever introduced my parents to anyone before, because no one has been in my life for long enough, so this is a big moment for me… and thankfully, it’s turning out well. They are really enjoying one another.

  But then it’s time to go inside, to show them both what I have had done. I’m excited for that, I did this for a great reason, and I can’t wait to see how everyone reacts to this.

  “Hey.” Lexi’s face lights up as she sees me. “Isaac, you’re here. Did you get everything done?”

  “I only had one thing to do,” I admit. “Do you want to see?”

  “See?” she asks me curiously. “What do you mean?”

  I lift up my shirt to show her the wrapped part of my skin. My skin which used to be pure and untouched but is now inked. For her, for Jane, and for our baby too. It hurts right now, and it looks a little red, but as I’ve seen from Jane’s gorgeous body, it all calms down eventually and it looks great.

  “What have you done?” Lexi rises to her feet and touches the area softly. “You got a tattoo?”

  Her eyes meet mine and the intense love flows between us. Lexi understands how important this is, and what it means. It’s my commitment to her forever more. Of course, we’re having a child which bonds us forever, but this is something else, another type of commitment. Another way to show her that I love her so damn much.

  “I got your name and Jane’s over my heart, because that’s where you’ll always be.”

  Lexi crumbles in to tears and hugs me. “That means you’re stuck with me now. You do know that, don’t you? A tattoo is really painful to get rid of, so this is permanent.”

  I let out a little laugh and nod, that is something I’m acutely aware of but that’s exactly what I want. To be with Lexi forever. Where else in the world would I want to be other than here?

  “That’s right where I want to be. Don’t you worry about that.”

  I see the ultrasound picture in Mom’s hand, and I grin. Our baby is the future, and this is the symbol of that. The tattoo which will always be about Lexi and everything that we’ve been through. It will also remind me that we can survive anything and all we need to do is keep going.

  Mom hugs us both too, and it really feels amazing. My family is growing and better every single day. I must be the luckiest man alive.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Lexi

  I hang the photo of me and Jane, the one that used to be in my apartment, on the walls of my new home. Yes, that’s right, I’ve finally done it. I’ve moved in with Isaac. He’s wanted it for such a long time, but it’s only now as our baby is about to come, that I feel ready to do so. I’ll admit, the amazing nursery that he created for me helped. It’s all pink and gorgeous, Jane is going to absolutely love it. When she’s here.

  I rub my belly. “Not long now,” I comment quietly. “My due date is this weekend, Jane.”

  God, I can’t wait to meet her. I feel such an intense bond with my baby, and I can’t wait until she’s born so I can shower her in love. Plus, pregnancy isn’t the easiest. I’m massive now, and a little uncomfortable. I have been for the past few weeks. I’m looking forward to being back to normal.

  “What do you think, Jane?” I ask the picture hanging on the wall. “You like it?”

  I alternate between speaking to my baby Jane and my sister Jane, because they are both equally important to me. I still find it hard without her here, but it’s helpful to keep her memory alive. Having all of these pictures around is great, as is Isaac’s tattoo. I intend to get a matching one as soon as my baby is born. I might get it at the end of my snake because that tattoo is just so important to us. It started it all.

  “I’m doing okay today, Jane, I still miss you like crazy though… oh…”

  There’s a little twinge in my stomach that makes me hunch forward as much as I can and hold where it hurts. This has been happening a bit recently, it’s been sore, but I suppose that will only get worse. Over time, the agony will only get more intense, I don’t even want to think how much it will hurt during childbirth. I have done all of the classes, but I don’t think anything will be able to prepare me for when it really happens.

  Still, any pain is worth it, to have my baby in my arms… I’m sure.

  “Oh, don’t worry about that,” I reassure myself. “There are still a few more days left. It isn’t something that needs to be worried about right now. Just carry on doing whatever you need to do.”

  I don’t really have a lot to be honest. In between setting up his new business, he’s been keeping control of everything here, making sure that I don’t have much to do but relax. He’s so sweet, I absolutely adore him. I honestly don’t know where I would be without him in my life now and I hope I never have to find out.

  “Okay, just take a seat, have a cup of tea. There is nothing else to do but that…”

  Luckily, I hear the door at that moment which means that Isaac is home. Thank goodness. I’m not so good at relaxing. I think I have always been a very busy person, so it’s hard for me to just chill. I’m used to everyone relying on me, needing things from me, so to be the one in need isn’t the easiest.

  “Hey, Isaac,” I call out happily. “How are you doing? How was work today?”

  “Oh, my God, amazing.” I smile as I hear him say this. He’s so passionate about this business of his, and I love it. It just makes it even clearer that he wasn’t happy in the marketing company. I honestly don’t know how he ma
naged it for such a long time. “I got so much done today and welcomed even more volunteers on board.”

  “Of course you did. With your charm, I don’t know how anyone would be able to resist you.”

  He comes over to me and my heart sings as I lay eyes on him. Even after all this time, I’m still overjoyed to see my straight laced man who I was never supposed to fall in love with. Just because he has a secret little tattoo now, he isn’t the alternative guy I thought would be the one… but Jane brought him to me, and I will always love him. I still get butterflies, my heart always skips a beat, I turn to jelly for him… plus there’s that deep passion flooding my stomach that I will always have for him. That never dies and I don’t think it will.

  “I hope so because there is still a long way to go, but it’s going to be awesome in the end.”

  I circle my arms around him and kiss him gently. “Well, I’m so very proud of you, my gorgeous man.”

  He hugs and kisses me for a while before walking me over to the couch. “I know that relaxing isn’t easy for you. I know you haven’t been doing that all day long, but now you’re going to have to while I cook dinner.”

  “I can help you…” I offer, but he shakes his head hard. “Okay, okay, I will rest.”

  He heads into the kitchen and I put the television on, trying to lose myself in what’s going on the screen, but it’s difficult for me. There’s a pain in my stomach and it’s becoming more intense by the moment. I keep shifting position, trying to make myself more comfortable, but it isn’t happening.

  “Urgh, baby, are you trying to crush me?” I moan. “This hurts, give me a break.”

  “Are you okay?” Isaac yells into the living room, sounding panicked.

  “I’m all good,” I cry back. “You don’t need to worry about me.”