Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

  Boom cha ba ba, boom cha ba ba, boom cha ba ba, boom.

  Silence.

  “Ma I, lei fe, ce mi beo, vio le, ka pi se, si ee, ni who,” Jade said.

  “Sa Neo,” The girls all replied in a hushed voice.

  Jade motioned for the girls to each bring forth the gifts from Lily. One by one they presented the pieces.

  “Life begins with air,” Jade said as she tipped the oil into the palm of her hands and placed them on the base of Lily’s feet. “Take a deep breath and meet me here.” She slithered the oil on thickly and massaged the tips of Lily’s fingers; her knuckles were pressed the way Papa would do to distract her mind. Lily exhaled deeply as though releasing her thoughts, and Jade held Lily’s crown of her head, humming loudly while doing so.

  Boom cha ba ba, boom cha ba ba, boom cha ba ba, boom.

  Silence.

  “SA NEO,” the girls yelled loudly.

  Jade opened the folded leaf and poured the sea salt into her hands. She sprinkled the dust over Lily’s naked body, and then rubbed down hard, exfoliating dead cells off her skin. The residue flew away with the wind, cleansing Lily’s body of anything that she no longer needed.

  “Our bodies are made of water. Let our water never run dry.”

  “SA NEO,” the girls replied.

  Boom cha, boom cha, boom cha, boom.

  Silence.

  Jade placed the obsidian crystal on Lily’s neck. Lily closed her eyes, feeling the weight of the crystal connect and sink deeply within herself. She felt a strange tingling sensation on her body where it lay, as though the power of the rock was seeping into her blood stream, fueling her veins. The blood pumped around her body quickly, and she could see her veins in her body as though they were on the outside of her skin. They had risen up high, entangled tubes full of dark red and deep purples. They appeared in synchronization with the beating of the drums and then, they disappeared as quickly as the sound evaporated from the air.

  Boom cha, boom cha, boom cha, boom.

  Silence.

  “The fire is lit within your passion, let it burn forever in your eyes.”

  “SA NEO,” the girls replied.

  Boom cha, boom cha, boom cha, boom.

  Silence.

  Jade crushed the flower within her hands. Tearing each petal off roughly and savagely. She threw the components high in the air like confetti over Lily’s body and they slowly dropped down like kisses of a rainfall, each drop in tune with the beating drum, now strumming louder with momentum.

  “With this flower, I feed the strength of nature into your vessel.”

  “SA NEO,” the girls chanted.

  Boom cha, boom cha, boom cha.

  Silence.

  Jade held the seed above Lily’s chest and placed it in between her rib cage. She pressed it down hard, forcing Lily to breathe out noisily. And from the pain that Lily felt from the seed being pushed, she automatically mirrored the action inside with her own emotions, releasing with her exhale any built up anger or sorrow that she had once held onto.

  “Plant this seed inside your heart and let love grow out into the world around you.”

  “SA NEO!” the girls chanted.

  Boom cha boom cha boom cha.

  “You have been given the gift of life Lily.”

  “SA NEO!” the girls chanted.

  “Louder,” Jade commanded as the drumming grew in vibration, and the girls chanting of Sa Neo echoed through the night air, whispering along the journey of the winds.

  Boom cha boom cha boom cha.

  “SA NEO!”

  “AGAIN!” she screamed.

  Boom cha boom cha boom cha.

  Silence.

  Lily closed her eyes tightly and watched as patterns of white and yellow swirled together into new shapes and sizes. She felt herself float above her body and she opened her eyes, realizing she had done exactly that—detached herself as a separate entity. She watched the ceremony from high above, floating afar, connected to her body by a long gold rope. The burning flames fenced her body and they joined together directly above in a pyramid. She could still feel the heat, it was pleasurable, and forced her body to shiver with a moment of ecstasy as an overwhelming joy immersed her body.

  Such a strange feeling, to appear detached, yet not entirely from your body, she thought. To see yourself so clearly, yet so separate from all you have ever known. There is a life outside of myself, yet it begins from inside of myself.

  Click clack.

  The sound of two giant crystals smashing together pierced through the air loudly disrupting Lily’s levitation, bringing her back down to the ground.

  Click clack click clack.

  The vibration grew as Lily felt multitudes of the crystals clinking together, as though more people were joining the circle.

  Click clack click clack click clack click clack click clack click clack.

  The girls moved around hurriedly, until the stones smashing together rang out in a long conjoined beat, connecting altogether in one harmonizing tune.

  Through her closed eyes she could see the light of the stone, and Lily felt as though each stone hovered above her, ringing the sound out on its own. The light of the stone had faded except for the noise, which still existed, and it held a shape above her body. A pure stream of sound and white light spun violently, in a tornado-type fashion all around Lily, but despite the chaos, the peace held strong. And Lily was calm, feeling her body stretch out with new shapes, and new skin, and a new vibrational frequency. The energy from the crystals had entered into her body and the powerful forces were being ignited inside her heart.

  “Silence!” Jade commanded, as the beating ceased all at the same time and she draped a lavender-smelling silk cloth on Lily’s face. “You may open your eyes.”

  The smell of lavender calmed Lily completely and when she opened her eyes, the fire had extinguished. She felt at peace.

  The sky was the same deep green as before but this time it felt more alive. The moons looked brighter, the clouds felt closer. She felt like she was floating in the middle of the sky. The senses in her body were running on overdrive. She could feel the wind softly purr over every piece of hair on her body in precise detail. Something in her hand brought her back down to the ground. And when she opened it, there on her finger sat a purple amethyst crystal ring.

  It is a gift from the land, she was told. The voice inside her was growing stronger; it was ready to roar, but she still had more to learn before she was to speak openly about such matters. The observations that she absorbed with such silence were taking over her mind, and she was learning, learning so much from her surroundings whether she chose to or not. These surroundings were teaching her. And the lessons that she was learning were invaluable, irreplaceable, and only she alone could witness them. They weren’t to be shared; they weren’t to be spoken about. For the power she now possessed, the gifted ring was to symbolize it all, and it would be envied from all of those she would meet, but even still, they would respect the wish of the ring to be with her, to sit on her finger so proudly, so closely. The ring had molded its shape around her finger, it was magically fastened, so that no one could break it off, they would have to slice her fingers in order to try and remove the purple amethyst stone ring. It was beautiful, raw and pure, with sharp thunderbolt lightning strikes throughout, reminding her that it had been created under the night sky.

  “To complete this initiation of welcoming you to Sa Neo, you must bathe in the Sacred Valley of Lucidity. Follow me.”

  Still in her open nakedness, with the moons high in the sky, Lily followed the tribe to the sacred valley where she was told she would be bathing. She stood on the edge of the still waters with dark tourmaline crystal rolled in oblong shapes all around on the ground. Slowly, Lily walked into the christened water, feeling the cool shudder of bubbles release a chilling sensation around her ankles. The chill moved from the base of the feet, along the back of her knees, up past her thighs and along the edge of her spine, unt
il it reached the crown of her head, and although she had not submerged herself in the water completely, she could feel the potential of what was to come, and it excited her. Her eyes sparkled beneath the thrice-beaming moonlights, hungry for more. If this were a taste of what living in this land was like, perhaps she would like it more than she thought. It was wonderful to feel the empowerment of the women around her, supporting her, and comforting her choices. Slowly, she walked. The water now reaching just above her shoulders, it was the moment she would completely surrender and come back up as one of them. The initiation would be complete.

  “You are alone. You were born on your own and will die on your own, exactly as you are. No one is here to save you.”

  Jade forcefully threw both her arms out to either side of her body and above her shoulders. She drew her arms in together and pointed directly ahead.

  “Rew ae Sa Neo!”

  Jade spread her fingers above and drew a faint outline of pale pink colored smoke through her claw-pointed fingertips and she repeated this again. In the sky above, a swarm of six bright rainbow-colored birds flew around in a clockwise circle. They swooped down low above each of the girls’ heads almost touching and then back up high. Each bird performed the exact same movement. Flying gracefully up and down, up and down, around and around. Lily stood with her head just above the water, waiting for the signal from Jade to leave the still waters. The longer she stayed beneath the water world, the stronger the movement of currents underneath.

  Jade turned away from Lily, pulled out a small cube of fabric from her pocket and dangled it in front of her face. She threw the fabric up above her head and allowed it to float down to the ground, never once turning to Lily again. And the words she spoke were muffled in the wind, away from Lily, making it impossible to understand what was being said. And when the voice was finished, she heard one last time, ‘Sa Neo’ being chanted in the night sky as each of the girls followed one by one behind Jade.

  Gradually, the shadows of the girls slowly dispersed into the dark forest, as did the trail of birds above. And all that was left was Lily floating in the water, cocooned in a nest of the family she wished to be a part of. Her immediate thought was not in fear of getting home, or finding clothing, for she was already home, anywhere and everywhere she walked was her home. And while she floated in the water, dancing beneath the stars, no one cared what she was wearing or to whom it was that she belonged. She was accepted as just herself, and the world danced around her, praising her body and giving gratitude for her heart that beat a song of love that sang out into the universe for all who would listen.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  A DAY WITH SILVA

  Lily saw herself lying beneath a net made of gold, but it wasn’t a protective net; it burnt her skin and weighed heavy on her petite frame. She heard Jade cackle in the background, but she couldn’t see anything, nothing but the golden net over her face and body. And she sank deeply into the ground, pushed down from the weight of the net crushing into her bones. It was difficult to breathe. The sheer shock of it all made Lily toss and turn and she knocked herself awake. Lily was having a dream, or was it a vision? She didn’t know the difference. She had barely slept the night of the initiation. Her mind was too energetic, too eager to go and play with her new-found powers. There was nothing to keep her asleep, although she had no idea what the time was, but the moon was beaming high in the sky, and dawn still looked to be a few hours away. Too scared to go back to sleep, she rose. Whisking the sheets to the end of the bed, she stood up straight. Taking her little crochet pouch that she had barely worn, she dressed herself in a dark green long-sleeve hooded dress. Through the giant hallway she crept, down the stairs, out to the garden, where the naked beach shone brightly ahead and the sound of the water kissing the pebbles with each crashing breath sang loudly in Lily’s ears. She walked to the far right of the ocean, a place where she could hide behind large rocks and feel safe to perform the ritual of calling upon Crysanthe once more.

  “You are on a different beach!” Crysanthe exclaimed, as she hovered above the green waters on the shores of Tehar. Her hair was messy and ragged, and she wore a loose necklace full of chunky seashells around her neck. Her crown, once again, placed sturdily on her head.

  “Yes! This land is called Tehar,” Lily announced proudly. “Queen Jade invited me so that I could be initiated to Sa Neo.”

  The mermaid’s violet eyes widened with excitement, and she propped herself onto a giant slab of tourmaline rock, closer to Lily in order to listen to the story.

  “Oh Crysanthe, I was so nervous. If I did not pass the queen suggested that my life would have been sacrificed,” Lily explained, recalling the turn of events clearly in her mind.

  “Sacrificed to who?”

  “I don’t know exactly. I guess I would be sacrificed to their beliefs?”

  Lily only now realized that the idea of sacrifice seemed unreasonable. Surely she would not have been taken prisoner for not agreeing with someone, although the temper in Jade’s voice did sound crazy, and people can be drunk with too much power.

  “Their beliefs don’t need your sacrifice. Forcing authority onto another will not change anything. How can witches be so stupid yet so powerful at the same time?”

  Lily chuckled at Crysanthe’s outspoken emotion. She was very heated in the moment, and her silvery skin emitted a layer of steam under the moonlight.

  “Well it’s okay, because I passed!” Lily reassured her, trying to calm the mermaid down.

  Crysanthe giggled to herself for her outburst, and she dusted the steam off her skin as though the heat was peeling a layer off.

  “So what happened during the initiation?”

  “Crysanthe it was magical! I have never experienced anything like it. To be a part of something higher than myself, and to have control over something too big to comprehend. I felt like I levitated above my body and watched the ceremony from afar, and the girl on the table was not me. I mean, I was not her. But if that were true then where did I go?”

  As Lily recalled the events that had played out, it gave her a chance to actually process it properly, to float above her body and yet still be attached with just a cord. When she explained the way she felt and the emotions that had arisen during that time, it was as though she was reliving the experience once more, only this time it felt more alive, and the truth of her reality felt more real. Maybe it was because she was sharing it with someone.

  “I was given this ring, look. I don’t know how it was placed on my finger, but when I opened my eyes, here it was. And I was told that it is to both create and protect.”

  Lily held her hand out to show Crysanthe the ring. The splinters in the amethyst stone appeared to have changed, and they now swirled around like milky clouds. The silver that held the stone together had softened into her skin, and it felt completely natural on her hand.

  “Have you tried to use it?”

  “No, I’m too scared. But I do have a present I had wanted to give you!”

  Lily reached into her pouch and pulled out a piece of obsidian crystal from the volcano on Otor. “This stone is produced when you dance to Neo! The heat rises through the center core and erupts up here on land. Your dance creates heat in the atmosphere,” Lily explained with enthusiasm for solving one of Crysanthe’s questions.

  “It does?”

  Lily nodded and handed over the piece of black obsidian. Crysanthe closed her eyes and twitched slightly as she held the black crystal. Lily could sense that she could also feel the immediate power it possessed, and she knew instantly that she had done the right thing by giving the stone to the mermaid.

  “Everything starts from the inside, out,” Lily replied factually. “And there is something else…”

  “What?” Crysanthe’s entire face lit up at the idea of her being thought of outside of the water and she listened eagerly to her friend.

  “This world is called Sa Neo, and whenever Jade would talk, the girls would reply—‘Sa Neo’
. Neo—like your Neo. But if the mermaids never met anyone on land, how did they both call the world they live in, Neo? It’s a little bit more than just a coincidence, don’t you think?”

  “Oh seashells!” Crysanthe sighed a big gasp of air, and looked out to the horizon of splashing waters. She held a confused frown on her brow, and pouted her lips expressing both frustration and excitement to uncover the truth.

  “And another thing…” Lily whispered to Crysanthe, so only the two could hear.

  “What?” she whispered back, combing her hair from her face and leaning in closer.

  “The ceremony was in a circle, and inside the circle were four points, and at those points a girl stood holding the items that represented air, water, fire and nature.”

  Lily described the placement of the girls during the ceremony to precision, using stones on the ground to explain visually. Crysanthe knew what she was implying.

  “You mean, like inside the Cave of Zeka? The drawings?” The waves behind Crysanthe grew with strength as the two connected their worlds together. The water roared, splashing down hard, as though clapping with applause.

  “EXACTLY! If mermaids never had feet, how did they know such a place existed to be able to draw it?”

  Crysanthe nodded as she wondered the same question. “What do you think this all means?”

  Lily stared back at the beautiful creature, feeling so happy to be asked for advice from someone so powerful. The differences between them faded with just one look, and she felt friendship and safety in anything that was said.

  “That we are all connected somehow,” Lily said and smiled back at her friend, knowing that there is something unimaginable connecting them all together, something so big that neither of them could fully grasp it.