All Geek to Me

by Allie York

  Officer Collins tips his head up to look at the ceiling as if he can see through to my apartment.

  “You live up there?” He points in disbelief.

  “That’s what I said. Now in or out?” I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m cold and he’s not listening.

  “Is it a Harry Potter thing? An attic, or whatever?” He’s still scanning the ceiling and stepping inside.

  I roll my eyes and bounce a little to warm up. “Harry lived under the stairs, not in an attic,” I correct him. “I live in neither. It’s an apartment.”

  “Right.” He looks as if he doesn’t believe me.

  “Right,” I echo. “Do you want a coffee or something?” I’m exhausted and have no idea what possesses me to offer, but I’m sure he could use it if he’s staying up all night.

  “You have coffee?” His pale blue eyes light up at the mention of coffee.

  “We also have a couple of Obi Wan cannolis or Galli-fried dough bites too? If you’re hungry.” I walk through the dark to Second Breakfast and slide behind the counter.

  “I don’t know what any of that means.” Officer Collins leans on the counter, sliding over the Hulk sign that says, “You won’t like me when I’m hangry”.

  “Obi Wan cannolis are… well cannolis. And Galli-fried dough bites are like donut holes. But with fun nerdy names. Star Wars. Doctor Who.” I offer the explanation while he stares blankly at me.

  “I get the Star Wars joke. Sorta,” he admits, shrugging.

  “Want me to tell you the coffee options or just pick one?” I grab the carafe and turn on the sink, not needing the light to know where everything is.

  “Randomly pick whatever is easiest for you in the dark, but I want to hear the names anyway.” Officer Collins winks at me and I swoon. Not like in my head. I mean in real life with a coffee pot in one hand and a bag of coffee in the other. He sees it too, of course, because I can’t do embarrassing things without the hot cop seeing me.

  I clear my throat and turn back to the coffee pot so he can’t see how much I’m blushing,

  “There’s Espresso Patronum, Come to the Dark Side, Tony Stark Bucks, and DeCaffeinate. DeCaffeinate is to be spoken in your best Dalek voice.” I demonstrate in my lame robotic Dalek voice and turn to see a wide-eyed Officer Collins. “Nerd overload?” I start the coffee with the push of a button.

  He snorts to keep from laughing. “It’s all geek to me.” Then he bursts out laughing, the deep rumble echoing around the dark, empty shop. The bubble of hot water in the machine joins the sound and he wipes the laughing tears from his eyes.

  “Does that mean I did my Dalek voice for nothing?” I laugh with him, picking out a cup from the stack. Our sizes are Hobbit, Dwarf, Elf, and Sauron. I grab a Sauron.

  “It means I have no idea what a Dalek is, but you make me want to learn.” His voice drops off at the last part and he clears his throat. I hand him the coffee and hope my cheeks aren't too red. “Which one is this?” He takes the cup, adds a packet of sugar, and uses a stirrer shaped like a sword to mix it together.

  “Come to the Dark Side in a Sauron sized cup. Maximize the caffeine, I did.” As soon as it’s out of my mouth, I cringe. My nerdiness knows no bounds and honestly, I’m not used to censoring it. I grew up like this and live immersed in it every day. He snorts a laugh and takes a sip.

  “Well, whatever you just said is damn good coffee,” Officer Collins admits, sipping again. I nod and yawn. “I’ll let you get to bed. Have a good night, Miss Reynolds. Thanks for the coffee.” He takes a step away from the counter and I wipe my hands on my pants to make them stop sweating. Why does he make me so nervous?

  “Noralee,” I correct him, following him to the front door. It’s pitch dark in the parking lot except for the one lamp over his police cruiser.

  “Noralee,” he amends, backing out of my shop and letting a gust of frigid air in.

  “Stay warm out there, Officer Collins.” Before he can tell me again to call him Wyatt, I close the door, lock the bolt, and turn away. I can feel him watching me as I retreat, although I doubt he can see me in the darkness. I glance back when I pass the desk to see him walk to his car and let out an appreciative sigh. He has a nice ass, that’s for sure. I climb the stairs, hesitate at my door, to make sure I don’t get interrupted again, then go inside. I don’t bother locking the apartment. I should, but as thin as the door is, it wouldn't do any good. I’m out of my clothes, in my Captain America pajamas and in bed in record time. The first joy of living alone is not having to clean up a mess until you feel like it and no one can complain when you sleep in Marvel pajamas. I take advantage of both tonight. Despite it being cold outside, my apartment is toasty, and I have enough blankets to make sure I don’t get a draft. With my Hufflepuff blanket up around my shoulders, I click on my TV to Doctor Who and turn the volume down to a barely audible level. It’s my nightly ritual when I’m alone. Sometimes I actually watch it, but most of the time I just sleep with the Doctor and his companion flying through time and space. It’s weirdly comforting for me. I tried other shows, but none have the same effect on me. I drift off to the sounds of the TARDIS with the brakes left on.

  Before I completely pass out, I check my personal email and Facebook. My mom sent a few pictures of her and Dad parasailing, but other than that, nothing worth looking at. I check out the Facebook messages for Words for Nerds next and notice an increase in our normal volume. I then realize we have forty new page likes. I guess the fliers are working their magic. Hopefully more of those likes are women. With all the social media out of the way, and the Doctor in the background, I’m able to get some much-needed sleep after an intense D & D session. Now we only have to make it through speed dating.

  The day before speed dating is a blur of calls, emails, and foot traffic. The biggest fan convention in the area decides that a random Thursday in January is a good time to announce their next stop in our town and drops a guest list that would make the big comic cons jealous. We’re getting everyone from video game voices, to cult classics, to newer Marvel stars coming in just a few months. This means that Words for Nerds is the place to be. Our Thursday regulars come in for a cup of caffeine and to sit in one of our oversized chairs, all buzzing about a huge comic artist coming with the convention. Greer is right with them. Swooning is not something she does often, so you know if she’s excited, it’s going to be huge.

  “Uh, Nora?” Tuesday turns on the computer stool and tips the screen my way. It’s an email about the break-in next door. “She said she’s not sure how she feels about coming to speed dating since it will be dark, and Waggin’ Tails had the break-in.” I shoo her off the stool and my TARDIS charm bracelet jingles. I try to stick to one fandom a day and today is Doctor Who complete with a TARDIS skirt, space print leggings, and a sonic screwdriver on my shirt. My mass of hair is wrangled into a ball with a TARDIS scrunchie. I take Tuesday’s seat and send her to Second Breakfast when some people in need of coffee come in. I type out a quick response, assuring her that it’s a safe area and there has been a heavier police presence since the incident. I remind her that no one was hurt, and only money was taken, but that these things don’t happen often in our part of town, but we will gladly walk her to the car after speed dating is over. Once I’m satisfied I’ve eased any fears, I take to social media to make sure there aren’t others not attending for the same reason. Honestly, before the break-in, I don’t remember the last time I saw a cop in the area. It’s a busy place but a safe one.

  “I need to pick up my order.” A tall man with a beard longer than my hair taps his hand on the counter.

  “Name?” We do a lot of online orders, so sometimes I have no idea who most people are.

  “Last name: Fitzsimmons.” He peers down his long nose at me and I nod, turning in my stool to get his comics from the boxes behind us. I remember his order coming in. He has a love for Firefly and a lot of money to spend on older comics.

  “Here you go!” I hand him the packages and pull up h
is account. “Looks like you paid online. Thanks for coming in.”

  “I trust you heard about Fandom Fest coming to town again?” Mr. Fitzsimmons flips through the stack of envelopes containing his comics.

  “I did!” A line starts forming behind him, but he keeps talking.

  “Brian Fitzsimmons, the artist, is my brother.” He has zero shame in bragging about this and continues to do so for seven more minutes until I offer him a coupon for two dollars off at Second Breakfast. I make a mental note to send Greer to talk to the pretentious man because Brian Fitzsimmons is one of her idols.

  The rest of the day goes exactly the same. A ridiculous number of calls about speed dating, people swarming in to buy comics and order pieces for cosplays for Fandom Fest. I send Greer next door to check on Waggin’ Tails with a tray of leftovers and a couple of coffees. Before she can make it back, we get the after-school crowd in full force. The comic club at the high school rents our side room two nights a month to discuss whatever they’re reading. We still have a whole day before speed dating and I’m already exhausted from answering questions.

  “I am so going to kill Tuesday for coming up with this idea.” Greer flops down on the stool next to me just as Rae leaves her fortress of solitude. Her headphones dangle around her neck and she blows a bubble as she dodges a couple of teenage boys to get to us. They quickly realize who she is and stop to watch her pass. It usually takes them a beat longer to realize their favorite streamer is walking amongst them. Rae is completely oblivious to the attention, staring at her screen and blowing bubbles.

  “We killing, Tuesday?” Rae glances up for half a second to ask the question, “Is that my shirt?” She arches an eyebrow at my sonic screwdriver shirt.

  “Yes, on both accounts. I’ve taken at least forty calls about all this.” As soon as I say it, the phone rings and I nearly throw it. Greer takes pity on me and grabs it up.

  “I’ve been getting comments about it all morning. I think it’s going to be big, Nora.” Rae sucks the blue bubble in her mouth with a smack and blows another.

  “Well, let’s hope it’s not a bunch of dudes and no one of the female variety.” My worst fear is that exact scenario.

  “If not enough women show up, we’ll just have to fill in.” Tuesday brings me my favorite drink, Pumpkin Juice, from Second Breakfast. “Except for Greer who thinks she has a boyfriend.” Tuesday gives her sister a pointed look.

  “I’ll speed date if you need me, but I’d rather not. You three are the ones who need to find men. Aren’t you lonely?” Greer hasn’t heard from Neal in four days and we all know it, but none of us have the heart to be mean to her about it. It’s not worth her heartbreak.

  “Me? Lonely?” I look at all three of them. “I can’t get rid of any of you long enough to be lonely.”

  “Oh whatever. I saw you fall all over that cop. Literally.” Tuesday tosses her hair over her shoulder.

  “She isn’t wrong.” Greer gives me a look that says she’s on to me.

  “No lies detected.” Rae pushes her glasses up on her nose with her forearm so her fingers can be used for whatever she’s playing on her phone.

  “Oh! What if he comes to speed dating?” Tuesday straightens and grins like the Cheshire Cat.

  “I can guarantee that he isn’t coming to speed dating at a comic shop.” I roll my eyes and lean to shut off the computer for the night. It’s almost closing time and everyone has cleared out except for a few lingering kids in the comic club. “There is no way he’s single,” I add stupidly. I should have just denied the fact that I think he is the hottest man I’ve seen outside a Marvel movie… or Aquaman.

  “So, you admit that you want to check out what’s under that uniform?” Rae stops looking at her phone and blows another bubble.

  “He’s been here three times now. What if he did come? Would you do it?” Greer crosses her arms over her chest and stares me down.

  I am so sure of myself that I hold up my Mocking Jay salute. “If Officer Collins shows up, I’ll not only participate, but I’ll also buy you all drinks when we go out Saturday night.” There is no way in hell that man would ever show up for speed dating, much less at Words for Nerds.

  5

  Wyatt

  I’m not doing it. I don’t care how long Janet Morton stares at me or that she’s roped my father into it. Maybe I’m being childish, but I’m capable of deciding when I’m going to ‘get back out there’. My partner narrows her eyes, so I go back to pleading my case to the man who should be the most understanding. “Pops, look, I know you mean well, but I just don’t think I want to get back out there with another cop.” I close my laptop a little too firmly. I came home from the park with Cruze to find my partner and my dad signing me up for a cops-only dating site. They even set up a profile complete with a photo of me at the department Christmas party. I was drunk off my ass and sitting on the Captain’s lap. They answered all my personal questions—some of them right, most wrong—and that damn picture.

  “It’s just one date.” Pops gives me the best paternal look he can while looking up at me.

  “I don’t want to date another cop. If I wanted that, I would just date Morton.” I tip my head at my partner.

  “I’m gay,” she deadpans.

  “I know, but you see my point. If I wanted to date another cop, I could find my own, not look to the internet. That’s if I wanted to date. I don’t. I’m fine.” I sit down and push the laptop away from me. “I’m not ready to date. Cruze is so little, won’t it confuse him to have people around like that?” I look to my dad for this one. He raised me, so surely he can offer insight.

  “Cruze is four,” Morton answers instead of Dad. “He’s the perfect age. He’s too young to really know you’re having sex, but too old to be so needy that you can’t find a sitter and go out. It’s perfect. Hell, I’ll watch him if it means you get laid and pull that stick out of your ass.” It’s the same damn fight we have every few days. She goes out to drink, I have to pick her up and end up lecturing her, and this means that I have a stick in my ass. It never fails that she turns it around on me when she misbehaves.

  “She’s right.” Pops sits across from me at the table. “He’s old enough. Being a dad doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.”

  “I’m happy,” I argue. “I have Cruze and I’ve got you. What more do I need?”

  “Some pussy!” Morton blurts out then quickly covers her mouth.

  “She’s right again.” Pops nods with a grin like my partner didn’t just blurt out the word ‘pussy’ in my kitchen. I groan and put my face in my hands.

  “Wait.” Morton pulls her phone out of the side pocket of her cargo pants. “What about that girl?” Janet stops talking as if we are supposed to know what girl she’s referring to. “You know the one.”

  I do, but I’m pleading the fifth. No way am I admitting to how often I’ve thought about that girl. Her thumbs tap her phone screen and she flips it around to hand it to me. My mouth goes dry. Yeah, that girl.

  “No.” Yes. I try to argue.

  “There’s a girl?” Pops cranes his neck to see the phone. On the screen is the front of Words for Nerds with the four employees in Charlie’s Angels poses using Star Wars blasters by the front door. My eyes go immediately to ‘the girl’ in question. Noralee Reynolds. From the mess of black curls to the knee-high Harry Potter socks.

  “That’s not a girl, that’s a woman.” Pops takes the phone from Janet and pushes his glasses up on his head.

  “She’s dressed as a Harry Potter character and hit him in the face with a door, so that’s debatable.” Janet rolls her eyes and takes her favorite stance, hands on her hips, eyebrow arched.

  “Her body says she’s a woman no matter how she dresses. And sometimes I want to hit him with a door too.” I groan at my dad’s words.

  “Well, Romeo over here went back to question her twice and at one point his arms were around her.” Janet shrugs and gives me her best ‘I just called you out’ look. She’
s lucky I don’t have my gun on me.

  “Why are we helping him then? Go get her, son!” Pops scrolls through the pictures of Words for Nerds on Janet’s phone, whistling occasionally.

  “My arms weren’t around her. She’s really clumsy. I caught her after she took out a whole shelf of comics.” I risk looking at them to see if they believe me. Neither looks like they buy it. If I hadn’t seen it and experienced it, I wouldn’t buy it either.

  “They have speed dating at this place? I thought they sold comics.” Pops points at the screen and my fist clenches. Janet snatches the phone and squints at the screen.

  Oh, god please no.

  “It says tonight.” He pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and digs in it for a moment. Finally, he puts a five-dollar bill on the table.

  Janet snatches the phone and squints at the screen. “It does say tonight.”

  Dad nudges the five my direction.

  “What is that?” I look at the bill.

  “It’s five bucks to participate. If you like her, you should go.” My dad nudges the bill toward me.

  “I don’t know if I like her, I questioned her about a robbery in the store next to hers. I really don’t need to be dating right now. I need to focus on Cruze and my career. I’m perfectly happy, Pops, I promise.” I can tell by the look on my dad’s face that he is not feeling my bullshit right now.

  Am I lonely? Yes. Do I need to get laid? Absolutely. Am I going to pursue the gorgeous woman at the comic shop? Hell no. Maybe she’s a real-life nerd stereotype, but she is sexy as hell. If I had a type, she’d be it to perfection. Curves in all the places I like, those blue eyes that I could drown in, and the mass of curls I want to sink my hands into. I know better than to think a woman who owns a comic shop and hosts a speed dating for nerds would want to date a single dad; much less a single dad who is a cop.