Tamsyn Murray-My So-Called Haunting

by Tamsyn Murray

  Ellie didn’t mess about in making me wish I’d never been born. She took malicious delight in every stumble, and on the rare occasion when I didn’t fall over my own feet, she declared the jump void. It didn’t help that the other triple jumpers had the grace of gazelles and managed very respectable jumps. Needless to say, Ellie was one of them. With her dark hair streaming out behind her as she soared over the sandpit, she looked like a Greek goddess. Either that or a giant bat, I decided sourly as she scored another four-metre jump. It felt as though the lesson was never going to end.

  ‘How’s it going?’ Mrs Robertson’s gaze was bright and expectant as she jogged towards us. ‘Any budding district champions?’

  Ellie smiled. ‘A few possibilities, miss.’

  Mrs Robertson looked at me. ‘How about you, Skye? Did you manage to find your rhythm?’

  Ellie snorted with laughter and quickly turned it into a cough. ‘Not exactly.’

  Most of the groups had finished their trials and the other kids were drifting over to where we stood. Ellie raised her voice. ‘I don’t think she’s got what it takes.’

  Even Mrs Robertson couldn’t miss her scornful tone. ‘Really, Ellie? I think I’ll be the judge of that.’ She turned to me and smiled. ‘Show us what you’re made of, Skye.’

  I stared at her, doing my best paralysed rabbit impression. So she wanted to know what I was made of, did she? Judging from this afternoon’s evidence, it was mostly left feet. Mrs Robertson gave me a nod of encouragement and over her shoulder I could see Megan waving crossed fingers at me. With a glum sigh, I dragged myself to the start of the run-up. I could practically feel Ellie willing me to cock it up.

  Then the weirdest thing happened. As I stared along the path to the jump line and the sandpit beyond, all of the frustration of the afternoon suddenly bubbled up inside me. Why was I letting Ellie make me feel bad about myself? I’d done a couple of reasonable jumps already, hadn’t I? There was no reason why I couldn’t do another one now.

  Holding on tight to this unexpected determination, I steamed along the path and concentrated on hitting the board exactly right. With a powerful bound, I hopped with my right foot, skipped with my left – and then I made a fatal mistake: my eyes strayed sideways into the crowd. Standing beside the sandpit was Nico, watching me intently. Distracted by his dark stare, I forgot to check the position of my leading foot before launching into my jump. There was a confused jumble of floor and trainers – it felt like I had at least three feet at one point – before I lost my balance and my ankle twisted underneath me. The next thing I knew, I lurched through the air and crumpled into an undignified heap in the sand.

  ‘Less than a metre,’ I heard Ellie say in a self-satisfied manner. ‘I did say she wasn’t very good.’

  Mrs Robertson’s expression was a mixture of anger and disgust. ‘She’d have been a lot better if you hadn’t stuck your foot out, Ellie McCauley. Don’t think I didn’t see you.’

  Ellie went pale. ‘I don’t know what happened, miss. I think I sort of slipped.’

  Lips pursed, Mrs Robertson looked like she didn’t buy a word of it. ‘There’s no room for cheats on my team, Ellie. Go back to the changing room and get dressed. I’ll deal with you later.’

  For a second, I thought Ellie was going to argue, but instead she burst into tears and ran from the field. Fierce whispers broke out around us.

  I cleared my throat. ‘Could I get a little help here?’

  Megan gave a guilty gasp and pushed forwards to help me up, but she was beaten to it. Nico reached down and offered me his hand. ‘Are you OK?’

  I rubbed the sand away from my lips, but left the grains on my cheeks. Maybe they’d help to mask the fierce blush crawling up my face. I always seemed to be going red when he was around. Was I allergic to him or something?

  Mrs Robertson bustled over. ‘Anything broken?’

  I shook my head. ‘No, I’m fine.’

  Realising Nico was still waiting to help me up, I reached up shyly and took his hand, half expecting a jolt of electricity to hit me as we touched. It didn’t; his fingers were cool on mine and his grip was strong as he drew me upwards. Our eyes locked and the rest of the kids faded into the background. Maybe Megan was right, I thought dreamily as I drank in his gaze. Maybe we were a pair of star-crossed —

  ‘Ow!’ A knife-like pain snaked up my leg and killed the moment stone dead.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Mrs Robertson asked, her face concerned.

  I grimaced and slid a hand down my calf. ‘My ankle hurts. I think I twisted it.’

  ‘I can’t really leave the class unattended.’ She glanced around and her eyes settled on Nico. ‘Could you take her to the nurse, please, Nico?’

  Megan stepped forward. ‘I’ll go too.’

  ‘Oh no,’ Mrs Robertson said. ‘You’re staying right here to practise that high jump. A few more attempts and you’ll have smashed your personal best. Nico can take care of Skye.’

  The words sent a delicious shiver along my spine, in spite of what felt like a thousand pointy-toothed goblins chewing on my ankle. I liked the idea of Nico taking care of me. Megan appeared to be torn between wanting to know whether she was right about Nico and delight at Mrs Robertson’s praise. She made a texting gesture with her thumbs.

  ‘OK,’ I agreed and, leaning awkwardly on Nico’s arm, I limped off the field towards the office.

  Neither of us spoke until we were away from the crowd.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, as much to break the silence as anything.

  ‘No problem.’ He concentrated on supporting me for a few more steps before continuing, ‘We seem to keep bumping into each other. I’m Nico Albescu.’

  I threw a sideways glance at him. Up close, he seemed taller, which made me feel even more Tinkerbell-esque than usual. The contrast between his pale skin and black hair was more pronounced too; I could see long sooty lashes framing his dark eyes. My gaze slid to his hair, lying carelessly against the collar of his PE shirt. Was it too long because he liked it that way or because he didn’t care about his looks? ‘Skye Thackery.’

  We limped along without speaking for several seconds. Even through the burning throb of my ankle I was aware of his body pressed against mine. I couldn’t tell if it was the pain from my ankle or Nico’s closeness, but my heart was racing so much I felt sure he must be able to hear it thudding. Distractedly, I said, ‘Sorry about this.’

  ‘Don’t be. To be honest, I wanted an excuse to introduce myself all week. I nearly did it at lunch today, but you were with your friend and I didn’t want to interrupt.’

  The pain was rudely shoved out of the way by the sharp twist of my guts as realisation sank in. I had sat with Megan at lunchtime. So she’d been bang on the money; he had been looking out for me. Which could only mean —

  ‘So what have you done to annoy Ellie?’ he asked, oblivious to my stuttering heart rate.

  Just how was I supposed to answer that, given that he was the main reason Ellie hated me? ‘Dunno. I think she’s a bit unstable.’

  He threw me an odd look. ‘I’d have thought you’d have been a bit more understanding.’

  It took me a minute to work out what he meant. I replayed the words inside my head and cringed. For a girl with a supposed mental illness I didn’t sound in the least bit sympathetic. ‘Oh. Erm – well, Ellie’s nothing like me, she’s plain nasty, whereas I’m just —’

  ‘A bit weird?’ he finished, smiling.

  I had no defence. ‘Yeah, I suppose so.’

  ‘Don’t worry, weird is good. It makes you stand out from the crowd.’

  It was easy for him to say; he didn’t know how different I really was. But I preferred to think that he’d noticed me in spite of my off-the-wall behaviour, so I decided to change the subject. ‘I think my career as a triple jumper may be over.’

  He grinned and held open the door to the main reception for me to half hop, half limp through. It was the first time I’d seen him smile and it changed
his features from intense and brooding to gob-stoppingly handsome. I’d never understood what the word ‘swoon’ meant before; I did now.

  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ he said. ‘You could be the one everyone underestimates.’

  I nodded, picturing the scene at the regional competition. ‘Then I start my run-up and it’s hop, skip, jump and finish with a spectacular face plant in the sand.’

  We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

  ‘I was rubbish, wasn’t I?’

  Nico’s laughter slowed. ‘Yeah, but I bet you’ve got other talents, right?’

  I think that was the exact moment that I gave up fighting the attraction, although to be fair, it hadn’t been much of a fight. He was gorgeous. He was interested. I’d have to be dead not to want to snog him, and I definitely wasn’t dead. ‘I do, as it happens.’

  It was his move. I waited, not daring to breathe. His lips parted. If this was a rom-com, he’d be about to ask me out.

  ‘Skye!’ a voice bellowed. My head jerked up and I stared wildly around the hallway. Dontay was watching us through heavily lidded eyes. And he did not look happy.

  I did what any sensible person would have done. I froze.

  Nico stopped. ‘What’s the matter? Are you OK?’

  Unsticking my tongue from the roof of my mouth, I forced my lips to work.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I mumbled. What the hell was Dontay doing here? How did he even know which school I went to?

  Frowning, Nico said, ‘You’re shaking.’

  I was. In fact, I felt like I was about to have an out-of-body experience at any second. I could hardly back out of seeing the nurse without making Nico suspicious, but I couldn’t talk to Dontay either. When he came over, I’d be forced to do something I’d never done before. In all my fourteen years, I’d never ignored a ghost. He’d understand, wouldn’t he?

  ‘Delayed shock, I suppose,’ I said, dredging up a smile. ‘I’ll be OK in a minute.’

  There was nothing for it; I was going to have to face the music. With my eyes fixed straight ahead and my teeth firmly gritted, I leaned on Nico and limped towards the double doors.

  Dontay waited until we were through the doors and level with him before he spoke. He eyed my crumpled state impassively and got straight to the point. ‘What’s going on?’

  Pressing my lips together, I threw him an imploring look and concentrated on reaching the nurse.

  Dontay’s expression darkened. ‘Who’s this? You never said you had a boyfriend.’

  He sounded like he was accusing me of something, but I couldn’t work out what. Every one of my brain cells was screaming at me to reply. No one else even knew he was there, but for me he was as real as the living, and ignoring him went against everything I valued. I could see the anger building inside him and squeezed my eyes closed, relying on Nico to lead me the last few metres. Surely Dontay knew I couldn’t answer?

  ‘Can I ask you something?’ Nico said.

  Dontay stepped in front of me. ‘Don’t ignore me.’

  That was it. My resolve snapped. ‘Not now, OK?’

  Dontay shrugged and backed off. ‘Whatever.’

  He turned and slouched through the double doors. I knew he was hurt, but I couldn’t do anything to make it better.

  Beside me, Nico was staring at me in confusion. ‘Right. Sorry.’

  Crap. I’d forgotten Nico had asked me a question. He’d obviously thought I was answering him. I gave myself a mental slap – of course he had, who else was there? ‘No, I’m sorry. My ankle is making me a bit crabby.’

  ‘Does it really hurt?’ he asked.

  Actually it was starting to ease off, but I couldn’t very well tell him that now. ‘Yeah.’ I glanced up to see that we’d made it to the door of the nurse’s office. ‘Thanks for the, er, lift.’

  ‘No problem.’ He hesitated and studied me for a few seconds. ‘Listen, I’ve got a spare ticket for The Droids gig at the Roundhouse in Camden next Saturday. I was going to ask if you wanted to come. If your ankle is better, that is.’

  I swallowed hard and resisted the temptation to pinch myself. Had I heard him right? In spite of the fact that I was as graceful as an elephant on roller skates, and in spite of hearing me talking to myself on two separate occasions, Nico was asking me out. I couldn’t believe it; Nico was asking me out! And we were going to see one of my favourite bands ever, on a date, like normal people. My heart tapped out a happy little dance. And then I caught a glimpse of Dontay through the glass door and reality came crashing in. My life was about as far away from normal as it was possible to get. Could I risk getting close to Nico? How would he react if he learned how deep the weirdness went?

  I reached down and massaged my leg to buy myself time. ‘Saturday?’

  He nodded. To anyone watching, Nico looked relaxed, but his stillness told me he was anything but as he waited for me to answer. Every part of me wanted to say yes – every part except my brain. ‘I can’t,’ I said. ‘Sorry.’

  A flash of disappointment crossed his face and he glanced away. ‘No problem. I’ve got a mate who’ll take the ticket.’

  My throat closed in misery. I couldn’t believe I’d just turned down a date with the hottest boy in school. I swallowed. ‘Have a good time.’

  He looked at me and I wondered if he was going to ask me why I’d said no. But he must have seen something in my face, or maybe he had too much pride. Whatever the reason, he glanced instead at the nurse’s office door. ‘Will you be all right on your own?’

  Somehow, I managed to tilt my head yes. I didn’t dare try to speak; tears were too close.

  He smiled briefly. ‘See you around, then.’

  Watching him cross the hall, I willed him to glance back. If he did, it meant he was still interested. When the double doors swung shut after him, I knew I’d lost my chance, and the fact that I’d done the right thing was no consolation. Dontay fired an ungrateful scowl in my direction, then turned away. I raised my hand to rap on the wooden door and choked down a silent sob. It was the first time I’d had to choose the dead over the living. I hoped it would be the last.

  ‘Whose idea was this again?’

  I rubbed my icy fingers together and glared first at Jeremy and then at Dontay. It was the next day, Saturday, and for reasons which had seemed perfectly sane in the comfort of Celestine’s living room the night before, we were freezing our noses off on the touchline of one of the football pitches at Hackney Marshes, watching Dontay’s brother play. Although Dontay had got over his tantrum at the school and understood why I’d ignored him, I still felt like I needed to make it up to him. After my initial misery had faded, I found I couldn’t blame him for what had happened with Nico. I’d always known being psychic meant I’d have to be careful who I got close to. Besides, Dontay wasn’t exactly overwhelmed with things to do during the day; I’d be crawling the walls with boredom if I was him, so I’d agreed to hang out with him more and going along to the football was part of the deal. There were teams playing as far as the eye could see and it felt like half the teenage boys in London were there with us. Girls were in short supply; I reckoned I was outnumbered by about fifty to one. And I was grateful Jeremy had decided to come along. To the casual observer it looked like I was talking to him. And he’d brought a flask of hot Ribena.

  ‘Shut up moaning, yeah?’ Dontay said absently as he watched Nelson weave past a defender and head towards the goal. ‘It’s not even cold.’

  I clasped my arms around myself and jiggled up and down on the spot, wincing every now and then from the twinges in my strapped-up ankle. ‘That’s easy for you to say. Ghosts don’t feel temperature. It could be sub-zero and you wouldn’t know it.’

  ‘I told you to wear a hat and gloves,’ Jeremy pointed out in a mildly self-satisfied voice. ‘I did say it would be chilly.’

  I didn’t even dignify that with an answer and turned to Dontay instead. ‘So this is where you used to play?’

  He nodded. ‘Until I got picked
up by the Hammers. Then I played at their training ground in Essex with the other Academy kids.’ He trailed off as the goalkeeper saved a shot aimed at the back of the net. ‘I’d give anything to kick the ball about again.’

  The longing in his voice was almost tangible. A wave of sympathy crashed over me and we watched in silence as the game went on in front of us. In spite of what I’d learned watching the England game with Dontay, I still felt like I knew nothing about football, but even I could see Nelson was a talented player. The ball seemed tied to his feet with invisible string as he danced around the opposing team. If Dontay had been anything like as good as his brother then he’d been robbed of a shining future. No wonder he was bitter and angry.

  I still hadn’t spoken to him about his death. If I was honest, I still wasn’t sure how to broach the subject without upsetting him. He was starting to open up, but he was often still moody and I didn’t feel we were at the stage where I could force him to relive painful memories. I couldn’t help feeling it was somehow linked to Nelson, though, which was why I’d agreed to give up my precious Saturday morning lie-in for gloomy Hackney.

  There was nothing useful I could say to Dontay, so I clamped my mouth closed and we watched the game. He sank into a brooding silence and I could practically feel his barely contained resentment seething beside me. It wasn’t until his brother threaded the ball past the keeper and we were watching the players jog back to the halfway line that Dontay seemed to shake himself out of his mood and I decided to take a risk.

  ‘Can I ask you something?’

  He shrugged, throwing me a curious look. ‘I suppose so, yeah.’

  ‘What do you miss most about being alive?’ Jeremy threw me a warning glance, but I ignored him and waved a hand towards the pitch. ‘Apart from this, obviously.’