Dial W for Wicked

by Lotta Smith

  Whenever I read one of those billionaire CEO romances, I always envisioned Dan as the hero of the story. Okay, so I make him younger in my imagination—as in, about the same age as his son. In my head, he was a savage and crude warrior who wrestled all the obstacles in business and love, without showing the slightest sign of his struggles inside and out. Of course, the Dan in my imagination had a soft, vulnerable side hidden underneath his armor, but he never let anyone see it, except for the heroine who stumbled upon him, melting the hard, icy part of his heart.

  So when he appeared on our doorstep, grinning from ear to ear like a kid on Christmas morning, accompanied by four men carrying something really, seriously huge, I felt the image I’d been holding about him—a cool and dandy gentleman whose dictionary had no such word like faux-pas—started to rumble and morph into something different. Such as a guy known as the most eligible and hardest-to-get bachelor, suddenly turning into an extremely excited soon-to-be-granddad.

  It was a Sunday, and we were having him over for lunch. When we agreed to have this get-together, he told me not to bother with cooking, as he was bringing a team of chefs along with the ingredients. I wasn’t sure if I should take his words literally, so I consulted Rick, who said, “He’s gonna bring the finest ingredients with one of the top chefs in the world, plus a sous chef or two, and probably a pastry chef. Don’t worry about food preparation, as it’s like having Nobu, Jean-Georges, and some other fancy restaurants getting directly brought to our home all at once.”

  Hmm… that sounded nice, and indeed, things were going well. As promised, a team of chefs knocked on our door a few hours earlier, and before long, the mouthwatering aroma wafting from the kitchen was to die for. So I expected to see Dan arriving alone, as he never mentioned bringing guests. In addition, I wasn’t prepared to see something the size of a compact SUV brought to our home. It was gift-wrapped, and I couldn’t tell what was inside, but it seemed to have four legs. Sneaking a glance at the object, I wondered if he was bringing a cow for barbecue.

  Before I could ask, Dan said, “Hi Mandy. How are you and my grandchild doing?” He was all smiles as he reached for me, like he was tempted to touch my abdomen, which had just started to show. Okay, if I were a thin girl, I could expect to see my flat stomach growing chubbier and rounder, but unfortunately, my stomach had never been flat, thank you very much.

  “Hey, don’t even think about touching her stomach, okay?” Rick warned his dad, protectively wrapping his arm around me. “That qualifies as sexual harassment. You don’t want her to join the hashtag MeToo about you, do you?”

  “Come on, Rick. Be nice to your dad.” I nudged him with my elbow and smiled at Dan. “No worries, Dan. You’ve been so nice and sweet since the moment we met.”

  “Mandy, you’ve been a truly lovely lady from our first encounter.” He smiled back at me, winking. “To tell the truth, I felt you might be too good for my untamed son.”

  “Dan, you’re bad.” I burst into laughter.

  Rick cleared his throat. “In case you forgot, I’ve been nice and sweet since we met for the first time” He pulled me closer to him.

  “Seriously? Looks like your perception about our first encounter slightly differs from that of mine,” I said, batting my eyelashes, playing coy.

  “What do you mean?” Looking into my eyes, he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you mistook me for a jerk or something worse than that.”

  As I watched his mesmerizing green eyes, my mind went blank. I was meaning to confess that I used to see him as an arrogant, outrageous loose cannon when I started working for him—but at the same time, I was so captivated by his presence, I began to get hot under the collar and wobbly in the legs, like they’d turned into Jell-O.

  “Well….”

  Before I could fully gather my thoughts, Dan chimed in. “Good thing Mandy agreed to marry you.” He winked, patting Rick’s arm. “Also, in case you haven’t noticed, I was talking to Mandy and the baby. So, Mandy, how are you and the baby doing?”

  “I’m good, as in splendidly good. And I believe the little one is doing fine.” I rubbed my lower abdomen, grinning widely.

  “Fabulous!” He nodded contently and turned to the four men attending the object. “Gentlemen, you can leave now. I appreciate your help.” He handed each of them a fifty-dollar bill. His move was so smooth, sleek and flawless.

  “Hi, Dan! I’m so glad to see you!” As if on cue, Jackie, who had been staying calm and stealthy, came out from the foyer and bounced around happily the moment the four men left. “No worries, Mandy is doing just fabulous. She hasn’t thrown up in the past three days, and her appetite is totally awesome. Okay, so we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, but I’m sure your grandchild will be totally healthy. Right, Mandy?”

  She floated around, expectantly moving her hand to look like she was poking me. “Hey, you’re gonna relay my words to him, aren’t you?”

  I nodded. “Jackie is excited to see you. She’s sure I’ll have a healthy baby.” I omitted the parts about my even bigger-than-usual appetite and previous throwing up episodes.

  My name is Amanda Rowling, née Meyer—Mandy, to family and friends. I’m a former medical student turned special assistant with the FBI. I met Rick in the interrogation room of Chapel Hill Police Department. Back then, he was a hotshot FBI agent, and I was being falsely accused of a triple murder I didn’t commit. He sort of proved my innocence—by giving me an unfortunate moniker, the Grim Reaper, which had me kicked out of med school without a medical license. You know, it’s complicated. Then he recruited me to work as his assistant at the FBI’s Paranormal Cases Division so he could have some laughs as he and the series of weird and dangerous paranormal phenomena made me crazy.

  Anyway, now I’m married to my former boss and finally becoming comfortable being addressed as Mrs. Rowling. My new job was the chief agent at USCAB’s Paranormal Cases Division. Thanks to my unusual ability of talking to dead people, the company often needed my services. I really fancied my chief agent position, mainly because I liked having “Chief” written on my card, which made me feel important. Okay, so it was just a one-person section and my office was located in a corner of Rick’s spacious one, but I could always pretend like I was the queen of the vast office when he was out at a meeting or something like that.

  Still, I’d been taking some time off from my paranormal job lately now that I was expecting a new Rowling family member in six months or so. I knew taking a long vacation at such an early phase of the pregnancy was uncommon, but Rick and Dan tended to be overprotective when it came to the fetus and yours truly carrying it. Despite their bad habit of enjoying occasional verbal duels, they never had differences when it came to the baby. They didn’t like me dealing with murder victims and dead witnesses for the fear of bad effects for the unborn child. Lately, life had been a little bit boring, but I agreed with them for the most part. I wanted the best possible prenatal care for the baby, and interacting with bloody murder victims didn’t go hand in hand with that.

  “Hi, Jackie. I’m pleased to hear from you.” Dan raised a hand in the direction I indicated. “What are you wearing today? If only I could see you.”

  “Oh, Mandy… you’ve got to tell him all the juicy details about my dress!” She extended her arms and twirled around, showing off a lacy cherry-blossom pink one-shoulder dress. On this special day, she was sporting gold hoops in her earlobes, high heels in the same shade of gold, and her signature heavy makeup. What completed her look was the ring with a heart-shaped pink stone, which she’d earned after she’d turned into a ghost.

  Yes, you heard me right. Jackie was a ghost. I wasn’t making it up. In her previous life, she was born as Jackson Frederic Orchard, a really cute little boy who found a career on the big stage of Broadway. Back then, she was a guy considered as a heartthrob among many of the stage-loving ladies and gentlemen, but underneath the sexy bad-boy façade was the fun-loving, openly gay golden heart, and she loved to be treated as a
lady instead of a guy. And I could see her and communicate with her.

  Where was I? Oh, the ring! As a ghost, she didn’t have to sleep like living humans, so she took a night course for ghosts while Rick and I were sleeping, and she’d successfully completed all the courses in postmortem criminal psychology to obtain the certificate for becoming a crisis intervention counselor, level one.

  “Wow, you’re all dolled up for lunch. I’m impressed,” Dan said after I explained her attire to him.

  “Of course, I’m dressed to impress,” Jackie bragged.

  Rick chuckled at hearing her response via my translation. “You’re always dressed to impress, aren’t you, Jackie?”

  “Rick, you know so much about me.” Jackie winked.

  “Damn straight. As they say, if you want to court a girl, you’ve got to know and befriend her guardian ghost. I tried really hard,” he said nonchalantly when I shared her words.

  “Wow, news flash! I thought you were making every effort to make me hate you.” I chuckled, but then my attention drifted to the huge object the four men had carried in. “What’s that?”

  “Yeah, I was meaning to ask that.” Rick tilted his head to the side, studying it warily. “Don’t tell me you brought a whole cow for lunch.”

  “A whole cow? Like, barbecue? Hmm, that’s a good concept for a southern-themed luncheon party, but that’s overkill for just three people.” Dan raised an eyebrow the same way Rick did.

  “Four,” Jackie interjected. “Mandy eats like two people, so you’ve got to count her baby in.”

  I didn’t relay her words.

  Rick nodded at his father. “Okay, I’m relieved that’s not a cow. So, what is it?”

  “It’s a thoroughbred,” Dan said nonchalantly.

  “What?” Rick’s eyebrows shot up. Then he squinted at the object. “Like… a horse? But it’s not a living animal, right?”

  “Of course not.” Dan shrugged. “If it were alive, it would’ve been kicking the men who helped me carry it up the elevator like a lunatic, crapping all over the place. No way. I wouldn’t do that. Believe me, having you getting kicked out of this building isn’t in my best interest.”

  “So it’s a stuffed horse, right? Like a doll?” I said, offering a small smile. I wasn’t thrilled about having such a huge doll at our residence, but at the same time, I didn’t want to act like a bitch daughter-in-law who screamed, “Objection!” to her father-in-law’s kind gesture.

  Dan waved his index finger like a wiper. “It’s even better than a doll. It’s a horse-shaped robot fully equipped with AI, and it squeals and shakes like a real horse. And of course, it’s bulletproof. How cool is that?”

  “Wow.” I didn’t know why a robot designed to stay home needed to be bulletproof, but I didn’t voice my question.

  Jackie shrieked, “Oh my God! If only I could ride this! When I was a kid, I used to practice horse riding.”

  Rick was uncharacteristically quiet for a while. “Personally, I’d be more thrilled to have the latest version of Roomba and Braava,” he muttered.

  “Come on, it’s for your child,” Dan insisted.

  “Our child will be staying in her uterus for a while, and I doubt the kid will be riding a horse anytime soon.” Rick furrowed his eyebrows.

  “Still, this horse robot is a great substitute for a real horse.” Dan waved his arms. “When I told Mandy about my plan to purchase a horse farm in the north Hamptons, she shared her concerns about having a little child and horses close to each other, and I had to agree with her. I want my grandchild to keep his or her lips.”

  “Lips? What about the lips?” Rick asked me in a low voice.

  “Dan offered to buy a farm, saying the baby can play with the ponies. So I told him about the slide I saw in a dermatology class,” I whispered back. “One of them starred a five-year-old girl whose entire upper lip and something like 30 percent of her cheek were bitten off by a pony. After that class, I can never feel safe about kids going near horses and ponies.” I ran my index finger over my face, indicating the way the poor girl’s flesh had been chomped off. “I believe she’d endured a series of plastic surgery, but I’m not sure if her face had been properly reconstructed.”

  “Accept the horse robot,” Jackie told me. “At least that will keep Dan happy, and it won’t bite. It’d be lovelier if it walks and vacuums the floor, but that’s too much to ask for, I guess.”

  “Oh, talk about a clusterfuck.” Rick shook his head.

  “Swear jar.” Dan’s face turned serious. “Mandy, you’ve got to get a swear jar so Rick gets to pay for his swearing.”

  “Hello?” Rick raised an eyebrow. “I’ve grown out of swear jars.”

  “Come on, if you keep on donating a Benjamin each time you cuss, you’ll have the child’s college fund stashed before it’s even born. And you’ll thank me later,” Dan said. “By the way, which school should we send the kid to? Harvard? MIT? Princeton? Georgetown? Personally, I’d really love it if the kid chooses Columbia. If it’s a boy, I can hang around with him and have a ton of fun. If it’s a girl, I can get rid of lounge lizards and brainless, spineless losers before they can even set their eyes on her.”

  “Oh yeah? That’s a long way to go.” Rick rolled his eyes.

  “I know, but you can’t be overprepared about anything when it comes to raising a child. Believe me, kids grow so fast. Rick, you used to be a baby yourself, but before I noticed, you’re married and becoming a parent. So you’ve got to be prepared.”

  As Dan went on fussing about parenting, someone else voiced her opinion. “I know! Talk about time flying by!”

  I looked to my right where the voice came from and sucked in air. “Oh my God, Clara!”

  “Hi, everyone, did I miss anything juicy?” Clara Rowling, Rick’s late stepmom, was floating by my side, waving at me. She was the person who practically raised Rick when Alice, his biological mom, walked out of his and Dan’s lives by divorce. I met her last year around Halloween time. According to her, she had been super busy with organizing fundraisers and charity balls between going on vacations to exotic places, and it wasn’t like she was able to pop up on a daily basis.

  “Ooh, Clara! Long time no see! How have you been?” Jackie flew over with open arms. “I’m so very happy to see you again!”

  “The pleasure is all mine! And I’m splendid!” Hugging and air-kissing Jackie—as far as I knew, ghosts couldn’t touch us humans, but they could make metaphysical contact with each other—she let out a hearty laugh. She was dressed in a beautiful fuchsia dress that enhanced her delicate frame. She passed away after battling multiple sclerosis for years, but she was always vivacious and so full of life in spite of being dead. “When Dan visited my grave, giving me the date, time, and place of the lunch, along with the fabulous news about the baby, I had to come. Congratulations, Mandy! You have no idea how thrilled I am. Oh, please pass on my excitement and best wishes to Rick, will you?”

  When I said, “Of course,” Rick and Dan started talking simultaneously.

  “Is Mom here?”

  “Is Clara here?”

  “Yes, she’s here, and she’s so thrilled about our baby,” I said, indicating where Clara floated with one hand and rubbing my tummy with the other.

  “Yes, I’m here. So happy to see you boys!” Grinning widely, she made the motion of hugging her husband and stepson. Then she glanced at the huge thoroughbred. “What’s this?”

  “It’s a thoroughbred robot, complete with squawking and shaking,” I replied. “It’s a gift for the baby from Dan.”

  “And guess what? It’s bulletproof!” Dan chimed in.

  “Oh… really?” Clara offered a small smile. “Perhaps it won’t be functioning by the time the baby is big enough to play with it.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “What did she say?” Dan asked expectantly. “Is she impressed? Hey. Clara, you’ve got to see this without the wrapping. This is the most beautiful thoroughbred, and I’m sur
e the baby will fall in love with her.”

  “Her?” Rick threw his arms up in the air. “I didn’t know the horse had a gender. Does she have a name too?”

  “Of course she has a name.” Dan grinned proudly. “But I have to ask someone’s permission first. Hey, Clara, I’m hoping to name the thoroughbred Clara in honor of you. What do you say?”

  My jaw dropped, and so did Rick’s.

  “That’s a really sweet gesture, but in my opinion, it gets a tad bit confusing when two Claras are in the same room,” Jackie commented, tilting her head to the side.

  “Well….” Clara, obviously taken aback, furrowed her perfectly shaped brows. “I know he means well, but it’s a little bit tricky to share my name with a horse robot.”

  “I can imagine.” I nodded. If Rick named a pig after me, I’d be more annoyed than honored or happy.

  “Is she thrilled about my plan?” Dan asked, and I felt torn about relaying Clara’s reaction to him.

  “Mandy, tell him what Mom said, but if it’s something harsh, make it less so,” Rick whispered into my ear.

  “Mandy, tell him I love him no matter what, but I’d prefer it if he named the horse Clarice and not Clara,” she said, flying over to Dan and fondly kissing his cheek. “Besides, it would be rather confusing if we have two identical names in a room. I’m hoping to visit you guys more often, so….”

  “Well, Dan, Clara says she’d prefer to have the horse named Clarice so things don’t get too confusing when she visits us. Also, she’s hoping to visit us more often.”

  As I delivered her words, Dan perked up. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course!” Clara kissed him on the jaw.