Playing God

by Lana Pecherczyk

My awareness collapsed.

  Pain.

  White.

  Muffled silence.

  Blackness.

  Sound bounced back.

  “I’m here. What do you need?” Another male voice.

  “Get her in the ice bath. The cold will slow her heartrate and slow the poison running through her veins.”

  Hands on me, all around, then I drowned in mind numbing cold. I opened my eyes from the shock and caught a glimpse of three shadowed bodies around me, illuminated by the halogen lights beyond. Then, even the cold couldn’t keep me awake. I drifted…

  “Convert this saline to hydroxocobalamin. I’ve got the stint.”

  A prick at the inside of my wrist.

  Then.

  Ice in my veins.

  “Give her oxygen.”

  A tube in my nose.

  No. I couldn’t breathe. Take it out.

  “Once that’s in her, we need a bag of sodium thiosulfate and one of sodium nitrite. Put one in her other arm. Then alternate treatments until it’s flushed through her system.”

  No. Take it out.

  Hands touched me everywhere. Demanding. Wanting something I couldn’t give. I wasn’t good enough to save them.

  My arms. My face.

  Chaos.

  Pain.

  A scream.

  Someone said something.

  “No, that’s good. It means her lungs are opening up.”

  The tube was in the way, I tried to remove it but a firm touch stopped me. No. Get it out of me. Water splashed. My teeth chattered.

  “Leave it there, honey, you need that for breathing.”

  I tried to open my eyes, but they were too heavy. So cold. A moan came from my mouth instead.

  “Her lips are blue.” A squeeze on my hand.

  My shirt ripped open by someone. Two hot palms pushed me down, resting on the skin over my bra. They stayed there. Steady.

  It felt good.

  Calm.

  Warm.

  Slowly, air filtered through my shattered lungs, increasing until I could take a deep, full breath.

  “Pulse is getting stronger.”

  Hands moved to my head. I sighed. It felt so good.

  “No sign of cerebral edema. Breathing returning to normal. Move her to the bed.”

  Pressure on my hand, a gentle tug.

  “Hear that, Roo? You’re going to be okay.” That deep, silken voice. I loved that voice.

  A tear leaked from my eye. I squeezed him back.

  “Sleep now, honey. Heal,” said the female.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  WHEN MY EYES peeled open, I felt like I’d been run over by an ice truck. Every bone, muscle and cell in my body ached and shivered. But I could breathe. Sweet, clean air.

  My body lay on a hospital cot. A foil hypothermia blanket covered me to my chin. Both my arms rested on top, each had an IV drip stuck in. An oxygen tank with a tube led to my face and hooked around my ears and nose. The room was small, with buttons, tubes and technology on the walls. I recognized the same ceiling as my own apartment room, and the fake window had drapes pulled across. This was someone’s Ludus apartment turned into a medical facility.

  There was a movement, down near my hand.

  Cash held it. An incredible warmth rushed through my body. He saved me.

  He slept, slumped in a chair by my bed, a tiny crease between his brow as though he didn’t like his dream. I ached to wipe that frown away. I must have twitched or something because he opened his eyes.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “You’ve been here the whole time?”

  He sat forward in his chair and caressed my hand with his thumb. “Yeah. You haven’t been asleep for long though. Maybe an hour. I’ll alert Lena.” He leaned over to a button on the wall and pressed it. “How you feeling? Warming up?”

  “Cold.”

  “They had to put you in an ice bath to lower your heart rate so the poison would move sluggishly through your veins while we fixed you.”

  “I need a hot shower.” And I needed time alone with him. I tugged the tube from my nose.

  Cash stood up, alarm over his face. He tucked my blankets tighter. “No, you need more time to recover. Cyanide is bad. Even for us. You need more sleep. Your heart rate is still elevated. Your core temperature is too low. I’m sorry I didn’t detect the poison sooner. I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Cash.”

  “I should’ve smelled it. I should’ve noticed. I was too busy thinking about myself, and my abilities… they’re not as sharp as they used to be. Anyway, you need more rest. You’re in a safe place.”

  He really seemed out of sorts and my heart went out to him. But I wanted to go somewhere, just the two of us. I felt on edge. Irritable. He was the only one I felt comfortable with.

  “I’ve slept for days, Cash. I need to get out.” I focused on the needles in my arms and cringed. Yuck. Pulling them out won’t be fun. But I had to try. I placed my trembling fingers on the IV needle. I had trouble grasping it. My fingertips were numb.

  “Honey, I have to examine you first.” A tall woman breezed in, leaving the door open behind her. Her long sliver tresses touched the waist of her floor length, blue robe, and her pale arms poked through slits in the side, like a cape. Thin gauze wrapped around her eyes to tie behind her head, almost hiding the shadow of damaged lids beyond. Blind, yet she walked around the room with precision and confidence.

  “Hello, Roo. I’m glad you are still with us. My name is Lena; Corvus mentor.” She tapped the crow emblem on her robe over the breast. “Do you know who we are?”

  I shook my head, but then remembered Bruce saying she assessed me during my coma. “You came to see me at Urser House when I didn’t wake up.”

  Lena hesitated. “I’m sorry, no, you must have me confused. I’ve never met you before.”

  “But… my father said the Corvus mentor came to assess me. Are there more than one?”

  From the corner of my eye, I noticed Cash tensing.

  “No, it’s just me at this Ludus.”

  Lincoln’s odd look over breakfast made sense now. My father had lied. Bastard. I darted a glance at Cash. Behind his eyes, I saw death.

  Lena continued speaking. “Our motto is Corvus Oculum Corvi Non Cruit.”

  “A crow will not pull out the eye of another crow?” I questioned.

  “That’s right. You speak Latin. Splendid. Then, you might understand we are healers in this house. We’ve taken an oath never do any nother life harm. That’s always been my goal, since the beginning, and I’m not going to change now. It doesn’t matter who or what you are. I’ll treat you the same as I treat my progeny. I will assess you now and see how much poison is left in your body.”

  “Who, or what I am. You mean Soul-Eater, right?”

  “It’s not for me to pass judgment.”

  Lena touched my forehead. It felt good. I wanted to sink down into the pillows and revel in it like a cat rolls in catnip. She did something. Electrical. Metaphysical. She touched my soul.

  The second person I’d heard during the emergency walked through the door with two IV bags in his hands. He didn’t wear a robe but a blue hoodie. When he turned to place the bags on a shelf, I caught the crow emblem printed on his back. His head was shaved, and he had high cheekbones and straight nose, giving him a hawkish face to match his mentor next to me. When he turned back, he saw me watching and gave me a quick closed mouth smile.

  “This is Jesop,” Lena explained as she moved her hands to methodically touch my shoulders, and then throat. “He’s the one who converted the saline into the right treatment for you.”

  “I’m an alchemist,” he said.

  “Thank you.” I returned his small smile. “That’s an incredible ability to have.”

  “Yes, we are very fortunate to have him,” Lena said. “I couldn’t help but think we’ve got someone from the Corvus Constellation looking out for us when they sent him as
our next contender.” Lena hovered her palms over my chest. Her forehead crinkled, and she paused. “This is still here. I sensed it yesterday, but thought it might result from your poisoning. I was wrong. You have multiple energies with differing emotive signatures within you. Inconsistent with your prognosis of identity.”

  My eyes met Cash’s. He said nothing, waiting for me to respond.

  I inhaled deeply. Lena might be able to help. I had to trust people. But I wasn’t sure. For her safety and mine.

  As if sensing my hesitance, Lena patted me. “Just like the human doctors, we’ve sworn an oath of privacy. What you say will never leave these walls. Do you have something you want to share?”

  “Yes. I have other souls inside me. How could you tell? Can you read auras, like me?”

  More routine hovering masked Lena’s surprise. She returned to her calm, steady and curious self before I was even sure I’d seen her jolt.

  Jesop took a step back and his facial expression darkened.

  “I thought everyone knew I could do that,” I said.

  “No. Not everyone. Sensing a life-force, reading auras and manipulating them are all very different things. And I can’t read auras. That is rare. It’s an insight into one’s private sanctuary, like reading minds.”

  “Can people read minds?”

  “There’s plenty that can read a human’s, a few that can read Nephilim but not so many that can read Seraphim. Still, it’s not the same as aura reading. An aura has your emotions, capabilities and intentions of the past, present and the future. A mind has broken pieces of conscious thought. Tell me what you see when you read mine,” she asked.

  I focused on the energy surrounding her body. The air warped around her, and the longer I stared at it, the more her energy spread. Soon, I followed her essence around the room.

  “You’re everywhere, but you’re also here.”

  “Keep going.”

  “It’s how you see, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. My eyes were torn out during the day we were banished to this planet. A creature attacked me. If it wasn’t for the queen’s enforcer protecting me from the prince’s abominations, I’d be dead.”

  Cash straightened in his seat.

  “Lena,” Jesop warned.

  “It’s okay, Jesop.”

  “But she’s an Urser.”

  I grimaced.

  Cash sat up, eyes darting to and fro, remembering. “Yes, Lena, you were there.”

  “All Watchers were there,” she replied.

  “No, I meant on that last day. When the prince died. What did you see?”

  “It’s common knowledge what happened.” Lena’s head tilted to the side, inspecting Cash with curiosity.

  “I need more details,” Cash said and strode around my bed to face Lena. “Truthful details.”

  “Why?” Jesop interrupted. “Why do you care about the day my mentor’s eyes were ripped from her head? It’s a painful memory. One I’m sure she’d rather forget.”

  Lena placed a calming hand on her progeny’s arm. “It’s okay, Jesop. I’ve made peace with it a long time ago. Please continue checking on the drip bag.”

  Jesop turned a slow burn in Cash’s direction but came to check on the depleted bag that had been pushing fluid into me.

  “Lena, please. If you remember anything, it can help my… situation,” Cash urged. “You know it’s not getting better.”

  She sighed. “Yes, despite our attempts. That body is rejecting your soul, but how can my memory help?”

  “Because I don’t think I have a Seraphim body to go back to. I didn’t come into this body through the normal Game protocols. I’ve been on this planet, reborn over and over again until finally, here I am. I’ve never left.”

  Lena tapped her lip. “A minute ago, you said, ‘You were there, Lena.’ And it wasn’t a question, but a statement. How can you be so sure unless you were there too?”

  A pause from Cash. “Because I was.”

  Lena placed her palms on his temples. “Fascinating. Your hippocampus and frontal cortex are overactive, engaged in the long-term memory recollection. It’s unheard of. But then again, your entire situation is unheard of. You mentioned earlier that your soul broke and now it’s whole.” She let go. “Now you remember your original Seraphim life.”

  “Yes,” he said. “Some of it. Can you tell me what happened on that day?”

  “A librarian might be better suited to help you retrieve those memories. They can access the deepest archived parts of your brain, but with your body not healing, it’s doubtful you’ll survive the process.”

  “A librarian can’t help me. I remember well enough until the moment I died. I want information for immediately after that.”

  “When you died?” Lena looked thoughtful, as though she were piecing together a puzzle. “So, you’re saying I saw your death?”

  “Who are you?” Jesop demanded, discarding the empty bag into a waste bin. “What do you want?”

  “Jesop, it’s not for us to—”

  “Judge, yes I know. But he’s lying to us, putting our house in danger.”

  “I’m the queen’s enforcer.” Cash came to stand next to me and took hold of my hand again.

  “Impossible,” Lena said. “I saw him die.”

  “Well, I’m here. In soul, not in body.”

  She shook her head. “No, I’m one hundred percent certain.”

  “I’m sorry if this is disrespectful, but how can you be so sure if you were blind?” I asked.

  Lena whipped around to face me. “Because watching the enforcer face off with the prince was the last thing I saw before the creature clawed my eyes out.”

  “But did you see him actually die?” I asked, pressing on.

  “Yes. He was there fighting the prince one minute. The next he was gone. Vaporized in the blue fire. It spread from the enforcer and blanketed the area for miles. It shot out of him, and every rabid creature dropped dead, including the creature attacking me. He saved us all.”

  “Sounds like something you’d do, Cash,” I mumbled. “Saving the world at your own expense.”

  “So you see, hunter, it couldn’t have been you. That Seraphim died.”

  “No. I remember you, Lena. You were young, feisty, and you worked in the medical center the queen set up for the human village. You were a good person, volunteering your time. Except, your hair was a lot shorter, shaved on one side—an odd fashion, if I recall correctly.”

  Silence deafened the room.

  She turned on Cash. “Are you telling me that the force I saw spreading was your very own soul?”

  Cash lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “It appears so.”

  “Then… your soul wasn’t the only one that dispersed. The prince’s did too. I remember sensing many emotions in that explosion of life-force, not all of them yours. When nothing surfaced, we assumed both of you had died. I owe you my life,” said Lena.

  Jesop made a derisive sound. “The enforcer died. He could’ve found that information about your appearance from the histories.”

  “I never recorded my hairstyle. And after that day, I grew it out. The only way he’d know is if he’d seen me.”

  “Or someone told him,” Jesop insisted.

  Lena shook her head. “I’m an Empath. I read emotions and sense where chi is focused. And the hunter is sincere. I’m sorry, Cash. If you are who you say you are, then your body has been destroyed. I’ve tried to use my ability to direct your chi to heal, but it can’t. Your body is too human. Or, it could be the strange immunity you have to metaphysical powers.”

  “I’m with you there. I’ve tried to do that on him—focus energy to heal. It doesn’t work,” I said. “Back home a friend of mine was cursed by a witch and I un-cursed him by making him heal himself through my own hex. But Cash is immune. I got his soul parts to join, but soul manipulation is not the same as body manipulation.”

  Lena went very still with her face directed my way. I nearly said something because i
t was beginning to feel awkward, when she spoke to Cash.

  “Perhaps a Seraphim blood infusion would help prolong your body, hunter. We can schedule you in for sample collection and find a match. Jesop may even be able to convert something that’s close to a match.”

  “Wait a minute. You hexed someone like a witch?” Jesop asked, gazing at me through cautious eyes.

  “Yeah, a witch tried to possess my mother when she was pregnant with me, but instead, I absorbed her and took her abilities. That’s why people think I’m a Soul-Eater.”

  Lena clasped her hands together, intently listening. “That’s why you have different energies inside you? You absorbed them? Ah. It’s all making sense.”

  I sighed. “I know what it sounds like, but… yes. I suppose that’s what happened. I battled a witch a few months ago and the only way to stop her from killing everyone I loved was to absorb her. She already fused souls with my sister. But now, I’m experiencing difficulties keeping them down and I don’t know how to get them out and separate them.”

  Cash watched me with intensity and I thought maybe I said something I shouldn’t have. In silence, Lena returned her hands to hover over me, shaking her head. “Between the two of you, my power is getting a work out today.”

  “Can you tell how many are left?” I asked.

  “Souls? Maybe two, no, three. Four including your own. They are quiet, but…” Lena trailed her touch down my arm to where my hand met Cash’s. She continued up Cash’s arm.

  He stiffened, uncomfortable, flaring his eyes at me, wary.

  “Your soul is stronger here, through this connection,” Lena said. “I’m curious, you said you’re having trouble keeping them down. Does that happen around him?”

  I thought back to all the times I’d heard The Others, or had them take over. None of those times were around him. Yes, I’d heard them in Houston, but he’d been away for most of that. Wren had said something similar when she handed Cash the book. I hadn’t forgotten about that conversation and mentally reminded myself to pick it up when Cash and I had some privacy.