Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  As the jellyfish hovered above, a beautiful spinning flower with contrasting hues of blue and pink blossomed inside of the circle. The tentacles of the jellyfish were thin spaghetti-like legs of what could only be described as electrical currents of sizzling wires, moving so magnificently that Lily ached to touch such a creature. I would stare at the sea animals all day and forever be happy, she thought.

  Next, a translucent fish swam alongside Lily’s leg, so close she feared it was going to eat her! The bones in its body lit up in a rippling effect of rainbow lights, starting from the center of its heart and moving out to the fins. Its eyes were bustling balls which looked like clear bubbling glue and they stared and moved from side to side, while its mouth bobbed open and closed, oblivious to Lily and the mermaid. Deeper and deeper they glided through the ocean. Swimming over colonies of coral reef and giant seaweed trees full of brilliant colors and different shapes and sizes. The forest, so rich in texture created great depths of shadows which reminded Lily of tall buildings and cities back home. It certainly was a very dream-like state of pure bliss to be floating over such a magical presentation of nature, overgrowing wildly in its native environment. Faster and faster the mermaid swam, still holding Lily’s hand ever-so-tightly, careful not to let her go.

  The darkness started to become lighter. Can I finally see in the dark? Lily wondered. But no, the sea was turning lighter, and in the distance, Lily could see a large glowing ball of a fire-like substance that rotated in a rapid motion. Mermaids were gathered everywhere around this circle, both male and female. All with similar white silver hair, but each with varying lengths and shades of it. They all had the same ouroboros symbol attached to some part of their body, whether it was on their neck, their wrist, or above the elbow.

  Crysanthe finally stopped in front of a well-built merman. He had a thin string necklace that hung loosely around his neck and a sliced clear crystal ornament that crossed directly over his heart. His silver hair sat just above his shoulders, and the ouroboros symbol was secured around his wrist with a thick silver clasp.

  “Crysanthe! Have you gone completely mad?” he screamed, outraged at the beautiful mermaid. “Why have you brought down a land creature?”

  Crysanthe promptly swam over to the merman, and in the process, let Lily’s hand go. But Lily didn’t float back up to the surface; instead, she stayed exactly where she was, absorbed within the water, becoming one inside the sea. The water continued to move around her, constantly changing yet staying the same, and slowly, very slowly, she was gravitated toward the base of the ocean floor. Here, she stood as a statue, frozen to the ground, with only her eyes moving, and the sound in her ears, as she watched and listened to the mercreatures quarrel.

  “Oh my love, don’t be sour with me,” Crysanthe pouted, swimming up close. “I have good reasons, will you please let me explain?”

  She turned slightly and looked over her shoulder with flirting eyes, smiling mischievously as she spoke. But he wasn’t giving in easily and he replied with the strength of a leader.

  “For thousands of years we have kept ourselves safe from the land, and now you choose to spoil our peace?”

  The merman’s anger scared Lily. It rumbled in her stomach with the same vibration that she felt when she heard thunder in the sky.

  “Zavier, will you just let me finish?” Crysanthe bit back; but there was laughter in her eyes and she smiled as she did so, playing with his emotions.

  “I don’t want to hear it,” he argued. “Look what you have done with your curiosity!”

  Zavier pointed to the crowd who were all staring and whispering to each other while pointing to Lily’s legs. There was a mixture of giggles and gasps as they all glared at such an unknown sight. Ordinarily, for Lily to be on display like that, she would have been mortified, wanting to run and hide. But, to escape was not an option, she couldn’t move. She was forced to endure it, inside her cemented statue of human legs.

  “But Zavier…” Crysanthe begged as she spoke louder wanting to be heard.

  “No, Crysanthe, no! You take her back to land right now, or I will do it myself!” Zavier commanded, as he placed his hand proudly over his chest while referring to himself.

  “But she’s wearing our necklace! Look . . .”

  Crysanthe pulled the necklace out from Lily’s dress and presented it to Zavier. He paused for a moment and looked back to Crysanthe, staring dumbfounded. Lily watched his whole persona change quickly and although Lily was unable to move, she could feel his emotion transform through his movements and his voice as he surrendered to Crysanthe.

  “My love, please forgive me for doubting you.” Zavier replied with a soft tone, and he shook his head in confusion, tucking his silvery hair behind his ears while looking Lily up and down. “What could this mean?”

  His stance was still cautious of the incident but his words did not shy, and he acknowledged that perhaps Crysanthe was right. She melted inwards to Zavier, mirroring his vulnerability of accepting his wrong, and she wrapped her skinny arms around him in a tight embrace, kissing him repeatedly on the cheek in reward. With her crystal crown fastened tightly on her head, the ends of her hair floated upwards.

  “I’m not sure my love, but I think I should find out. It must mean something right?” Her purple eyes gleamed as she spoke, full of excitement and anticipation. The crowds of merpeople gathered in a tighter circle toward Lily and chatted to each other loudly as they too deciphered the news.

  “Shh my fellow merpeople,” Zavier said as he removed Crysanthe’s arms and faced the crowd that had now doubled in size. “We are unsure of this message. Is it a blessing or a curse? Never have we come across an outsider with this symbol. Has anyone here ever given this piece of jewelry to another?”

  The crowd was a complete mix of mermaids and mermen, various ages, each with a unique pattern of beautifully colored scales below their waists. They all pointed to their ouroboros which was displayed somewhere on their bodies, either around their wrist, arm, neck, or head.

  “But darling that’s impossible. Without this don’t we die?”

  A few squeals and terrifying gasps hushed through the crowd as such words were uttered, and Zavier twisted his fin quickly as he scolded Crysanthe.

  “Crysanthe, do not tell them what you fear.”

  “But it’s the truth! Why must we hide the truth?”

  The crowds of merpeople now tripled in size and continued to mutter loudly over the squabble. Their faces all held mixed reactions, some with anger, some with pity, some with fear, and some who didn’t seem to understand what was going on, but were just excited from the attention it had caused.

  “Crysanthe, it is not the truth it is only an idea. What has come over you? I think you should return this girl, purely for your outspokenness. You should never impose your beliefs onto another.” He shook his head and rubbed his eyes as though traumatized by the mermaid’s outburst. “Your questions and comments are always welcome but not at this expense,” he continued, pointing to the crowd. “And right now, I can see our friends are all feeling the emotion of being scared at what it is that you call death.”

  Crysanthe took hold of his hands lovingly and stroked his skin with her fingers. She was the complete opposite of her partner and she calmed him with her presence.

  “But there is nothing to be feared. Surely in our time, there must have been someone who decided to die?” she asked. “There are mermaids in this ocean that we have not met, aren’t there? Isn’t it possible that there isn’t just one way of life?” Crysanthe’s voice climbed to a high-sounding pitch as she asked her endless questions with worry.

  “Of course my love, but if you are searching for an answer, I am trying to give you an answer. Satisfied?” He held her hands tightly, showing his respect was mirrored to her, but now she was the one upset.

  “No, I would rather you just say, ‘I don’t know’ and let us make up our own minds.”

  Crysanthe turned to swim away; she was annoyed
at Zavier, but he intervened, grabbing her by the waist with his muscly arms.

  “This is the fire I love inside of you,” he smiled proudly and turned to the crowd as he continued, “my fellow mercreatures, look at my beautiful wife and the way her mind works. Do not accept something just because you are told it! Let her be an example to you all.” He turned back to Crysanthe and held her hand lovingly. “What is it that you wish to achieve by bringing this girl into our world?”

  Crysanthe cuddled into Zavier once more, as he had given her the freedom of speech in allowing her to prove him wrong. And Lily could feel that it was in his change of heart that he showed her how important she was to him.

  “I still have questions inside of me that are not yet answered,” Crysanthe said, speaking with rushed excitement and moving her hands around quickly, “I would like to know more about this girl. About her life, her way of being. Where did she come from? What is she doing in this world?”

  “I will let you do as you please, but my love, be warned—I have a bad feeling about this. What if the land people were to see you?”

  The crowd all hushed and whispered loudly amongst themselves as Zavier told of his premonition. Lily felt nervous too. She finally realized why Jacques had made special mention to keep the mermaids secret, for their own safety.

  “They have never seen me, not in a thousand years. Why now?”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I have someone looking over me, you know that.”

  She pointed to the ball of fire near them, and as everyone turned to look, a release of flames burst through the ocean, up to the sea level as though agreeing with the mermaid.

  “Crysanthe, you have everything here that you could ever want. Everything you could ask to make you happy. Why risk your life to learn about someone that is not of your own kind? What am I not giving you to make you happy?” Zavier lowered his gaze to stare at her eyes intently, eagerly awaiting Crysanthe’s response.

  “You give me everything I could ever ask for my love, and more. You do. But I want to learn about their music, and what it is that the land people laugh at. What simple acts bring them joy? Is it a pleasure I am unable to attain?” She pleaded, the wondrous questions flowing freely from her mind, as though she had been holding onto them for some time.

  “Well, there is no more to be discussed then. You may do as you please, if this is your heart’s desire. I will not stand in your way. But please, my love, please, be careful.”

  Zavier pulled Crysanthe closer as he kissed her sweetly. And the crowd roared with applause as their king and queen united.

  “I love you Zavier, thank you,” she whispered beneath the cheering.

  “My love for you is unconditional Crysanthe. I will let you be free and always respect your decision. But, I do ask one favor if you please?”

  “Anything my love,” she replied, massaging the back of his neck with her fingers.

  “Please ask her these questions tomorrow, after the dance of Neo?”

  “Certainly. I will return her now and explain how she is to find me through the shells in the water. If anyone is to hear this girl’s vibration through the current, please ensure I am informed and go to her first.”

  Crysanthe’s finger twitched first. It jolted with an electrical current and wiggled again. Lily was suddenly back at the beach, standing on the garnet pebbles once more, staring out to the far horizon. Crysanthe was hovering with her waist above the water, but her face was different; this time she radiated warmness, and Lily felt like she knew her already.

  “Dear sweet girl, it was rude of me to have not asked your name before. Please forgive me. I am Crysanthe.”

  Lily stared around quite disoriented, unsure as to what had just happened. She moved her hands to wipe her eyes and comb through her hair. But both her hair and skin were dry. She felt down to touch the lace on her white gown, and it was softer than ever. Even the dirt marks from where she had jumped through the manhole were clean. She was completely fresh and dry. Her crochet bag once again slung over her shoulder, and her necklace was perfectly secured next to her chest.

  “How did you move me without my knowledge? And now I am dry?” Lily asked, pushing her curls behind her shoulders.

  “When I take you into my world, I create a protective barrier around your body. I imagine it to be so, and when I place my hand over your head, the seal is formed. Do not be scared, I will never harm you. I don’t know how.” She giggled as she declared her weakness, while rainbow bubbles protruded from her mouth, floating up into the air.

  The rainbow sheen sparkled with intensity from the blazing sun in the distance and Lily smiled sweetly, watching the bubbles drift through the sky like floating balloons.

  “What is it like to be a human? To walk upon the ground? To have legs and dance?”

  Lily tried not to laugh at such questions that she had never been asked of before and looked around shyly, unsure of how to respond.

  “Where is it that you are walking to now?” Crysanthe continued, ignoring Lily’s absence of words, eager to continue the conversation.

  “I was told by Jacques, the healer who lives up on the hill over there, that I am to walk along this path and that it will lead me to Karisma, the ruler of this land. Apparently I am a gift to this world, and my purpose here is just to enjoy, experience, and learn,” Lily replied, stating the facts as though reciting a lesson.

  “Apparently? Do you not think that it is true?” Crysanthe asked, as her royal demeanor diminished quickly, and Lily felt as though she were staring at a fellow playmate, wearing a dress-up crown of crystals on her head.

  Lily felt confidence rise in her heart, as though she was conversing with someone who was just like herself, curious and courteous.

  “I don’t know,” Lily replied, shrugging her shoulders. “Do we ever know?”

  “Maybe that is your purpose here with me as well. I am to teach you also?” Crysanthe flickered the water through her fingers and it dazzled above her, dripping down in a beautiful synchronized waterfall.

  “I hope so. I would love to know more about your world. You seem so happy.”

  Crysanthe giggled again, the rainbow bubbles escaping from her mouth once more. “That’s because we believe that the purpose of life is just to be happy.”

  Lily tried to think about how often it was that she purposely thought about being happy. It was difficult to recall. Between the doctor visits, and the agony from her mother’s death, she didn’t really have much room inside her mind to think about what it was that made her happy. And she envied the beautiful mermaid with her simplistic approach to life. Could it really be that easy?

  “How wonderful! So, are you the queen or princess of the underwater world, and what do you call the underwater world?” Lily asked, taking a seat on the red crystal beach as though she were in school listening to her teacher.

  “Yes, I am the Queen of Neosa. That is what we call our world. Neo means life, and Sa is Beautiful.”

  “Life is beautiful.” The two chanted at the same time together, as simultaneously two dolphins jumped through the water, as though cementing their ideas. Lily smiled to herself, thinking how glorious it would be for her life to be only ever beautiful.

  “How is it that you came to be Queen of Neosa?” Lily asked, picking up some crystals and playing with the textures in her hand. She enjoyed rubbing the polished gems on her skin, and she dipped them in the water, cooling them off from their time in the sun.

  “To understand that, you must first understand our history. We are immortal. We choose when we are going to die. For when we die, another life is born. So, Zavier and I do not know why we are as we are; we were born and the merpeople told us that we were king and queen in our lives before, and so this time we are once again.”

  “So you will forever be together?” Lily asked, smiling at such a lovely thought of having a twin soul reconnect time after time.

  “Yes although it doesn’t necessarily mean we will b
e lovers. Maybe next time we will be siblings.”

  “Always royalty?” Lily asked as she looked to the beautiful crown that framed Crysanthe’s silver hair.

  The crystals appeared so heavy and chunky, with such magnificent weight. But alas, perhaps it was magic inside of them, maybe the sun that shone above filled each cube with such encompassing light it was full to the brim.

  “Zavier and I do not think of ourselves as that,” she replied, taking her crown off her head and spinning it around her finger like a hoola hoop around one’s waist. “The merpeople desired to have a leader and so that is who we are. We create the world in which they want to live in too. It is their choice just as much as it is ours.”

  She placed the crown back on her head, fastening the ouroboros low in between her brows.

  “You say you want to learn about the beauty behind dancing and singing and other pleasures, but do you not think that perhaps you bring joy that we do not have and do not understand also?”

  “You are right Lily. See, I am already learning from you.”

  “And I, from you.”

  Crysanthe smiled warmly and the pinkness in her lips turned a deep rouge as she swam closer to where Lily was sitting.

  “Will you come back and visit me?” she asked, with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

  Lily stood up proudly. “Yes, I would love to. But how will I find you again?”

  Crysanthe handed Lily a small cockle seashell, no bigger than the size of her fingernail, and her face changed from a giggling smile to a grave stare.

  “Our senses are more heightened than you realize,” she whispered as Lily moved closer, immersing her ankles into the water. “Imagine a line of vibrating energy that runs across a cord from the tip of your head to the top of my head. Do it, close your eyes.”

  Lily closed her eyes as instructed. She felt no fear from the mermaid, not after their conversation. And she envisioned the line of electrical currents, extracting from her head directly toward Crysanthe.