Leeward Bear (BBW Shifter Romance) (Fisherbears Book 3)

by Becca Fanning

  They were all standing there, mouths agape, staring at her. She whimpered softly, remembering she was naked.

  Sherman seemed to snap out of it first. “Avert your eyes, idiots,” he growled, stepping forward and whipping his shirt off. He pulled it down over her head, and she pushed her arms through the sleeves. She kept herself from sniffing the shirt, but just barely. It smelled like cedar and clean male - just like him. “Fucking heathens,” he muttered. She heard a bunch of embarrassed coughs and throats clearing, but it took her a moment before she had the courage to look up at them. None of them were looking at her.

  “Nobody tells Lila about this,” Henry said, looking at his friends sternly.

  “Or Irina,” Finn said, his cheeks reddening.

  She chuckled. “Not your fault, really.” She looked down, pleased to see that the hem of the tee shirt went down to her mid-thigh. “I wasn’t thinking. This has been kind of overwhelming.”

  Sherman pushed her wet hair back from her face. “You do look tired.”

  She swayed a little, and he caught her under her elbows. “Just what every girl loves to hear,” she joked, chuckling weakly. She guessed, by the position of the sun overhead, that it was about noon. She’d been flying for hours.

  He kissed her forehead, to hoots and hollers from his friend. “Let’s get you back to shore.”

  Henry cleared his throat. “We’re behind on our production numbers this week, man,” he said, gesturing to the nets they’d been about to cast, before Joanna landed her feathery butt on their boat and derailed their morning. “And it’s almost the end of the season. We can’t afford to lose more time.” He flashed Joanna an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head. “It’s okay. Is there a cabin below? I can just catch some sleep down there.”

  “Yeah, there’s a bunk down there,” Henry replied. “Should be some clean clothes, too, but they’ll probably be too big for you.”

  She nodded her thanks, and Sherman took her hand, again earning snickers and teasing comments. He led her down below decks to a small cabin with a narrow single bed. She leaned against the doorframe as he rooted around in the drawers, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. He also pulled a towel down from a bulkhead, taking her braid and wringing it out. The intimacy of the simple gesture made her shiver, and they stood there for a few moments, just staring at each other.

  He cleared his throat. “I’ll give you some privacy to change. Just go ahead and sleep as long as you need to.” Then he turned to go.

  “Actually,” she said, and he stopped, turning his head. “Here.” She held out the clean tee shirt he'd handed her. “Take this.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You don't want a fresh shirt?”

  She blushed. “This one smells like you,” she whispered, looking down to avoid his eye. She bit her lip. She wasn't sure why she felt so shy all of a sudden. He'd just seen her naked, after all. And he already knew she wanted him.

  He tipped her chin up, smiling at her, his eyes hooded and hazy. “Then keep it,” he said. He pressed his lips to hers lightly. “I like that you want to smell like me.”

  She tried to smile back, but a yawn overtook her.

  He chuckled. “Sleep, beautiful girl.” Then he turned and left.

  She watched him go, sighing. They always seemed to have such awful timing. But she was too tired to think about that now. She was too tired to think of much anything. She pulled the sweatpants on, pulling the drawstring as tight as it could go.

  And then she crawled into the narrow bunk and immediately fell asleep.

  CHAPTER NINE

  When Joanna awoke, she felt rested for the first time in months, maybe even years. She was itching to see Sherman again, to finish what they'd started this morning. And last night. And two weeks ago.

  Sexual frustration was nothing new to Joanna. Living with her rigid, uptight mother didn't exactly lend itself to bringing dates home. And on the rare occasions when she could get away to the mountain cabin for a romantic interlude, her partners were typically underwhelming. At least in comparison to how she felt after just a few stolen kisses with Sherman.

  But thinking about her mother reminded her that she really needed to check in at home. She was likely to be furious with Joanna for missing her shift at the shop. And it probably looked like she’d snuck out in the middle of the night, she thought ruefully.

  She sighed as she sat up, stretching her muscles. She felt far better now, after a good rest. Not as achy as she was before she shifted. She no longer felt like she was about to burst out of her skin. She felt more or less like her normal self now.

  She looked around the little cabin. There was no clock to tell the time, and the porthole was too small to see the position of the sun. She carefully climbed out of the bed, ducking to be sure she didn’t hit her head on the low ceiling. She made her way to the door, but before she could open it, there was a knock.

  “Joanna?” Sherman’s deep bass was soft, like he didn’t want to wake her.

  She took the last half-step to the door and opened it. “I’m awake.”

  He smiled. “I can see that.” He pulled her close, kissing her softly. “How did you sleep?”

  She smiled back. “Very well. I feel much better now.”

  He kissed her again. “Good. We’re done for the day,” he said. “I was just coming to tell you we’re almost back at the dock.” His expression grew hesitant. “Would you like to come home with me?”

  She could have screamed in frustration. Here she’d been waiting for him to make a move, and now that he had, it was once again the wrong moment. “I need to head home. I was supposed to work at my family’s shop today. They’ll be mad that I missed my shift.”

  He took a step back, looking disappointed, and she bit her lip. “I’m sure your mother must be worried.”

  She snorted. “I doubt that. Probably more like ready to wring my neck.”

  He chuckled. “Well, you don’t have to take that anymore. You’re a badass eagle shifter now.”

  She shook her head slowly, not meeting his eye. “I wish I could say that. But she’d probably still control my life to the nth degree.”

  When she finally dared to look up, his expression was thoughtful. “Is that how you want it?”

  She frowned. “Well, no. But I don’t really have much of a choice.”

  He cupped her face in his hands, and she shivered at the feel of his rough skin against hers. “Joanna, you always have a choice. The only reason she walks all over you is that you choose to let her. You can choose not to, as well.”

  She chuckled nervously. “Is this more of your philosophy?”

  He shook his head. “No, just something I learned from my own mother. My father started to treat me poorly after the first time I shifted. He’d yell at me, tell me I was disgusting and unnatural. That I was going to hell unless I stopped shifting.” He looked away, his eyes going hazy with the memories. “And I let him. I let him speak to me like I was sub-human. I didn’t argue that I couldn’t stop shifting, that I couldn’t change who I was. I just let him rag on me.” He took a shaky breath. “Until my mother found out about it, and she told me I had a choice. I could continue to put up with my father’s abuse, or I could demand better.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I demanded better.”

  “And what happened? Did he start to behave better?”

  He chuckled, but it was a humorless sound. “No. He tried to hit me with a chair.”

  Her mouth dropped open in horror. “Oh my God.” She put her arms around his waist. “Were you okay?”

  He smiled, but it was sad. “Yeah. Like I said, he tried it. But I shifted. Right in the middle of his kitchen. I was smaller back then, obviously. I was only thirteen. But an adolescent bear is still dangerous.”

  She held her breath, hardly daring to ask the question she needed to ask. “Did you… did you hurt him?”

  He shook his head. “No. I think
I knew even then that I would just be stooping to his level.” He rubbed her back, like he was trying to soothe her, when really, it should be her comforting him.

  “So, what happened after that?”

  He sighed. “My mother took me to California, where her parents lived, and we never saw him again. They weren’t married when they had me, and they’d hadn’t been together since I was a baby.” He shrugged. “No idea what happened to him after we left. Never cared to find out.”

  She understood that, to a certain degree. She’d never looked for her father, either. She figured he knew where they were, if he ever cared enough to come back. But she’d always been hurt by the fact that he never did. And the pain in Sherman’s eyes told her he might have cared a bit more than he let on, too. But she didn’t press the issue.

  She thought about what he’d said, about what it might mean for her own situation with her mother. She felt awful for what Sherman had been through, but she knew he and his mother had done what was best for him. But she wasn’t sure it would be best for her. She didn’t think she could leave her mother behind, not for good. It would mean leaving her sisters, her grandfather, even her tribe. It would be the end of her life as she knew it. She wasn’t sure she was strong enough to make a completely new start. And she wasn’t sure she needed to. She just couldn’t believe her mother was irredeemable.

  “I don’t want it to come to that for me,” she whispered.

  He hugged her tighter. “I don’t want that for you, either.” He kissed her forehead. “But you need to understand that this won’t be easy. Ask any of the guys up there,” he said, flicking his head up, gesturing to his friends above deck, “and they’ll tell you a story similar to mine. Not all are as bad. Some are worse. But it’s like you said when we first met. Our opinions will always influence the way we see things. The same will be true for your mother.”

  She was quiet for a moment, thinking about her mother’s opinion of her. It had always been pretty low. She was always trying to get her oldest daughter to change, to be something different, something better. To live up to her impossible standards. But would she hate Joanna for something she couldn’t change? Something Joanna didn’t want to change?

  Because what Sherman had said was true. She couldn’t stop shifting, now that she knew what it was like. The freedom of being an eagle, of soaring through the skies, of going where she pleased solely by the power of her own two wings, was something she never wanted to give up. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.

  A knocking sound interrupted her thoughts, and they both turned to see Matthias sticking his head down the hatch. “We’re docked.”

  Sure enough, she noticed now that the boat had stopped moving. She looked up at Sherman, who still held her close.

  “I’ll go with you,” he offered.

  She shook her head. She was grateful for the support, but his presence would just make it worse. Her mother would be even angrier if there was an outsider there. Especially a bear-man. She didn’t think her mother would be able to get past her irrational fear long enough to hear reason.

  He nodded, but he looked a little hurt. “Okay. But you call me if you need me.”

  She nodded her agreement. Then she straightened her spine, preparing herself to face her mother.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The house was deserted when Sherman dropped her off half an hour later. She checked the old grandfather clock in the hall. It was nearly six o’clock. The shop was closed, and normally her mother or Selena, who was nineteen, would be putting dinner on the table right about now. But the kitchen was empty, the stove cold. Strange.

  She made her way upstairs, figuring she’d get out of Sherman’s too-big clothes before facing her mother. She took a shower, scrubbing away the sweat and grime of the night. She’d somehow gotten very dirty during her flight, even though she’d mostly been airborne.

  When she was clean and dry, she got dressed in her most conservative, and therefore mother-approved, outfit. She brushed her hair and parted it the way her mother liked it, and even put on the lipstick her mother had given her for her last birthday, though she normally hated wearing makeup.

  Lastly, she picked up the carved wooden pendant from where she’d placed it on the dresser the night before. She traced the familiar pattern - an eagle - with her fingertips. She’d never thought about the significance of it before now. She’d treasured it because her father had made it for her. He’d carved it from cedar and strung it on a leather cord, spending weeks perfecting it before finally giving it to her on her sixteenth birthday. He’d left just days after that.

  She’d almost tossed it in the days immediately following his abandonment, too angry at him to want a reminder of him. How could he leave when he so obviously loved her, loved them all? But her grandfather had told her to keep it, that the eagle was a sacred symbol of their tribe and their family. Eventually she’d worn it simply as a reminder of the love that once filled their house. It gave her hope that one day her family could be happy again.

  Now she wondered why he’d chosen that particular symbol to give to her. Had he known what she would become?

  She was startled out of her reverie by the sound of the front door slamming below. She tied the pendant around her neck, the movement as familiar to her as breathing. Then she turned to leave the room.

  When she reached the hall, she heard a strangled cry. She turned to see her mother standing at the top of the stairs. Her skin was drained of color, and she stared at Joanna like she was seeing a ghost.

  Joanna opened her mouth to apologize for her absence. “I-”

  She couldn’t finish her sentence before her mother closed the distance between them and enveloped her in a fierce hug that squeezed the very air out of her.

  “Oh, my Joanna Sky. I thought you were dead,” her mother whispered.

  Joanna stiffened. “What?”

  Her mother leaned back, pushing Joanna’s hair back behind her ears. Her eyes roamed Joanna’s face and body as though looking for something. “We couldn’t find you anywhere this morning. We had no idea what happened or where you were, so we started looking.” She swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. “We found the remains of your pajamas in the road.” She pulled Joanna back into her arms, rubbing her back just like she had when Joanna was very young. “I thought the worst.”

  Joanna closed her eyes. “I’m okay, Mama.” She felt a lump in her throat. She hadn’t called her mother that in years and years. But it felt right, if only just at this moment.

  But then her mother stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Then where were you? You had us all worried sick! The girls and Grandpa are still out looking for you.”

  Joanna bit her lip. She wasn’t sure how to tell her mother everything. She wasn’t sure she had the words. But maybe there was another way she could explain.

  “Maybe it’s better if I show you.”

  “Show me? Show me what?”

  Joanna took a deep breath. “Please. Just come with me.”

  Her mother’s brow furrowed. “All right,” she said slowly.

  So Joanna took her mother’s hand, leading her down the stairs and out onto the back porch. She told her mother to stand on the porch steps. Then Joanna stepped out onto the lawn.

  She took a deep breath, reaching for the hem of her shirt and whipping it up over her head.

  “Joanna,” her mother hissed. “What are you doing? The neighbors will see you.”

  Joanna barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “The closest neighbors are almost a mile away,” she pointed out. Her mother opened her mouth to argue, but Joanna held up a hand. “Please, Mama. Just let me do this.”

  Her mother scowled, but ultimately nodded. So Joanna continued until all her clothes were neatly folded and piled on the porch steps next to her mother. Then she stepped back, closing her eyes.

  If she could shift from eagle to human by the power of her thoughts alone, then the opposite must be true to shift into her eagle self. At le
ast, she hoped so. So she quieted her mind, focusing on the feeling of the wind between her feathers, the buoyant lightness of being airborne, the raw, awesome power of her beak and talons. She felt the now-familiar pinching sensation, and then she was the eagle.

  She heard a shout, and when she opened her eyes, her mother was splayed on the porch steps like she’d fallen, her hand over her heart.

  Joanna let out a cry of distress, hopping forward on her claws. Her mother opened her mouth in a sort of silent scream. Joanna held out her wings, like she was taming a wild beast. Which was kind of funny, since at that moment, she was the wild beast.

  Her mother continued to stare at her, though gradually her expression softened, and Joanna realized she wasn’t hurt, just shocked. Her mother stood up, moving closer slowly, almost cautiously. Her eyes were wide, her lips were parted, and some of the color was finally returning to her cheeks. If Joanna didn’t know any better, she’d say her mother seemed almost proud. But she wasn’t familiar with how the emotion might look on her mother’s perpetually angry face, so she told herself she was just imagining it.