Sinner’s Salvation

by Jessica Ames

  “Sure you can.”

  “This isn’t like buying chocolates. It’s a living animal.”

  “I know that.”

  “It’s not even my house. I just rent the room from Bekah. She might not want a dog.”

  “She wants to keep you safe, April, and the dog will help with that.”

  She wiggles her fingers through the grate and Thor licks her.

  “He really is very cute. He’s trained?”

  “To the highest standards.”

  “Does that include house training?”

  “Yeah, April. He’s not going to destroy your house, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not worried at all about him wrecking the place. I am worried Bekah might throw me and Thor out, but we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.”

  If she throws her and the dog out, April can stay with me. I don’t say this, worried it might scare her, but I’m more than happy for her to stay with me. In fact, I’d feel better. My house has a far superior security system in place.

  She glances at me. “Thank you for the dog.”

  I lean a hand on the roof of the car and duck down to her. “Anything to keep you safe, sweetheart.”

  29

  April

  Chris got me a dog. A frigging dog! I mean, Thor is adorable and literally the best gift on the planet, but a dog?! Bekah may hit the roof when she finds out, but I’m already in love with the little stinker, so I hope she is okay with him being here. He’s been running around the yard after a ball on a rope that Chris keeps throwing for him, and my heart couldn’t be fuller. I’m seeing a picture of the future here—Chris playing with the dog in our own yard, maybe a gang of kids running around.

  I tamp this down. I do not need to be thinking about kids and Chris in the same thought. I’ll end up dragging him upstairs, and right now, I’m enjoying my time with him and Thor.

  I have to admit, the dog does make me feel a little safer. I’m trying to put a brave face on everything, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to block out the bad things that are happening. I can’t even begin to understand what is going on or why, but I’m trying to get back to some semblance of normality. I have to. I can’t live in a bubble any longer. Life has to go on, and honestly, I don’t understand why everyone is freaking out so much anyway. The things that have happened haven’t been that bad, right? Worse things happen to other people… don’t they?

  I try to ignore my situation and focus on Chris. He’s so handsome, and I can’t believe he’s finally here, with me. It feels like a surreal dream, although I do wonder if he’s only here because he feels obliged. It wouldn’t be nice of him to leave me to deal with this stuff alone. I ignore this. I don’t need to be thinking like that. He’s here because he wants to be—no other reason.

  When he turns around and catches my eye, he gives me a smile that makes my stomach flip. He really is delectable.

  His phone pings, and when he pulls it out, I can tell something has changed.

  “The boys are here.”

  “The boys?”

  He rubs the back of his neck. “I called in some of my former team to keep an eye on things.”

  “On me, you mean?”

  “Yeah, babe, on you. I don’t trust the police with your life and when I can’t be there, my team can, and I trust them.”

  I bristle at this. “Chris, I don’t need a babysitter. I’m fine with the dog, but I don’t need your teammates keeping an eye on me at all. I can take care of myself.”

  “I’m sure you can, but I’d feel so much better knowing these guys are around and looking out for you.”

  I scowl at him. “You should have asked me first.”

  “I knew you’d say no and blow it off, just like you’ve been blowing this whole thing off since it started. I don’t want to scare you, April, but I’m pretty sure this person isn’t done with us yet, and I want to be ready for when he strikes again.”

  Cold runs through my veins. He wasn’t trying to scare me, but his words do put fear into me. I don’t need to hear this kind of thing, even if it is the truth.

  I also don’t need to be responsible for everyone’s lives turning to crap, just so they can babysit me.

  Fudge.

  “I’m not blowing it off, Chris.” I head inside, and I’m not surprised that he follows me into the kitchen, the dog hot on his heels. He orders Thor to the bed he bought for him and the dog obediently goes.

  “You’re not facing it either,” he accuses.

  “I’m facing it the best way I can. If I think about it all day then I’ll be terrified and never leave the house. I can’t live like that. No one can. It’s ridiculous. So, yeah, I’m not in a corner crying and screaming, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared out of my mind, because I am. I’m scared for you, for Bekah, for your friends who are also now in danger because of me.”

  “They can handle themselves.”

  “I’m sure they can, but they shouldn’t have to. I don’t want them to get hurt because of my mess.”

  “They agreed to do it knowing the dangers, and it’s not the first time any of them have walked willingly into danger, April. They’re former military. They can handle themselves.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t need anyone getting hurt because of me. I can’t deal with it, Chris.”

  He comes to me, his hands going to my shoulders. “Yeah, and I can’t deal with you getting hurt because I didn’t do enough to protect you.” He drops his forehead to mine. “Please, just let me do what I know best. I can protect you, but you need to be receptive to it. If you duck out on the guys or give them the run around, they’re going to find it harder to keep you safe—to keep us all safe.”

  I let out a breath. “I’ll be a good girl. I’ll do as I’m told, but I’m really not happy about this. I don’t need you deciding what’s best for me.”

  His face contorts. “That’s not what I’m doing.” His fingers rake into his hair. “I’m just trying to protect you.”

  I roll to my toes and kiss him. “I know, and I’m grateful, but you need to talk to me in future before making any big decisions.”

  He doesn’t seem happy with this, but he nods. “Okay, fine. But I won’t apologize for doing what I needed to in order to keep you breathing.”

  “I didn’t think you would.”

  He heads to the front door and opens it. Three enormous men step into the house, and I almost step back. It’s only sheer force of will that keeps my feet rooted to the floor.

  “April, this is Beanie, Slider, and you know J.”

  I nod and wave. “Hi.”

  “Hey, darlin’,” the one called Slider says. He has a thick stack of hair covering his jaw. “I can see why you’d go all out for this girl.” He whistles under his breath, which earns him a smack to the back of the head from J.

  “Show some respect, asshole. This is the Staff Sergeant’s woman.”

  “These assholes,” Chris interjects, “are going to be keeping an eye on you, so if you see them milling around, don’t freak out.”

  I force a smile.

  This is going to be hell.

  30

  Chris

  My weekly visits with Luke were pushed to the side a little while April’s troubles were going on. I feel guilty as hell, but I figure he wouldn’t have minded me skipping out if he knew the reasons. In the past, heading into the care center used to fill me with dread. Now, all I feel is anticipation because I know April is working today.

  As I approach the desk, I see her coming from the other end of the corridor, Slider on her heels. He’s dressed in scrubs that are too tight across his chest, but he doesn’t look that much bigger than Nolan.

  April’s smile when she sees me makes this all worthwhile, and she practically skips up the corridor to me. I think she’s going to throw her arms around my neck, but at the last moment she seems to think better of it.

  “Hey,” she says, stopping just in fr
ont of me, her hands digging into the pockets on the front of her scrub shirt.

  “Hey,” I reply gently, then I lean down and seize her mouth for a swift, chaste kiss. I want to do more, but she’s at work, and I don’t want to embarrass her by sticking my tongue down her throat.

  “Are you here to see Luke?”

  I nod. “How’s he been?”

  Her face turns serious. “A little sluggish today. He’ll be glad to see you.”

  I doubt he’ll even know I’m there, but I don’t want to upset April, so I keep this to myself.

  I glance at Slider, and his eyes communicate to me that everything is okay, before he moves over to the desk to look busy.

  “Anything from our unwanted friend?” I ask her, my voice lowering.

  “No. Nothing. It’s been quiet, which I think your friend doesn’t approve of. I suspect he was expecting action.”

  I rub up her arms, unable to stop from touching her. “I’m glad there’s no action. That means you’re safe.”

  “I’m glad too. I have too much stuff to do today to be involved in any kind of drama.”

  I snort. While I’m glad she can joke about this, I hope she’s not being flippant with her safety. This situation is serious.

  “Although…”

  “Although?”

  She winces.

  “April, spit it out.”

  She shifts a little on her feet, her arms going around her middle. “I’ve had a couple of dropped calls. My cell rings, I pick up and no one speaks. They do this until I hang up.”

  Fuck.

  “When did this start?”

  “This morning.”

  “How many have you had?”

  “Maybe five or six.”

  I curse under my breath. “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “Because I didn’t think at first it might be linked to this mess, and because I knew I was seeing you today and I didn’t want you driving here angry.”

  I’ve surpassed angry and am heading into downright worried.

  I fire off a text message to Brody with April’s number and ask for a trace on the calls she’s had today. I get a swift reply with “on it.”

  I kiss her again, needing to feel her, to be close to her.

  The moment is snatched from us by the phone ringing on the desk. There’s a split second of hesitation from April that makes my ire mount before she goes to pick it up. While she’s on the phone, I give Slider a chin lift, and he strides over to me. I move away from the desk, so April doesn’t overhear me.

  “Is she really doing okay?”

  Slider glances over his shoulder at her before bringing his attention back to me. “She seems to be holding it together. She’s been like Mary fucking Poppins all day—rainbows and unicorns. I don’t think anything can bring this woman down.”

  “Yeah, she’s one of a kind.”

  Slider lifts his chin a little. “You’re visiting Luke?”

  Unease prickles through me at the question. “That’s the plan.”

  “Man, it’s sad as fuck the way he is. Kills me seeing him like this.”

  My stomach lurches. “Me too.”

  He wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for you…

  Let it go. I need to let it go.

  That’s easier said than done, though. My guilt is so ingrained in me. Maybe J was right when he said I needed to talk to someone. Maybe I do. Maybe I need to tear this feeling out by the root, rather than the stem, so it doesn’t grow back.

  April’s approach stops any further conversation.

  “Are you ready to get back to work?” she says to Slider, who gives me a look that says I owe him one for this. I fix him with a smile.

  “I’ll let you both get on,” I tell them.

  After giving April a final kiss, I head up the corridor toward Luke’s room, that same sense of dread I’ve always felt making a reappearance the closer I get to the room. The swirling in my stomach makes me feel nauseous, and when I finally step inside the room, I have to swallow back my bile.

  Can the sins of the past ever be absolved?

  When I look at Luke, sitting in the chair at the side of his bed, staring vacantly toward the window that overlooks the center’s garden, I think I can’t. There’s no deed I can do that will fix what I’ve done.

  31

  April

  “The number came from an unregistered burner phone,” Chris tells me as he rounds the couch, his eyes glued to the phone in his hand.

  He’s been freaking out about the dropped calls I received, so I’m almost grateful his friend finally got back to him with some information. If nothing else, so he’ll calm down a little—not that I see that happening any time soon.

  “Okay, so what does that mean? A dead end?”

  He sinks onto the couch next to me and kneads the back of my neck with one hand. “It means things are harder, but not impossible. What they do know is the signal bounced off the tower in the middle of town, so that gives us a geographical grid to work with.”

  “Does Milo live in that grid?” I ask the question I’m not sure I want the answer to.

  Chris sighs. “Yeah, but it’s also the location of the care center.”

  “Meaning this person could have been camped outside the building while calling.”

  “Yeah, meaning that exactly. Conversely, they could be anywhere within that grid area too, which is a lot of houses.”

  I tip my head back and glare at the ceiling. “This is never going to end.”

  “Hey, don’t talk like that. We’ll catch this asshole, and your life will carry on as it was.”

  I roll my head toward him. “As it was didn’t include you.”

  He grabs my hand and squeezes. This one gesture gives me more reassurance than any words, but still, he gives those too. “I’m not going anywhere. As soon as this is over, we’re taking a frigging vacation. Together.”

  I snort. “Anywhere in particular in mind?”

  “Anywhere but here.” He kisses my temple. “I’m sorry this is happening to you, babe. You don’t deserve this shit.”

  No one deserves this. It’s hell. I’ve become a shadow of myself, constantly worrying if someone is going to jump out of the darkness, or worse still, if people I’ve known for years are trying to harm me. It’s no way to live. If Chris wasn’t here, I doubt I’d sleep.

  Thor, as if sensing my mood, trots over to me and places his head in my lap. I stroke his ears.

  Bekah hadn’t been keen on the dog at all, but she hadn’t thrown him out either, which I call a win. So, the dog stayed. He sleeps in my room on a bed in the corner, and having him here does make me feel safer.

  “I feel better knowing you’re taking care of things, but this isn’t exactly how I expected to start our dating life off, Chris. I didn’t think you’d be putting your and your friends’ lives on the line for me.” I give him a sidelong glance. “If you had any sense, you’d hit the road and not look back.”

  “That’s not happening. I’m in this now, and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this, April, you have to believe that.”

  I wish I could, but I’m not sure I do. I don’t want to bring the mood down, though, so I just smile at him. I’m sure he sees right through it, but he doesn’t call me on it. This is so screwed up. He shouldn’t be in danger—certainly not because of me, but the man is also stubborn and I don’t think I’ll be able to push him away.

  My phone suddenly starts to ring. I glance at Chris, my nerves tingling. Is this my drop caller?

  At his nod, I pick up my cell, even as he taps away on his own phone. The number is unknown and that makes my stomach fill with ice.

  I slide my finger across the screen to accept the call, and put it on loud speaker. Then I close my eyes tight. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to this person that is so bad I deserve this?

  “Hello?” I whisper in the direction of the phone’s microphone. “Hello?”

  I try again, this time louder.<
br />
  “Who’s there?”

  Still nothing.

  My temper flares. “Look, I don’t know what sick game you’re playing, but I couldn’t care less about you. You don’t have my attention. You’re nothing to me!”

  I hear it then, heavy breathing down the line. My stomach twists, and I wait for a response. I get nothing, just the breathing.

  “You’re a spineless nobody,” I mutter. “No wonder you have to resort to stalking women. No one would touch you—”

  A feral sounding growl sounds down the line. Then, I’m listening to the dial tone.

  Frigid fingers claw up my spine. What did I do? Oh, shit, did I make this worse?

  “It’s okay,” Chris tells me, rubbing circles on my back.

  “It’s pretty far from okay,” I say, dropping my head into my hands. What I did didn’t help us any further and all I did was piss the person off.

  “It’ll be okay. Next time he calls, I’ll see if the call can be traced.”

  “Your brother and his team can do that?”

  I nod. “Brody, their tech guy, has the means, yeah.”

  “Maybe we should bring the police in on this.”

  Not that they have been much use. They haven’t managed to find out anything, although Bekah is still working on it.

  “Trust me, we have the best people figuring this out. If Brody and my brother’s old team can’t get to the bottom of this, no one can.”

  I do trust him, so I let out a shaky breath. “I just want this to be over. However it ends, it just needs to end.”

  He rubs my arms. “It’ll end with you safe and this asshole behind bars.”

  I hope like hell he’s right, because I’m starting to think I’m not getting out of this in one piece.

  I lean into him and bury my face in his shirt. I need him tonight and I’m not sure how receptive he’s going to be, but I test the waters, starting with a kiss. He reciprocates, so my hand moves to stroke over the bulge in his jeans.