Rage to Adore

by Cara Lake

  He dragged a hand across a stubborn square jaw that today sported a rough growth of dark hair, the dimple in his chin accentuated by its presence. Her hands curled again as she imagined her palm skating across the rough texture of his cheek, imagined his face rubbing against her skin, the abrasion sensitizing nerve endings to feel both pleasure and pain.

  Another wave of arousal and Tani was forced to grab on to the nearest stall, mortified by the dizziness that was overtaking her. Just looking at a guy did not make you faint! This was ridiculous. It was the heat. It had to be. And lack of food. She hadn’t eaten much for breakfast. It had to be that. Certainly not an overwhelming craving for a man and one she barely knew at that! No way!

  Tani dared another peek. She felt it again! The sharp stab of electricity, a jumpstart in her chest causing a frantic pounding so loud she imagined every person in the bazaar could hear it. This hadn’t happened last night when she had had her hands on him, her body pressed up against him, dancing. It was crazy, but the earthy rawness of the bazaar suited him so much better than the smooth polished slickness of a society ballroom. Fighting for breath, Tani tamped down the intensity of her emotions. It was just the stress of the situation getting to her. That must be it.

  She watched more calmly as he scanned the area and, shrugging his shoulders as if bemused by a stray thought, he pivoted around, striding off in the other direction. Tani gave in to the instinct to follow. She could hardly bear not to. She needed to know what kind of man he was. To see if there might be any chance he could be a true partner to her.

  Seeing how Tyr and Irina were together had made her wish she could have the same connection to her partner that they shared. This man was certainly arousing strong feelings of lust, but that would not be enough. Her fear of failure was strong. What if she repeated the mistakes of her relation Carita? What if Lorcan was Hate, but he couldn’t love her? And like the dark shadowy figure in her dreams—what if he tried to kill her, profiting from her essence by taking it? The bombardment of questions in her head was as tangled as the maze of alleyways she expertly trailed him through.

  Finally, having trudged for what seemed like hours through the crowded streets, Lorcan stopped outside a crumbling doorway, one of many similarly decaying habitations that riddled this whole section of Serpens. This was the ghetto she had gazed down on from Morana’s balcony.

  “Sami!” His rich deep baritone barreled through her chest, vibrating off her ribs and through her toes, making them curl. A small boy of maybe nine or ten poked his scruffy head out from the window above. “Hey, Rodach!” The urchin grinned down, a toothy smile.

  “Got something for you.” Rodach threw up an apple, which the boy deftly caught, his grin widening. “There’s more. Come and get it!” Rodach waited patiently, giving Tani another opportunity to admire the delicious sight of his muscles flexing with tensile strength as he juggled another apple.

  A sudden whirlwind force as a small boy lunged out of the doorway, jumping up at him to grab at the fruit. Her jaw dropped as Lorcan Rodach swung him around as if he were a feather, finally depositing him onto his shoulders, where the boy sat laughing, taking a bite out of the apple.

  “You’re getting heavier!” grunted Rodach. “Where’s your mama?”

  “She’s out trying to find work.”

  Lorcan reached up, pulling the boy to the ground and bent his knee so their faces were level. “Tell her I’m sorry I missed her and give her this.” He handed the boy a bag.

  “What is it?”

  “Take care of it, Sami. It’s meat and cheese and eggs, oh, and some milk. Go stash it and tell your mama I’ll be by in a couple of days.”

  Lorcan strode away and Tani almost forgot to follow she was so shocked. He can’t be Hate—he’s just too…nice! She never would have expected to witness a wealthy Ophiuchi male wandering through the bazaar and dispensing food to the poor in this fashion. It was incredible.

  Another thought overtook. This time unwanted and unnerving. Who was this boy to him? What about the mother? Was this merely kindness to those in need or an obligation to a lover? A sharp pain in her chest. Tani brushed away the speculation, unwilling to deal with the emotion it stirred. She barely knew him. Yet.

  Racing after his disappearing form, she was almost caught when he swung around, causing her to jump into the shadows to avoid detection. His eyes narrowed as if he could sense someone following. A frown crossed his face but he continued on. That was close. She would need to be more careful.

  Tani fought the wild rush of attraction that was squeezing the breath from her lungs as she gazed at his receding frame. Her eyes were mesmerized by the muscular strength of his back visible under the stretched cotton T-shirt and a perfectly formed backside that caused her tongue to moisten her lips, wanting a taste. Good enough to bite! Gaia, she was feeling frisky!

  This was insane. Last night she’d felt very little. Today the guy was sending her hormones on a rollercoaster ride and the worst of it—if she decided to get on—she didn’t think she would want to get off.

  Chapter Five

  Secrets

  It was inevitable, she thought, that he would go to this place, the Gilded Lily, a whorehouse. Not really the kind of place you would want your potential partner to be visiting, yet Tani was glad. During her last visit to Ophiuchus when she was caught up in Irina and Tyr’s dramatic situation, she had been in this very same brothel and experienced an overwhelming sensation that her Esseni partner was close. She had caught a glimpse of a dark-haired man in the shadows and had only restrained herself from following him because of her duty to that mission. That Lorcan was here and possibly a regular visitor did not worry her. Rather, it seemed to her an affirmation of the sensations she had experienced during that previous visit. A connection existed and as she watched from the shadows, she felt it grow, as if the missing links in a chain were being reforged, the inevitability of their remaking an inexorable force.

  She was even more pleasantly surprised once she ascertained the reason for his visit. He appeared to be there out of concern for the welfare of the girls. She watched with bated breath as a small group of females, inmates of the brothel, poured out their troubles, citing problems with annoying clients, whom Lorcan promised to speak to. It seemed to be such a familiar ritual and a regular occurrence that Tani could sense the strength of trust between this unusual man and women who were more used to male derision and violence.

  He was just about to leave when another girl slid out of the side entrance into the courtyard.

  “Rodach!” she called. “Wait!” He turned back as she waved another small figure forward. This girl was veiled head to toe but Tani could see she was a tiny frail thing.

  “Look,” the first girl whispered, and pulled apart the fabric that draped her smaller companion to reveal a massive bruise on her torso, so large that even Tani, from her hiding place twenty feet away, could see how painful it must be. Covering the whole length of her abdomen, it ran from breast to hip, livid and raw, and as the girl turned Tani could see the purple-yellow discoloration continue around her hips and onto her back. The force of the impact must have been brutal. Her arms were also covered in similar bruises and Tanith’s stomach could only roil with nausea as the first girl drew back the veil. Her frail companion’s face was a mess.

  A wave of intense anger nearly bowled Tani off her feet. Lorcan was incensed, the intensity of his rage a whiplash that continued to strike and pulse as the injured girl’s companion explained the attack. “Belial’s guard, the one they call Halvin, did this to her.” The victim quickly covered her face but not before Tani heard her quiet sobs and saw the look of intense sorrow that crossed over her ruined face.

  Lorcan clenched his fists as if he wanted to punch something and let out a loud curse. “And the mistress,” he queried. “What has she done?”

  “Nothing,” replied the first girl, drawing her friend into her arms. “Lori needs ointment but she won’t buy it for her.”


  Lorcan dug into his pockets and handed the girl some coins. “Make sure she gets what she needs and come to me if you need more.” Tani’s breath hitched as Lorcan’s expression showed such compassion for the girl, but he didn’t touch her, probably Tani realized because he understood that kind of contact was the last thing she needed. Her friend pulled him into a crushing embrace. “Thank you!” she cried. “You always come through for us.”

  Lorcan pulled away. “Don’t thank me,” he said. “Just make sure she heals.”

  Tanith watched in shock as he disappeared into the labyrinthine streets. She couldn’t believe what she had seen. It just didn’t make sense. Lorcan was part of the Ophiuchi nobility who were not known for their generosity. Philanthropy was not in their dictionary, nor was charity. Yet she had watched him rub shoulders with his inferiors, give food to the poor and now he was taking care of prostitutes! It was unbelievable.

  She was so consumed with curiosity that she wanted to see what the girls did next. There was an air of tragedy surrounding the small shrouded figure and Tani felt strangely drawn to her, a sensation that went beyond any normal feelings of compassion. The girl touched a nagging thought in her head that she couldn’t put her finger on.

  “Lori,” she heard the girl’s friend whisper softly as the other girls united to comfort the victim. “It’s going to be all right now. Rodach has come through again. Everything’s all right.” Lori’s small frame sagged with relief, a movement so pitiful that Tani couldn’t stop herself from diffusing a wave of comfort in her direction. Watching the girl jerk with shock and awareness as the blanket of compassion embraced her, Tani felt a connection with the girl that defied the usual ties she experienced when using her powers to ease those in need. There was something different about this girl. Her companions hadn’t noticed Lori’s distraction and began to make plans for obtaining the ointment. Once their plans were made, the girls didn’t linger, disappearing back into the brothel, the frail girl one of the first to vanish.

  Tani could only be glad that she had been there to witness Lorcan’s generosity and that she had also been able to ease the victim’s suffering. Even in such a small way, her blanket of compassion was a growing force that seemed more powerful on this planet than it had before. She wondered briefly if meeting her Esseni partner had instigated a change in her powers, if others would also be unlocked and grow stronger. Tani’s heart beat with excitement and she turned to look for Lorcan, suddenly realizing that she had lost him.

  It was too late to try to find him, so Tani decided to head back to Morana’s, making a small detour en route to check in with her Eunomi contact. The welcome she received took the form of a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek. Hugging the warrior back, Tani felt some of the tension that had been pressing on her since her arrival dissipate.

  “I can’t breathe, Antares!” she complained until he finally let her go. The big warrior smiled down at her, chocolate-brown eyes twinkling with humor. “Come on admit it, Tanith,” he joked. “I take your breath away with my good looks and endless charm. Be honest now, you can’t resist me, can you?”

  She laughed up at him, happy to be with an old friend. “Antares, I’ve been resisting you for years. What makes you think I’m going to fall into your arms now?”

  “You’ve met your duality and he’s a douchebag? You realized that I’m the best thing since sliced bread? My innate animal magnetism? I could go on but I see you’re in denial. Oh well, you can’t say I didn’t give you the chance to jump me!”

  “Be serious,” she said, still laughing. “Not that I think you can. I just came to check in with you. Borealis told me you would expect to hear from me every two days.”

  Antares sat down and motioned Tani to the table. They were in his lodgings a few streets away from the bazaar, just around the corner from the hovel where Lorcan had met the small boy called Sami. She took a seat opposite and relayed what she had learned so far about Lorcan. “It all sounds very promising,” said Antares, although his expression remained skeptical. “The Esseni of Hate—a do-gooder, on Ophiuchus of all places! Are you sure he knows nothing about being an Esseni—that he’s not playing you?”

  “I don’t think so,” she said mulling over the question again. She had already asked herself this a number of times. “He gave no indication last night and he couldn’t have known I would catch sight of him in the marketplace today. It was a complete accident.”

  “Or it was fate.”

  “Or it was fate,” she agreed. “I’m to meet him at Morana’s for lunch. She invited him to pursue my acquaintance so I’d better go.” Tani stood to leave. “I’ll check in the day after tomorrow.” She moved to the door and was about to exit when Antares grabbed her wrist. His brown eyes were thoughtful, a worried expression crossing his handsome face. “I know you can take care of yourself, Tanith,” he said. “But—watch your back. Morana isn’t an open book and the last Esseni of Hate was a treacherous bastard as you well know. Just take care and remember I’m here for you.”

  Antares pulled her into his arms again, kissing her cheek. “Keep me in the loop. You’re one of my favorite people. I don’t want to see you hurt.” His final order was accompanied by a squeeze of her wrist and a brief kiss on the lips. Antares’s eyes searched hers, leaving no doubt as to his meaning. She was surprised. He was a good friend and comrade. Together they had shared many adventures on missions for the Eunomi, but never before had he indicated that his feelings for her ran any deeper than friendship.

  Tani left quickly, her mind in turmoil. She didn’t know what Antares expected but she got the impression that if her mission with Hate ended in catastrophe, he would be there to pick up the pieces.

  Realizing she was now late for the lunch Morana had arranged, Tanith made her way swiftly back to the hilly enclave, her anger increasing as the broken-down shacks and dirty alleyways gave way to the broad sidewalks and expensive dwellings of the rich and powerful. Morana’s townhouse stood above her, a testament to the greed and inhumanity of those who held the power here. Her heart filled with compassion as she remembered the faces of the downtrodden wretches who had begged her for coin along the side of the road and the small half-starved boy whose face lit up merely for the bite of an apple. She saw her duty clearly in the tired eyes of the oppressed slavewhores, beaten to within an inch of their lives because here their lives had no value.

  Tani could hardly bear to walk through those doors and be civil to Morana but she knew she had to. It was her fate. And suddenly that fate was looking a lot more attractive if the slow-burning arousal currently firing beneath her skin was anything to go by. If she and Lorcan could bond and realign their essences, then perhaps these people would find less suffering. Less hate. More love. She would have to play it cool with Morana, keep her secrets and not let her anger show. Tani would bide her time. A small flame of excitement flickered in her chest. Perhaps fate wasn’t such a bitch after all. Perhaps like Tyr and Irina, she would be able to forge this connection so necessary to The Balance. And now that she had seen the real Lorcan, it was a connection that seemed so necessary to her.

  Chapter Six

  Lies

  Hours later, the flicker of excitement that had bubbled so joyously earlier in the day had subsided, leaving a churning unease that sat defiantly in Tani’s chest, refusing to go away. The afternoon’s events had opened a Pandora’s Box of questions to which she could find no immediate answers.

  Morana had acted strangely on Tani’s return to the mansion, her actions all the more unnerving when Tani reflected on the startled guilty expression that had crossed her face when Tani came upon her in the library. She had been standing by the bookshelf, reaching for a book, when Tani walked in and had jumped in surprise, dropping it to the floor where it landed with a loud thud. The expression of guilt in her eyes quickly morphed into anger but then subsided into mild annoyance when she ascertained that it was Tani and not one of her own servants who had interrupted her.

  “Tanith,
you’re back!” she purred silkily. “How was your visit to the bazaar? Did you come upon anything of interest?”

  It was Tani’s turn to look guilty as a flush of color heated her cheeks in remembrance of the desire Lorcan had engendered. Oh yes! She had definitely been interested! Morana’s eyes narrowed and her lips curled into a knowing smile. “I see you did,” she laughed, walking toward her. “I wonder what it was you found that’s making you blush. Or should I ask who?” It was clear that Morana wanted Tani out of the room as she swept past her, hooking her arm and pulling her toward the courtyard garden.

  “You might find more to interest you here, though. We have a guest coming for lunch. I think you’ll be pleased with me, Tani. I’ve been very busy on your behalf.”

  Morana continued to flirt and tease until Lorcan’s arrival. They were seated on the terrace that led to a courtyard garden beyond which was a gate that opened into an orchard. Tani was sitting with her back to the house when Lorcan was announced by the servant. Her heart speeded up at the sound of his voice as he greeted Morana with reserved politeness, his refined tones in keeping with the present company and his status. Tani was immediately conscious of the disparity between his current persona and his appearance that morning, realizing that Lorcan must be adept at hiding his true nature.

  Glancing up as he rounded the table, she met gray eyes that appraised her with cool regard. Morana invited him to sit and Tani noted the change from the casual clothing of the bazaar into the formal attire of stiff-necked shirt and dark jacket, the typical daywear of a wealthy Ophiuchi male.

  The afternoon passed pleasantly enough. A couple of other male guests arrived, and Morana playing the part of a perfect hostess, supplying delicious food, then tactfully retreating, taking the other men with her. This left Tani and Lorcan alone to while away the afternoon in the cool shadows of the orchard, a protective shield from the intense glare of the three Ophiuchi suns.