If I Fall...: Will You Forgive Me? (Angelore Saga Book 2)

by Jennifer Christy

  “Mlackhar,” the voice came a third time. Matthew remembered his new name and answered, “I am here.”

  “Are you loyal to Quabin?”

  “I am,” he said automatically. Through the sludge of his thoughts, memories surfaced of having answered this question many times before. The dark form made a sound and a feeling of pleasure swept through him. He closed his eyes as he shifted in response, moving his body that suddenly felt heavy to him.

  “Where am I?” he asked. Pain lanced through his head and he cried out, grasping his head with his hands and at the same time, something slice his cheek. He felt blood trickle down his face.

  “No questions. Only obedience to Quabin,” came the harsh response to his question.

  “Yes, Great One,’ he heard himself say, though he knew he almost said False One. He vaguely remembered doing that before and the response was not pleasant. He moved to wipe away the blood from his face, but felt claws at the end of his fingers. Had he always had claws, he wondered, withdrawing his hand in case he cut himself again. No questions.

  “Mlackhar go out to the world of Mortals and bring back the woman called JD. It is her time now.” The voice said.

  “Yes, Great One,” he said.

  He rose slowly as the dark form moved away. Matthew’s body felt very strange to him, but he couldn’t remember why it would feel odd to him. He took a step forward and heard and felt his tow claws scrap the stone floor. Looking down, through the darkness, he could clearly see the rest of his body.

  “What am I?” he said aloud.

  “No questions,” the voice echoed loudly and fire lanced through his mind, knocking him to his knees as he cried out.

  No questions.

  No questions.

  No questions.

  Chapter 6

  Friday morning, the day after Thanksgiving, JD was in her office staring out the window and watching the snow quietly blanket Torrey with its white softness that seemed to mute every color and sound. No one was scheduled to work today, of course, but while the rest of the world was furiously taking advantage of Black Friday sales or sleeping off a bellyful of turkey and pumpkin pie, she was trying to sort through her thoughts.

  Her apartment had felt stuffy and confining when she awoke at her usual time. Thoughts of Nathan were spilling over from her dreams the night before and she couldn’t seem to stop them. There was nothing to distract her from her persistent thoughts of Nathan and his secrets that she felt so compelled to discover. What was he trying to tell me? she wondered and every turn of her thoughts brought her to a blank wall.

  At 6:00 am, she gave up, pulled on her running outfit and put her hair up in a ponytail before heading to her office trailer. There at the office trailer she had the distraction of the project to keep her busy for a few hours, with reports to write up, invoices to approve for payment, and budgets to review. By 7:00 am, she was finished, sooner than she thought she would be. JD began cleaning her office. By 7:15 am she had run out of things to do and so she sat, staring outside the window, and thinking about Nathan again.

  She replayed Roy’s and Nathan’s conversation over and over in her mind. JD pushed up the sleeve of her sweater to peer at the dime-size mark on the inside of her bicep. It had faded over the months, but she could still see the ridges of the encircled triangle. Did Matthew do this to her while she had been unconscious? If so, what did it mean? There were too many questions and not clues to point her to the answers she needed.

  “Stink,” she moaned and rubbed her face. She was going to go crazy if she sat here much longer with nothing else to do but look at the snow and think in circles.

  A random thought popped into her head. Why not drive to Salt Lake City? The roads surely must have been cleared. She could be there in four hours or so, and the drive would be good for her. It would give her something to do and take her mind off of her troubles for a short time. The more she thought about it, the better she liked the idea. The inspiration of getting out of Torrey, away from this project, away from her troubles, sounded like a great idea.

  Away.

  JD got up with a spring in her step and tucked her laptop away inside her bag. After locking up the office trailer, she got into her car and headed to her apartment to grab a few things, but something urged her not to stop. JD fought against the feeling and slowed down to turn into the parking lot of the General Store, only to have the feeling return again stronger than ever. She kept going, even though she couldn’t put a reason to it.

  The urge to leave grew stronger when she stopped by the gas station on Highway 24 to top off the gas tank. As she stood there holding the gas nozzle, she struggled to remain calm as the feeling of urgency intensified. It didn’t make any sense to her, but she hurried nonetheless.

  JD purchased a couple of water bottles and granola bars, some chocolate candy, and a breakfast sandwich. When she had situated her food on the passenger’s seat for easy access, she turned on the radio and pulled out of the parking lot. The pressure to leave quickly increased when she spotted a patrol car ahead. She forced herself to slow down, unwilling to risk a ticket, which would delay her and that thought alone only intensified her anxieties about getting out of Torrey as quickly as she could. There was hardly any traffic this early in the morning, and the patrol car turned off on a side road. JD glanced at her rearview mirror watching the patrol car disappear. She accelerated, relief flooding through her as she left Torrey behind, well on her way to Salt Lake City as she cranked her tunes and settled back for the long drive, wanting to forget everything for the day.

  Traffic thickened when she reached the Salt Lake Valley. The Wasatch Mountains were imposing and covered in white; majestic and breathtaking. Following the highway until she reached the first exit into the city, she drove around aimlessly, sightseeing until her stomach rumbled for real food.

  A Mexican restaurant off the main road looked promising, so she turned her car towards it and found a parking spot close to the doors, thankful that she didn’t need to cross the snow packed parking lot in her running shoes. The scent of spiced hot food wafted over her as she entered the warm atmosphere of the dining establishment. Decorated with sombreros, dried red peppers hanging from the ceiling, and brightly painted wooden furniture, she was shown to her seat. Still shivering from the cold, JD gave the waiter her order then glanced around at the other diners; she noticed families and couples sitting at surrounding tables, immersed in conversation or interacting with children. JD suddenly felt painfully alone and then caught her reflection in a nearby window. She saw the dark circles under her eyes and the mess of her hair that hadn’t seen a hairbrush yet. Had she really been in such a hurry to leave her apartment this morning? She wondered at her impulsivity; this was a whole new level for her. What was going on with her? She reached her hands up to smooth back her hair and adjust her ponytail; she hadn’t taken a shower or dressed for a night out on the town, even if it was by herself.

  When her cheesy enchiladas arrived, she asked for a to-go box, then retreated to her car where she ate her dinner, feeling miserably alone. Once her stomach had been satiated, she drove around looking for a motel. She checked into the first one she spotted. As soon as she entered the room, she collapsed on the bed and slept soundly.

  Chapter 7

  Despite the constant onslaught of strange dreams, JD woke the next morning feeling refreshed and energized. It startled her that she had slept for so long when she checked her cellphone, but a new day beckoned and it didn’t involve the project.

  A nice hot shower was what she needed. As grime from the previous day washed of her, so did the vestiges of her dreams which were nothing more than random images from the last six months of her life in Torrey and the people she had met there; none of it made sense and she wasn’t going to waste her time trying to interpret what it all meant. The prospect of exploring a new city was far more appealing to her.

  After lingering under the hot water until her fingers turned into raisins, she dressed in
the clothes she had arrived in, wondering briefly about her state of mind when she had left Torrey and why she hadn’t packed a change of clothing. It just proved to her that she was out of sorts and this trip was just what she needed. A good, long walk exploring the capital city was what she needed.

  JD wandered the busy city streets, taking in the festive lights, the decorations, and the crowds of people streaming by. She soon found herself strolling through a shopping district called the Gateway Plaza. Dozens of little shops were tucked on either side of a narrow street through the shopping district – each proclaiming amazing sales. Christmas music was being played over the speaker system. JD wandered in and out of the shops, jostling through the crowds to see what items were on sale. In one store, she found a blue and green hand-woven sweater for Missy and the same sweater in ice blue for herself, which she quickly donned. A few stores down she found and bought herself a pair of jeans, which she also wore out of the store, tucking her sweatpants into the shopping bag. The jeans felt good against the cold, and she had to admit, she looked great in them. Missy would be shocked that she had actually broken down and bought denim.

  At a small corner store, she spied a pair of expensive running socks that Rick swore helped with his speed and endurance during his marathons. She had them gift-wrapped in blue and greay wrapping paper and tucked that into her shopping bag. At a cart vendor, JD saw a silver bell ornament. She purchased it, remembering that Gramps’ favorite Christmas movie was It’s a Wonderful Life. He always got teary-eyed when, at the very end, the bell on the Christmas tree started ringing and the little girl in James Stewart’s arms exclaimed, “Look, Daddy. Teacher said that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.” JD smiled fondly over the memory.

  Knowing Gramps, he’d hang it on the Christmas tree at his office. All through JD’s growing years, they never had a Christmas tree at home. It was always at the office where Gramps spent most of his time.

  At the same cart, with angels still on her mind, she found a pair of golden angel earrings. She bought those as well, mostly out of tradition. The gift would eventually find it’s way into a storage container at Gramps’ home along with the others that she had collected over the years to hopefully, one day give to her mother if she ever saw her again. JD didn’t expect to see the woman at all, but she always bought something for her every year since she had been a little girl, always hoping that one day, she would visit and JD would be able to give her the gifts. One day, she’d get her answers. One day.

  In another store, JD found wooden toys which reminded her of Nathan’s darling nephews. She couldn’t help herself. She bought individual sets of a toy train collection for each of the boys. Then she realized that she couldn’t leave Meagan out. Meagan had been so nice to think of her on Thanksgiving. JD found a pretty green and brown stone and bead necklace. Then she remembered Liu and her generosity and purchased a blue stone elephant with its trunk raised high. Every purchase made JD feel really good. Shopping therapy is what Missy called it and JD began to believe it was actually working for her. She was feeling positively wonderful.

  Then there was Nathan. JD hesitated and wondered if giving him a gift was even appropriate. What kind of message would that send? JD thought about it a moment. Well, she concluded, it depended on the gift. She found herself drawn to a display of men’s rings. She picked out a large, silver ring with a smooth, blue stone in the center and stylized wings curled around it protectively. As she stood there contemplating the purchase, a saleswoman came over to offer her assistance. She was an elderly woman with long, black, wavy hair, shot through with gray and a purple strip on one side. She looked like a displaced hippie from the sixties.

  “It’s on clearance,” the saleswoman tempted. “Thirty percent off.”

  JD acknowledged her and turned the ring around and around between her fingers, then set it down again.

  “I just can’t decide,” JD said apologetically. The saleswoman indicated other rings, but JD shook her head. “No, I like this ring. I just can’t decide if I should give it to him.”

  The saleswoman nodded as if she understood. “It is one of a kind. A special ring.” She lifted the ring and turned it so that the light caught the gem just right. It produced a beautiful rainbow colored sheen.

  “This is a moonstone. This particular stone comes from India,” the saleswoman explained. “It is considered a sacred stone and is believed to enhance passion, bring good fortune, and balance the yin and yang. So, maybe that information can help you decide?” the saleswoman asked hopefully.

  JD smiled. “Not really. It’s kind of complicated.”

  The saleswoman raised her brows. “Is it now?” She leaned across the counter, seeming very interested. Maybe it was because JD was feeling so lonely that she opened her mouth and divulged what she had been struggling with, something she wouldn’t even share with her best friend Misty. Besides, the woman was a stranger after all and she’d probably never see her again.

  “There is something between us, but I don’t know what it is. Do you know what I mean?” she asked the saleswoman, but she didn’t wait for a response. “I mean, it’s weird. I feel like I know him, but I don’t know him. He’s all mysterious and he knows something, but he won’t tell me. I just don’t know what to do or where to find the answers.” JD sighed and closed her eyes realizing she sounded like an idiot.

  The saleswoman reached out and touched JD’s arm. JD opened her eyes, feeling sheepish and embarrassed that she had just unloaded on this stranger.

  “Dear, have you asked your heart what it thinks you should do?” the woman asked.

  JD blinked at her. “My heart?”

  The woman nodded. “People call it different things, gut instinct, heart, the still, small voice, whatever.” She pointed at JD’s heart, looking her straight in the eye. “Listen closely and you’ll hear it. It’ll tell you what to do, when you should do it.”

  JD looked at her a moment, then glanced at the ring. “Right now, it’s telling me to buy the ring,” she said. The woman smiled. “Good choice. Don’t worry the moonstone will help you find your answers. But I think you already know, or will shortly.” JD paid the woman and took the small black box containing the ring. It wasn’t until she turned away, that she realized that the ring had a feather design on it.

  Look for the feathers, Nathan had said. Was her heart really leading her to the answers she was looking for? She wasn’t sure, but she did know that her stomach wanted some food.

  With her shopping completed, JD grabbed herself a cup of hot cocoa and a huge chocolate chip cookie from a nearby bakery. As she sat at an outdoor table, she pulled out the ring and looked at it again. JD slipped the ring over her ring finger, but it was too large. It fit better on her thumb. She traced the feathered wings that encircled the stone. “Show me,” she whispered to it.

  “I’ll follow my heart,” she told herself. When she finished her snack, she rose and headed west out of the shopping district towards the heart of the city. There were signs that read Temple Square the closer she got to city center and could see the spires of what looked like a small castle. Curious, she headed for it, but her heart kept tugging her in another direction. “I’ll come back to this later,” she decided and kept walking. She walked for an hour, meandering through the city until she came around a corner and confronted a huge cathedral. It was an awesome structure with its Romanesque architecture, soaring spires, and grand stained-glass windows. It beckoned to her with promises of an impressive interior. How could she not stop and take a peek? Her heart thrilled to it and she listened.

  Off to the side of the sidewalk leading up to the building, she spotted a sign that read, “The Cathedral of the Madeline.” She climbed the stairs to the tall front doors and slipped inside. Within, she was overwhelmed with the interior design that suggested Spanish gothic style. Elegant pillars rose from a hardwood floor that supported the airy arched ceilings. All around were scenes depicting humans intermingling with Heavenly Hosts
. Her eyes swept the walls, the stained glass windows, the ceiling, and everywhere she looked, Angels were looking back at her, angels with feathered wings. Her chest grew warm and she felt peaceful. Her heart was happy. Then, with a jolt, she realized she could see the feathers. Could this really be the answer she was looking for, the answer Nathan was pointing her toward? Impossible.

  A priest came into the cavernous room and seemed startled to see her standing there, gawking at the murals. “May I help you?” he asked. JD could hardly take her eyes off the ceiling.

  “Angels,” was all she could muster to say as she pointed upward. The priest, young and clean-shaven, glanced up. “Yes, lovely aren’t they?”

  “What do you know about them?” she asked, sparing him a brief glance.

  The priest came closer. “Well, they are messengers from God,” he began.

  “No, I mean, do they really exist? Have you seen them?” She turned her head and looked intently at him. The priest smiled. “I haven’t personally seen them…” he paused and gave her a curious look. “Are you all right?” He noted that she seemed pale and dazed as she fixed her gaze on the depictions of angels above.

  “Are there angels that take on human appearances?” she said, ignoring his question.

  “Well, it does tell us in the Bible that Angels walk among us…”

  “Why would Angels walk among us?” she interrupted. “Why would they be here?”

  The priest looked at her askance. “To help us.”

  “Help us!” she exclaimed. “With what?”

  “Life,” the priest spread his hands. “Whatever we need, to make it through this life, to get back to heaven.”

  “Are there angels that can become evil?”

  “Yes. We call them Fallen Angels, or demons. Why do you ask?” The word demon struck a hollow chord in her and she shivered.

  “Just doing some research is all,” she muttered. She had her answer, as bizarre as it seemed, and she knew it was the truth. Her heart told her so. She had to get back to Torrey.