Sweeter Than Honey
Page 25
There was a better way to prove my position than killing every man who abused women, but if a man didn’t have any respect for women knowing he came from a woman, then I believed he was better off dead.
After dinner I’d spent every night for two weeks in Buckhead giving and getting head while pussy-whupping and getting to know Grant. Good pussy did strange things to men. Actually I enjoyed being around Grant. He was polite, handsome, and he had his own businesses, one in Atlanta, the other in D.C.
In between spending time with Grant, he helped me find a mansion in Buckhead with fourteen bedrooms and just as many baths. All of my ladies came to me except girl six, but she had an open ticket and she always had a choice.
Onyx and Starlet became my top assistants and all the ladies worked diligently on putting together our business plan. I wanted them to trust me the way I was learning to trust Grant, so I gave each of my ladies equal profit shares in Sweeter than Honey.
Grant was different from Benito. He laughed, cracked jokes, spoke intelligently on any subject. He wasn’t too proud to admit when he didn’t know something or object to me teaching him things sexually. Grant opened doors, bought gifts, flowers, made plans, and paid for dinner. He was ready to settle down, get married, and have two kids. Grant offered all the things I’d dreamt about but never thought I would have. Once upon a time, I didn’t believe I deserved to be loved. Grant was proving me wrong.
Good pussy did strange things to men. I couldn’t believe that after I’d known Grant for only two weeks, he invited me to meet his mother. At my age of thirty, that was the first time any man had asked me to meet his mother, so of course I happily said yes.
When we arrived at his parents’ home in Washington, D.C., I almost died when Grant said, “This is my mother, Sarah, my father, Grant, and my brother, Benito Bannister.”
“Pleased to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Hill,” I said, staring at Benito.
“So this is why you left me, Lace!” Benito yelled.
Aw, damn. I didn’t know what the fuck to do. Everyone was staring at me, including Grant.
“Who’s Lace? Do you know Benito?” Grant asked.
Benito moved closer. The old Lace wanted to punch Benito in the face and shoot him in the ass for real.
“Know me? Man, that’s the bitch that stuck a gun up my ass. Left me for dead and killed Reynolds.”
“Grant, get her out of my house,” Mrs. Hill said.
“Don’t trust her, bro. And don’t ever let that hooker bitch ride your dick like she’s in a rodeo,” Benito yelled.
“Benito, that’s enough. Shut up!” Mr. Hill yelled, then calmly said, “Grant, you heard your mother.”
Grant angrily escorted me to his car. Standing in the driveway, I was shocked when tears filled Grant’s sad brown eyes. I expected him to yell, stomp, hit me, curse me, but he didn’t. All he asked was, “Why me?”
“I’m so sorry,” was all I could say.
Here I was with the man I wanted to marry, have his babies, and make him happy, and it was gone in an instant.
“Every time I trust a black woman,” Grant began to cry, “I get hurt. It’s my fault, not yours. Black women say they want a good man but y’all don’t. You even lied to me about your name. Why?”
“I—”
“Don’t answer that. Nothing you can say will ever make me trust you again.”
Grant pressed two buttons on his red cell phone and said, “I need you to pick up Honey, Lace, whatever the hell her name is, from my parents’ house. Now!”
My entire body tensed. I didn’t know what to say, so I began crying. Grant didn’t hold me. He wouldn’t touch me. Turning his back, he didn’t want to look at me. I guess I deserved that. Who was I fooling thinking I could get married, have a husband and a family? My own mother didn’t want me. When the limousine parked in front of the house, Grant walked to his parents’ front door.
All I said before leaving was the truth. “Grant Hill, I love you.”
Once again in my deepest moment of needing to be loved, Slam! Another door was shut in my face.
BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What is pussy power? How do you think you can control a man using pussy power? Do you enjoy sex? Why or why not?
What do you feel is behind the bitterness Rita has for Lace? Is their dynamic familiar in your own relationship with your mother? What is the relationship between you and your mother and how can it be improved?
Do you believe twins are connected in spirit, feel one another, know each other’s pain? Why were Sunny’s and Summer’s lives so different? Or were they the same?
What is Benito’s problem? Does Benito represent the black man’s struggle in America today? What is the black man’s major issue today? How can the black woman support the black man in this day and time without subjecting herself to abuse.
Why do some women give up their power and want to have a pimp control their life? Have you fantasized about being a prostitute? A madam? Have you used your pussy power to get a man or a husband?
Why did Lace take such an interest in Sunny? Are their similarities between Lace and Sunny?
Who are you most like in the book?
What is your opinion of Valentino and his fear of Lace? Was Valentino in love with Lace? Was Lace in love with Valentino?
Have you or anyone you know been mentally, physically, sexually, spiritually, or financially abused? Were you or they able to leave or improve the situation? Did you or they leave only to end up in another abusive relationship? Do you or they make excuses (because there are no justifications) for staying in an abusive relationship?
If Summer would’ve married Valentino, do you think Valentino would’ve been a better man?
Considering the Days were a Christian family, do you think Summer’s father, Mr. Daniel Day, made the right decision not to allow Summer to have a personal relationship with Valentino? Should her father have permitted Valentino to know about his son? Why wouldn’t a Christian man approve of his pregnant daughter getting married?
Do you know of any young ladies who were reared in a loving household but weren’t happy? Do you think Sunny was happy? Why do you think Sunny left home?
Do you feel worthy of happiness, success, unlimited blessings? Why or why not?
Affirmations for Women
I am beautiful inside and out.
I will love myself first.
I will learn something new about myself every day.
I will say no to any and all types of abuse.
I will plan for my future.
I will love those who love me.
I will say no whenever I want without feeling guilty.
I will have a personal bank account in my name only.
I will earn respect.
I will explore my sexuality.
I will dissociate myself from people who don’t respect me.
I am sexy inside and out.
I will laugh from my heart every day.
Poetry Corner
Good Pussy
Can you keep a secret
I’ve got some real good pussy
Thinkin’ about selling some
You know
For a couple of C-notes
Or by the hit
My pussy is so good
Men won’t quit…
Cuming around sniffin’
Begging for a lickin’
My pussy ain’t even trippin’
If all he’s got to offer
Is his dick in his hand
Then this good pussy is moving on
In search of a real man
Who knows how to lick it
Hit it stick it and kick it
Kick me
Down with something tangible
A lifestyle that’s manageable
Good pussy ain’t never broke
Shit, I might start charging by the stroke
Pssttt
Let me whisper in your ear
Can you keep a secret
Good pussy drives men crazy
Make him claim your baby
Make him cum for more than fun
For pleasure
When and wherever
The pussy damn well please
Good pussy is a tease
Wanna know why my pussy is soooo good
I give her lots of treats
Eat something fresh and sweet
Pineapple one day
Coconut the next
Swipe her with a little honey
Then pop her in his mouth
A tiny mint on my clit
Definitely does the trick
For my pussy and his dick
Oh, I’ve got some good pussy
But don’t you tell your man
I am what she eats
I stay away from all that beef
Drink lots of peppermint water
Or add some mint leaves to my salad
Then I let him toss me upside down
And go to work like Homey the Clown
I smother his face with savory juices
Then watch his lips spread ear to ear
My good pussy makes him cheer
Can you keep a secret
I’ll share a little tip
Feed your pussy right
Then spread her on his lips
Keep your pussy tight
And he’ll fuck you all night
Or pass out trying
Pssstt
I’ve got a secret
Wanna taste
In My Lifetime
All I ever wanted
Was to be loved
A caring hug
And to hear those three words
But as a child
My unspoken words
Were never heard
But I did find joy
In the arms of a boy
Or two
Who must’ve known
Deep inside I was blue
Quiet
Sometimes happy
Mostly sad
Or melancholy
One might add
To my long list of reasons
Why
Sometimes at night I’d cry
Praying for God to bring me home
No child should feel alone
But the next day
I’d play
With my brothers
With my friends
Wishing those days
Would never end
All I ever wanted
Was to be loved
A caring hug
Or to hear those three words
Why won’t she hug me
Tell me she loves me
Where’s my father
Who’s my mother
Why can’t I live with my sisters
Hang out more often with my friends
How much more must I endure
Before my sadness comes to an end
In my lifetime
All I ever wanted
Was to be free
To be me
And why shouldn’t I be
Slowly I learned to love
I learned how to give hugs
To freely say I love you
Or I love you too
I learned to embrace
The things I wanted to say
And if unspoken words
Got lost along the way
That’s when I learned I could
Write
Words on paper
Gave me power
When I was afraid to speak
Words in my heart flourished
Whenever I felt weak
No matter how challenging
No matter how hard
No matter how judgmental
Others were of me
The power of a voiceless voice
The split decision in making a choice
The spirit dancing in my heart
My words allowed me to stand apart
To be free
To be me
Knowing that I am Worthy
Speak up
Speak out
Have no doubt
Let your actions shout
In my lifetime
I am Worthy
Once Upon a Time I Was Happy
Today
is the last day
that I live with myself
without being myself
without being true to myself
pretending I’m someone else
naw, not pretending
convincing
Once upon a time before him
I had family
I had friends
I had the means to an end
a happy child
a magnetic smile
a swing in my hips
a curve in my lips
I laughed until I cried
I held my head high
never asked why
always asked why not
I yearned to learn a lot
had a zest for life
Once upon a time
I wanted to be his wife
strived to be his lover
determined to be his friend
Once upon a time with him
I was happy
Just to be alive
felt like a woman inside
we went on dates
we came home late
we woke up with the sun
we simply had fun
Once upon a time
I was happy
to hear his voice
to hold his hand
to caress his chin
to have a man
to put him first
to put my girlfriends on hold
just to hold him at night
to set the table by candlelight
to cook his dinner
to reassure him everything would be all right
to please his dick
to nurture him when he got sick
all those things I used to do
because I simply wanted to
have now become chores
I don’t want to do them anymore
the more I give
the more he takes
the less he gives
the more I cry
the less he tries
the more I die inside
the harder I try
the more I die inside
the more my heart aches
the more I die inside
now I’m numb
but why
I no longer care to try
Once upon a time before him
I was happy
when did I stop
being happy
how did I lose myself
caring so much for someone else
why did my family and friends disappear
where did the time go
when did my spirit grow old
where was the person I used to know
as I look in the mirror
a stranger stares back at me
she’s not me
she’s cold
she’s bitter
she’s aged
she’s sad
she’s trapped inside herself
Once upon a time before him
I was happy by myself
I want to be happy again
I want to laugh with my friends
I want to dance, to sing, to smile again
I want to swing my hips
I want to curve my lips
Hug my child
I simply want to chill for a while
Smell the roses
be free
to love those
who love me
It’s not too late
for me
to be me
again
I lost everything
trying to be his everything
but from this day forth
Today
is the last day
t
hat I live with myself
without being myself
Once upon a time
has come
for me
to be
happy
again
I’m smiling
inside and out
because there’s no doubt
I am worthy
of joy
of happiness
of love
Place of Pain
There’s a place of pain
within my soul
that makes me want to cry
live another day
I heard Him say
and He’d make me whole again
There’s a place of pain
inside my mind
that makes me tell lies
Be true to yourself
I heard Him say
and everything would be okay
There’s a place of pain
inside my pride
that makes me want to kill
myself
more so than anyone else
There’s a place of pain
inside my spirit
that makes me believe
I’m better off dead than alive
but if I can hold on