Mystery Bay Blues

by Robert G. Barrett

  After checking everything was packed and ready to go, Les got his diving gear together and put it it the car with his overnight bag. He then took the two containers of Ozone Accelerator out of the bathtub and stowed them carefully in the boot. After locking the house, he put his cap and sunglasses on, climbed in the car and headed south, past the turn-off to Mystery Bay and on to Tilba. Apart from one or two people outside the garage, there was no one around and not much happening in Tilba. A few minutes later, Les pulled up in front of Grace’s house and got out of the car with his overnight bag.

  A pretty young girl was seated across the top of the front steps wearing a white, Stussy sweat shirt over a pair of yellow tracksuit pants and trainers. Her hair was long and lighter than Grace’s and her face a little pointier. But she had her mother’s eyes. Morticia was standing next to her rolling out a low, menacing growl, as if to say ‘Yes. I know who you are and all that. Just don’t try anything with the kid.’ Les walked almost to the top of the stairs and stopped.

  ‘Hello Morticia, you little dag,’ he said, then turned to the girl. ‘Hello. You must be Ellie.’

  ‘That’s right,’ replied the girl. ‘Are you George?’

  ‘Yeah. That’s me,’ answered Les. ‘Gorgeous George.’

  Les offered Ellie his hand. She gave it the softest shake and giggled.

  ‘You’re even bigger than mummy said you were.’

  ‘Big and ugly,’ smiled Les. ‘But I like dogs and I’m environmentally friendly.’

  The girl looked evenly at Les. ‘Mummy said you’re from Sydney.’

  ‘That’s right. I live in Bondi,’ said Les. ‘Have you ever been there?’

  ‘Once. When I was really little. Where do you know Mummy from?’

  ‘Where? Oh, your mummy knows some friends of mine in Sydney. They like your mummy’s T-shirts. We were down for the long weekend and we all had lunch together. I’m on my way back to Sydney now, and I just called in to say goodbye.’

  ‘Are you going to stay for breakfast?’

  Les shook his head. ‘No. I’d like to. But I won’t have time.’

  Ellie put her arms around the dog’s neck. ‘Do you like Morticia?’

  ‘I sure do,’ said Les. He reached across and patted Morticia on the head. ‘She’s beautiful. Aren’t you Morticia?’ The dog half-closed its eyes and lolled its tongue around.

  ‘I think she is,’ said Ellie. The young girl stood up and smiled at Les. ‘We’re going round the back to play.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Les. ‘Nice talking to you Smelly. I mean Ellie.’

  The girl giggled again. ‘You’re funny. Come on Morticia.’

  Les watched them run off around the verandah then looked across as the door opened and Grace stepped out wearing a tracksuit and her hair in a ponytail.

  ‘All right, George,’ she said. ‘What lies have you been filling my poor, innocent, young daughter’s head with?’

  ‘None really,’ replied Les. ‘Just covering my arse as usual. And mum’s. Actually she’s a bit of a sweetheart.’

  ‘I know.’ Grace gave Les a quick kiss on the lips. ‘Come inside.’

  Les followed Grace down to the kitchen and placed his bag on the table.

  ‘Would you like a cup of coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘I just had a mug of tea,’ answered Les.

  ‘Okay. How about a smoothie?’

  ‘All right. Thanks.’

  Grace took a jug from the fridge and poured Les what looked like a pink milkshake. ‘Try that.’

  Les took a mouthful and raised his eyebrows. ‘Holy smoke! How good’s this? What is it?’

  ‘Custard apple and strawberry. I have to make them for the blonde or she starts whingeing. Good, aren’t they?’

  ‘Reckon!’ Les swallowed some more and smacked his lips.

  ‘So sit down,’ said Grace. ‘Tell me about yesterday. Surely you’re not in that big a hurry.’

  ‘Forget about yesterday,’ said Les. ‘Wait till I tell you about last night. I’m lucky to bloody be here.’

  Les sat down at the table. Grace got her coffee and sat opposite while Les gave her the lowdown on everything, except finding all the cocaine in the cave. Grace had one sip of coffee and sat gobsmacked. When Les was finished, Grace’s coffee was cold and she was shaking her head with a blank look on her face.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Les. ‘I left the hand on the car. And there was the thank you on the bathroom mirror. I took a photo with the last shot left in the camera. As soon as I get them all developed, I’ll send you some copies.’

  ‘My God!’ exclaimed Grace. ‘What you told me yesterday was fantastic enough. But this on top of it.’ Grace shook her head again. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘Yeah. It’s totally bizarre all right,’ said Les. ‘But I think I did the right thing. I’m sure that’s all Edward wanted.’ Les pointed above. ‘Now he and Gwendolyn are out there somewhere on their honeymoon.’

  ‘Yes. They probably are,’ agreed Grace. ‘Unbelievable.’

  ‘Exactly,’ nodded Les. ‘That’s why I think we should keep it between us for the time being. I’ll tell Clover when I get home. And Warren. And that’s it. Maybe one day, we’ll sell the story to a magazine.’ Les laughed into his glass. ‘But I doubt if even a magazine’d believe me.’

  ‘You know, Les,’ said Grace. ‘Even though it’s a weird, crazy thing, it’s also quite beautiful. The love between Edward and Gwendolyn. Don’t you think?’

  ‘I agree,’ nodded Les. ‘But there was no need for him to bring her around last night and let her sit on me.’

  Grace threw back her head and laughed. ‘God you’re a bastard.’ Grace settled and looked evenly at Les. ‘So what’s happening now, George? You’re off back to Sydney, leaving me and Ellie behind like a couple of chattels?’

  ‘Chattels? Jesus you’re good,’ protested Les.

  ‘Doesn’t matter,’ said Grace. ‘But I got you something to take back with you.’

  ‘You have? Oh.’

  Grace stood up and went to the loungeroom. She returned holding a white paper carry bag with Tilba Fashions printed on the side and handed it to Les.

  ‘There you go, George,’ she said.

  Les opened the bag and took out a dark blue T-shirt. There were two parrots cuddling up on the front and a smaller one on the back with its wings spread. They had beautiful, soft blue faces, a hint of red on their green and blue wings and striking, gold breasts. Grace had captured their colours perfectly.

  ‘Ohh Grace,’ said Les. ‘That’s unreal. They’re the same parrots I saw when I was tripping out yesterday too.’

  ‘Turquoise parrots,’ said Grace. ‘Neophema pulchella. You don’t see many around these days. Check out the one on the back.’

  Les turned the T-shirt back over and peered at the open wings. Very, very subtly, Grace had printed his name along the feathers in blue and gold.

  ‘Fair dinkum,’ blushed Les. ‘I don’t know what to say. That’s the nicest present anyone’s ever given me. Thanks Grace.’ Les reached over the table and planted a kiss on Grace’s lips.

  ‘That’s all right,’ she smiled.

  Les looked at the T-shirt and shook his head. ‘Honestly Grace. What did I do to deserve this?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Grace. ‘Because you’re an absolute bastard.’

  ‘I am too,’ agreed Les. He carefully folded the T-shirt up and put it back in the bag. ‘Anyway. I got something for you too. It ain’t much. Just your winnings.’ Les opened his overnight bag, took out an envelope and handed it to Grace. ‘There you go, mate,’ he smiled. ‘Don’t spend it all at once.’

  ‘Thank you. This will come in very handy too. Believe you me.’ Grace took the envelope, felt it and frowned. ‘What …?’ She opened the envelope and her jaw dropped. ‘My God! How much is here?’

  ‘Twenty grand,’ answered Les.

  ‘Twenty thousand dollars!’ Grace stared at Les. ‘What? Are trying to tell me, you were … four hun
dred to one?’

  Les nodded. ‘I told you I’d get you the best odds.’

  ‘Bullshit! No.’ Grace shook her head and pushed the envelope back across the table. ‘I can’t take this.’

  ‘All right. Don’t,’ shrugged Les. ‘And you can take your T-shirt and stick it in your arse too.’

  They both looked up as Ellie came running into the kitchen.

  ‘Mummy. Mrs Hillier’s outside on Apples.’

  ‘Okay,’ flustered Grace. ‘Tell her … tell her I’ll be out in minute.’

  ‘All right.’ Ellie ran out the same way she ran in.

  ‘Mrs Hillier?’ asked Les. ‘Is that …?’

  ‘Yes. The old girl from next door,’ said Grace. ‘She’s ridden up to see Ellie.’

  ‘Well, that could be my cue to get going.’ Les stood up and placed the T-shirt in his overnight bag. ‘Now if you’ll walk me to the door. I’ll take my beautiful T-shirt and be on my way.’

  Grace looked at the envelope full of money sitting on the table then turned to Les. ‘You are a bastard, Les. I hope you know that.’

  ‘Grace. I told you before,’ smiled Les. ‘I’m not really. I just keep meeting people who bring the bastard out in me. You just happened to bring out a bit extra.’

  Les followed Grace down the hallway and she stopped just inside the flyscreen door. Les imagined she wanted to give him a goodbye kiss. But not in front of Ellie or the neighbours. Les definitely wanted to give her one. And a good one at that. He dropped his bag on the floor as Grace put her arms around his waist and looked up into his eyes.

  ‘So when are you fixin’ on riding into town again, stranger?’ she said.

  Les put his arms around Grace and looked at her wistfully. ‘Don’t rightly know little lady,’ he answered. ‘But I reckon, between your eggplant parmigiana, your mineral water, your custard apple smoothies. All the this, that, and the other, not to mention you saving my neck … I reckon I’ll be a hankerin’ to ride through here again real soon maam.’

  ‘Do that stranger.’

  Grace gave Les a long, lingering sweet kiss. Les held Grace tight and if her kiss had lingered a second longer, Les would have had trouble getting away. Finally, he reluctantly let Grace go and picked up his bag.

  ‘I’ll ring you tonight,’ he said. ‘After I get home.’

  Les followed Grace out onto the verandah. His car was parked on the left, and over to the right Ellie and a woman in sunglasses were standing next to an old pinto mare with a sway back. The woman was as straight as a gun barrel and suited the denim shirt, old jeans and brown RM Williams she was wearing. A thick head of long, grey hair tumbled down from beneath a big straw hat. The horse had its head down nuzzling at Morticia who was playing with it.

  ‘So that’s your next door neighbour,’ said Les. ‘I wish I had some film in my camera. They’d make a great photo they way they’re all standing there.’

  ‘She’s not bad for eighty-two, eh,’ said Grace.

  ‘No,’ agreed Les. ‘I love her old horse.’ He held out his hand. ‘Well, goodbye Amazing Grace,’ he said formally. ‘Thank you for everything.’

  ‘Yes. You too, George,’ replied Grace, shaking Norton’s hand. ‘Thank you for everything.’

  Les pointed his finger at her. ‘I’ll ring you tonight.’ He turned and walked across to his car.

  Les caught the woman’s eye and smiled at her as he waved to Ellie. The woman smiled back. Ellie smiled and waved back, Morticia barked and the horse whinnied. Les got in his car, tooted the horn and drove off. In the rear-vision mirror Grace was waving from the verandah. Minutes later, Les was driving under a leaden sky through empty Tilba, past the Hemp shop.

  That’s what I meant to get too, he regretted. Some hemp shirts. Grace looked great in hers. Impassively, Les turned left towards the highway. Grace looked good in anything, he thought. And I should be having lunch with her and Ellie. But no. Not me. I have to be a complete fuckin idiot. And then I have to get out of town because I can’t mind my own fuckin business. Fair dinkum. When God was giving out heads, I think I was at the end of the queue and he gave me a pumpkin. Les turned left at the highway and in what felt like too short a time, pulled up in the car park near the camping area at Mystery Bay and cut the engine.

  Compared to when it had been calm and clear before, today the water looked murky and the southerly had stirred up the ocean. The tide was higher also and choppy swells were breaking against the rocks and around the little islands. The only sign of life was an old bloke fishing at the other end of the bay and a woman walking a small, grey dog. Les shook his head at his own foolhardiness and got out of the car.

  As soon as he opened the back door and started taking his clothes off, the butterflies started kicking around in his stomach again. He looked up into the camping area and couldn’t see anybody. Les climbed into his rubber vest and his old shorts, put a hanky and his clasp knife in his pocket then opened the boot. He tied the necks of two containers together with a short piece of rope, then closed the boot and buried the car keys behind the front right tyre. Carrying his diving gear in one hand and the two containers of Ozone Accelerator in the other, Les set off along the beach with the southerly whipping at his ears, towards the ridge of jagged rock sticking out from the sand.

  The shelf on the other side was covered over by the tide and waves were pushing into the inlet and up against the mouth of the cave. Les clambered over a narrow pinch in the ridge and rinsed the facemask in a small rock pool. He had another look around while he got into his diving gear, but apart from the two people at the opposite end of the bay he couldn’t see anybody. Les picked up the two containers and shuffled to the water’s edge, took a breath, then bit on his snorkel and plunged in.

  The water was gloomy and the swells had stirred up the bottom. Huge beds of seaweed growing amongst the rocks swirled in the white water and visibility was down to barely a couple of metres. Clutching the two containers to his chest, Les kicked furiously towards the cave, waiting for a killer whale or something to appear from behind the seaweed rolling around in the white water and grab him. But apart from the odd kale swimming amongst the seaweed and a few rock cod moving around their caves, there were no other fish, let alone any sharks or killer whales. He bumped against some rocks just below the surface and got a snorkel full of water as a swell washed over him. Les swooshed it out, then the rocky, sandy bottom turned to pebbles washing against each other in the undercurrent and he was at the front of the cave. He saw a swell coming, went with it, swam straight up the rocks into the mouth and got to his feet.

  Les hurried inside the cave, whipped off his mask and flippers, then carried the two containers over to the mound. He untied them and started brushing rocks from the tarpaulin. Once he’d removed enough, Les dragged the tarpaulin back to one end and the amount of cocaine sitting in the cave momentarily took his breath away. He took his hanky from his pocket, wrung it out and tied it around his face, then climbed up in the middle of the mound and made a hole amongst the sacks of cocaine. When it was big enough, he opened his clasp knife and started quickly slashing open the surrounding sacks and plastic bags. Soon cocaine was going everywhere, coating him in a thin, white crust. Les slashed open some sacks along the side of the mound and watched the fine, white powder tumble to the floor of the cave like flour. Satisfied he’d slashed open enough sacks, Les picked up the two containers, unscrewed the tops and started pouring Ozone Accelerator into the hole in the mound. The pool cleaner reacted to the cocaine in a flash, immediately turning the hole into a boiling, bubbling crater just like the one in his backyard. In seconds, clouds of smoking cocaine were rising up from the intense heat into the cave. Les climbed down and slashed open the sides of both containers then dumped them in the middle of the mound, letting the liquid pour out into the cocaine. He watched in astonishment as the two containers buckled and melted before his eyes. He folded up his clasp knife then grabbed the tarpaulin, running it back over the pile of sacks to keep the heat i
n, and tossing some heavy stones back on top for good measure.

  It wasn’t long before smoke started spewing up from under the edges of the tarpaulin and Les could see the mound moving and boiling underneath. Suddenly the ghastly, acidic fumes started seeping through Norton’s wet hanky. Shit! Time I was out of here, he told himself. Les whipped off the hanky, held his breath while he hurried into his snorkelling gear, then flip-flopped over to the mouth of the cave and plunged straight into the water; he broke all records swimming back across the inlet to where he’d jumped in. Puffing a little, Les pulled himself up onto the rocks then took off his face mask and looked back to see clouds of steam rising from the mouth of the cave before they disappeared into the wind. Well, I reckon that’d have to be the world’s biggest crack pipe, he smiled.

  Les took off his flippers, walked back to the car and retrieved his keys. He was too excited to worry about the butterflies in his stomach as he took off his wet shorts and vest and wrapped a towel around his waist. But there was no one around and this time Les smiled at his good fortune. He put his T-shirt on, got behind the wheel and before long he was on his way back to Narooma.

  Lee Kernaghan was twanging ‘Texas QLD 4385’ when Les pulled up in the driveway. Well that’s that, he chuckled. Bad luck I won’t be around when Serina and her gang put their heads in the cave. Try chopping that up on a mirror and shoving it up your hooter. That’s if it is Serina, of course. But, too fuckin bad if it’s not. Les turned off the engine and grabbed his gear. Now. Let’s get the fuck out of Dodge.