The Sidekicks Initiative

by Barry J. Hutchison

  Randy smashed through a row of pews, splintering the wood and tearing them from their metal fixings. He came to a stop flat on his back, his feet folded up over his head, a cloud of startled butterflies quivering in the air around him.

  Over by the Sanctuary, Savior had emerged from within the fire column. Anna thrust out both hands, projecting a narrow beam of concentrated anaphylactic power toward him. He raised a hand and a circle of flame bloomed around it, blocking the attack.

  “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll do that again,” he told her, launching an attack of his own. Anna dived sideways, narrowly avoiding a scorching beam of heat that carved a trench along the aisle and sliced through another row of pews.

  Anna’s suit hummed faintly as she picked up a chunk of the heavy wood and launched it at Savior. He brought up both hands, turning the bench into ash mid-flight, but leaving himself open to an allergy attack. It caught him a glancing blow before he could protect himself, and a single sneeze echoed around the hall.

  “Ha!” he said, his voice completely devoid of anything resembling mirth. “Sneaky.” He tick-tocked an admonishing finger at her. “My turn.”

  He grinned as he clenched a fist and the floor on Anna’s left burst into flame. She staggered clear, only for the floor on her right to ignite with another fist-clench.

  “Dance for me, Anna,” Savior said, giggling as the floor and pews flared in flaming jets around her. “Dance for me.”

  “How about a bench dance?” growled Randy. Savior’s head snapped around right before half a church pew smashed into his back like a giant baseball bat, sending him staggering.

  A cushion of hot air spun him around. With a flick of his wrist, he ignited the other half of the pew in Randy’s hands, forcing him to drop it.

  “‘Bench dance?’” said Savior. “What the hell is a bench dance?”

  “I was making a quip,” Randy said.

  “No, I know, but… Bench dance? That doesn’t mean anything.”

  He made a gesture and a shield of fire wrapped around his back, burning up another of Anna’s allergy attacks.

  “You’re wasting your time, you know?” Savior said. “You should be helping me, not getting in my way. Don’t you see? This world is broken. It’s rotten to the core. This is our chance to fix it. To start over fresh.”

  Anna shook her head. “God, it never changes, does it?” she said.

  Savior blinked behind his mask. “What doesn’t?”

  “You. The bad guys. You just love the sound of your own voice. Blah, blah, blah, evil, evil, evil. We get it.”

  “Ha! ‘Bad guys.’ I’m not the bad guy, Anna,” Savior said.

  “Dude, you’re totally the bad guy,” Randy snarled. “I mean, have you looked in the mirror lately? You’ve got ‘I’m totally the bad guy’ written all over you.”

  Savior’s sneer could be heard in his voice. “How would you know, Randy? Those mentors you care so much for never even taught you to read.”

  “Stop being a dick to Randy,” Anna warned. She raised her fists. “And just accept it. You’re the bad guy, and we’re going to stop… you know, whatever crazy shit it is that you’re doing.”

  “Stop it? Oh, Anna,” said Savior. He gestured to the fire column behind him. “Don’t you see? It’s already begun. First the city, then the word will burn. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

  Two texts appeared on Anna’s phone screen, one after the other.

  Chances of Anna and Randy surviving without u: 3%

  :O

  Sam wrestled with the restraints around his legs. “Let me go, Tahira,” he pleaded. “I can help them.”

  Chances of Anna and Randy surviving with u: 2.2%

  This stopped Sam’s struggle for a moment. “What? No, that’s not true. I can help.”

  THIS u.

  Sam stared at the screen. “What? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  What R U afraid of?

  “Uh, maybe I’m afraid because you’ve got me tied up?” Sam said, adding the, ‘you psycho-bitch,’ part in his head.

  4 UR own good.

  And that’s not it.

  What R U afraid of?

  “What do you mean?” Sam snapped. “I’m afraid of him! I’m afraid because that lunatic up there is going to kill everyone! I’m afraid because I don’t know how to stop him!”

  Not true.

  Be honest.

  Pls.

  There was a gap of a few seconds before the next text arrived.

  What R U afraid of, Sam?

  “This is stupid!” Sam protested.

  What R U afraid of?

  “Stop asking that!”

  What R U afraid of?

  “I’m afraid of what’ll happen!” Sam bellowed. “OK?! You want me to be honest? Fine, I’ll be honest! No, I’m not scared of what I can’t do, I’m scared of what I can do. What I might do! Everyone keeps telling me I just need to concentrate to make my powers work, but that’s not true. That’s not it.”

  The phone bleeped.

  Tell me.

  “I’m always concentrating,” Sam said, his anger losing some of its edge. “Every minute of every day. I have to concentrate to stop this… this thing in my head doing anything. I don’t concentrate to make my powers work, I concentrate to stop them working because I don’t know what’ll happen if I don’t.”

  The phone bleeped again.

  Chances of Anna and Randy surviving without u: 3%

  Another bleep. Another message.

  Chances of Anna and Randy surviving if u STOP concentrating:

  The next text seemed to take an eternity to arrive. It contained a single website address. Sam tapped it with his thumb and the phone’s browser opened to reveal a website.

  “Random number generator,” Sam read.

  Another text arrived, overlaying itself on the screen.

  Worth a try, right?

  The cables around Sam’s legs went limp. The phone bleeped again.

  Thanks for the cat. Hope it helped.

  It bleeped again.

  *chat. Sorry.

  It bleeped one last time.

  Now, go B a hero. x

  Randy and Anna stood back to back, a tornado of flame spinning around them. They could see Savior watching them, his outline distorted through the twisted, dancing flames. Even through the suits, the heat was scorching, the temperature increasing as the eye of the tornado grew steadily smaller.

  “You did your best. That’s the main thing,” Savior laughed. “I mean, it really isn’t, but that’s what people say, isn’t it? ‘Well done. Good try. Better luck next time.’ Except there isn’t going to be a next time in your case, obviously. On account of you both being dead.”

  Randy smirked back over his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I have a plan.”

  Anna sighed. “I swear to God, Randy, if you say ‘Lefty and Righty’ again…”

  Randy hesitated.

  “That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it?” said Anna.

  “No,” Randy said. “I mean, yes. But… I have another plan.”

  “OK. What is it?”

  Randy clicked his tongue against this teeth. “It’s, uh… Give me a minute.”

  They both jerked in surprise as the tornado of flame became a spinning storm of flat white rectangles that completed a couple more laps before spiraling off in different directions.

  Anna peered down at the floor and found it covered with thousands upon thousands of playing cards. Even more inexplicably, every single one of them was the Eight of Diamonds.

  “Was that your plan?” Anna whispered.

  Randy blinked behind his goggles. “Uh, sure. Yeah. That was totally it.”

  “It’s over, Jim.”

  Sam’s voice echoed around the cavernous cathedral as he stepped out of the curtained doorway and into the aisle.

  “OK, it wasn’t me,” Randy admitted.

  “Sam. So you did come!” Savior hissed. “And here I thought you
were just going to hide yourself away somewhere and let your friends die.”

  “I’m here to stop you, Jim,” Sam said. “You killed all those people, you made me jump onto a moving train and—more importantly—you scared my son. This ends now.”

  Savior raised himself a few feet off the ground on a cushion of hot air. “You think you’re a match for me, Kid Random?” he asked, spitting the name out. “You think your powers are greater than mine?”

  Anna and Randy stepped apart, leaving space in the aisle for Sam to walk between them. “You can do this, Sam,” Anna whispered. “Just, you know, focus. Concentrate.”

  Sam smiled at her. “Meh. I’m done concentrating,” he said.

  Squaring his shoulders, he adjusted his mask then ran a hand down the front of his costume, feeling the bumps of the ‘KR’ on his chest.

  He flicked his eyes to Savior, flexed his fingers, and cricked his neck.

  “Hey, Jim,” he said. “Let’s get random!”

  Savior frowned behind his mask. “What’s that supposed to mea—?” he began, then the end of the sentence became muffled when he found himself completely encased in several hundred gallons of wobbling lime Jell-O.

  Randy whistled through his teeth. “Well, I did not see that coming,” he said.

  “No,” Sam agreed. “Me neither.”

  A fireball exploded from inside the Jell-O and rocketed along the aisle. Anna caught Sam by the shoulder and all three of them ducked. The air above them was filled with heat and smoke and the distinctive aroma of burning hair.

  “That, I saw coming,” Randy growled.

  “We’ve got to get his helmet off,” Anna said, as Savior’s lime-flavored prison melted into a puddle of liquid.

  Another fireball screamed at them. The shape in Sam’s head kicked, and he made no attempt to fight it. A life-sized bronze statue of the actor, Henry Winkler, appeared directly ahead of them. The fireball ricocheted off it, spinning the statue on its base and melting the right side of the former Happy Days star’s face into a horrifying grimace.

  “Did you do that one, or was it me?” Randy asked.

  Sam side-eyed him. “It was me.”

  “OK, cool. Because I wasn’t sure,” said Randy.

  “How are we going to reach him?” asked Anna, as another flaming sphere obliterated what remained of Henry Winkler’s head.

  Sam shrugged. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you? If you can dodge a ball, you can dodge anything.”

  “Oh, great,” Anna groaned. “Because that worked out so well for us last time.”

  Sam charged ahead. He made it a full three feet before a wall of heat slammed into him on the left, launching him across the aisle. His power kicked, and a cocoon of toilet paper appeared around him, cushioning his landing enough to stop him from breaking anything vital.

  A blast of hot air ignited the toilet paper, and Sam spent a frantic few seconds clawing it away before the shape in his head kicked again and a gaggle of geese appeared directly in front of Savior, all blinking in surprise.

  “Geese,” said Anna, because she wasn’t entirely sure what else to say about this development.

  “Now we’re talking,” Randy growled. “Those things are vicious bastards. Trust me, I know. Don’t ask me how I know, but I know. Savior doesn’t stand a—”

  The geese exploded, showering the front few pews in burning feathers and smoldering bird guts.

  “I retract that last statement,” Randy said.

  Savior raised both hands in Sam’s direction, and Anna saw her chance. Running for the Sanctuary, she threw each hand forward in turn, pumping the air, her fingers spreading wide with every thrust. The air rippled with a succession of blasts, and Savior erupted in a sneezing fit that sent his heat blast wide.

  Three rows of pews just a little behind Sam went up in flames, billowing up a cloud of black smoke. Coughing, Sam clambered over the pew in front, the smoke nipping at his eyes and snagging in his throat.

  “I’ll get the helmet!” Randy growled, racing past Anna, his cape billowing behind him. As Randy ran, another stray bolt of fire erupted upward from the sneezing Savior. Anna’s eyes followed it, as if it were moving in slow motion, as it sailed up, up, up toward—

  “Look out!” Anna cried, as the blast exploded against the ornate ceiling directly above Sam’s head.

  Sam raised his eyes in time to see several hundred pounds of wood, stone, and slate come tumbling toward him.

  “Oh, shi—” he began, then the sound of the debris crashing down on him reverberated around the cavernous cathedral.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  The boom of the falling debris made Randy hesitate. A fireball that was almost as large as he was struck him like a battering ram, twisting him into a backflip and sending him tumbling along the aisle.

  Rage rewrote the lines of Anna’s face. She advanced on Savior, flinging blast after blast in the villain’s direction, only for them to be swallowed by the wall of fire he raised before him. He stared out at her from behind it, the dancing flames twisting his mask into something even more monstrous and demonic.

  A blast of heat swiped her legs out from under her and she gasped as her head cracked against one of the remaining pews. The suit protected her from any real damage, but the combined effects of the fire and the impact started the battery icon flashing.

  Groaning, Anna started to get to her feet, but a cushion of hot air pressed down on her, forcing her back to the floor.

  “Well,” said Savior, dropping his fire shield. “Hasn’t this been fun? Just like old times. Except, you know, I didn’t want to kill you all back then.” He shot Randy the briefest of glares. “Well, maybe some of you.”

  He advanced down the steps, his feet leaving burning footprints on the carpet behind him. “You hear that?” he said, touching the side of his helmet. “I’d imagine your ears are still ringing, so you probably don’t. It’s the sound of a city on the brink of destruction. See that fire column there? How it goes up? Well, in a moment, once it’s fully charged, it’s going to start going down. It’s going to drill right down into the city’s foundations. There, I will make it spread to every corner of Cityopolis. The whole place will be consumed from below. I will do what the Justice Platoon never could. I will finally cleanse Cityopolis of all crime.”

  “By killing everyone,” Anna wheezed.

  Savior shrugged. “A necessary side-effect.”

  “I don’t think so, punk!” spat Randy, hauling himself to his feet. “Say hello to Lefty and—”

  A fireball hit him in the shoulder, spinning him to the floor. He lay motionless for a moment, then forced himself to rise.

  “Righty. They’re going to teach you that—”

  A rectangular platform of flame battered down on him, swatting him to the ground again. He coughed, his body wracked with pain, tears seeping out from the gaps where his shattered flying goggles met his cheeks.

  “Crime doesn’t pay,” Randy wheezed, dragging himself to his knees. He wobbled unsteadily there, gathering himself before pushing any further.

  A fireball slammed into his chest, folding him backward. Savior hissed furiously as he struck the inert Butterfly King with a succession of blasts.

  “Stop it!” Anna cried, struggling against the weight of the heat pressing down on her. “Leave him alone!”

  Savior cackled as he struck Randy again with another ball of fire, before turning his attention to Anna. “Very well. I don’t think he’ll be going anywhere anytime soon, anyway,” the villain spat. “Looks like it’s just you and me, Allergy Girl. And soon, it’ll just be—”

  “Seriously?” Randy spat, his voice slurred. Savior and Anna both watched in amazement as he struggled to his feet and wearily raised his fists. His head moved from Savior to a spot just a couple of feet on the villain’s right, like Randy was seeing two of him and didn’t know which one he should be addressing. “That the best you got?”

  Through the mask, Anna saw Savior’s eyes narrow
in rage. Flames exploded in their dark centers as he drew back both hands and let out a banshee scream of raw fury.

  His hands thrust forward. A teardrop-shaped mass of blue flame streaked toward the swaying Randy, flying far too fast for him to react.

  As it flew, its color changed, going from gas-flame blue to a swirl of yellow and brown.

  The ‘fireball’ splattered harmlessly across Randy’s chest, showering him in cream, caramel, and pieces of sliced banana. Everyone watched in confused silence as the delicious-looking dessert mush flopped to the ground with a sploot.

  The mountain of debris that had been covering Sam became several dozen inflatable penises. Sam exploded from within them, throwing air-filled giant dicks in all directions.

  “You heard him, Jimbo,” Sam said, as three-foot blow-up schlongs rained down around them. “Is that the best you got?”

  RAAAAAARGH!

  Savior’s howl of anger shook what was left of the ceiling. He shoved his hands forward, throwing all his body weight behind them. The shimmering heatwave that had been surrounding him whipped around to his front as he channeled it into a single concentrated fire blast.

  Sam brought up his own hands and an eight-foot thick wall of raw, quivering pork fat appeared in front of him. It sizzled and popped as the heat struck it, and Sam gritted his teeth as the side nearest to him began to bubble and melt.

  With the heat now off her—literally—Anna got to her feet. The battery symbol in her visor gave a final farewell flash, then the suit’s Battle Mode disengaged. Even shielded by the fat wall, the heat from Savior’s attack was intense. He had to be putting everything he had into this one.

  Which meant…

  “Randy! The helmet!” she hissed.

  Randy turned slowly toward her, smoke rising from his beard, banana-based dessert dribbling down his front.

  “Huh?” he said.

  Savior roared, doubling down on his frontal attack. The heat forced Sam back a step, the edges of the fat-shield blackening.

  “We need you for this, Randy,” Anna yelled, shaking him by the shoulders. “You’re the only one who can do this.”

  Randy’s lips moved as he repeated the words silently, trying to figure out their meaning. At last, something seemed to click.