Further To Fall

by Catherine Cowles

  Pulling back, I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth and nibbled. I felt Austin’s hand twitch on my neck, and I knew he was fighting the urge to use his fingers to release my lip like he always used to do when I employed the nervous habit. Waves of nausea rolled through my stomach, brought on by both the idea of fully opening myself up to Austin or closing the door completely. Each road was paralyzingly terrifying. I needed time. I needed space. I needed to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he would never hurt me like that again.

  “I’d like it if we could just be friends first. We need to take some time to get to know one another again. I’m a different person than I was a year ago. You might not even like me.” It was true, but it was also the only thing I could think of to buy me some time. Time to see if I could truly trust that this Austin who said he loved me now, had always loved me, was here to stay.

  Austin huffed, pulling my forehead down to his. I stopped breathing. “The core of you will always be the same, Firecracker. The only thing that could change would be the toppings. But, you’re right, we should take some time to get reacquainted. Just promise me you’ll spend some one-on-one time with me so we can actually do that. No more bullshit about not going to dinner with me because it’s a bad idea.” He widened his eyes at me to emphasize his point.

  I nodded slightly, the skin on our foreheads rubbing together. “Okay.” I whispered the word so softly, I could barely hear it.

  “Okay,” he said almost as softly. He pulled back slightly, and then he brought his lips to my forehead. They were warm and still surprisingly soft. I reveled in the contact, wished I could swim around in it for hours. All too soon, he retreated. “I gotta get out of here before I push you for more than you’re ready for.”

  I nodded robotically, following him to the door. I was in a fog, felt as if I had taken too much cold medicine or something. Austin turned as he opened the door. “Goodnight.” He cupped my cheek briefly and then released me. “Lock this behind me,” he said, tapping the outside of the door. My head bobbed up and down in agreement. Then, he was gone. I pushed the door closed, flipped the lock, and then sank to the floor on my socked feet. Resting my head back on the hard wood of the front door, I looked to the ceiling for answers. It had none.

  Soft footfalls sounded on the stairs, and Taylor’s slipper-clad feet appeared, making their way down. She sank to the floor next to me, and I instinctively leaned my head on her shoulder. “I’m not going to lie, I eavesdropped on the last half of y’all’s conversation.”

  “Nosy B.”

  “My bestie’s got the love of her life sitting on the couch pouring his heart out, and you think I’m not going to listen? Pssshhh.” She pinched my leg. “So, what are you thinking?”

  “I honestly have no idea. I’m all over the place. Half of me wants to jump into his arms and scream ‘love me forever.’ The other half of me wants to run in the other direction because there’s a huge chance I could get hurt. And I know it would be so much worse this go-around.”

  Taylor looped an arm around my bent knees, hugging them to her. “Honey, loving someone always means you’re running the risk of getting hurt. But the only alternative is to completely shut yourself off from the world, and that would be one lonely life.”

  I sighed. “You are a wise woman, Miss Lawson.”

  “Don’t I know it.”

  My ringtone sang out from the living room. “Crud, that’s my phone.”

  “Come on, lazy bones, can’t stay on the floor forever.” She stood and reached out a hand to me.

  I took it and grumbled, “But I like the floor, things are safer down there.” Taylor chuckled and slapped my butt as I passed her. I grabbed my phone from my purse just as it stopped ringing. The screen read: One missed call – Kyle. “Oh, come on.”

  “What is it?” Taylor asked as her nosey butt leaned over my shoulder to peer at my screen. Then she snorted. “Oh, lordy, that boy can’t catch a clue.”

  I slipped my phone into my back pocket without checking the message. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about him. It’s so awkward. Those flowers over there are from him.”

  Her eyes widened as she took in the monstrosity of a bouquet. “Whoa.”

  “Whoa is right. He said he was apologizing for snapping at me when I told him I was meeting up with Austin, but he signed it ‘Love, Kyle.’ Something like that doesn’t exactly require flowers. We’re not together anymore. We were barely together for three months to start with.”

  Taylor drummed her fingers on her bottom lip. “I’d say have another conversation with him, but all the other talks you’ve had with him haven’t worked. I think you just need to distance yourself from him as much as possible. Don’t call him back, and try to make your interactions at school as brief as you can.”

  “I think you’re right. I’ll just avoid him as much as possible.”

  “Of course, I’m right. Now, you want to order Chinese and watch a Lifetime movie?”

  I grinned and handed Taylor my cell phone. “Sounds like perfection. You order while I go change?”

  “You got it.”

  I bounded towards my room, feeling a burst of energy from the gratitude that filled my heart. Friends, food, and cheesy TV made everything else in life just melt away. Any and all decisions could be postponed for another day.

  27

  Carter

  The past few weeks had brought with them a turn to a new normal. Between helping to get the new youth program up and running, and spending time with our friends, I saw Austin almost every day. He never pushed the romantic envelope, but he wasn’t afraid of showing his affection either. Cupping my face in his hands, kissing my forehead, lingering hugs. I was about ready to combust, yet something was still holding me back from jumping in with both feet.

  Today, I was standing next to Michael, who seemed to have grown a foot in the past year, and watching Austin do a demonstration with one of the fighters he was training. “He’s badass, huh, Miss Carter?” I had told Michael he could call me Carter now that I wasn’t his teacher, but he couldn’t quite break the formal habit and had settled on Miss Carter.

  My eyes had been focused on checking out Austin’s butt, which was straining against his workout pants, so I really couldn’t say anything about his athletic prowess at the moment. “Watch your language. If your mom hears you, you’re going to be cleaning the house for a month.” That was another thing that had changed in the past few weeks of spending my afternoons at Austin’s gym. I’d gotten to know Michael’s mom, Sofia, even better, and she was a gem. A total sweetheart who wasn’t afraid to crack some skulls if necessary.

  Michael instantly spun around, looking for his mom. The comically petrified look on his face had me busting up laughing, and Austin turning around at the sound. “Now, class, it looks like someone isn’t paying attention.” Austin started stalking towards me as the twelve-year-old students began to snicker.

  I started to slowly back away as Austin advanced. “Now, Austin…” My voice trailed off as he surged ahead, throwing me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I shrieked and laughed even harder as he ran around the studio with me over his shoulder. Just as he passed the hooting group of boys, I felt my phone vibrate in my front pocket.

  Austin slowed. “Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

  I smacked his shoulder. “Put me down, you big buffoon.” Austin chuckled as he slowly slid me down the front of his body, the friction causing sparks of electricity. Our eyes met and held for a moment, our mouths just a whisper apart. It would be so easy to just lean in that fraction of an inch and taste his lips. My phone buzzed again, and I jolted away. Fumbling to untangle my phone from my pocket, I almost tripped. Austin chuckled.

  “Hello?” My voice sounded husky and breathless. I really hoped it wasn’t one of my parents calling; I hadn’t even looked at the caller ID. There was no answer on the other end. “Hello? Anyone there?” Again, no answer, but I heard shuffling
in the background. Maybe it was a pocket dial. I pulled the phone away from my ear to see who it was, but it just said Unknown. I put the phone back to my ear. “Hello-o-o?” There was just a click in response. Call ended. Weird.

  I looked up at Austin, who I realized was standing very close, brows furrowed. “Who was it?”

  “I don’t know. There was no one there, but I heard sounds in the background.”

  “Who do you think it could be?”

  I glanced down at my phone’s screen. “Probably just a wrong number.” Something pricked at my memory, and I scowled.

  “What?” Austin reached up and rubbed at the furrow that was now between my brows.

  “I guess it could be Lexi, although I haven’t heard from her since I changed my number and email.”

  Austin froze at the mention of the elephant between us. “I’m sorry she was such a bitch to you, and even sorrier that I gave her the ammunition to use.”

  I swallowed down the lump in my throat that felt like it was made of razor blades. “It’s okay. Let’s not talk about her. She’s not worth it.” I glanced down at my phone to check the time. “I have to get going if I’m going to have time to shower before I make dinner for you and the boys.”

  “Okay, I’m going to grab a quick shower here and then I’ll be right behind you. Do you need me to pick anything up on my way?”

  “Liam’s bringing beer, so I think we’re good. I’ll text you if I think of anything.”

  “Okay.” Austin leaned forward, grasping the back of my neck and bringing my forehead to his lips. At the contact, the energy between us flared to life again, all the previous tension forgotten in favor of a whole different kind of tension. He slowly pulled away, and I felt instantly colder. “Drive safe.”

  “Yes, oh overprotective one.” He smacked me on the butt as I made my escape.

  I spent the drive home daydreaming about all the ways Austin set my nerve endings on fire. When I pulled into the driveway, the gate closing behind me, I realized it was a miracle that I hadn’t gotten into an accident. I sent up a silent prayer that I wouldn’t be receiving any red-light traffic tickets in the mail. No more thinking about Austin while driving, I mentally scolded myself as I cut across the grass and unlocked the front door. Toeing off my sneakers by the door, I set my purse down on the bench at the end of my bed. Time for a cold shower to get my body under control.

  I pulled my hair up into a top knot since I wouldn’t have time to wash and dry it before Austin got here. I stepped under the chilly spray and jumped, okay, maybe not quite that cold. Reaching for my body wash to scrub away the grime of the day, I let the water cool my overheated skin. I sighed in relief when I shut off the tap, wrapping a warm, fluffy towel around my body. I patted my face dry and then reached for a cotton swab and my toner. My hand hit air. My toner wasn’t where I always kept it. Weird. I looked at my vanity. It was always set up in the same way, in the order in which I used the products, but everything was moved around. A chill skittered over my skin, and I pulled the towel tighter around myself.

  I opened the bathroom door and walked into my bedroom. Nothing had seemed out of place when I came through earlier, but with closer inspection, I could see that picture frames had been moved, and when I opened my bedside table’s drawers, it looked like someone had rifled through them in a rush.

  I had a type-A personality when it came to organization, everything in my life had an assigned place and went into that place. Austin used to make fun of me for it or try to secretly move something and see if I’d notice. I always noticed. But Austin hadn’t been in my room, and Taylor would never be this careless. Even if she came in to borrow clothes, she generally left me a note. I was starting to freak out. Crossing to my purse, I slipped my phone from the side pocket and dialed Austin.

  He answered on the second ring. “Hey, babe, you think of something you needed me to pick up?”

  I gripped the phone tighter. “Austin, I think someone was in my room.”

  “What do you mean?” His words had a harsh bite to them.

  “Stuff in my bathroom wasn’t where I always leave it, my picture frames were moved around, and it looks like someone went through the stuff in my nightstand.”

  “But nothing’s missing? Are you sure it wasn’t just Taylor looking for something? Where is she?”

  “Taylor left this afternoon to go see her mom for the weekend, and she wouldn’t have moved my picture frames.” Austin probably thought I was a looney tune, but I knew someone had been in here.

  “I’m two minutes away, just hold tight, and I’ll check everything out.”

  “Okay, see you in a minute.”

  “In a minute.”

  I sighed a breath of relief. Even though Austin might think I was overreacting, he was still going to check things out. I was grateful. I keyed in a text to Taylor.

  Me: Sorry to bug you while you’re with your mom but were you in my room looking for something before you left?

  Almost immediately, my phone buzzed with a response.

  Taylor: No, why?

  Me: Stuff just isn’t where I left it, but who knows, maybe I’m just losing my mind.

  I didn’t think I was though.

  Taylor: You’ve been working too hard lately. You’re probably just exhausted and put something somewhere you usually don’t.

  I didn’t want to worry Taylor on her trip, so I agreed with her and didn’t mention my pictures and nightstand.

  Me: You’re probably right. Have fun with your mom and give her a squeeze for me!

  Taylor: Will do! <3

  I jumped when I heard the buzzer for the gate and rushed to the intercom by the front door. “Hello?” I hated that my voice sounded just a little shaky.

  “It’s me.” My shoulders slumped in relief at the sound of Austin’s voice, and I buzzed him in, opening the front door before he could even knock.

  He came up short on the front step. “Why are you in a towel?” he choked out.

  My cheeks heated. “I had just gotten out of the shower when I realized things weren’t where I left them.”

  “Go put on a robe while I go check the rest of the house.”

  I nodded and bolted for my room. I opened the top drawer of my dresser in search of my favorite pair of panties. They were the softest silk, and I wanted my comfiest things at the moment. I picked through the drawer, not seeing them. I had just done laundry yesterday and knew I had put them in here. I searched again. Nothing. Dread hit my stomach like a heavy stone. I abandoned my underwear drawer and threw on my robe. The big, fluffy one, not the sexy, skimpy one. I needed all the protection I could get. I made a beeline for the living room and almost collided with Austin. Shrieking, I reeled back and almost landed on my butt before Austin caught me.

  “Jesus! Are you okay?”

  “My favorite pair of underwear is missing.”

  Austin cursed and pulled out his phone. “I’m calling the cops, this is too weird.”

  I listened in a daze as Austin answered questions a dispatcher asked, providing my address and saying that we thought there had been an intruder. He kept an arm around me the whole time he talked. When he hung up, I started word vomiting. “I want to put clothes on, but I don’t want to put anything on that some creepy intruder touched. I just keep imagining all the germs he might have had on his hands. I mean, it’s got to be a guy if he stole my panties. I guess that’s sexist, it could be a girl intruder, maybe she’s a lesbian or just has really good taste in lingerie, they were made of the nicest silk.”

  Austin clamped a hand over my mouth. “Take a deep breath, Firecracker.” He slowly removed his hand, making sure my diatribe wouldn’t start up again.

  I inhaled deeply through my nose and out through my mouth like they taught in the one yoga class I’d gone to. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay, you’re freaked. Sit down on the couch, and I’ll get you a glass of water.” I did as he instructed and continued the yoga breathing, trying to calm my nerves.
Austin brought over the glass of water and rubbed my back. “Did you get in touch with Taylor?”

  “Yes, she said she wasn’t in my room today, and she knows I would murder her if she borrowed my favorite pair of panties. Plus, we are not the kind of roommates who borrow each other’s underwear, that’s crossing a line.”

  “Okay, what time did she leave for the airport?”

  “She had a car picking her up at 3 p.m.”

  The buzzer sounded, and Austin rose to answer it. I could hear the muffled conversation of the police identifying themselves and smoothed my sweaty palms over my robe to dry them. I stood as Austin led the two police officers into the living room. There was an older officer with graying hair and a bit of a paunch, and a younger one who was reed-thin and looked to barely be twenty-one. The older man, who introduced himself as Officer MacMillan, was clearly in charge. The younger man, Officer Garcia, kept glancing at Austin, apparently star-struck by the UFL superstar.

  “So, Miss McCarthy, you believe there was an intruder in your home?” Officer MacMillan said as he looked up from his notepad. I talked the officers through what I had discovered, blushing crimson when it came to telling them about my missing undies. Officer MacMillan took a few notes but seemed to grow more and more skeptical. “We’re going to take a look around, and then we’ll come back to talk with you some more.”

  I nodded as Officer MacMillan headed to my bedroom, and Officer Garcia went outside. I turned to Austin, who was seated next to me. “They don’t believe me.”

  He rubbed a hand up and down my back and then started kneading my shoulders. “You don’t know that for sure. Let’s just wait and see what they have to say after they’ve looked around.” I let myself collapse into Austin’s side as he continued his ministrations.